The Maze

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The bottom block features mazes on all sides, while the top two feature Buddhist and Chinese animal symbolism.

The Maze

by Thea Zhang, May 2019

This is a story of a girl named Carey, who immigrated to the United States from China during childhood. In her adolescence, she decided to become an artist. Roberto Bolaño was a Chilean writer and poet, who represents “the most significant Latin American literary voice” in the last century and suggests that exiles is in a search for identity. According to his article “Exiles,” “To be exiled is not to disappear but to shrink, to slowly or quickly get smaller and smaller until we reach our real height, the true height of the self” (Bolaño 1). The author states exile as a process of narrowing down a vast world of possibilities, either slow or fast growth to discover the truth about oneself. In addition, Bolaño says, “Many of the exiled, freighted with more suffering than reasons to leave, would reject this statement” (1). In some but not all cases, while exile can be a journey of suffering for forced immigrants, that is not necessarily a route one has to go through. Instead, the woman in this story did not suffer from a harsh transition of immigration. Her family simply hoped for a better life. For Carey, exile involves defining one’s identity throughout the various stages, and all of these stages are associated with art. The shifts in culture with constant movements made Carey fragmented into different identities. Inside her soul, her world remains dedicated to the Chinese tradition with her family and childhood memories, whereas, outside, she integrates language and education with the new culture as an American. Art has been a medium of freedom and liberty through its creative form of self-expression and personal healing, allowing Carey to adapt herself to a new environment that comes with different languages and lifestyles, and to imagine herself as whole.

I met Carey on the first day of school in the fall of 2018. Through her introduction in class, I learned that she was born in southern China and grew up in different parts of China. Since her father was from Guangdong Province and her mother was from Sichuan Province, she moved back and forth between these two provinces for the first nine years of her life. She immigrated to the United States when she was nine. Since then, she has been living in San Francisco for almost fifteen years. During the continuation of my interview with her, she stated that life is like a maze. She was lost until she found art was a way to express herself, and to clarify her identity as a whole, so she could find a way out of a maze. Nevertheless, with time and patience, Carey has been able to start to overcome the challenges in her life.

Carey describes her young childhood as having constant movements because her parents come from different cities in China; the many uncertain situations she found herself in, each with many possibilities, became increasingly confusing in terms of identity. These small movements, the movements between a small village and a metropolis, lead not to unification but to fragmentation. Whereas Sichuan is a province in southwest China, Guangdong is a coastal province of southeast China. She states:

“I was born in Guangdong province. But I moved to Sichuan province for one year, and then moved back to Guangdong for better education. Moving to and fro between those two hometowns. In total, I stayed in Guangdong for around seven years. After that, I immigrated to the United States.”

For one year, when she was seven years old, she lived in a small village in Sichuan Province, a small community where all villagers knew each other as neighbors. She remembers growing up with her sibling and playmates in the village. One of her most vivid childhood memories is of a night when she was running in the playground and was carrying a colorful lantern during the mid-autumn festival, a traditional festival in China. Growing up in a small town is an experience unlike any other regarding childhood memories, even though she was raised by a strict mother, who often told her to come home early and did not allow sleepovers. It was enjoyable, full of love and laughters. Occasionally, she reminisces over her fond childhood memories. However, comparing these two cities, she says, “I like Guangdong more because it was more like a city. Sichuan was just like a small town that filled with mud and dirt, a rural place.” The transitions from a small village to a metropolis provided different viewpoints of the country for her. When she was nine, she started to draw mazes, whether she was in school or at home. Perhaps she was subconsciously trying to find a way home. The concept of home brought her uncertainty in the transitional period, causing small fragmentations that caused her to feel she had two roles within her childhood, and she had to act differently in different situations.

The education system and school life form a significant part of her identity; as a student, Carey transferred from another country and felt split into multiple selves in a sense due to cultural differences. Carey migrated from China to the United States in 2005, with her parents and her younger sister. She describes, “I did not know the reason that I immigrated to the United States because I was too young. My father and mother decided to come here, so I have no choice.” Although it was not her choice to make the life-changing decision, it symbolizes a turning point of her life. According to “Exiles,” Bolaño claims, “Exile, in most cases, is a voluntary decision” (3). In this case, her parents chose to leave their hometown to make a better life in a different country. During her first year in the United States, Carey struggled with her transition from China. The most significant movement in her life happened when she was nine, in the fourth grade in elementary school, which was only a year and a half from graduation. She transferred to a primary school in America. Sita Patel, a psychologist, in a study on newcomer immigrant adolescents that was published in School Psychology Quarterly, states: “Newcomer adolescent immigrants are a particularly vulnerable population…[a]s they face the simultaneous challenges of rapid developmental changes and acculturation-related stressors and adjustment” (1). Adolescent immigrants appear to be a vulnerable group. On top of the fact that they face a variety of difficulties in adjustment, the interactive role of family stressors on school outcomes brings out adverse psychological pressures. Initially, she created multiple identities, and did not feel like an American, even though she had lived in America for a long time. Following a different education system in America, Carey studied in middle school for three years, in high school for four years, and has studied in college for four years until now. The cultural environment within the education system and at home broke down into two directions; Inside her home life, her family became a pressure on her school life. Outside, in the world of her school, the different education system was also confusing. Carey had to code-switch and act differently in the two different environments.

The language differences act as a barrier between the two parts of her world; Carey grew up between two cultures and had to come up with ways to integrate both of her sides to redefine herself as a whole. In the new country, there were language barriers and cultural differences, which hindered her ability to adjust. Carey states, “I speak Chinese at home, but I speak English everywhere else. Not only Chinese, but I also integrated Chinese and English with my family. Sometimes, it also comes with Sichuanese and Cantonese.” Sichuanese and Cantonese are dialects of Chinese. Her family’s holding onto her traditional side is a way of maintaining traditional culture to express themselves more liberally. Sharon Thompson is a counselor who is working with the Department of Counseling, Rehabilitation, and Interpreter Training at Troy University. Her article provides an explanation of creative skills and techniques for counselors when working with children who function as language brokers, who have been utilized by their family to translate and interpret information within other cultures and environments. According to her article in the Journal of Mental Health Counseling, “One of the most significant challenges for these individuals is communication within their new culture” (Thompson et al.). In this case, Carey is considered as the language broker in her family, which creates a significant challenge for her to communicate within American culture in English. Furthermore, intra-family relations also form foundations of her identity. Eileen McGann, an art therapist and an editorial board member who is working with Art Therapy Outreach Center, in the Journal of Emotional Abuse, presents with other scholars a pathway with different factors for the adolescent to achieve the consolidation of one’s identity. They state:

“[An] adolescent must experience and internalize validation from her immediate community and the culture at large. For young women of color, the effects of intra-family prejudice and societal racism can severely compromise their ability to embrace their ethnic identity” (McGann et al.).

The article shows that a confusing religious identity with a confusing sense of nationality can lead to more misunderstanding, which causes more fragmentations, especially for female adolescents of color. To maintain inner solidarity with a group’s ideals and identity is an essential stage in identity formation. In the process of identity formation, Carey is suggesting that retaining her Chinese culture with her family creates a sense of belonging and integrating a new language creates a new way to consolidate her identity.

The passport symbolizes the turning point in her identity transformation from Chinese to American; however, Carey sees home as a narrative construction across two countries with little differences and more similarities. While most immigrants would compare their hometowns to America in many different ways from their expectations that they had before the move, Carey does not notice many differences between San Francisco, Guangdong, and Sichuan as she considers these cities are all her home. There are very small differences between these two countries that she does not considers significant. She states, “The only difference between America and China that I could think of is the nightlife, whereas in the U.S. when it is getting dark, no one would hand out. In China, you can stay until midnight.” The society in America is more individualized, compared with the lifestyle she had in China, and lacks a sense of community. But she also reflects, “The same thing is life; you still have to live and work.” Apparently, she does not notice many differences between these two countries. Life remains the same wherever she is. Until now, she considers herself as an American due to the U.S. passport. She states, “I am a U.S. citizen now. Before I had a China passport, I would say that I was an immigrant. But now that I am not.” The Chinese passport carried a part of her previous identity, and the U.S. passport creates a new one. This change in form stands for a turning point that home is a narrative for Carey, instead of a place or a location. Hanoch Flum, a professor at Ben-Guion University of the Negev, suggests that identity development plays a significant role in the context of cultural transition. From a psychosocial and sociocultural perspective, the author investigates “self-continuity” and identity integration in light of “inherent discontinuity” among young immigrants. He claims, “Their negotiations of identity, with a focus on their narrative construction of past, present, and future across life domains (education, career, military service, family), are illustrated in a variety of developmental paths” (Flum). The identity of young immigrants is complex due to the narrative construction of their entire life. Seemingly, Carey copes well with her new identities, which mix both sides; her home plays an important role in a variety of developmental paths. Even after creating a new self, she continues to question her identity despite the certification of her physical identity; in fact, these feelings of being lost and fragmented run through Carey’s core.

The process of experiencing different types of art has challenged her perspective of her identity. While she is in exile in the United States, art allows her to incorporate any aspect of her identity freely. At the very beginning, Carey wanted to experience a variety of art classes in the school. Carey states, “I was not sure what kind of art I wanted to take at first. Therefore, I decided to take every kind of art classes; then I would know which kind I like.” By learning and assimilating the art world, she can shape her views of reality gradually. Besides, each kind of art presents a different aspect of herself. Along with a group of scholars, Rachel Ettun, who is affiliated with Rambam Medical Center, in an article on the study of the connections between art and healing and spirit, with the title of “Transforming Pain into Beauty,” states:

“From drawing to sculpture…the arts can have a major impact on patients’ spiritual well-being and health. The arts empower patients to fulfill the basic human drive to create and give patients a sense of possibility. Through creative expression, patients regain a feeling of wholeness, individually and as part of the larger world.” (Ettun et al.)

This quotation shows that the arts not only can fulfill the basic actuation of creativity but also provide a sense of possibility. Exploring in the art world, Carey can achieve wholeness and can be independent in the world. Through the exploration of different kinds of art, she finds out her favorite is sculpture, which allows her to build up her world through the project. However, she uses her creativity to find ways to incorporate cultural aspects of both her identities. Since then, Carey has discovered her interest in art and pursued the goals earnestly: earning a degree and becoming an artist. Ceramics was the beginning of her exploration of art, as a medium of freedom. Carey says:

“I studied ceramics for two years in high school includes beginning ceramic and intermediate ceramic. The ceramic classes in college were interesting too. Whereas I used my hand to make in high school, I learned how to use the machine to make in college. I have more options to create my work, more materials, more techniques for ceramic.”

She has studied ceramics for more than five years. By learning more materials and techniques, she can access more options to express herself. Initially, she did not know what culture to identify with, which traditions to embrace or how to maintain her family’s identity and the Chinese status while she grew up. But through art, she finds a way out of the maze created by these transitions.

The cultural diversity of San Francisco has helped help Carey begin to construct an American identity because she is able to maintain her Chinese culture in the meantime with more freedom. Carey can redefine herself and discover a sense of belonging through art while she spreads Chinese culture, which she is familiar with. Carey says, “As a Chinese American, I think I know Chinese style better than the others here. Therefore, I want to make more about it and let everyone know what Chinese style looks like.” The colorful lanterns in the Chinatown of San Francisco also light up a small part of Carey’s identity. The lamps, painted in the traditional Chinese colors of red, gold and green, make Grant Avenue one of the brightest streets in the city at night. Ellen Dissanayake, an American author and scholar that specifically focuses on the area of “the anthropological exploration of art and culture,” claims, “Art belongs to everyone and is a natural part of human behavior.” Also, she can be braver and stronger in the art world with more freedom. Carey states, “But art, you do not need to think of it. Even you made a mistake; it is still art.” From her perspective, art is made of creativity and freedom. When we make a mistake, we must correct it adequately as quickly as possible. According to a, American cartoonist and writer, Scott Adams, “Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” Allowing people to make mistakes can be liberating for one’s creativity. In the world of pure art, Carey does not need to be afraid of making mistakes. Even though she makes mistakes in her artworks, she can afford the consequences. While allowing herself to make mistakes without fear of failure can be liberating for creativity, she can also use art as a medium of freedom to reconstruct her fragmented identity. Her aesthetic is that of freedom and imagination, mixing two such cultural elements with her identity, which mixes the Chinese and American. It shows that Carey wanted to incorporate different aspects to solidify a sense of self through the discovery of imagination.

Carey experienced exile when she was a child and did not have a choice. She sees art as a tool to reconstruct her fragmented identity with freedom and liberty by following herself to achieve happiness. Carey describes, “Art is freedom, happy and interesting to me. Art is like walking around and design.” Most of the time, instead of teamwork or collaborations with others, she enjoys working by herself. She likes to bring the artworks home and design them because it makes her feel comfortable working alone. When it comes to the question of whether art is healing, Carey answers firmly, “Absolutely. Art will not make me feel tired and frustrated. When I get started on a new piece of artwork, I would be one hundred percent focus on it.” For Carey, designing and creating are enjoyable processes. Caelan Kuban, a doctor of psychiatry at UC Irvine, suggests that art helps people to express themselves. In her journal article “Healing Trauma Through Art,” Kuban says, “Art also provides youth with a medium to express and explore images of self that are strength-based and resilience-focused.” Art can be a trusted medium for self-expressing and imagination. Art can help in times of stress by relieving oneself from any situation; for Carey, art can be a way for her to express herself and make it clear to find her identity through imaginations.

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Through the processes of making artworks, she feels peaceful and comfortable by expressing her opinions and ideas. In the advanced sculpture class in spring, students need to use a hundred words to presents the meaning of their life in a sculpture. Carey states, “For the sculpture project, I made a tree. The meaning of tree is just like our life; the tree branch is the choices that leading us to different directions. It was a kind of lifestyle, which has good parts and bad parts, positive side and negative side. Through the tree, you can see my life.” The leaves are sparse, few and far between, which means her life experiences are not enough. She explains, “If my tree has a lot of leaves on it, that means I already have many experiences, my life will be complete.” The tree represents the meaning of her life with her different identities. One example of the use of a tree is by Everett Middle School in San Francisco, which lost a student to gun violence in 2001. Laurie Marshall as an art educator, sharing her philosophical context on how art can be used as peace building. She states, “Each year they devote a week to Peace Studies. In 2011, they created the Cypress Singing Tree of Peace, where students share the action, they plan to take into their community to create peace” (Marshall). The author claims that art can be healing for the individual and peace building through the creation of the tree. Following the material and the tools particular to an artwork also allows people to think and follow the thoughts of the material. Herbert Read, an English art historian and philosopher who is best known for numerous books on art, states in Modern Sculpture, “It is while carving stone that you discover the spirit of your material and the properties particular to it. Your hand thinks and follows the thoughts of the material.” During the art-making processes, the medium of arts often sustains efforts and struggles. In the meantime, people may paint an image, or cut the plaster and clay to reform a sculpture. Engaging with art materials is a sensory experience that often leads to a release of emotions. Carey often worried about her future. Making a piece of artwork to discover the spirit of its components can also be a way of relieving the daily stress of her life. The future is unknown, but with the use of art as a medium, she expresses all the feelings to complete her identity.

Her changing concept of home caused Carey to separate into multiple identities; by maintaining traditions and expressing herself through the creativity and imagination of art to find herself as a whole with freedom, she can redefine her identity through the discovery of art and the works of art in the time of exile. By combining Chinese and American styles together, she can unify her identities. Using culture and creativity is a way for Carey not only to hold on to her old identity but also to help create a new one for her own. One could argue that tradition does not create anything new, that it is only a way to remember the past. However, past, present and future form a narrative construction that spans across our lives. To confront the past and better face the future, the beauty of culture and art allows people to express themselves in their ways and learn new ways through creativity and imagination. It can draw an emotional connection across different cultures and bring a new way for people to establish themselves, and their families. For Carey, her immigration forced her to construct a new identity and to find a place to belong during the transition from childhood to adulthood. Exile can create the fragmentation of life, but through the healing process of creativity and imagination within art, people can conquer the difficulties in life. Although Carey struggled with her new responsibilities as an adult in the U.S., she will eventually manage to overcome her difficulties and worries, to embrace the world of freedom.

 

Works Cited

Arévalo, S. Crossroads: The psychology of immigration in the new century. Presidential Task Force on Immigration. American Psychological Association.Washington, DC: 2012.

Bolaño, Roberto. Exiles. University of California Press, Apr. 2011.

Dissanayake, E. Self-taught art: The culture and aesthetics of American vernacular art. Very like art: Self-taught art from an ethological perspective. Outsider art in C.Russell, University Press of Mississippi, 2001, pp. 35–46.

Ettun, Rachel, et al. “Transforming Pain into Beauty: On Art, Healing, and Care for the Spirit.” Evidence-Based Complementary & Alternative Medicine (ECAM), vol. 2014, Jan. 2014, pp. 1–7. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1155/2014/789852.

Frantz, Gilda. “Creativity and Healing.” Psychological Perspectives, vol. 59, no. 2, Apr. 2016, pp. 242–251. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1080/00332925.2016.1170567.

Flum, Hanoch, and Tamara Buzukashvili. “Identity Development and Future Orientation in Immigrant Adolescents and Young Adults: A Narrative View of Cultural Transitions from Ethiopia to Israel.” New Directions for Child and Adolescent Development, no. 160, Jan. 2018, pp. 15–30. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=eric&AN=EJ1176356&site=eds-live.

Lin, Carey. Personal Interview. March 23, 2019.

Marshall, Laurie. “Art as Peace Building.” Art Education, vol. 67, no. 3, May 2014, pp. 37–43. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=eric&AN=EJ1046775&site=eds-live.

Martin, F.David. “Sculpture and ‘Truth to Things.’” Journal of Aesthetic Education, vol. 13, no. 2, Apr. 1979, pp. 11–32. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=eric&AN=EJ215391&site=eds-live.

McGann, Eileen P. “Color Me Beautiful: Racism, Identity Formation, and Art Therapy.” Journal of Emotional Abuse, vol. 6, no. 2/3, June 2006, pp. 197–217. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1300/J135v06n02_12.

Patel, Sita G., et al. “Newcomer Immigrant Adolescents: A Mixed-Methods Examination of Family Stressors and School Outcomes.” School Psychology Quarterly, vol. 31, no. 2, June 2016, pp. 163–180. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1037/spq0000140.

Read, Herbert. A Concise History of Modern Sculpture. New York: Praeger, 1964. Print.

Sickler-Voigt, Debrah C. “Carving for the Soul: Life Lessons from Self-Taught Artist O. L. Samuels.” Art Education, vol. 59, no. 3, May 2006, pp. 25–32. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=eric&AN=EJ740333&site=eds-live.

Thompson, Sharon R., et al. “Using Altered Art for Children Who Language Broker: Navigating Roles and Transitions.” Journal of Mental Health Counseling, vol. 40, no. 4, Oct. 2018, pp. 302–315. EBSCOhost, doi:10.17744/mehc.40.4.03.

 

Sample Interview Transcripts

Interview Topic: Immigration, Art, Freedom

Interviewee: Carey Lin

Interviewer: Thea Zhang

Interview Date: March 23, 2019

 

Carey Lin: My name is Xia Lin, I am 24 years old and I am a student.

Thea Zhang: What are you doing lately? School and work?

CL: School, Work and to earn more money

TZ: Where did you grow up?

CL: I grew up in China and I came here for a better life. Okay, just tell the truth. I did not know the reason that I was immigrated to the United States because I was too young. My father and mother decided to come here, so I have no ideas

TZ: Where were you born? Where did you originally come from?

CL: I was born in Guangdong province. But then I moved to Sichuan for 1 year from sixth grade to seventh grade to have school over there, and then moved back to Guangdong, I stayed in

Guangdong around six or seven years. After that, I immigrated to the United States. I like Guangdong more, because it was more like a city. Sichuan was just like a small town that fulled of mud and dirty, a rural place.

TZ: Do you consider yourself as an immigrant?

CL: You can say that, but right now I am not. I am a U.S. citizen now. Before I had a China passport, I was said that I was an immigrant.

TZ: What are the differences or similarities between China and America?

CL: Compare to China, I like the weather here. Sometimes it is too hot and sometimes it is too cold. Cause I do not like to wear t-shirt, I like to wear hoodies stuff. But the food is good and then it is a safety place. The biggest different of these two countries; In the U.S., when it is getting dark, no one would hand out. But in China, you can do that, and you can stay until midnight. The same thing is the life, you still have to live and work. It depends on what kind of life you want.

Of course, I like Chinese food, because I am Chinese. Even though I am a American, I eat Chinese food at home. This is kind of habit things. But at here I do not hand out outside, so mostly it just like burgers, bagel, pizza. (These kinds of American foods.)

TZ: Do you consider move back to China?

CL: Who knows, maybe. I would say that if I graduate from college.

TZ: What details can you tell me about your family?

CL: There are four people in my family including me. Father, mother, my younger sister and me.

TZ: Can you describe your relationship with your sister?

CL: Pretty good, sometimes we fight and sometimes we hand out, that is called sister. The relationship between my parents and I is good too. Not fights, we usually hand out and talk so much so we don’t have secrets at all. Sometimes we will say it. Mostly with my mother, she is just like my friend. Dad is dad. Because he is a man. Less communication with more distance.

We were talk to each other only when we were at home or when I met him. But I would say the relationship between us is still good. Sometimes we will help and respect each other. We don’t fight a lot. Last time we fight was because of my sister, she and I fought each other. And my dad always says, ‘your sister is young, and you are the older one, you should let her’. That was long time ago, I was 12 years old by then when I was a teenager. We did not fight during this long period.

TZ: What is the biggest challenge you faced right now?

CL: Education. And then you have to work. I mean, after you graduate from college you have to find a job. Then buy a house and then you have to leave. And the thing is that I have to transfer, that is a challenge for me. The biggest challenge for me is future. Because you never know your future; I am still feeling confused.

I want to be a maze design. Because I like to draw maze. If I can find any job about maze, I will do whatever I can. It does not matter it that drawing or any others. Painter is just paint anything, but maze designer is only about maze. I was just thinking of this right now. In general, just be an artist.

TZ: How to balance work and study?

CL: The most important thing is to schedule your time. I have two part-time jobs right now. So, scheduling a good job hour. Four days for work and two days school.

TZ: How do you feels about college? Years?

CL: Stress and challenge. This is my fourth year in college. The classes are different and especially English. And math is difficult, I hate math. But biology is fine, because the teacher is good and helpful. When the teacher was caring and wanted to help, that make me felt more comfortable and less stressful.

In 2005, I was at the fourth grade in elementary school. I still did not graduate from China. And then I moved here and took fourth grade class for only half semester. So, I got one and half year elementary school in America, three years for middle school, four years for high school and then four years for college. From 2005 until now.

TZ: What are the differences between high school and college?

CL: I want to be a maze design. Because I like to draw maze. If I can find any job about maze, I will do whatever I can. It doesn’t matter I like high school. It was less stressful even for Math and English, because I don’t care. I don’t care about the grades, but I need to care about it for transfer right now, I don’t want to spend another year in college. Mostly I got good grades, but it depends on teachers. High school is youth to me; friends, hand out, no stress. I did not have a job by then (No pressure on life too). Basically, it was very simple: wake up, go to school, hand out with friends at lunchtime in cafeteria, then back to home. I did not feel any stress about English and Math, because it spent one year to take the course and now is just one semester. So, you can see how fast it is and I can take my time to learn math.

TZ: What was your favorite subject in school?

CL: I studied ceramic for two years in high school. Including Beginning ceramic and AP (college level) ceramic. Four and half a week for two years. The ceramic classes in college were interesting too. I learnt how to use the machine to make in college and I used my hand to make in high school. In college, I have more options to create my work, more materials, more techniques for ceramic. There’s no essay, test, quiz and homework. So that I like it.

TZ: What make you decided your major in Art?

CL: I decided my major in art because I like it, any kind of art. I was not sure what kind of art I wanted to take at first. So, I decided to take every kinds of art then I would know which kind I like. My favorite is sculpture, I like to build stuffs.

TZ: How to build a sculpture project?

CL: Like the wood project, the first semester of sculpture, I made the wood goldfish. I knew exactly what to do, and then I could enjoy it. But if I don’t know what to do, it just stuck in the first stage and feels stressful in the rest of that class.

The processes to build the goldfish: first, the teacher asked me to design an animal with movement. Second, I did not want to do it too complicated and I wanted to keep it simple. So, I thought of fish would be so much easier for me. The reason why I choose goldfish because my house has it and it is for Chinese style. Then, the teacher showed us how to do it: use three woods, use tools to shape it and design it then make it in 3D (use machine to make the fish skin cut the wood smaller). Think, draw, then make it real. I think I know Chinese style better than the others. So, I want to make more about it and let everyone know what Chinese style is looks like. I tend to be a worker; I don’t like to sit at the chair, and I liked to move. Even drawing, I can walk around, thinking about it and then drawing instead of sitting still all the time. That’s why I don’t like drawing that much, I just think in my mind.

 

TZ: Can you describe ‘Art’? What is it to you? How do you feel about it?

CL: Art is freedom, happy and interesting to me. Art is like walking around and design. Not like the other jobs, you need to sit in an office and type at computer. Most of the time, you can work alone. I don’t like teamwork. You just need to feel about yourself and focus on yourself. If someone watching me, I feel so weird. That’s why at Chinese brush painting class, I don’t usually at class doing my stuff, I liked to bring it home and draw because it feels more comfortable to working alone.

TZ: Do you feel art is healing?

CL: Yes, because it will make me feel not tired anymore and focus. If I feel that is not interesting, then it will make me want to sleep. But art make me feel not tired.

TZ: Do you have a favorite artist?

CL: Maya Lin.

TZ: Or any specific artwork that you like?

CL: No. Just any sculpture and wood, or about maze.

TZ: You are taking sculpture and Chinese brush painting right now. So, what do you do to prepare for a art work?

CL: I will be painting in my house and finish the sculpture at school, because of the materials and machines. For sculpture I made a tree. The meaning of tree is just like our life, the tree branch is like our choices that leading us to different directions. It was kind of like a lifestyle, which have good parts and bad parts, positive side and negative side. Through the tree, you can see my life. Cause that’s my project. I can describe myself as a baby tree and grew up to be strong. The leaves depend on the things that I had done in my time. The tree is done by now. But it still growing up and you never know what kind of tree it would be. The tree is implying the meaning of who you are. The leaves are sparse, few and far between, which means my life experiences is not that enough. If my tree has a lot of leaves on it, that’s means I already have many experiences, my life has been complete. The lack of experience is because I did not finish school and education.

TZ: Why are you choosing this tree?

CL: At first, the teacher asked me to think about a hundred words for people life like passion, sign and verbs like smell, taste. Then I was choosing the tree, I think the tree is contained those hundred words you are facing. Only tree can present the hundred words through the leaves and branches.

TZ: What kind of materiel you use for it?

CL: Using wires and tapes. I used wires to control the tree branches, to hold and tight and to cover it. Used tapes to make the rolling, little pieces and stick on the roll made it more like a tree. I draw it done first. When I am doing this project, I was thinking about it all the time even when I was sleeping. What should I do and making plan, I was focus on it.

TZ: Can you tell me the differences between a art work and an essay?

CL: (laughs) I felt giving up on essay. You have to think about it in mind, think about verbs and run-on sentences. But art, you don’t have to think of it. Even you make a mistake, it is still art. And I don’t like to communicate with people. I prefer work alone.

 

Family and Grit

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Family and Grit

by Jeffrey Chin, March, 2019

Immigrants, from across the globe, come to America for a variety of reasons, including: better opportunities, safety and refuge, and family reunions. Regardless of their different intentions, they all share an equal desire for the promise of a better life and future. The land of opportunities, as most believe it, is a common ground for cultures and a breeding space for new possibilities—a place where anyone, striving for improvement, can indeed improve their lives. However, many new immigrants, if overly optimistic, can overestimate the country’s value, underestimate its flaws, and mistake the U.S. as a perfected utopia. Similarly, Robert left his beloved home and family for the U.S., for better education, more job opportunities, and, more importantly, asylum from the persecution of the Maoist party in his country. Although Robert manages to immigrate to the U.S. successfully, he still faces many unexpected adversities as an independent immigrant, which challenged him both physically and mentally. Nevertheless, Robert still believes in the American Dream. Despite the traumas from Nepal and the obstacles as an immigrant, Robert is able to mediate his traumas and reshape his hardships into growth-supporting experiences, through grit and with the motivation of his parents’ support, which facilitates his development as an independent.

I met Robert on the sixth of November. He was from Nepal, a small country squeezed between the large masses of China and India. Robert describes his home as “a regional country… it has all the mountains on the top, like the hilly region, mountain region… like um… Mount Everest.” For sixteen years, he grew up in a small village in the Gorkha District—a small community where most residents knew each other as neighbors. He remembers growing up with his three other siblings in that village. Occasionally, he would reminisce over his fond childhood memories. Since then, Robert has pursued his studies earnestly: earning his degree and a job as a civil engineer. Unfortunately, Robert later had a problematic encounter with one of Nepal’s political parties, which threatened his life and forced him to migrate to the U.S. Before he filed for asylum, Robert first flew to Norman, Oklahoma with a student visa, where he studied in Oklahoma University for a semester. Then he moved in with his cousin in California and transferred to SFSU, then CCSF. During his first year in the U.S., Robert struggled a lot with his transition from Nepal. Alone and in a new country, there were language barriers and cultural differences, which hindered Robert’s ability to adjust. Nevertheless, with time and patience, Robert is able to overcome his challenges. He hopes that, one day, he will be able to cultivate a future for himself in the U.S., travel the world, and revisit his family in Nepal.

Subjected to the dangers of political persecution and his traumatic experiences back in Nepal, Robert was forced to leave his beloved childhood home, out of fear and dread for the Maoist party. From 1996 to 2006, the Maovadi Dwandakaal—a civil war between the Maoist Communist Party and the Nepalese government—plagued the country. A period of tragic violence, the ten years were troubled times for Nepal, where “more than 13, 000 people were killed during the years of insurgency,” before Nepal’s political parties reached a consensus to dissolve and replace the ruling monarchy with an “inclusive democracy” (Joshi 276). In spite of the massive political shift, subtle “low-intensity violence” still occurs between party members to gain or repress supporters (Joshi 278). During a political campaign, Robert advocated for Nepali Congress—a social-democratic party—in opposition to the Maoist group and their unreasonable methodologies. Although his efforts managed to spoil the Maoist’s chances of winning the voting majority in a local village, four Maoist supporters later confronted Robert. They awaited him and “took [him] to the side of the jungle and started beating with wooden sticks” (Robert) until he was unconscious. According to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which protects the rights of all individuals, the Maoist members’ actions were obvious violations of Robert’s “right to freedom of thought” (UDHR Article 18) and “freedom of opinion and expression… without interference… and impart information” (UDHR Article 19). By expressing his different perspective and belief, Robert was severely punished for interfering with the Maoist’s political agendas. Since his trauma occurred, Robert now feels anxious, unsafe, and fearful about returning home, intimidated by the prospect that he still remains a wanted target by the Maoist.

Although Robert initially struggled with his new responsibilities as an adult in the U.S., he eventually manages to overcome his anxieties and worries, through his parents’ support and encouragement. Far from home, Robert was plagued with melancholy and past traumas, and often worried about his future and his parents’ health. Sometimes, “[he] couldn’t sleep until 3 am in the morning” (Robert). According to an article, which evaluates the effects of self-esteem and social support on college students’ mental health, a group of University of Cincinnati post-doctoral researchers found that “students who felt higher levels of family social support reported fewer days of mental health problems.” (Merianos et al.) When Robert was segregated from Nepal and his family, he suffered minor symptoms of depression due to his lack of family interaction, which occasionally hindered his performance. As Robert recalls, “I was thinking a lot bad things. Sometimes even giving up whatever I am doing.” Despite having friends, Robert is more open and trusting of his parents to understand his problems. Regardless of distance, the intimacy and trust between a functioning family provides unparalleled support, and creates an environment of acceptance, genuineness, and empathy: “My father had shared many struggling stories that made me wanna… not [give] up no matter what.” Although Robert felt alone in the U.S., talking to his parents, being genuinely heard and emphatically understood, brought him relief and comfort, and encouraged him to be more optimistic and resilient in the face of adversity, which reinforces his self-esteem and morale.

As an independent, Robert has very little time for leisure or recreation, which makes him socially isolated as a consequence to his priorities, obligations, and busy schedule. Between school and work, Robert rarely has the time to socialize and relax like his American friends. In the article, “ ‘Whether I like it or not, it’s important’: Implicit importance of means predicts self-regulatory persistence and success,” Clayton R. Critcher, an associate Professor from the University of California, Berkeley, analyzes the effects of unconscious goal-relevant evaluations on grit and success. Critcher found that “people pursue things that are important not necessarily for immediately realizable affective benefits, but because of the value of what can ultimately be achieved.” Since Robert never grew up with the same benefits of an American life, he is more ready than his American peers, who have both family and financial support, to work harder for his future, “support [his] family back in Nepal” and then “save some money to go to university.” As Robert describes it, it is this feeling that “I have to do something right now to have something in the future.” Additionally, he sees that time, money, and education were invaluable assets that must not be wasted on “short-term temptations” (Critcher 818), but wisely spent towards achieving a better future, as in Robert’s case: a well-paying occupation and a master degree in architecture. This makes Robert naturally hard working, but, sadly, socially isolated. Despite his grit and earnest attitude, Robert has to sacrifice many lesser, temporary pleasures, as well as his social life, to remain committed to his larger objectives.

Since international students are limited in employment options, Robert was forced to work at a low-end job; nevertheless, in spite of his initial disappointment, Robert was able to persevere and make the most out of his experiences. Although Robert’s student visa permits him to travel and study in the U.S., it also binds him to very restrictive rules on employment. As an international student, Robert can only work on-campus jobs in his first academic year, and any off-campus employment, after the first year, must still comply with distinct terms and conditions (USCIS). As Robert recalls, “I tried to look for the work but I was not accepted anywhere for not having a work authorization card being an international student.” This is problematic for Robert, who desperately needs work to support himself and his parents, and to repay his loans from Nepal. It was not until when he filed for asylum and moved to California that he found his first job as a restaurant busser. In “Employment and Education-Occupation Mismatches of Immigrants and their Children in the Netherlands: Comparisons with the Native Majority Group,” a study on the labor market and immigrant minorities in the Netherlands, Yassine Khoudja, a post-doctoral researcher in social and behavioral sciences, examined the disadvantages and education-to-employment mismatches of immigrants. Khoudja found that in many occasions, “educated immigrants [are turning] to the low-skill oriented ethnic economy to find employment [because] their skills are not recognized or made use of in the high-skilled labor market” (131). As a result, past educational and work experiences, like Robert’s civil engineering degree, are often neglected and not fully utilized. Thus, Robert was unable to find any qualified work: “I wanted to be in architecture but then I ended up doing like clearing tables and then doing dishes and everything.” He said that he was not enthusiastic about working as a busser and wiping tables: “I was like ‘oh no,’ but then I had no choice that time sometimes you gotta do no matter what you know to survive.” Despite his disappointments, Robert still maintained a positive attitude about the circumstances: “if you keep working, if you be honest and work your [hardest]… you will learn pretty quick.” Aside from being promoted, Robert’s consistent work ethics and positivity rewarded him with new skills and experiences. Although initially skeptic about working at a restaurant, Robert, nevertheless, took full advantage of the opportunity, and, by consistent effort, shown great progress and growth.

Through self-motivation and his family’s encouragement, Robert is able to conjure enough strength to overcome his physical and mental difficulties in the U.S., which conditioned him into a responsible, independent, and capable individual, and made him all the more wiser because of his experiences. Although some might argue that Robert should not have meddled with Nepal’s political affairs from the start, it is for the benefit of society that everyone should be able to publicly promote their opinions and beliefs, without fear or intimidation, to create a fairer democratic government. Additionally, although some might consider that persecution should not qualify for asylum, everyone, especially those exiled or coerced from their homes due to fear and danger, deserves the right to life and to receive assistance and refuge from neighboring countries. It is common that many immigrants who come to the U.S. do not anticipate the difficulties that await them; some may feel discontent, others may be dismayed, but those who persist will persevere and grow according to their experiences. By persevering through his hardships, Robert is an example of how life’s worst obstacles can help a person grow and mature.

 

 

Works Cited

Critcher, Clayton R., and Melissa J. Ferguson. “ ‘Whether I Like It or Not, It’s Important’: Implicit Importance of Means Predicts Self-Regulatory Persistence and Success.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, vol. 110(6), Jun. 2016, pp. 818-839.

Joshi, Madhav. “Post-Accord Political Violence, Elections, and Peace Processes: Evidence from Nepal.” Civil Wars, vol. 16, no. 3, Sep. 2014, pp. 276-299.

Khoudja, Yassine. “Employment and Education-Occupation Mismatches of Immigrants and their Children in the Netherlands: Comparisons with the Native Majority Group.” Social Inclusion, vol. 6, no. 3, Jul. 2018, pp. 119-141.

Merianos, Ashley L. “The Impact of Self-Esteem and Social Support on College Students’ Mental Health.” American Journal of Health Studies, vol. 28, no. 1, 2013, pp. 27-34.

Students and Employment. U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, https://www.uscis.gov/working-united-states/students-and-exchange-visitors/students-and-employment. Accessed 10 Dec. 2018.

UN General Assembly, “Universal Declaration of Human Rights.” The United Nations, 10 Dec. 1948, 217 A (III).

 

Sample Transcripts

 

[Start Transcript]

 

Robert:                  I’m older than you for sure [laughing].

 

Jeffrey:                  [laughing] I. I. I know.

 

So yeah, um [pause] where did you grow up?

Robert:                  Um [pause] so I was born in Nepal.

 

Jeffrey:                  Nepal?

 

Robert:                  It’s uh [pause] a little country in the middle of China and India. Do you know that?

 

Jeffrey:                  Yeah, yeah, I think I can imagine that. Yeah uh [pause] so, Nepal huh? What was it like living there?

 

Robert:                  Well living there [laughing] that’s a hard question I guess [pause].

 

All right so, this is a small country, um [pause] it has like, um [pause] Geographically, it is a [regiony] country in the world I would say, because it has all the mountains on the top, like the [hillery] region, mountain region, and (inaudible) region. So, you get to see like, um [pause] Mount Everest, it’s the top of the world.

 

Jeffrey:                  Really?

 

Robert:                  Yeah.

 

Jeffrey:                  Oh, wow.

 

Robert:                  And then, you get to see like the 60 meter from the sea level, so this is very low, so you get to see very low and then really top. So that has a variety of lands. So originally I was from like middle of that area. So I’d say like [hillery] region, it’s called Gorkha District, so they have like seventy-five districts in our country.

 

Yeah, so it’s divided, so one of it is Gorkha, so I always grow up there. I was born in a village. It’s a little village, um [pause] I would say maybe sixty households, and then we have like same kinda last names. So my name is Robert Gurung, so we have like Gurung, all the Gurung people who live there like in the small village. That’s kinda cool, yeah [pause].

 

Jeffrey:                  So, so since you guys are in a small village [pause] most of you know each other.

 

Robert:                  Yeah, so for me cause I’m not sure, like, if I know everyone, but like most of our [pause] my, my father, he knows like everybody, I’m not sure if he [pause].

 

Jeffrey:                  He. He. He grew up like his whole [pause].

 

Robert:                  Right. Right. Right, cause um [pause] I’d say like um [pause] I spent like fifteen, sixteen years in that village and then I had to move to a different village to go to school cause that village didn’t have like higher education. So for the higher education, I had to go to a different place. So maybe [pause] I, I, I don’t know like all the people over there so [pause] that’s what happens.

 

Jeffrey:                  So um [pause] did you have any siblings growing up?

 

Robert:                  Yeah, so in my family, my parents, right? I have my elder brother, elder sister, and me, and my younger sister. So we are six.

 

Jeffrey:                  Six of you?

 

Robert:                  Yeah.

 

Jeffrey:                  What was like growing with two older siblings, and one younger sibling?

 

Robert:                  Well my sister, she used to love me a lot. I still remember like those days um, right now I don’t live with them. I’m the only person in my family who’s in the US.

 

Jeffrey:                  Oh [pause].

 

Robert:                  All of them are in Nepal, so I came as an international student. Um [pause] it’s been like four years I’ve been living in the US. Um [pause] growing up with them was like to remember the past it’s, it’s [pause] it’s tough to remember [pause] to recall them is like [pause] good memories. Right, but then, so [pause] yeah, those are all good memories, especially when you’re far from your family; you miss them a lot. But yeah [pause] was one of them. Me, and my younger sister used to fight a lot [laughing].

 

Jeffrey:                  Oh [laughing], yeah like the brother-sister sibling rivalry.

 

Robert:                  She is two years younger than me, and we were like kinda friends, but then right now, I feel her like gives you a fear, I would never fight with her something like that you know. It’s because I’m far from them.

 

Jeffrey:                  So you miss them.

 

Robert:                  Yeah I miss them a lot.

 

Jeffrey:                  Whose idea was it for you to come to the US?

 

Robert:                  Well, uh, first, two reasons I would say, um [pause] specifically for this project for you I’m gonna tell you all truth. So I’d say two reasons. Mainly, uh [pause] one, I wanna have a degree from the US universities, like that’s one thing; the other thing I would say, when I was in Nepal, um [pause] I was in one political organization that’s called “Nepali Congress.” So I was member of this trade union uh [pause] that’s a sister organization of Nepali Congress, and what happens is like [pause] in politics, you know um sometimes they fight between two parties.

 

Jeffrey:                  Like how it’s happening now in the U.S.?

 

Robert:                  Yeah, one way get out from that kind of environment, I chose to come to here um [pause] to the US because um [pause] if you come from Nepal you can file the application for asylum. Have you ever heard of the asylum?

 

Jeffrey:                  Yeah like applying for refuge, sorta?

 

Robert:                  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I did that, I’m doing that right now, it’s on the processing, um [pause] hopefully it goes well, I’m not sure [laughing].

 

Jeffrey:                  I hope all the best to you.

 

Robert:                  So, right now uh [pause] I was international student until last two years, but then I changed to resident. So right now, I’m resident because I file for asylum. So those are the two reasons I came to the US.

 

Jeffrey:                  So, speaking about education, what sort of degree are you hoping to get?

 

Robert:                  When I was in Nepal, uh [pause] I have my degree in diploma in civil engineering, um [pause] I finished my diploma in civil engineering; I work in Nepal like six months after I’d finished my school. Um [pause] that was pretty cool, made memories as well [laughing]. Um [pause] but then when I came to here [pause] so I came to the Oklahoma first. Uh [pause] it was the University of Central Oklahoma; um [pause] I came here December 31, 2014.

 

Robert:                  So I came to the U.S. 2014. I started studying University of Central Oklahoma for six months. Actually, I finished one semester; I had not chosen my major at that time. Uh [pause] I was thinking like doing something similar to engineering cause I have my civil engineering from Nepal, and I was thinking that that didn’t work at that time. I wanted to get a bachelor’s in civil engineering from University of Central Oklahoma, but then things changed um I have my cousin here in San Francisco, and I was talking with him, texting with him, and he was like, ‘finish one semester there and then you can come here and stay with me, and go universities around here,’ and I was like thinking um [pause] I said okay and he give me the idea to file for asylum also and then he did the same thing um and then right now he is a citizen right here, and then he has a family here and everything here, so yeah my family as well.

 

Jeffrey:                  Yeah so like, having family here is like really, really good as well, you have like the support, and like you won’t be like just here alone and then [pause]

 

Robert:                  That’s true, and to finish up your question, my education right now in City College I’m taking um [pause] classes for Associate in architecture. So I wanna get degree actually maybe bachelor degree from Berkeley or some other university. I’m just, I’ll just try, I’m not sure I can get in or not you know, that’s really hard.

 

Jeffrey:                  As long as you try right, do your best.

 

Robert:                  Yeah, I was thinking like maybe from next year. So I have one more year here in City College, so right now this semester also I’m taking all the major for my architecture. I have two classes this morning and [pause] yeah, so I wanna get a degree in architecture actually. I wanna be in architecture, that’s all hehe.

 

Jeffrey:                  Architecture sounds like really fun. You get to design stuff. Tons of your designs are like [pause] the people who use it really depends on you.

 

Jeffrey:                  You said that you came to the US in 2014, and you came here by yourself, were you nervous then?

 

Robert:                  Um [pause] well I was kinda excited on the first time because I had I was with one of my friend, who had like same Visa as me. We came to the same University, so I was with him. Right now, he is in New York. So we were in Oklahoma. We’re together, then he went to New York, and I came to San Francisco right.

 

Um [pause] I was excited because I wanted to see fireworks for the New Year you know, cause I came December 31; so on the day was the New Year. So I wanted to see that, but then what happened was [pause] so maybe what do you call jet lag or something? We slept all the day all the way. We didn’t see anything you know. That’s because like I think it was more than twenty-four hour of flight.

 

Jeffrey:                  Yeah, like a whole day. That was a whole day

 

Robert:                  Time was very different you know. Right now, in Nepal, it’s morning, morning 6 pm, 6 am. Here, just 4am, so like two-hour difference, yeah two-hour difference. Time got changed and we just slept.

 

Jeffrey:                  That’s disappointing to hear.

 

Robert:                  [laughing] Yeah, I was excited, I was nervous.

 

Jeffrey:                  Was there any trouble like getting here?

 

Robert:                  No actually [pause] it went smooth, it was pretty cool, cause my friend he was pretty smart I guess. Right now, I feel like he [pause] I didn’t do anything actually. He used to go to the place like in the airport also like he was ‘let’s go to that door now’ and I just followed him. He guided me a lot.

 

Jeffrey:                  You guys didn’t have any fireworks back in Nepal?

 

Robert:                  We have our new year also but then not like here, I’ve seen fireworks two times in SF [pause] but Nepal is like small and then not that popular.

 

Jeffrey:                  Ah [pause] In general, what do you like do for fun?

 

Robert:                  I’ll just tell you my schedule right now. I’m really hardworking person [pause] I’m working five days a week, so that’s full time. I work in the restaurant, and then I have two days of school here. So I have no day off at all, so that makes me like I feel like I’m a hardworking person. I feel like I have to do something right now to have something in the future. So you have to do something right now to get something in the future. So [pause] I’m just like managing all my time for my work.

 

I do full time work and full time study. So for the fall, I’d say like sometimes I go out with my friends. I remember last time, I have never been to club here in SF. I went with my friends from work, like all my co-workers. We made a plan to go to SF, City Night Club. We were checked in and we danced, dancing with our co-workers. It was pretty fun; we danced like four hours. After that it was two or one o’clock in the morning we started walking on the street downtown [pause] making a lot of noise, singing, and dancing. I don’t really go out [pause] so that was my first time we went out.

 

Jeffrey:                  Yeah, with your schedule, I can’t even picture myself doing five days of work [pause] and two days of school [pause] it’s stressful.

 

Robert:                  It’s hard, it is hard, you get to see less people doing that, and yeah I’m managing this. Sometimes I get stressed but then it’s been like used to. I’ve been doing this for three years because I have to support my family back in Nepal, and then I feel I have to save some money to go to university, for future. So I feel like I’m becoming an independent by doing this kind of hard work right now.

 

Jeffrey:                  Yeah, I hope so. Cause right now, you’re not just trying to build a future for yourself in the U.S., but, at the same time, carrying this responsibility for your family back home [pause] That’s quite an accomplishment by itself.

 

Robert:                  Yeah, and to finish your question, I like to do photo-shoot. Sometimes I have my camera I take pictures at like sunset usually [pause] I like to go eat, I like Japanese food a lot, and I like sushi. On top on that, I like Nepalese food, and then usually from work there’s like a lot of Nepalese workers. So most of Sundays we go out for lunch also [pause] we go to some Nepalese restaurant nearby.

 

Jeffrey:                  There’s like a small community there [pause]

 

Robert:                  There are a lot of Nepali people in San Francisco, I saw like last month there was a picnic for only Nepali people, so I get to meet [pause] I met all of the Nepali people. I was like, “wow there’s a lot of Nepali people here.”

 

Jeffrey:                  You were surprised by that?

 

Robert:                  I was surprised. I didn’t know that many Nepali people live in this area, but then I got to meet with them.

 

Jeffrey:                  Other than feeling surprised, is there anything else you felt?

 

Robert:                  I feel like I was in Nepal [pause]

 

Jeffrey:                  Like you were in Nepal?

 

Robert:                  Cause they were talking Nepali language [pause] and we had Nepali food [pause] it was like reminding me of Nepal. It was kinda cool.

 

Jeffrey:                  Since you’ve been here for a while, have you thought of going back to Nepal? Or [pause] have you been back?

 

Robert:                  Yeah [pause] oh, no, no, no [pause] I’ve never [pause] I wanna go back to Nepal. I can’t go back because I file for asylum, so there are certain restrictions. So if you file for asylum, you can’t go back to the country because I’m saying I have [pause]

 

Jeffrey:                  Some reasons?

 

Robert:                   [pause] Some reason. It’s like [pause] if I say directly, I am threatened; I have a death threat. So if I go back to Nepal, somebody will kill me, so I can’t go back to Nepal. So I can go back to Nepal, but then when I come back from Nepal, it’ll be like fifty-fifty chances whether I can get in or not. So it’s from the Department of Homeland Security, so they will check all the backgrounds and everything, so they have all my information [pause] I don’t want to get into trouble.

 

But then [pause] I talked to my family like every Thursday, so I have a schedule, after I go from school from 9:00 am to 9:00 pm, every Tuesday and Thursday [pause] it’s kinda crazy. I don’t have class in this campus so I have to go to mission campus on Thursday and I have to go to downtown campus today Tuesday. So when I go home it’ll be like, sometimes 10 o’clock or 10:15 something like that.

 

And then I have a schedule like after 10:30 I talk to my family back in Nepal every Thursday. Sometimes I just text them, and sometimes I video call them, and then my parents, they still live in a village, so they didn’t have like Facebook [pause] and everything. So I have to call them through like the phone, just audio. They don’t have video access there but then with my siblings they live in uh [pause] city like capital city of Nepal, Kathmandu, and then I talk to them on Facebook, sometimes Instagram; we do video calls, like every Thursday.

 

Jeffrey:                  Sounds like a lot of work. Compared to you, I should [pause] I should [pause]

 

Robert:                  When I started working there first I started working as a busboy, you wipe down tables, take the plates, and everything [pause] you wipe down the windows.

 

Jeffrey:                  Did you like doing that?

 

Robert:                  Well [pause] that was, I had no choice you know, that time. One of my brother’s friend, he brought me to that place, that has a lot of Nepali people form there, cool for me to learn new things.

 

In Nepal, I’ve never worked that kind of job, but here I started working like that. I had a feeling like “oh shoot I wanted to be in architecture but then I ended up doing like clearing tables and then doing dishes and everything.” I was like “oh no,” but then I had no choice that time. Sometimes [pause] you gotta do no matter what, you know to survive or to support family, or whatever reason you have for that, and I did like for three months and then I started learning hosting. Um [pause] they have a period system so you can make reservation by phone call and putting name on the system [pause] and then after three months I became a host at that restaurant.

 

Jeffrey:                  That’s great!

 

Robert:                  Then I started learning about food also. Cause I had to learn it, if I take a phone call to go order they would say this kind and this kind of food and I’m like I have no idea what is that even [laughing]. And I had to learn all the food and then I started doing food orders [pause] maybe around two months, and I learned all the food, and then my manager wanted me to be a bartender, at that time, and then I started learning a little bartender, only non-alcoholic beverages, and then I started mixing like drinks, all the drinks, and, after like one or two months, I learned like every the drinks they have over there.

 

Right now, I’m a pro like I do everything there; I know everything of that restaurant, what things are where you know. It’s because I’ve been working there three years, I feel like that’s my experience. Right now, sometimes I do, I work as a bartender, and sometimes I work as a server. I don’t do busser nowadays, because like maybe old maybe, at that place.

 

I’d say, if you keep working, if you be honest and work your hard or learn things, like ask somebody if you don’t know how to do it, you will learn pretty quick, if you want to do it. At that time, I have no choice so I had to do it so I did it, I’d say like I did pretty good cause that’s the only thing [pause] like off my income that time. I used to get hourly at very first, but then they like my work and they hired me as a monthly worker, and then, right now, they pay me monthly basis, and there is no risk they can’t fire me cause I know everything.

 

There’s no way they can fire me. They can’t fire me right now [laughing].

 

Jeffrey:                  [laughing] Because they’re too dependent on you huh? Because of your work skills [pause]

 

Robert:                  Yeah [pause] because I know everything[laughing]. Funny thing, I don’t drink, I never drink in my life, you know, and then I have to taste all those alcohol when I was mixing the drinks, so that was kind of fun. I still don’t like the flavor like beer, I don’t drink all the alcohol, but then I do bartender. But we’re not a full bar, we only have like wines, beers, and sakes, those kinds of stuff.

 

Jeffrey:                  Mhm [pause] So things are getting better as time goes along [pause]

 

Robert:                  Yeah, that’s true [pause] when I came here first, I knew nothing about the U.S., and I was not independent. When I was in Nepal, I always think US will be that big place, it will be hard for me to survive over there.

 

But when I came here, I realize like if you do, if you wanna learn something, just do it, don’t wait for tomorrow; just do it today or don’t waste time for doing anything else. So I’d say, always have a plan set for future, at least have one plan: what you gonna be, or what you’re gonna do in the future. That way you just work in that plan. Maybe, it won’t be tomorrow, but maybe [pause] step by step, maybe [pause] it’ll takes two years, maybe it takes five years, you’ll reach there you know. So, I’m on this step right now, working slowly.

 

Jeffrey:                  I understand that. Since you’ve been to the U.S., you’ve only been working hard, not wasting time, but spending most of it to support yourself and your family. Again, it’s impressive.

 

Robert:                  Well, I’d say, that’s because I didn’t have a choice, I didn’t have my parents to support me at that time. That’s what makes me stronger than I use to be before. If I was in Nepal, and I was with my parents, there would be no money, and then I would go out and do whatever I want to do. But then here, you don’t have your parents, and then [pause] but you need money to go out, to buy things you wanted to have. So for that, you need to work, that’s what the difference is, like you have parents versus you don’t.

 

I’d say it’s a good thing I came here because I got to learn a lot of things about life. If I was in Nepal, I use to be, I have my other elder brother. If I need something, I’d always ask him or my father.

 

But here, I don’t have them to support me but then, at the same time, I’m happy I’m supporting them right now, so in three years I have like made over thirty thousand dollars, and then we bought a land in Nepal. We’re gonna built a house like maybe single family house, we’re on plan actually, so that’s gonna be my last plan for my family. Then maybe I’m gonna design that house. But, for me, you sometimes gotta think about yourself too, so for me I always took priority as my family as first place and second, my future, my study, and [pause] friends [pause] I’d say, “Look my family comes first, my study second, you are the third.”

 

Jeffrey:                  So you would prefer you’d come to the U.S. rather than staying back home? Because I hear that you’ve learned skills that wouldn’t have been available to you if you stayed back in Nepal.

 

Robert:                  That is true.

 

Jeffrey:                  Um [pause] so before you came to the U.S. what did you expect it’d be like living here? Aside from the cities being really big and stuff like that.

 

Robert:                  Well, I think I come here and I might finish bachelor’s degree in civil engineering. I changed my major I’m doing architecture now. While I was in Nepal, I used to think like I’m gonna get a degree from there and then come back to Nepal and then maybe have this one business off my name. So I didn’t want to work for others.

 

Jeffrey:                  You wanted to start your own business?

 

Robert:                  Yeah, I wanted to start my own business, so I had a thought like I’d come here and finish my study, I’d get a degree, and go back to Nepal and have my own business architecture or engineering, design for people. But when I came here, I changed my mind, I saw a lot of better things in here,

 

Jeffrey:                  Ah [pause] so the U.S. widened your perspective a little.

 

Robert:                  Yeah, there is a term “U.S. is a land of opportunities.” I would agree with that so if you come here. If you wanna do it you can do anything you wanna do, but then if you be lazy then you can’t do anything. I was like well why don’t we stay here and then grab some opportunities and we can go back to Nepal later, but then have your plans first, make your future first, then go back to Nepal or wherever, but then my future plan is, I wanna travel the world. For sure I will travel the world one day, maybe after fifty or something.

 

Jeffrey:                  So would you say that most of the problems you faced here came from having to support yourself and your family?

 

Robert:                  I got quite lucky for that because whenever I came to SF I got in the top that was kind, so I would get money for there as a salary so that was not that hard. At the same time, I have my cousin and I was living with him. So he did support me until I get a job so it was okay for me for that part but then I’d say there are certain problems when I came to SF I had applied for the SF State University and CCSF I have accepted there and then I went first time we use to live in Chinatown but then we my cousin he bought a house in San Lorenzo last December so we moved there so I went to SF State from SF Chinatown and I had to use underground Bart, I had never used that before that was kinda crazy story there.

 

Jeffrey:                  Did something crazy happen the first time you take it; some crazy story?

 

Robert:                  What happened was I read all the instruction I need to get the ticket to go in, I did that, but then when I came back I went to the international office there I got my acceptance letter there, I was super happy. I took that Bart but then in that place I didn’t see like, I didn’t know I had to get the ticket again so I came back so they had, one stop at qualimeyer street or something [pause] somewhere [pause] and then there was a checking going on [pause] so the ticket was to go there but it was just one-way.

 

I didn’t know, it was my first time here, and my English was terrible at that time, I didn’t have good English. I couldn’t even speak up at the time, there was a ticket lady, some police officer or something, and then she asked me where was my ticket, then I told her like, “this is my ticket,” and she was like this is not your ticket. I had only this ticket with me, I didn’t have any other ticket, I told her this is my first time, and I had no idea what’s going on. I even told her this is my first time, I went to grab my acceptance letter from the university, and she was like if you don’t speak English, you should find you a language interpreter [pause] she gave me two tickets that I had to pay like one hundred two zero and one hundred two zero [pause] that was my worst expense I ever had here in the US, for that I could not speak up well that time, my English was the barrier I couldn’t say like whatever I wanted to say at that time and then yeah that was a really bad experience.

 

I’d say that’s a good experience also at the same time, I took it positive cause I got to learn new things new rules new regulations. After that, I look up what are the transportation city of san Francisco and one of that was Bart, Muni bus, and other stuff, the Cal train and everything. After that I never got into trouble. Right now I have a car I drive I know the rules and everything.

 

But then that experience taught me a lot. Sometimes you need to get into trouble, not a big trouble, but then do not make a double mistake, you can make a mistake once, if you make the same mistake again, that’s the biggest mistake. So you learn from some mistake, bad mistake and then do not repeat mistake. Even my manager use to say like if I break glass, “it’s okay to break glass, it happens sometimes, but then try not to break again, be careful when carrying it.” He told me “It’s okay to make a mistake the first time, but then same mistake shouldn’t be happening, so do not repeat the mistake, same mistake again.”

 

Jeffrey:                  So you’ve talked about how you felt in Nepal, but what about the U.S.? How do you feel now; now that you’ve lived here for four years?

 

Robert:                  I’d say It’s better, much better than Nepal, Nepal I’d say first reason [pause] so while I was in Nepal, I after I graduated from my school I worked six months there. At that time, I got I used to get fifteen thousand dollars a month [pause] but then right now if I compare that time and right now here, I get like three thousand dollar per month.

 

Jeffrey:                  Is the fifteen thousand in Nepali currency?

 

Robert:                  Yeah, Nepali currency. So here, fifteen thousand Nepalese rupees is one hundred and fifty dollars. That’s how much I got from Nepal, but then here I get like three thousand dollars. That is a very, very vast change, Nepal versus here working. And I would say I like it better here even though I have like much more expenses than I used to have in Nepal because I got to be an independent, so I drive car and I have pay for car insurance and everything.

 

If I was in Nepal, maybe I used to drive motorcycle under my parent’s insurance because that fifteen thousand rupees would never let me buy for me. But here I have three thousand dollars so [pause] I can put some of the amount for that. Yeah, so I’d say that that is the major point.

 

And other parts if I talk about technology US is much better than Nepal, even at my work most of my customer they are from Google, Facebook [pause] and then one thing I like better in Nepal is let’s say you and me are friends in here, we are really good friends but not like soul mates, what I have seen a lot maybe not all but most of them if you are friends with somebody here, they are not friends like from inside, it’s just pretend to be friends, they are friends but not real friends. But in Nepal, if you are friends with somebody like you can do whatever for him.

 

Jeffrey:                  Like someone you’re really connected with.

 

Robert:                  We connect our inside, we love them a lot but here you don’t get that and then one thing what I’ve seen here is strange is I tried to make friends a lot, but then their perspective and my perspective is like very different. So my first semester I tried to make like some friends and then even at my work I tried to make some friends and what I found was what they do is they want to earn money by working today but then Friday night they wanna spend all the money.

 

So what they do is they want to go out, hang out, they want to go to prom. But then for me, I was like, “No, I didn’t come to the US for that, I have some certain goals I have to achieve that.” Then I didn’t get like friends who has similar thoughts to me, so that’s why I don’t have a lot of friends if I have friends, I have only one friend actually right now he is from Nepal, he has similar like feelings with me. He is working hard for his future and family and everything.

 

So what happen was, I tried to make friends and they were like, so they get paycheck right usually we get paycheck on Thursday and the other day they wanna go out and spend all of the money.

 

Then one of my considerations is if I get paycheck on Thursday I don’t want to spend tomorrow and then get broke on other day. What I have like strong feeling about is I wanna have certain percentage of my savings for my future certain percentage for my family. But most of my friends they don’t think about that. So their perspective and my perspective are very different. I don’t wanna be friends with them you know. If I were a friend with them I have go with them, hang out and drink, smoke. And I don’t like that. That’s what happens, not making a lot of friends, I have certain friends at work, but then just for work, after work we don’t hang out.

 

They have different thoughts, they have different opportunities, but I do not. That’s why I’m working really hard.

 

Jeffrey:                  That’s good. You know, we need more hard working people.

 

Robert:                  For me if I see like somebody is doing something bad I tell them, you should be doing this. For like younger generation I’d always try to motivate them to work harder for the future.

 

Jeffrey:                  That’s kinda your philosophy: To work hard.

 

Robert:                  I wanna help people it’s because maybe I didn’t get the mentorship maybe I got to learn by myself doing most of things. But then if I see people struggling in their life I’ll always try to help them at least tell them, share your story. Your story motivates someone else, that’s a good thing about you, and you are the inspiration for someone else. That’s why I want to share my story.

 

Jeffrey:                  Oh, going back to Nepal, you said that the friends that you make there have very good connections. How is that so?

 

Robert:                  I don’t know [pause] maybe cultural legacy, I’d say like um our culture well, our culture we’re very rich in our culture, what happens is like if your parents have taught you that way, you will learn from your parents a lot. It’s kind of natural whatever your parents do, you wanna do that too. By seeing, I think that’s the reason what happens to the Nepali people, they wanna be connected soul to soul. But then here what I’ve seen is their parents really don’t care. With their parents or relatives, they should be doing but then in Nepal my parents and all the relatives, and their my relatives right now but here maybe they don’t care, maybe their culture is like that, I don’t get it. I haven’t got that part. Why is there so different between Nepalese culture versus the American culture.

 

Jeffrey:                  So Nepali culture place more importance in union.

 

Robert:                  For here, it feels so off. I’m from Nepal, in my culture, helping someone is a good thing, my parents have taught me to help somebody if possible. There are certain ways to help people. Just be honest in your life trying to help people, it just makes you satisfied. I would want to inspire them to work hard, have a plan for the future. At the end of the day, you are the one who will do for you, there is no one else. For me, I came from Nepal, nobody was here to do for me so I’m the only person who does for me. I’d say like always priority for yourself your health your food, and then priority your family, cause your parents I consider my guardians as my parents, and then after that your friends, girlfriends, or whatever. Main thing is be honest with everyone you try to help, like all the people in all possible ways. That’s how you can become pleased, how you feel satisfied.

 

[End Transcript]

 

[Start Transcript]

 

Jeffrey:                  Hi Robert, how are you doing? I got to look through our conversation, and it made me even more curious about your story. Like you said, you were a part of Nepali Congress, but something about apposing political parties and environment made you apply for asylum. Were you persecuted or mistreated in some way?

 

Robert:                  Yes, I remember two incidents most; the first one is while I was in class eight: it happened in my school in my birthplace, Gorkha district of Nepal. As I told you earlier, I was a good student and also I used to dance from a very young age. I used to be first in our district dance competition. The Maoist party of our district got to know that.

 

One day, they came to our school in our assembly time at morning. The Maoist wanted to take all the students in their rally, especially me, but they didn’t know which one is me. Our socials teacher tried to speak up, but they showed the guns and pointed towards our teacher. All the students got scared and tried to run off the school. While everyone running here and there, one of my science teacher dragged me, and locked me in the toilet, and told me not to make any noise until he comes back. I was super scared.

 

After about seven hours, he came back to get me with my father. I was so thirsty at that time. I couldn’t even ask what happened [pause] later on, I got to know that seventy-eight students were captured and the Maoist had taken with them. Later on, I got to know that the Maoist wanted me to dance for their programs.

 

I have very bad childhood memories with them one day, I saw more than a hundred people with guns walking on the side of our house. They asked all the villager to give them food and bed; seven of them entered out house and searched everything inside the house. They asked my mother to cook for them ASAP. They put their guns in our kitchen. We were very scared, but we had no options; so we had to do whatever they said. My mother and father gave them everything they asked for. Thankfully, they left our village after staying two days. But whenever they come, we had to be scared of them [pause]

 

Jeffrey:                  That is absolutely frightening. I didn’t know that this happened in Nepal.

 

Robert:                  Yeah, there was civil war in Nepal for 10 years [pause]

 

The second one is after I finished diploma in civil engineering: I went to the village and helped local Nepali Congress party for the election campaign. I went to door-to-door and talked about how bad were the Maoist, and why they should vote for Nepali Congress.

 

On the Election Day, I was coming home from election booth, and, on the way, four people were waiting for me. They told me I am the main reason that they cannot get vote from our area; number one. They asked me to go with them [pause] they took me to the side of the jungle and started beating with wooden sticks. I still have a scar in my leg. After I got beaten up, I was unconscious.

 

They thought I was dead and left me in there. Some people found me, and brought me home, and my father took me to the hospital. I am still scared of what happened in the past. Yes, my life was in danger.

 

Even after that, they knew I came to the U.S., they ask my parents money. I told my parents not to give anything. Right now, the situation is better than that time, but they personally think I should be dead. So I am always scared to go back to my country. That’s how I filed for asylum in the United States. And here, Trump government always comes up with new rules, which makes it hard for the asylum seekers in the States. But I hope everything goes well with me. And thank you for asking me about my past.

 

Jeffrey:                  Of course, thanks for sharing part of your life, I know it’s especially hard to share such traumatic experience openly.

 

Also, if you don’t mind me asking [pause] When you came to the U.S., did seeing less people and stress from supporting your family affect you mentally?

 

Robert:                  If I understood you question correctly [pause] yes, I was mentally challenged a lot. When I was in Oklahoma, I used to hang out with my Nepali friends. We used to play basketball all day, sometimes watch movies, or play games with friends, but at nights, I couldn’t sleep until three am in the morning. I used to think a lot about Nepal, all the incidents and all the bad things. And I had to pay back loan. That was the main challenge at that time.

 

I used to believe in myself that I will be doing good in life one day. So, I tried to look for the work, but I was not accepted anywhere for not having a work authorization card, being an international student. I used to think about my parents and their condition. I was thinking a lot bad things. Sometimes, even giving up whatever I am doing.

 

But, whenever I talked to my parents, they used to advice me about not giving up in life. My father had shared many struggling stories that made me [wanna] struggle in life, not giving up no matter what, and not stop doing whatever I am doing. I thought of my parents and my future a lot.

 

So I would say to people that they have to talk to their parents everyday, especially if you are abroad, because they get worried about you as twice as you do about yourself. Finally, and fortunately, I came up with an idea of reading books, watching motivational videos. That helped me a lot to think positive in life. So I think now, I am a grown up man who knows many things about life. I do not give up in anything.

 

Jeffrey:                  It’s great to hear that you’re going strong.

 

[End Transcript]

Xian Yan’s Best Life

Xian Yan’s Best Life

by Pamela Robinson, January 2019

From China to San Francisco, how does a positive mindset inspire Xian Yan to attain her best life?

“Chengdu is the capital of southwestern China’s Sichuan province. Chengdu history dates back to at least the 4th century B.C., when it served as capital for the Shu Kingdom. Artifacts from that dynasty are the focus of the Jinsha Site Museum. The city is also home of the famous Chengdu Research Base of Giant Panda Breeding, a conservation center where visitors can view endangered giant pandas and a natural habitat” (experitour.com).

This is a story about an amazing, inspirational 45-year-old woman named Xian Yan, born and raised in Chengdu, China. When she was a young girl, she lived in a house with her parents and two siblings. One memory she recalls as a young child is the time when her family was having hardships, as life in rural China then differed from that of urban China. “In the latest two decades, Rural Tourism (RT) has speedily developed and become an important concept of tourism in China. However, there remains little understanding in the western world about RT for its special role in China’s rural socio- economic regeneration” (Su 1438). Baoren Su, a research student affiliated with Zhejiang Gong Shan University, believes that “Nong jia le” tourism developed vigorously, at a good pace.

“As an distinctively Chinese version of rural tourism “Nong jia le” tourism, among with other forms of RT such as folk custom tourism, leisure farm tourism, and rural ecotourism, has been developed not only as a new style of holiday making among Chinese urban residents, but also as a new form of privately owned small enterprise among millions of Chinese farmers” (Su 1439).

Although Yan’s family lived in China when it was poor, “the government generously gave [Yan’s] family means to generate money through farming,” which helped make a big difference. When her family’s farming business started in the 1980s, she worked on the farm. Yan and her siblings had a lot of work to do around the house so they didn’t play with other kids in their hometown. Yan went to school at a time when education in China was excellent, better than it is now. She worked hard on the farm and afterwards went to school; however, her parents just needed to pay $1 for her to go to school. “When my mom died my siblings and I had to help with the housework, especially the cooking, help with the feeding of the animals like the pigs, chickens, and goose; although it was hard work it was a lot of fun,” Yan reminisces. While the uncertainty about life’s experiences sometimes influenced Yan’s mindset and her tendency to absorb negative energy, the positive effects of a happy farm home allowed Xian Yan to have a happy childhood. Yan can attain her best life by maintaining a positive mindset, surrounding herself with positive role models, connecting with positive people, and being mindful of her rights.

Can Xian Yan’s determination and will to survive alter her inner drive to achieve her goals? Yan viewed her parents as role models who always initiated their values and morals of hard work to inspire her at a young age and emphasized how school is highly recommended by everyone in Chengdu, China. Penelope Lockwood, Vice Dean, Academic Planning and Strategic Initiatives, at University of Toronto, wrote a study about motivation by positive or negative role models. Lockwood states:

“Positive role models, individuals who have achieved outstanding success, are widely expected to inspire others to pursue similar excellence. Accordingly, the accomplishments of star athletes, musicians, and award-winning scientists are often showcased in an attempt to enhance people’s goals and aspirations. People also seem to be motivated by negative role models, individuals who have experienced misfortune. Indeed, positive role models can inspire one by illustrating an idea, desired self, highlighting possible achievement that one can strive for, and demonstrating the route for achieving them; however negative role models can inspire one by illustrating a feared, to- be- avoided self, pointing to positive future disasters, and highlight mistakes that must be avoided so as to prevent them” (Lockwood 854).

While living in China, Yan was raised by two parents driven by integrity and a strong sense of self worth; however, is there a possibility for Yen to grow to her fullest potential through positive intervention and hard work?

Life is good for Xian Yan in Chengdu, China. She was married for about five to seven years and then got divorced. Afterwards, she worked hard to become a teacher in her hometown and owned an apartment and a store. In China, the internet became popular so she went online and met a man. The man she talked to was from the United States and “[she] would talk on the internet each day for more than 5 or 6 hours a day for eight months.” By getting to know him online, Yan felt they had the same will to survive. They felt the same way about each other, and shared the same feelings. Yan felt they were “very compatible.” All the positive conversations lead him to decide to go to Chengdu and marry Yan. Later, they decided to come to the United States to apply for Yan’s visa (a travel document issued by the traveler’s country of citizen). The Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR), adopted on December 10, 1948 by the UN General Assembly, is “the foundation of freedom, justice, and peace in the world.” The UDHR’s second article states, “Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status. Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of international status of the country or territory to which a person belongs.” Xian Yan’s life is good right now and positive thoughts about her husband inspire her hopes and dreams of building a new happy life here in the U.S.

Robert S. Chang, a second-generation Korean-American part of the Faculty Scholarship at Seattle University School of Law Digital Commons, announces an:

“Asian American Movement in the legal academy and an opportunity to reverse the pattern of discrimination against Asian-Americans. Traditional civil rights work in current critical race scholarship fail to address the unique issues for Asian Americans, including nativistic racism and the model minority myth. Space must be made in the legal academy for an Asian American Legal Scholarship and the narratives of Asian Americans. It is through solidarity that Asian Americans will gain the freedom to express their diversity” (1243).

“The Model Majority Myth: This history of discrimination and violence, as well as the contemporary problems of Asian Americans, are obscured by the portrayal of Asian Americans as a “model minority.”

Asian Americans are often portrayed as “hard-working, intelligent, and successful,” but the dominant culture’s belief in the “model minority” allows it to justify ignoring the unique discrimination faced by Asian Americans. The portrayal of Asian Americans as successful permits the general public, government officials, and the judiciary to ignore or marginalize the contemporary need of Asian Americans” (1258).

“An early articulation of the model minority theme appeared in U.S. News & World Report in 1966: In any Chinatown from San Francisco to New York, you discover youngsters at grips with their studies. Visit ‘Chinatown USA,’ and you find an important racial minority pulling itself up from hardship and discrimination to become a model of self- respect and achievement in today’s America” (1259).

Despite the language barrier that Xian Yan will have to overcome and learn, her positive thoughts and interactions with her English-speaking husband are going to help her to attain her best life.

Positive role models are mostly what Xian Yan is receptive to but perhaps a negative interaction will give some insight into one’s decision to achieve success in this new land. Yan finally arrived in San Francisco, with her daughter and husband and someone asked, “Is San Francisco everything you thought it would be?” Yan replied, “In San Francisco it is quiet and the people are very nice here too and China it is very noisy. San Francisco is like the whole world, all the rich people are here, and they say hello and also there’s a lot of Chinese people that are here too. In S.F. there’s a lot of diverse foods, diverse people, and you can eat different foods here too.” Adjusting to life here is much easier for Yan. Life is very easy going and it helps that her husband treats her family well. Yan knew there were going to be changes in the culture, the language, and school. English is a hard to language to learn to speak, but Yan learned to speak some English when she was in middle school in Chengdu. Yan was always good in school so her schoolwork ethics helped her to adjust to life here in S.F. Yan’s husband “doesn’t speak Chinese that well, but he speaks English,” and practices with her every day. As a result, Yan enrolled at City College of San Francisco to study reading and writing. Yan thought that her documentation of being a teacher in Chengdu would help her achieve a higher teacher credential in the United States but she found out it was just a piece of white paper not applicable to use in the U.S. Somehow, this negative response motivated her even more and as Yan’s English improved tremendously she knew, however, that if it wasn’t for “her determination and drive that lives inside of her,” the probability of Yan achieving her goal would have been small. Yan is living her best life with her daughter, Shi Shi; son, Jordan; and her husband. She speaks and teaches Mandarin to some students in S.F. and enjoys teaching very much. Yan always says:

“Teaching is my job, it is like the only job for my whole life, I love it! I really love it!” While the Chengdu Chinese culture can somewhat disappear in San Francisco it is an essential part of Yan’s life moving forward as a teacher to her children. Min Zhou, is a Professor of Sociology and inaugural Chair of the Department of Asian American Studies at the University of California, Los Angeles. Zhou’s main areas of research are on immigration, education, Asian America, etc. Min Zhou states that, “Chinese schools become an important physical site where formerly unrelated immigrants come to socialize and rebuild social ties” (17). Yan wasn’t sure how to adjust to the cultural change in life in San Francisco; however, Yan’s mother-in-law helped her remember some of the cultural aspects she had forgotten about her upbringing as elder Chinese women are more familiar and practice the culture more often than younger Chinese women. Yan has a child named Jordan and she teaches him the Chinese way, meaning the Chinese children need to respect their parents and grandparents and need to follow the order. In Yan’s Chinese culture, the teachers are treated like parents and Yan teaches her son the same things about how teachers and parents are on the same level. Even though Yan is more in tune with the American culture because she has other Chinese friends that have adjusted to the American way of doing things, Yan continues to grow in her new life.

Xian Yan has a beautiful outlook on life and says that “People are all different, like every color of the rainbow are different, like the textures of wood colors are different.” Yan’s outlook on life is so powerful as it connects with positive people, which makes her exceptionally different. Xian Yan celebrating her strength and resilience helped her to overcome her life struggles.

Work Cited


Chang, Robert S., Toward an Asian American Legal Scholarship: Critical Race Theory, Post Structuralism, and Narrative Space, 81 Calif. L. Rev. 1241 (1993). 16 Dec. 2018. https://digitalcommons.law.seattleu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1411&context=facult

Lockwood, Penelope. “ Motivation by Positive or Negative Role Models: Regulatory Focus Determines Who Will Best Inspire Us.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (2002): Vol 83, No. 4, 854 – 864. 12 Dec 2018.

Su, Baoren. “Rural Tourism in China.” 2010 Elsevier Ltd.

UN General Assembly Universal Declaration of Human Rights, 10 Dec 1948. 16 Dec 2018.

“Welcome to Chengdu.” Experitour. www.experitour.com. 1 Jan 2019.

Xian, Yan. Personal Interview.

Zhou, Min. Community Forces, Social Capital, and Educational Achievement: The Case of a Supplementary Education in the Chinese and Korean Immigrant Communities. Harvard Educational Review, April

2006.https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Min_Zhou3/publication/44836550_Community_Forc es_Social_Capital_and_Educational_Achievement_The_Case_of_Supplementary_Educatio

 

Meet Happiness

picture -Tina

Meet Happiness

by Tingting Xu, June 2018

The sea reaches out its longings, and eventually meets the sky on the horizon. If dream walks far enough, it would probably meet happiness in the end.—Angela Chang, from one of her  popular Chinese songs

America has often been viewed as the land of opportunity. Hundreds of thousands of people around the world come to the United States and try to seek their fortunes. How can they eventually climb the ladder of success or happiness? To them, time is like a piece of land. A dream is like a seed, waiting for someone to come plant it. Dalu was one of those people who came to America and tried to pursue his own dream here. His dream was simple, making more money and owning a fancy car, a Rolls-Royce, which he saw as a symbol of success. However, while the dream was beautiful, the reality was cruel. While he first arrived in the United States in 1986, he felt disappointed because he faced many challenges like being undocumented in the U.S., working for low wages in restaurants, and struggling with the language barrier. I first met him in September 2016, when I moved into a new house that was bigger than my previous one, in order to prepare for the birth of my child. Thus, he became my new neighbor. When I think back on him, I remember he always wore worn work clothes and a pair of sneakers stained with paint. He was a tall figure with slightly curved shoulder, who seemed to be full of stories. His face was covered with wrinkles, but I could still see that he had probably been a handsome man when he was young. Although Dalu always believed that success (for himself) meant owning a fancy car or having wealth that could be envied by others, he had an epiphany when he suffered from a brain disease that almost took his life; this made him see life as fragile, so he started to focus on the essence of life through reading the Bible and now hopes to create more long-term meaningful achievements by doing volunteer work at his church and spending his holidays traveling with his family.

Dalu was born 1963 in XianZu Town near Chongqing. He said, “My hometown was surrounded by mountains and had picturesque scenery. It was very beautiful, clean, and was surrounded by nature.” He had an elder sister and brother. He was the youngest child. Although Dalu’s family was not rich and his parents planted vegetables and fruit for survival, he had a happy childhood because he could stay with his parents when they were working in the mountains. Dalu said, “They [his parents] had little chance to receive education, so I knew knowledge was important because my mother always told me that you needed to study hard; otherwise you would end up like us [poor].” According to “Education And Poverty, Relationship and Concerns. A Case For Kenya,” a journal article by Maiyo K. Julius, who is a professor at Masinde Muliro University of Science and Technology, “Education is widely accepted as the main exit route from poverty. It is the backbone of growth and development of individuals and the nation” (73). Although pockets of poverty also exist in developed countries, this poverty caused by lacking education is more common in developing countries, particularly in rural areas. Dalu didn’t want to repeat his parents’ lives, so he studied hard and eventually graduated with honors and was assigned to a famous factory in Chongqing province as a manager in 1982. He then worked at this factory for almost four years. One day, his director found him and asked him if he would like to go the United States to work because there was a job vacancy there. He immediately agreed because it was America, a dream country that was represented by his dream car (Rolls-Royce). One day in 1986, Dalu took an airplane, departed from Shenzhen, passed over Hong Kong and Japan, and finally landed at the San Francisco International Airport alone. However, while the dream was beautiful, reality was tough. His job was to install and repair generators for hospitals and other buildings. He faced the challenge of working on the night shift because these machines were usually off at night. This dangerous work (repairing generators) with a poor schedule caused Dalu to feel stressed and tired.

He felt stuck because he desired to move back home due to homesickness and his soon-to-be- expiring visa, but the news that his friends had been sent to jail during the special period of economic restructuring in China made him feel scared to return home. Instead, he decided to stay in the U.S. After the Cultural Revolution, a sociopolitical movement in China from 1966 until 1976 which was launched by Mao Zedong, public ownership dominated. All machines, technology, and factories were owned by the government. The government controlled everything. With the passage of time, public ownership was dismantled. Private ownership became dominant around 1990. Many workers were laid off and a lot of factories dissolved. The workers took some equipment and materials from the factories and sold it off, in an attempt to make up for the low government wages. Some leaders who had real power had taken away a large amount of equipment, technology, and skilled employees early, and set up their own companies. Some of these leaders were among the first generation that was able to become rich at that time. However, these people were very rare and extremely lucky. Most of the people who had power or took equipment were punished by the government and went to jail. During this period, the political situation was turbulent. The government began frantically suppressing intellectuals in order to maintain order and eliminating groups who might be a threat to the government’s interests. His friends were involved in these cases and were imprisoned in China. Back in the U.S., Dalu had been working in San Francisco for nearly a year. The factory that had sent him to America had disintegrated due to these events in China. Due to his homesickness, he was willing to return to home, but when he called his mother in China, his mother strongly advised him not to by saying, “Dalu, do not come back anytime soon; it’s too risky. Everything is crazy; Jie and Hong [Dalu’s friends] were captured [sent to jail]. So just stay there [in the U.S.] and come back later.” Dalu not only felt conflicted because he was scared to go back, but also felt nervous due to his visa expiring soon, which forced him to face the challenge of being an undocumented immigrant in the U.S. However, he never regretted his choice to stay in the U.S. He said, “I was lucky because I stayed here [in the U.S.]. If I went back [to China] at that period, I would have been captured [got through in jail].”

Dalu felt disappointed and overwhelmed because of the fact that he could only find lower wage jobs in restaurants due to the language barrier and documentation issues in the U.S., which directly contradicted the belief that he had previously held that he could find a better job and salary here. He had left his previous workplace because he was worried that the immigration office would find him due to the expired visa. In order to survive, he went to a restaurant called Wang Ji, working as a handyman six days a week. The wage was $500 a month, $4.5 per hour. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR), passed by the United Nations General Assembly in 1948, upholds the idea that equal rights apply to all people. The Declaration states, “Everyone, without any discrimination, has the right to equal pay for equal work” (Article 23.2). It is clear that $4.5 per hour paying is a violation of his human right to “equal pay for equal work,” given that the minimum wage was $8 per hour. His jobs were to carry things, clean the toilets, wipe glass, cut vegetables, and wash dishes. The restaurant’s working hours were from 9am to 10pm. He had no better option because there would be no income if he didn’t work, and he had to pay his rent. In fact, a large number of newcomers still work at jobs that didn’t utilize their full skill set mainly because of the language barrier. Bolei Liu is a Master’s student in the Department of Sociology at Columbia University. His research interests lie in economic sociology, labor market, and immigration studies. In the article “Getting a Job in Flushing: A Qualitative Study on Chinese Immigrants’ Job-Finding and Job Transitions in an Ethnic Enclave,” Liu listed an example: “Such a guy who has no English proficiency, no legal status, no citizenship, you have no rights to choose your job. Somehow, it is the job that chooses [sic] you” (126). He also pointed out that for any worker, “education is the most significant human capital predictor of earnings and labor market success,” and “specific skills are an important indicator of high-paying jobs” (127). Some researchers also consider that “education to be of great importance for the success in the labor markets “ (127 qtd in Pérez and Muñoz). Therefore, wages are usually influenced by education, English language ability, and U.S. job experience. On the other hand, legal status does not have a much significant influence on the wages of low-income immigrants. Dalu also felt loneliness and helplessness because of his cruel reality. Although he saw plenty of opportunities in the U.S., there were still many uncertainties in his heart due to his documentation issue and the poor income. However, he had no better choice but choosing a way to work excessively to distract from his homesickness and unhappiness.

While he felt loneliness and lacked a sense of belonging in America, one of his coworkers at the restaurant helped him overcome this tough time by bringing him to a church where he could learn English, and it was there that he met his wife. One of his coworkers, Tim, realized his unhappiness. In order to reduce his loneliness and nostalgia, Tim brought him to church. Since then, Dalu felt that he had a new life. He went to church almost every week. He said, “I went to church because I wanted to learn English there.” His English level had some improvement after weeks of regular study. Moreover, through studying and understanding of the Bible, he became aware of the importance of God and gradually came to believe in God’s existence. He said, “I used to believe in Buddhism when I was in China. The idea of Buddhism does nothing, but free people from desire. On the other hand, what Christ advocates are to do good things, to give, to help and extend a hand to more people to enable them to escape from evil.” Therefore, he gradually changed his mind and became a convert to Christianity. In addition, he met his wife in church and they married in 1988. He was able to gain a green card quickly because his wife was a citizen. They had their first baby in 1990, and then another one in 1994. His life became more difficult because of his two sons. He also felt stressed and stuck because he wanted to learn more useful knowledge (English and other work-related skills), but he didn’t have enough time because he had to work to support his family due to their poor economic situation.

After starting a family, Dalu shouldered the responsibility of supporting their lives; he started work like a maniac. Although the manic work, which had exceptionally long hours, could improve the quality of his family’s lives, he ignored that what his children needed most was a warm, emotionally engaged and a supportive father, not just money. He chose to go to a construction company because he thought that his skills related to installing hydropower could come in handy there. Through a friend’s introduction, Dalu entered into a construction company and began to work in wall painting, “because I thought wall painting was the easiest to learn.” At that time, he could earn 40 dollars a day. Then he did woodworking, plumbing, and all kinds of construction work. One year later, when he had completely mastered all the decoration techniques, he left the decoration company and started his own business. In 1991, someone introduced him to a project. “My first business was to help people paint the exterior of their houses. I was both the boss and the worker. I got up early, took the bus, and went to the employer’s home. Every day I worked until dark, sometimes even midnight. It was hard to describe the tiredness I felt, but I also was very excited because in ten day’s work I could earn $1,200 which was several times what I made at the restaurant,” he said. In the article “Gendered Processes of Adaptation: Understanding Parent-Child Relations in Chinese Immigrant Families,” by Desirée B. Qin, who is an Associate Professor at Harvard University, she studies the mental health of high achieving Asian American students and the cultural differences in parenting including “tiger mothers.” Dr. Qin proved that work stress and adaptation difficulties had a “significant impact on the parents’ relationship with their children,” and “children were also likely to be directly influenced by the bad tempers of unhappy or stressed-out parents, particularly fathers” (467). So the physical and psychological absence of a father (Dalu) in his sons’ lives might have led to his sons’ unhappiness. These children needed Dalu’s guidance and support as they navigated their way in a completely new cultural environment. Moreover, in order to make more money, he usually worked until midnight for the next whole year. He learned English on the weekend because he planned to take the license. “I took the exam twice and finally got my license,” he said. He added, “those years were my most glorious period [he earned a lot of money and gained the license].” After a few years hard work, he bought a car (even though it was not his dream Rolls-Royce), and took out a loan to purchase a house. It seemed like his dream had become a reality. However, as a father, Dalu, should have accompanied his sons while they grow up happily and guide their development, but due to his absence in his sons’ lives, the relationship between him and his sons became weaker. Moreover, the high-intensity work and stress posed a danger to his health.

Dalu not only had to adjust to a new cultural, linguistic, social and economic system, but he also had to overcome some unexpected obstacles like health issues, which might have been caused by his previously stressful life experiences. His first major incident occurred at about 6 o’clock one morning in 1998. He still clearly remembers the sudden head pain, which triggered vomiting. His wife was extremely scared and unable to deal with this situation. His neighbor was exercising in the yard. The neighbor, seeing his poor condition, immediately called 911. Soon, Dalu was admitted to the hospital. After first-aid measures, he was out of danger. The doctor had detected that he had a congenital vascular malformation (in his forebrain) and must be operated immediately. “When I woke up after about 14-hour surgery, I saw a doctor smiling at me. I knew that I was saved,” he said. In the next ten days of hospitalization, he often stood by the bedside and watched out the window, the people walking around, the vehicles shuttling, the trees rustling. “I felt as if they did not have any relationship with me. It seemed that I stayed in another world,” Dalu recalled. In the journal article “Health Disparities Among Immigrant and Non-immigrant Elders: The Association of Acculturation and Education,” by Terry Y. Lum, a Professor at The University of Hong Kong, he investigated the association of immigrant status among older people with their physical and mental health outcomes, health services utilization, and health insurance coverage. Lum concludes that “As immigrants, they are likely to have experienced various levels of stress throughout their lives. An accumulation of stressful life experiences may lead to poor physical and mental health” (743). Immigrating was a stressful life event for Dalu; it began when he left his native country (China) to move to the United States. When Dalu arrived in the U.S., he had to face a lifetime of adjustment and acculturation and deal with the large amount of stress that came with it.

After Dalu’s illness, he began to focus on issues of the spirit; he finally realized that hard work could create more income, but could not guarantee the sense of well-being because all things (including a person’s life) are fragile and impermanent. After the surgery, he almost lost his ability to move. “I took a small step, and another small step, moving like a zombie,” he said as he stood up and imitated his old unnatural waking patterns. “It was too hard at that time. I couldn’t sleep at night because my wound wasn’t completely healed. I was just staring at the ceiling and felt extremely sad because of thinking about my children and wife,” he recalled. He thought that if he could not recover his lost mobility, it would mean that he would lose the ability to work. “Seeing two poor children (his sons), inspired me to force myself to walk every day. Walk slowly for one street today, then walk one more street the day after tomorrow,” he said. For his family’s future, he was motivated to continue to practice walking every day. Although the physical inconvenience would occasionally make him depressed and upset, he never gave up because of the responsibility as a father he shouldered. After two months, he finally gained the ability to move freely. He felt excited and seemed to be reborn because he knew that he had overcome the obstacle that the disease had brought him. When he stayed at home, he would read the Bible. He suddenly awakened when he saw this verse “For the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal” (Corinthians 4:18). Dalu started to understand that life and happiness were more important than wealth and success (for himself). Joele Kim writes in his article “Living in God’s Grace: 8 Weeks in Romans 12-15” that “Paul is urging believers not to imitate the patterns and priorities of their current [temporary] society, but to embrace the renewal and transformation of God’s eternal kingdom. As recipients of God’s mercy, they are to change how they live” (54). Kim also asks, “What steps can you take to reset your mind to focus on eternal things?” He answers this by listing: “First, Paul instructs his readers to pursue a love that’s sincere. The concept of love permeates all of Romans. God shows his love for us by sending his Son to die (5:5), and he promises that nothing can separate us from his love (8:35, 39)” (54). (Kim totally listened eight steps in his article; here I just chose the first step). Actually, after his illness, he changed the way he lived. He learned to love his sons like God loves us. He also realized that money was not the most important. He said, “At that time, I thought that if I died, I would have no chance to stay with my family. How could they (his wife and sons) survive if I died?” He started to give true love for his family, and spent more time being together with his sons, bringing them to church, traveling on holidays, picking them up and dropping them off at school. He also believed that God could give him the courage to face any challenge from life. Through his continuous prayers and efforts, his health condition became better and better. Now he lives happily with his family, and sees America as his home.

While Min Dalu originally tried to pursue wealth and a career, he realized that money and wealth were not the most important things after he experienced a deadly brain disease; the words of God made him start to focus on how to love others, such as helping people in need and spending more time with his family. Some would argue that success can provide people with enough material resources and improve their confidence. On the other hand, many people have epiphanies after they have suffered from major illness. These illnesses can help people realize that material and wealth can easily depart. The words of God further prove that only spirit and inner joy are eternal. Success is a goal that if not achieved means the absence of happiness; true happiness is an inner peace that cannot be taken away. Thank God, Dalu understands the truth and eventually meets happiness.

Works Cited

Julius, Maiyo K; Bawane, Jyoti. “Education And Poverty, Relationship and Concerns. A Case For Kenya.” Problems of Education in the 21st Century. 2011, Vol. 32, p72-85.14p. 9 Charts, 1 Graph.

Kim, Joele. “Living in God’ s Grace: 8 Weeks in Romans 12-15.” Bible Study Magazine. Sep/Oct2017, Vol. 9 Issue 6, p53-56. 4p.

Liu, Bolei. “Getting a Job in Flushing: A Qualitative Study on Chinese Immigrants’ Job-Finding and Job Transitions in an Ethnic Enclave.” Qualitative Sociology Review, Apr2017, Vol. 13, Issue 2, p122-145. 24p.

Lum, TY; Vanderaa, JP. “Health Disparities Among Immigrant and Non-immigrant Elders: The Association of Acculturation and Education.” Journal of Immigrant & Minority Health, Oct2010; 12(5): 743-753. 11p.

Qin, Desirée. “Gendered Processes of Adaptation: Understanding Parent–Child Relations in Chinese Immigrant Families.” Sex Roles. Apr2009, Vol. 60 Issue 7-8, p467-481. 15p.

“Universal Declaration of Human Rights.” News Center. UN, n.d. Web. 07 Sept. 2016.

 

Sample Transcript

Interviewer:Author myself (I)

Interviewee: My neighbor Dalu (D)

Interview Setting: March 21, 2018 at 7:30 pm

I: First, eh, Are you ready?

D: Just ask. Ai~

 

I: Can you tell me your name, your age, and where were you born?

D: Name? (laugh) I was born in 1963. My hometown was Dazu town, it was a mountain city near Chongqing.

I: What was it like?

D: It was very beautiful, clean, and nature. My hometown was surrounded by mountains and had picturesque scenery.

I: What is your unforgettable memory of your childhood, can you describe it?

D: Unforgettable memory, woo~ that’s so long ago. Let me think…Oh, there were quite a few air-raid shelters in the mountains near my home. I often played inside with my classmates after school. About 1940, the construction of air-raid shelters were built. They were formally completed in the mid-1950s. We called them “Maodong” (bomb shelters). At that time, I often ventured with a group of children. Everyone drilled into an abandoned cave. It also naturally brought us a sense of mystery, a feeling of adventure and a little bit of criminality. We were so excited when we run across these air-shelters. It was really dark, we felt that we explored in another world.

I: Can you tell something about your parents? And what were your parents like?

D: My parents? Ai~ They were not easy. My parents worked so hard for raising us, they had little chance to study (receive an education). My family was poor. My parents plant vegetables and fruit for sale and earn money. This was the only way to support my family. But I still felt happy. I had a lot of time to stay together with them (my parents) when they were working. When I grow up, I often helped them [work] in the field.

I: What were the happiest moments of your childhood?

D: It should be the “Spring Festival” (Chinese New Year). We were really poor in the past, we really looked forward to the “new year”. So we can eat a lot of food we couldn’t eat in normal times.

I: What are your best memories of your school?

D: School? The school was a just simple single-story house in the town. The playground was made of stone and clay. When we run on it, there was a lot of dust flying, very dirty. The clothes and shoes were full of dust.

I: Do you have any siblings?

D: I had~. I had an elder sister and brother, and I was the youngest one (child).

I: Can you tell me something about them?

D: They? Just ok. I have already not seen them for a long time. They were all in China now. I rarely go back China. You know, Em, it was not easy, go back (China), then return (to the U.S.). If I went back, just stayed for a month.

I: How long have you come to the U.S.?

D: It has been 33 years since I came to the United States. In 1986, I departed from Shenzhen, passed through Hong Kong and Japan, and finally reached San Francisco. A lot of people envied me at that time because they knew that people who came to the United States were very capable. People who could come to the U.S. was very rare. Finally, people who could stay in the United States were even less.

I: Why did you come to the United States?

D: This was a complex topic. Hard to say. This would be related to some political issues. You knew, Em, this process was not easy. I came to San Francisco in 1986. My job was to install generators for factories and hospitals. I did not use a computer, and there were few people who could use computers, at that time. But I knew the people who worked in the generator companies. “They had drawings [of the generators]” he said. So I tried to ask them to print out drawings for me. When I came across repairing problems, I would ask them for help and slowly I became familiar with them. After that, they printed out all the relevant drawings of the generator for me. I saw them very clearly and learned how to install them. I was happy to see each size of the screw and the specific location of the installation. I had worked in the factory for almost 1 year. I hoped to go back to home. But I am bad luck, or shouldn’t say bad luck. It was right after the Cultural Revolution (I came to the U.S, all machines, technology, and factories were controlled (owned) by the government. At this time public ownership was dismantled. Later, private ownership (become dominant around 1991. Many workers were laid off and a lot of factories closed. Some people took away the equipment, technology, and skilled people (employees) and set up their own companies. Those people were first group (very rare) who become rich at that time. These people were very lucky. When I prepared to return to the home. I called my mother. My mother told me, that “Da, do not come back recently, too risky. All (everything was) crazy, your friends [Jie and Hong] was captured [into jail]. So just stay there [in the U.S.] and back later. I am lucky because I stay here [in the U.S.]. If I go back [China] at that period, I must have been captured [sent to jail]”.

I: Can you talk about something about the church?

D: Church? I went to church [mainly] in order to learn English. My English was poor when I just arrived here (the U.S.). One of my friends brought him to church. Then when I had time I would go to church. I used to believe in Buddhism when I was in China. The idea of Buddhism is doing nothing, just let people free themselves (desire). Differently, what Christ advocates are to do good things, to give, to help more people escape from evil. So I started to accept Christianity.

I: I remembered you told me you have worked in restaurants, what did you do there?

D: first job was working as a handyman, six days a week. I did whatever I could do, from carrying things, cleaning the toilets, wiping the glass, cutting vegetables, or washing dishes. You know, I was no paper because my visa was expired. I was also scared to return to China, so I only could do this (very low wage job) in order to survive.

I: How much can you earn? And how many hours do you work?

D: I could earn about $500 a month, almost 5 dollars per hour. I worked from 9 am to 10 pm. The restaurant served lunch and dinner.

I: How did you meet your wife?

D: I met her in church, she was a Christian.

I: Was she a citizen or (had) a green card?

D: She was a citizen.

I: When did you married and had your first child?

D: Em, I married in 1989. I had my first baby in 1991, then another one in 1994. It was too difficult after having two young children. I wanted to learn more knowledge (English and skills), but I had no enough time because I had to work, otherwise, there would be no income.

I: Why did you choose to do decoration housework?

D: Because I was familiar with this aspect. I started to work on the wall painting because I think wall painting is the easiest to learn. At that time, I could earn 40 dollars a day. Then I learned to do woodworking, plumbing, and all construction work. I left the decoration company and did myself (made his own business). My first business is to help people paint the exterior of the house in 1991, I remembered. I was both a boss and a worker. I got up early, took the bus, and went to the employer’s home. I remembered that I always worked until dark, sometimes even midnight. It was hard to describe that tiredness, but I earned $1,200 which was several times of a restaurant paying. I still learned English on the weekend because I wanted to take the license, it was important to me. When I took the exam, I also hired an interpreter to help. I took the exam twice and finally got my license.

I: You said that you almost died. What happened to you?

D: It was about 6 o’clock, very early, I remembered that was (happened) in 1998. I clearly remembered that a sudden head pain occurred, then I began vomiting. My wife felt was scared and didn’t know what to do at that time. My neighbor exercised in the yard. He immediately called 911. Soon, I was admitted to the hospital. I was out of danger after first-aid measures. A doctor told me that I had a congenital vascular malformation (in my forebrain) and must be operated immediately. Otherwise, he I would have danger. After about 14 hours’ surgery, I waked up and saw a doctor smiled at me. I know [that] I was saved. When I was in hospitalization, I often stood by the bedside and watched out the window. I saw the people walking around, the vehicles shuttling, the trees rustling. I feel as if they do not have any relationship with me. It seems that I stay in another world.

I: What did you think when this happened to you? I mean did you scare or upset?

D: Scared! After the surgery, I almost lost the ability to move. I took a small step, a small step, moving like a zombie (as he stood up and walked to imitate the way unnaturally). It is too hard at that time. I can not sleep at night because the surgical wound of the brain wasn’t completely healed (painful). I am just staring at the ceiling and feel extremely sad because of thinking about my children and wife. I thought that if I could not recover or lost my mobility. It meant a disaster for me because it also meant that I would lose the ability to work. Seeing these poor children (his sons), so I force myself to walk every day. Walk slowly for one street today, then walk one more street the day after tomorrow. For his family’s future, he fulfilled with motivation and continued to practice walking every day. For two months, I basically could have moved freely. Like I saw a hope. Thank God, I was recovered.

Missing Childhoods

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Missing Childhoods: Immigrant Minors Have No Access to Protection

of Their Human Rights

by Zhen Chen

June, 2018

Peter Orner, author of Underground America, talks about a series of human rights abuses through the narratives of undocumented immigrants. In these stories, most narrators had to face discrimination and exploitation and were treated unfairly by people in positions of power. Readers will be shocked to find out that not only adults but also minors are enduring social injustice. Although the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which was adopted by the United Nation in 1948, proclaims fundamental rights for all human beings, human rights abuses have continued to exist for decades. The U.D.H.R. states “All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights” (Article 1). However, at this very moment, a large group of people, even minors, has to face multiple abuses of their innate and inalienable human rights in different countries such as China, Mexico, and the US. Because of political and economic reasons, such as political unrest, discriminatory policies, and poverty, many people, including minors, are forced to flee from their countries of origin and illegally enter the U.S., and these undocumented children have to face unfair and even inhumane treatment both in their home countries and in the U.S, which violates their human rights.

The second child of Mr. Lai, a narrator of a story in Underground America, was threatened to be killed by the local Chinese government because Mr. Lai didn’t obey the one-child policy, which discriminated against unborn babies’ right to live and was enforced by inhumane treatment— forced abortion. Mr. Lai, a typical parent living in a rural area in southeastern China, loved kids, hoped to have more children, and was too frightened to lose his second unborn baby; thus, he and his wife hid in their sister’s house until the baby was born. Based on the policy, their second pregnancy was deemed “illegal,” and so their house was destroyed by the local officials as a punishment, making Mr. Lai even more determined to leave China. His wife was eventually forced to have a hysterectomy; otherwise, she would have faced imprisonment. With great disappointment, Mr. Lai sad, “I just had no faith in China” (Orner 36). The enforcement of the one-child policy, which abused their most basic human right, took away uncountable unborn babies’ lives. Even though some babies survived, their parents had to pay penalties or let them live without legal status for many years. The U.D.H.R. declares that “Everyone has the right to life” (Article 3). However, without birth registration, unborn babies were not allowed to be born in China. No matter the Chinese government’s explanation of how important the policy is to economic and social development, it cannot be denied that the harsh policy violates the right to life, and forced abortions and sterilizations are inhumane. From 2015 to 2016, the policy started to be dismantled, but pregnancies still must follow certain laws. The Chinese government, which tends to be autocratic because of the single-party communist political structure, through its supreme power, has commanded its people, such as Mr. Lai, to strictly comply with the family planning laws. Mr. Lai’s case demonstrates that the implementation of one child policy in China forced him to kill his second child by forced abortion, and the discriminatory policy most certainly abused the child’s human right to life.

In another instance, Roberto, coming from Mexico, had to drop out of his elementary school and work under terrible working conditions because of poverty; attracted by better working opportunities, he became an undocumented immigrant in the U.S. and still experienced exploitation in the workforce solely due to his legal status. In Mexico, Roberto first fled to Mexico City from a small ranch because his family was poor and his father always beat him badly. At age ten, he dropped out of school and got his first job, which was still very vivid in his memory because it was so dangerous, although he felt independent. He worked “on a plank of wood, lassos around our waists…eight stories up” (Orner 58). His employer was not concerned about his safety. Eventually, Roberto escaped to the U.S. for a better life and worked very hard to support himself and his mother still living in Mexico. During the time he worked as a farmer in the fields in the U.S., he watched undocumented children that were under ten years old working in the sun for a whole day. He said, “You see it, and it makes you want to cry” (Orner 63). After leaving the farm, he found an easy job in a tortilla factory in San Jose, California, but was paid only $4.50 an hour, which was less than the minimum wage. According to the U.D.H.R, “Everyone has the right to education…at least in the elementary and fundamental stages” (Article 26). Due to economic and political reasons, some children have to give up on education, or even worse, have to endure unsafe working conditions, long working hours, and unequal pay. The U.D.H.R states that “Everyone has the right to security”( Article 3); “Everyone has the right to rest…reasonable limitation of working hours” (Article 24). Roberto, like many other immigrant minors, was forced to give up on his right to education, leave his native country, and experience exploitation because his family had no financial ability to support him based on the economic situation in Mexico. Moreover, as an undocumented immigrant in the U.S., his “illegal status,” ruled by the immigration laws, made him vulnerable to exploitation and discrimination by his employers in the U.S. Roberto’s case shows that both economic and political inequality lead to abuses of his human right to education and exploitation from his boss.  

Because of the unstable political situation in Guatemala, Eduardo, Orner’s asylum-seeking client, was tortured inhumanly by a paramilitary officer for over a decade, and his traumatic experience violated his human rights to be treated humanely. Due to the fact that Eduardo was tortured from when he was five years old until he was seventeen, Orner considered this case strong enough to convince the judge. Nevertheless, the judge still ruled against Eduardo. Orner thought the judge might have seen too many similar cases in one day, and that it negatively impacted the judgment. This case reflects other children in Guatemala who also suffer violent assaults. Another book, which was written by Lauren Markham, called The Far Away Brothers, shows readers that not only boys but also girls face sexual assaults when they escape from Central America. Markham points out that “In 2010, Six out of ten migrant girls were sexually assaulted en route to the U.S- other estimates are even higher” (159). When these migrants arrived in the U.S., some still experienced sexual abuses at detention centers. “In 2014, Houston Chronicle investigated 101 reports of sexual misconduct…the alleged sexual abuse was often accompanied by threats…” (Markham 85). These boys and girls are innocent and don’t deserve to experience physical or sexual abuse. They might believe that escaping to the U.S. is the best choice for them because the U.S. is known as a country that protects human rights. The U.D.H.R. states that “No one should be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment” (Article 4). Therefore, the physical assault that Eduardo suffered, and the sexual abuses that some undocumented girls experience, both violate basic human rights and are caused by complex international politics, such as the civil war in Guatemala, and the detention system in the U.S..

Desperate political and economic situations cause forced migration, but living in the U.S. without legal status, many undocumented minors are forced to be separated from their families, which violates their human rights to family. Roberto’s description of his forced migration is heart- breaking: “Sometimes I talk to myself. Sometimes I cry by myself. Sometimes I scream by myself. Who am I? I’m nobody” (Orner 74). Even though the U.D.H.R. states that “The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the state” (Article 26.3), many undocumented immigrants are not allowed by the laws to reunite with their close relatives in the U.S. because they are living without legal documents. From all these cases that I explain previously, readers can feel each narrator’s pain of separation, and it seems to be so difficult for them to connect with their family members based on the harsh immigration laws in the U.S. Moreover, a lot of undocumented minors don’t have legal ways to protect their human rights to reunite with their families if the discriminatory laws keep ignoring their human rights.

Due to socio-structural change, including social and political institutions, many children who escape from abusive situations in their homelands and flee to the U.S. have to face different abuses of their human rights, involving the right to life and security, the right to education, etc. While many might think each example of child abuse is a singular violent action, various cases show us that socio-structural change, which is composed of politics and economies, is likely to result in multiple human rights abuses to children. Others might argue these children choose to give up on education by themselves. However, they drop out of school due to the desperate economic situations. Although all human beings are born with human rights regardless of nationalities, some children are confronted with human rights violations because they lack access to resources. Social and political inequality cause them to suffer human rights abuses. Furthermore, both economies and politics contribute to forced migration, and many undocumented minors are legally excluded from human rights and treated unfairly by discriminatory immigration laws in the U.S.

Works Cited

Markham, Lauren. The Far Away Brothers: Two Young Migrants and the Making of an American Life. Crown, 2017.

Orner, Peter. Underground America: Narratives of Undocumented Lives. Verso, 2017.

“Universal Declaration of Human Rights.” United Nations. http://www.un.org/en/universal-declaration-human-rights/

Third Generation

mezcala

Third Generation

by Oscar Picazo

June, 2018

The foundation of the United States of America has always involved immigrants as a component of the country. Throughout the history of this nation, the privileged have always used immigrants as the labor for our output. The outcome of this method has always been more profit for the owners of companies. Therefore, the exploitation of immigrants as cheap labor has created the infrastructure of America. It worsened when companies began to place their factories in third world countries because they would have to pay higher wages if they were in America. In the book They Take Our Jobs!, Aviva Chomsky discusses some of the hidden truths of our economy and deconstructs some of the myths regarding immigrants. One example she talks about regarding the exploitation of labor is: “Products can be produced cheaply when business expenses-things like wages, benefits, taxes, infrastructure costs, and the cost of complying with health, safety, and environmental regulations are low” (Chomsky 13). I believe that the most considerable reason for the success of this country has been through the hard labor of immigrants. My grandparents are a part of that category of hard working immigrants. “America is a diverse country built through many decades of hard work by generations of immigrants like my grandparents and likely yours” (Vallorani). My grandfather, Baudelio Picazo, has always been a hard worker his entire life. I wanted to hear his life story, so I interviewed him for thirty minutes to understand his struggles and triumphs in his life as an immigrant, and his becoming a legal citizen in America. He comes from a small town in Jalisco, Mexico called Mezcala de los Romero. In my interview, a common theme that transpired resembled what many call the “American Dream.” My grandfather envisioned his American dream in Mexico and his journey to America as a better life for his future family, altered it when he got deported numerous times and during his life in America, and achieved his American dream when he began to live here with a secure income.

In Mexico, my grandfather envisioned his American dream as a better opportunity to work and make more money. In my interview with my grandfather, I asked him, “What did you expect before entering America?” He replied, “Another life, more work, more money.” He wanted to make money and live comfortably. His expectations were meager, but eventually they grew as his simple expectations were met. Immigrants come to America from different countries around the world to have better job opportunities and wages to provide for their families more feasibly. There is no true definition for the “American dream.” Everyone has his or her own interpretation of this concept, whether it is money, happiness, or freedom. According to the academic journal article “The American Dream as the Cultural Expression of North American Identity,” James Truslow Adams gives his definition and interpretation of the American dream:

“The American dream cannot be interpreted as a myth in the traditional sense of the word, but as a metaphor of translation of the diasporic subject from an old cultural space to a new cultural space. This metaphorical translation can be considered at the individual’s level (the immigrant) or, in a larger sense, at the collective level, as a sort of translatio imperii, that is the succession of power or the shift of meaning from Europe to America, the modification of the old European values and their distillation in order to found a new (perfectible) society, the American one” (Adams).

This shows that Adams’ interpretation of the “American dream” is adjusting to a new region with different protocols in hope for a better accommodating society than the previous community they resided in. My grandfather had a simple life in Mexico. He had always worked hard, but in Mexico it was a struggle to earn money to support a family. He did not want to start his family in Mexico because he did not want his children to experience what he had to go through. I asked him, “What was your favorite thing to do in Mexico?” He responded, “Go to school, take milk from cows, and buy corn to make tortillas.” He lived on a ranch and it would have been his responsibility to take care of the land after his father. Therefore, at the age of seventeen, he started his journey to  America.

During my grandfather’s travels to America, he achieved a part of his American dream when he crossed the border and started his new life in a different country, hoping for freedom. I asked my grandfather, “How was your experience on your journey to America?” He responded, “Good. I was very young.” I followed up with, “Was it hard to enter? Any problems when you arrived?” He said, “Yes. I needed to cross the line. It was easier back then.” I asked my grandfather, “Were you scared before entering if anything would go wrong?” He said, “I am never scared.” He is a fearless warrior and nothing will stop him from doing anything that people say he cannot do. There are many dangers that come with the risk of crossing the United States border. In an academic journal article entitled “United States–Mexico Border Crossing: Experiences and Risk Perceptions of Undocumented Male Immigrants,” it discusses those dangers that are involved in border crossing. “Little is known, however, about the ways in which undocumented immigrants actually receive information regarding the risks of crossing the border, how such information impacts their preparation for crossing or how the journey itself effects their motivation to cross again in the future” (DeLuca). His exposure to the dry desert did not stop my grandfather from crossing the border five times. Although he had seen the danger of his decision through experience, he risked his life every time he tried to enter America because he had not accomplished his American dream. The opportunities of employment were all over California and on his mind. I asked him, “What did you do when you came to America?” He said, “I went to San Francisco.” His first place he lived was on 17th and Folsom, in the Mission District. Therefore, he started his life in San Francisco and searched for a job to start his pathway to his American dream. The dream started when he arrived to America by crossing the border because he had a better fortune for freedom.

My grandfather’s “American dream” altered when he started his life in the United States because he was deported back to Mexico multiple times. These setbacks made him more ambitious and made him yearn more to be successful. I asked my grandfather, “What was the hardest thing when you came here?” He replied, “The hardest thing was to not come across the police. When I was 23 I got married to Raquel, my wife, and got papers.” He had to constantly worry about encountering immigration police and regular police to avoid deportation and this created a sense of permanent anxiety. From when he was eighteen until he was twenty-three, he got deported five times. I asked him, “Did you ever encounter the immigration police here?” He said, “Yeah, a couple times. They told me to leave but I didn’t, and they sent me back to Mexico.” The first time they stopped him was in Chinatown and he got deported back to Mexico. He was in a cell for ten days with over two hundred people that were about to get deported. They were all sent to Mexico on a bus. So I asked him, “After that, you returned right away?” He replied, “About one month after I came back.” This shows that my grandfather does not give up and did not get discouraged from pursuing his American dream. My grandfather got a job at the garbage company in South San Francisco at the age of eighteen. He was nineteen when he got deported for the first time. I did not understand how that worked, but he still worked for the garbage company when he returned from the multiple times he got deported. My grandfather never did anything illegal, except come here as an undocumented worker. The academic journal article “Strange passages: carceral mobility and the liminal in the catastrophic history of American deportation” talks about the history of deportation. “For migrants who somehow fell afoul of the law, deportation was a terrifying ritual journey that would spatially and legally dismantle their claims to belonging” (Blue). This shows that if one does something illegally when one is an immigrant, it will increase his or her chance of deportation and the feeling of not belonging in this country. My grandfather got deported for not having a document that states he is a citizen when he only wanted a better life for himself and his future family.

His American dream was altered by his wanting to simply work as a garbage man and to not get deported for doing nothing wrong. My grandfather achieved his American dream in his life in America when he retired from the garbage company, had his family, and finally lived in peace. He was twenty-seven years old when he bought his first house with my grandmother. In the academic journal article “Buying into the American Dream? Mexican Immigrants, Legal Status, and Homeownership in Los Angeles County,” the authors talk about owning property as a step closer to the American dream. For example, “Homeownership represents far more than legal possession of a residence. Indeed, owning one’s home is a key component of achievement toward the ‘‘American Dream’’ in the United States. It symbolizes autonomy, achievement, and national pride…” (McConnell). This shows that my grandfather achieved his dream by purchasing his own property and feeling like he was a part of the country by having his name on something. Baudelio worked over thirty years at his job and now he is retired and truly living the American dream. He spends more time with his family, gets to travel, and watch sports whenever he wants. He got everything he wanted when he would think about it on his ranch in Mexico. His bare minimum expectations were met, and his American dream grew as his goals were met. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, “Physiological needs for survival (to stay alive and reproduce) and security (to feel safe) are the most fundamental and most pressing needs. They are followed by social needs (for love and belonging) and self-esteem needs (to feel worthy, respected, and have status). The final and highest level needs are self-actualization needs (self-fulfillment and achievement). Its underlying theme is that human beings are ‘wanting’ beings: as they satisfy one need the next emerges on its own and demands satisfaction…” (BusinessDictionary). This shows that once our basic needs are met, individuals desire more to attain their satisfaction as much as they can afford to. My grandfather achieved his “American dream” in America when he lived comfortably in his own house, worked a great job over thirty years, and provided for his family. The present day struggles of immigrants are tougher than what they used to be. Donald Trump has made it tougher to live here as an undocumented immigrant and even tougher to get into the country. To get a visa to live in America, there is a program that runs like a lottery system. According to the academic journal article “The American Dream Roulette,” “The program grants 50,000 green cards annually and started in 1990 as a way of increasing representation of citizens of countries that do not send many people to America” (Radu). That is not enough green cards granted for the number of people that want to enter the United States. Donald Trump also wants to remove DACA, which would deport any student that has been in America since a child. In addition, Trump issued a travel ban for people of certain countries. It is unfair and unconstitutional to ban the people of a whole country from entering the United States. The times have changed: it is more difficult to come to America, and everything is more expensive here, so it is difficult to have a low wage job and support a family, along with paying bills. My grandfather came a long way from Mexico to San Francisco. He did not give up when he got deported five times and continued to pursue his American dream. He envisioned the dream in Mexico, altered it when he got deported, and achieved his dream when he crossed the border and got his basic needs fulfilled. His goals grew as he got more money and maintained to live comfortably. One might say that everyone has a dream and has that want to be met. However, it is up to the individual to achieve those dreams no matter the circumstance they are facing. Most people that wish to come to America have an American dream some day, and hope to achieve and expand their dream like my grandfather did. Every individual’s dream may vary, but it is almost always something simple and attainable.

Works Cited

Vallorani, Brandon. Immigration And The American Dream. Forbes Books, 30 Jan. 2018, forbesbooks.com/immigration-american-dream/.

Chomsky, Aviva. “They Take Our Jobs!” And 20 Other Myths About Immigration. Beacon Press, 2007. Print. Blue, Ethan. “Strange Passages: Carceral Mobility and the Liminal in the Catastrophic History of American Deportation.” National Identities, vol. 17, no. 2, 2015, pp. 175–194., doi:10.1080/14608944.2015.1019208.

DeLuca, Lawrence A. “United States–Mexico Border Crossing: Experiences and Risk Perceptions of Undocumented Male Immigrants.” Springer Link, Springer, Dordrecht, 22 May. 2018, link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs10903-008-9197-4.

Radu, Sintia. “The American Dream Roulette.” U.S News The Report, 22 May. 2018, eds.a.ebscohost.com/eds/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=0&sid=ec4575b8-e8f8-4650-aa97-b5 94b1f18424%40sessionmgr4006.

Mcconnell, Eileen Diaz, and Enrico A. Marcelli. “Buying into the American Dream? Mexican Immigrants, Legal Status, and Homeownership in Los Angeles County.” Social Science Quarterly, vol. 88, no. 1, 2007, pp. 199–221., doi:10.1111/j.1540-6237.2007.00454.x.

Stiuliuc, Diana. “The American Dream as the Cultural Expression of North American Identity.” 22 May. 2018, eds.a.ebscohost.com/eds/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?vid=2&sid=0b765e6a-b212-46ee-8e35-81 df3c0378d6%40sessionmgr4010.

“How Has This Term Impacted Your Life?” BusinessDictionary.com, http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/Maslow-s-hierarchy-of-needs.html.

Sample Transcripts

Why did you come to America from Mexico?

BP: For a better life for his kids and his grandchildren, his family

How was your experience on your journey to America?

BP: Good, I was very young.

Was it hard to enter?

BP: Yes, I needed to cross the line.

Were there any problems when you arrived?

BP: It was easier back then.

What did you do when you came to America?

BP: I went to San Francisco.

Where did you live when you arrived?

BP: 17th and Folsom

What is different in Mexico when you go back?

BP: No problems over here or back in Mexico, everything is the same.

What do you like more, Mexico or United States?

BP: Both places I like.

What do you consider your home?

BP: San Francisco

What did you expect before entering America?

BP: Another life, more work, more money.

Were you scared before entering if anything would go wrong?

BP: I am never scared.

How was your life in Mexico?

BP: Very good, I was young. I was 17 years old when I came here. I liked it, but I like it here more because it is more convenient.

What was your first job here?

BP: In the garbage, I worked as a garbage man.

Did you have family here before coming here?

BP: No. Everyone else in my family came here after I arrived.

What was the hardest thing when you came here?

BP: The hardest thing was to not come across the police. When I was 23 I got married from Raquel, my wife and got papers.

Did you ever encounter the migration police here?

BP: Yea, a couple times. They told me to leave but I didn’t, and they sent me back to Mexico.

How old were you when you came back?

BP: 19

How old were you when you started working as a garbage man?

BP: 18. I was working at the garbage at the time the police sent me back.

What happened when you came back? They still let you work?

BP: Yes.

How old were you when you bought your first house?

BP: I was 27.

Were you with Raquel when you entered America?

BP: No. I met her here and when we got married I got my green card.

What do you like about America?

BP: Everything.

How did the police know you were an immigrant?

BP: Because they asked for my name and an ID, I did not have.

Where was it when they stopped you?

BP: Here, in Chinatown.

How long were you in jail?

BP: 10 days.

After that they sent you back?

BP: Yes, in a bus.

After that, you returned right away?

BP: About one month after I came back.

Where did you live in Mexico?

BP: Mezcala, Jalisco

Any advice for anyone entering?

BP: No it is hard.

How many time did you encounter la migra?

About 5 times

Did they do anything bad to you?

BP: No, just sent me back. Spent about 5 nights in jail.

When did you meet my grandma?

I met her in mezcala, and I seen her out here and asked her to be my girlfriend.

How long were you guys together before you got married?

BP: about 4 years

What were your goals upon coming here?

BP: make money to live comfortable.

How much did they pay when you entered the garbage?

BP: 6 dollars

And how much did they pay you when you left?

BP: 35 or 39 dollars

What was your favorite thing to do in Mexico?

BP: go to school, take milk from cows, and buy corn to make tortillas

What was your favorite thing to do here besides working?

Play soccer.

How old were you when you stopped?

BP: I stopped playing when I was 18

Your favorite sports?

BP: soccer and baseball

What position were you in soccer?

Defense

Did you play goalie?

BP: No, I did not like it.

What was your favorite thing to eat in Mexico?

BP: Anything I could eat. It isn’t like over here where you have many options. But my favorite I guess was rice, tortillas, and meat when I could eat it.

Any memories that you will always remember?

BP: On the ranch, riding the horse and the donkeys, milking cows. I still like to be on the ranch and ride when I go to Mexico.

Did you have cars in Mexico?

BP: No, donkeys and horses.

How old were you when you got your first car?

BP: Like 18

What car was it?

BP: Chevrolet Impala 59

WHat happened to the car?

BP: I sold it and got another one.

What is your favorite car?
BP: Honda and toyota

What is your dream car?

BP: Honda

WHat did you do in jail?

BP: nothing, just wait for them to take me. But mostly sleep.

How many people were with you in the cell?

BP: It was a big room with about 200 people.

Did they feed you everyday?

BP: Yes.

What was it?

It was beans, eggs, and bread.

What were you thinking when you were in jail?

BP: Nothing, that just how life goes. I know I didnt do anything wrong, Im here illegally and the migra got me for not having papers.

So you got sent back 5 times?

BP: Yes.

Man, Papa, nothing stops you.

BP: No, nothing.

 

 

The Ups and Downs of Kat’s American Dream

Danbi Photo

The Ups and Downs of Kat’s American Dream

By Danbi Kim, June, 2018

While immigrants flood into the United States with many fantasies, their expectations often conflict with the reality. Since I began working at City College of San Francisco, I have met a lot of friends who are immigrants to the United States. Kat, a Vietnamese who has recently arrived, is always busy working two part-time jobs as well as studying as a full-time student. Although she is always busy, she is optimistic and smiles all the time. Therefore, when I was assigned an oral history project, I wondered what her story was about how she ended up living in San Francisco. She was willing to share her story. In the article “Immigration and Integration in Post-Industrial Societies,” Naomi Carmon discusses changes in immigration flows and their impact on the receiving countries. Carmon notices that “the majority of immigrants to the United States are seeking ample opportunities, better jobs, economic advances, and upward mobility for themselves and their children when they decide to move to the United States” (13). As with other immigrants, Kat has dreamed of coming to the United States to achieve her American dream, receiving a great education at a renowned university, launching a professional career, and supporting her family financially. Although Kat came alone to the United States at a young age, full of excitement for the American Dream, her forced return to Vietnam due to her family’s financial difficulties lead her to have fear and uncertainty when she later immigrates back to America with her family; however, because she believes that living in the U.S. is the best opportunity for herself as well as her family, she has an even more optimistic on fulfilling her dreams than before.

Kat was born in Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam in 1997. With her uncle’s sponsorship, her family files for a family visa to the United States in 2003. When she is fifteen years old, Kat decides to study the 10th grade in the U.S. Kat studies at a private school as an international student for a year. She has a wonderful experience when she is at school. However, due to the costly tuition of a private school and family issues, she is forced to go back to Vietnam even though she does not want to. After she returns to Vietnam, she focuses on her life in Vietnam. In 2015, as the family visa is finally approved, her family decides to come to the United States and she has to follow her family to the U.S. in 2016. As she stays in America, she makes her future plans and currently looks forward to the future.

As Kat’s family files for a family visa to the United States in 2003 with her uncle’s sponsorship, they have a strong desire for the American dream in their minds. Many Vietnamese refugees have migrated to the United States escaping the Vietnam War and the fear of the communism since 1980. In the article “Vietnamese Americans,” Do Hien Duc explains the pattern of Vietnamese refugees arriving to the United States. Do mentions that a large number of Vietnamese refugees have come to the United States since 1975 to seek for asylum, and the U.S. government has enacted several policies that help refugees, such as a family reunification program. Because a lot of Vietnamese settle down in the United States, the majority of the Vietnamese who live in the home country, like Kat and her family, have fantasies of living in the U.S. Kat said, “If you ask any Vietnamese, they will say going to the United States of America is a wonderful choice. I mean, in the U.S. you have a better environment, work, and pay.” Like other Vietnamese people, her parents believe that immigrating to The United States is a better opportunity for Kat and Kat’s sister. As Kat has grown up, she has always dreamed of coming to America for better life. From when her family filed for the family-based immigrant visa to when she came, Kat prepared to come to the United States. For instance, she had a private English tutor and watched a lot of American dramas to learn about the U.S. culture. As she became familiar with English and the American culture, she felt excited that her dream was getting close. Like most Vietnamese, Kat and her family always kept their American dream deeply in their minds.

Although Kat’s American dream seems to be right on track, she is forced to go back to Vietnam due to her family issues, which breaks her American dream. Because her aunt convinces Kat’s mother to let Kat study in the U.S, Kat’s mother thinks it is a good opportunity for her future, so Kat decides to study for 10th grade at a private high school in Sacramento. Kat recalls her high school experience in Sacramento by saying that “there were no problems in my school. School was actually fine. Most of [the students there] are international students, so we were on the same page. It was easy to make friends, and I hung out with a lot of Vietnamese friends.” Because she has prepared for coming to the United States with her family visa, her English is not a problem in assimilating into a new culture. As she enjoys studying in the U.S., she feels that her American dream, getting a great education, starting a career, and supporting family, is getting closer. In the article “International students’ reported English fluency, social support satisfaction, and social connectedness as predictors of acculturative stress,” Christine J. Yeh studies what factors cause international students acculturative stress. Yeh mentions that “research investigations on international student populations have reported a variety of mental health and personal concerns including language barriers, financial difficulties, racial/ethnic discrimination, loss of social support, alienation, and homesickness” (16). After she hears that her parents no longer support her expensive tuition, ten thousand dollars a year, it causes her to suffer a tremendous stress level. She sorrowfully remembers this period as “a mental and emotional break time.” She cries every night at the kitchen because she doesn’t want to face the fact that she has to go back to Vietnam. She tries to find various ways to stay in the U.S., but the only way is to be an undocumented student. However, she is so scared of being an “illegal” immigrant and worries about having a dark future. Eventually, she is asked to come back to Vietnam due to her family’s financial difficulties as well as her relationship issues with her aunt, her guardian in the United States on the behalf of her parents. Before she came to the U.S, she had plans for her future, but now she needs to go back without accomplishing anything. The first experience of staying in the U.S. has shrunk her high expectations of the American dreams.

Although she worries about her return to Vietnam, her life regains a sense of normality, as she feels safe and comfortable with her family; as a result, her strong desire for the American dream fades away. Before she returns, she is very afraid of what other people think about her return. Kat says, “When I go to America, a lot of people know, right? It’s kind of embarrassing to go back. Like a lot of questions happened. ‘Why did you come back?’ So it was a very hard for me.” Once she is back to Vietnam, just like she had been concerned about, her friends wonder why she had to come back just after one year of staying in America. She feels uncomfortable and a lot of questions boost her stress level. Moreover, since she left for America right after she graduated middle school, she now not only has to take the high school entry exam, but also needs to study with friends who are one year younger than her. On the first day of school in Vietnam, she says, “Somehow people knew about the fact that I was back from the United States. I didn’t tell anyone.” For the first couple of months, a lot of attention is drawn to her; however, unlike her anxiety, the majority of them are so impressed that she stayed in the United States and no one is disrespectful to her. As time goes by, she is so busy focusing on her high school life in Vietnam that her American dream in her mind is gradually erased.

Her previous experience makes her hesitate to come to the United States a second time when her family visa is approved in 2015; while she needs to come with her family, it is with less eagerness than the first time. In the article “Homeostasis, stress, trauma, and adaptation: A neurodevelopmental view of childhood trauma,” Bruce D. Perry explains how traumatic childhood events influence the brain. Dr. Perry deduces that “use-dependent internalization of elements of the traumatic experience can result in the persistence of fear-related neurophysiologic patterns affecting emotional, behavioral, cognitive, and social functioning” (33). Because her emotional breakdown experience shapes her memory, she feels worried as her bad memories overlap in her mind. Therefore, when she hears that her family visa is approved, she says, “If anybody asked me that question that do you want to go to the U.S., I would say I don’t want to go. That is 100% of my answer. I do not want to go.” She re-thinks the American Dream and she does not want to experience the solitary relationship problems with her cousin’s family, and a lot of financial difficulties. However, the whole family immigrates to the United States for the second time, so she feels less pressure and fear of doing it all by herself. Still, she is under a huge pressure, but at the same time, as she follows her parents, she has a little excitement that this time will be better than before and she will have a better future and a new life in front of her.

When Kat finally settles down in downtown San Francisco, she feels a little bit disappointed about the new circumstances; however, she is more eager to have a plan for her future again. Kat remembers her home in Vietnam: “We lived in spacious house. And when we come to America, like, we live in downtown San Francisco. It is like a very, very, tiny apartment. I share a bed with my sister in the closet. My parents and my uncle, all live in a small room.” Although different circumstances make her frustrated, they actually awaken her eagerness for the American dream. She clearly knows how much her parents sacrifice for her to come to the United States. Also, it is the starting point of her family’s American life; she believes that as long as she sticks her neck out, her American dream will be accomplished. She starts finding jobs to lessen her parents’ burdens, like paying rent, etc. She finds a job at City College of San Francisco as a student worker; this is helpful for her to manage her study and work at the same time. However, due to her financial aid, the hours that she is able to work at school are restricted. Therefore, she needs to find other jobs off campus. After she completes a lot of interview processes, she finally gets a job at UNIQLO for 16 hours per week. Although having two part-time jobs and maintaining good grades at school makes her overwhelmed, she is still positive because she believes that success is proportional to her efforts and pain.

As Kat’s passion and desire for the American dream is even stronger than before, she feels like she is getting closer to achieving her aspirations, becoming an ESL teacher. In the book They Take Our Jobs!: And 20 Other Myths about Immigration, Aviva Chomsky introduces 20 misconceptions about immigration. In the chapter “Today Immigrants are not learning English and Bilingual education just adds to the problems,” Chomsky points out that immigrants are eager to learn English by showing the reader the “jam-packed” ESL classes. Unlike the common misconception that immigrants don’t want to learn English, Kat’s parents enroll in an ESL course at City College of San Francisco and study every night in order to make an effort to assimilate into the U.S. culture. Because she knows that learning English is hard for their ages, she wants to help immigrants who are in the same situation as her and her parents. Kat currently volunteers at Project Shine, a service-learning program for immigrants and elderly students at City College of San Francisco. “I want to teach English for immigrants like my parents. So, they can adapt to American life because without English they can’t do much. I actually haven’t decided my major yet, but I am thinking about linguistics now” (Kat). As she volunteers, her hope gets bigger and firmer. “I have a mixed feeling that it is not like I don’t want to go back as much as I want to before.” No immigrant wants to go back to his of her hometown without accomplishing anything. Kat also may want to go back to Vietnam after she succeeds in her education and goals. This is the way that she can tell her friends and her remaining family members in Vietnam that she has fulfilled her dreams with much effort. So far, she has been living in America for two years. She is gradually approaching her future goal and moving forward with her stronger desire.

Although she came to the United States full of potential opportunities, the experience of her forced migration back to Vietnam due to her family’s problems made her less excited to have a second chance of the American Dream; she is overwhelmed by her workload and life in the U.S. but looks forward to seeing her bright future. Since many immigrants consider the United States as the land of freedom and opportunities, millions of people from all over the world are willing to seek their “American dream.”

Works Cited

Aviva Chomsky “They Take Our Jobs!”: And 20 Other Myths about Immigration. Beacon Press, 2007 – Social Science – 236 pages

“Interview with Kat.” Personal interview. 19 April 2018.

Carmon, Naomi, ed. 1996. Immigration and Integration in Post-Industrial Societies. New York:   St. Martin’s Press.

Do, Hien Duc. “Vietnamese Americans.” Encyclopedia of American Studies, edited by Simon Bronner, Johns Hopkins University Press, 1st edition, 2018. Credo Reference.

Perry, B. D., & Pollard, R. (1998). Homeostasis, stress, trauma, and adaptation: A neurodevelopmental view of childhood trauma. Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 7(1), 33-51.

YEH, CHRISTINE J., INOSE, MAYUKO. “International students’ reported English fluency, social support satisfaction, and social connectedness as predictors of acculturative stress.” Counselling Psychology Quarterly. 2016, Vol. 29 Issue 3, p15-28. 14p. 2 Charts.

 

Sample Transcripts

Me : Introduce yourself?

Kat: My name is Kat. I’m 20 years old. I’m currently a student at City college of San Francisco. My major is an education. My family and I came to the USA on March 11 2017. I’ve been to the US for 13 months now. I came with my mom, dad and my uncle.

Me: How could you decide to come here?

Kat: Actually I didn’t decide to come. It was um…It just because my parents already get sponsorship with uncle. We filed the paperwork 12 years ago. When it finally came, we didn’t want to miss the opportunity. So we just come here

Me: What do you think it is a good opportunity to come to USA?

Kat: If you ask any Vietnamese, they will say going to the USA is a wonderful choice. I mean in the U.S., you have a better environment, better work and better pay. And better education, too. So, one main reason my parents want to come here is for my education. Um.. They want me to have to study in the best environment. Out there. After that, I can get a good job and I can have a good life. So, it is more like my parents sacrifice for me. That way I think it is a good opportunity to come to the USA.

Me : do you think it is better choice to come here?

Kat: My impression of America wasn’t good before I came here. I came to the U.S when I was 15. I studied 10th grade as an international student in the U.S for a year. And that was a kind of dark time.

Me: Why it was a dark time?

Kat: At that time, it was my first time of America. And I was so excited. Because as a kid, I always tell everyone that I want to go to America to study. I was so excited, but then ..I mean when I came, I went to a private school, and the tuition was very expensive. When I first came, I went to a private school. So there was a lot of international students. The school is very small, it is only 60 students. And like ten students are international vietnamese students. So I hung out with a lot of my vietnamese people. There were other international students too. There are 40 international students, so we were basically on the same pages. So it was really easy to make friends and hang out with them. There was no problem at school, just I have a family issue.

Me: Where was the location? In California?

Kat: Yes. It was in Sacramento, California. The tuition is like 11 thousand dollars a year. My parents thought they could afford it. But then it terms out it kinds of bad. A lot of family issues happened. That’s why I had to go back to Vietnam. So during that time, it was a very emotional..dark time for me.

Me: did you come here alone at first time?

Kat: Actually, my parents came with me at that time. They were for traveling. For me, it was just for school. They stayed for 4 months with me. And they go back to Vietnam and I just stayed here. Actually, I stayed with my uncle family though. I wasn’t like that bad. I wasn’t alone. But still, I just remember that at nights I just went the kitchen and cried whole night. Because I felt very lonely. I had to face the reality of going back to Vietnam and staying in America.

Me: So at that time you don’t want to go back to Vietnam? Do you want to stay in America?

Kat: No. I don’t want to go back. Like the reason why I don’t want to go back is because when I go to America, a lot of people know right? It’s kind of embarrassing to go back. Like a lot of questions happened. Why did you come back? So it was a very hard for me. Then, I also have to face that what if I want to stay in America? Like if I stay in America, I don’t want to pay expensive tuition. I have to do it with illegal ways. I asked myself ‘Do I want to do that?’ But I was 15 years old. I was too scared like if I stay here, it is going to be illegal. I’m sure that I will have a really dark future. So that way I just have an emotional and mental break time at that time. So I decided to come back.

Me: language barriers?

Kat: My English was pretty good. I was able to study and communicate pretty well. Both me and my sister study English at very young age. Not only because we know that we will go to the U.S., but English is also an international language. So I actually study.. I actually have a private tutor who come to my house to teach English when I was like in 3rd grade. I had it until 5th grade. I also study English in middle and high school. But I didn’t learn a lot at school. But I actually learn a lot by listening to music and watching movies.

Me: Challenge living in the U.S?

Kat: In Vietnam, we lived in spacious house. And when we come to America, like we live in downtown San Francisco, it is like a very tiny apartment. I share a bed with my sister in the closet. My parents and my uncle, all live in a small room. I mean the life is definitely the opposite to life in Vietnam. But I mean I don’t really mind about it. If we live in a small space, that means we are gonna no such things of privacy but it’s kind of connecting family. That is how I try to make it positive. And in Vietnam, I didn’t have to work even though I was old enough to have a permit to work. But If I were in Vietnam, my parents would allow me to work anyway. In Vietnam, a lot of student do not have to work because their parents support them financially. Here in America, what amazed me is that everyone is really independent. They have to have part-time jobs and have to pay for rent and pay for their own things. So for me, right now I have two jobs, a student worker at office at CCSF and also worked at Uniqlo 24 hours a week as a part-time job to help paying for rent and for my own living expenses.

Me: Do you feel overwhelmed working 2 different part time jobs and studying as a full-time student?

Kat: When those days I work and when those week when I work is 22-34 hours, I definitely feel overwhelmed. Um.. I don’t have time to study and I always feel tired the whole time. But I want to cut down my hours so I can finish school. Because my parents always remind me that school is the most important things that I should focus on. And I always can make money later.

Me: feeling when you heard that your visa was processing that you were waiting for 15 years?

Kat: Right after I finish my high school, I know that my paperwork is almost done. So, I didn’t go to the University in Vietnam because I know that I am not going to study in Vietnam and I just have a whole gap in Vietnam. For the feelings, that was a mixed feeling. I kind of want to go but I don’t want to go because of my bad experience before. Actually, if anybody asked me that question that do you want to go to the U.S, I would say I don’t want to go. That is a 100% of my answer. I do not want to go.

Me: But this time, a whole of your family is moving to the U.S. But you still feel that way even though you don’t have to stay alone?

Kat: This time is better because whole family but actually my uncle he doesn’t want to go. This time my dad, mom, my uncle, and me came together. Four people. My sister came first. She came here as an international student in 2011. And then she got married. And she got a permanent resident in 2013. She was already here.

Me: any discriminations?

Kat: I actually have not experienced any racism and discrimination yet. A serious one yet. Because there are Vietnamese communities and a lot of Asian Americans in San Francisco. So I think my situation is alright, pretty good. And then like sometimes, I really feel like isolated and it’s kind of small in a group of non-Asian people. Like at school and work.. When I just walk down on the street, it is more myself that I kind of just feel less confident. Not necessary that people make me feel bad. It is just like me, it’s more likely me.

Me: things to miss the most in Vietnam?

Kat: the things that I miss the most is that my grandparents in Vietnam. My family there. Because my grandparents are old, so I want to go back and just spend the last year of their lives with them. Also, the food too. I don’t think the food here is as good as in Vietnam. Also, my friends. I cannot wait to go back and hang out with them.

Me: future goal? Your major?

Kat: I want to be a ESL teacher. Teach English for immigrants like my parents. So, they can adapt to American life because without English they can’t do much. There are education programs for children, but that is not what I want. For ESL teacher, you have to get a bachelor’s degree first. Any bachelor’s degree is fine. Then you need to get Master degree and get the teaching credential for ESL. For right now, I actually haven’t decided my major yet. It could be anything. I am thinking about linguistics now.

Me: Do you want to go back to Vietnam? Work in America?

Kat: That is what I have in mind too when I decide to my goal. Um.. If I am going to teach English, I can do it in both in America and Vietnam. But for me right now, I have a mixed feeling like It is not like I don’t want to go back as much as I want to before. But like if I go back, I don’t mind. If I live here, it is okay too.

Me: about your hometown?

Kat: I was grown up in Ho Chi Minh City in Vietnam. It is in south and it is the most modern and energetic city. It is a big city. My life was so good. I would say I had a very comfortable life in a spacious house. Like I have everything that I need there. I have money to go out with my friends over the weekend. I got a tutor for English class. It was a good life.

Me: How do your parents adapt to American culture. Unlike you they haven’t studied English at a young age. They were speaking fluently when they came to the USA?

Kat: Before coming to the USA, my dad actually took some English classes. He was a level 5. He was proud of himself. But because he learned it in Vietnam, he was taught by Vietnamese teachers, so they didn’t focus on speaking part a lot. His speaking skill wasn’t very good. I can barely understand what American people say now. When he came to the U.S., he couldn’t speak in English. Right now, my parents are taking ESL classes in city college. They are in level 2 now. They kind of have graphs about English now. They learn English every day.

Me: How was feeling when you land in SFO?

Kat: First thing was like air was so fresh. Back in Vietnam, air was polluted and so humid. Air was the best thing. I was kind of rough back memories for me because it is my second time I want to US. At the same time, I was so excited too. I’m going to have a whole new life here. My sister and my family came to greet us, so I was so emotional to me.

Me: Any hobbies?

Kat: I really like singing and playing piano. In Vietnam, I always sing and play piano but then now we are living in an apartment in San Francisco, it is so small that I can’t play anymore.

My Dad’s American Dream

Nancy Mach Photo Montage

My Dad’s American Dream

by Nancy Mach, June 2018

The American Dream, what is it? Everyone has different ideas of it, but my dad has a very special one. To some people, as stated by scholar Ryan Kasser, “Pursuing material wealth is sometimes viewed as empty or shallow and as precluding investment in one’s family and friends, self-actualization and contributions to society.” Everyone’s idea of an American Dream is different. My dad has a very unique one that is not an American tradition. To the ordinary American, in general, “Financial success has long been a core component of the American Dream, and many of the values modeled and encouraged by modern society suggest that success and happiness depend on procuring monetary wealth” (Derber). As you read along, you will find the true purpose to life itself.

My dad’s story started out in Vietnam when his dream was simply safety and peace because it was dangerous there, giving him no choice but to leave. My dad is a big advocate for peace; he never stands up to anybody. My father’s home is America, which is more peaceful than Vietnam. My father, Donald Mach, was born in Vietnam and he is a remarkable man. He is a generous peacemaker. My dad is warm, thoughtful and devoted, the patriarch of the family. He very much takes good care of mom and me. In school, my dad loved to study math. He always got good grades. Vietnam, to him, was absolutely fascinating but there was a lot of turmoil. In Vietnam, there were a lot of robberies. People had to go to the army and never knew when they were going to die. Vietnam was going to be in war and was becoming communistic. There was a lot of anarchy. The United States of America was calm. America was much better than Vietnam in this way. The respect of human rights here is better. He recalls, “Escaping from death and war and communism, America is freedom for me.” My father’s identity is here in America. He’s already an American citizen. It’s fine here in the U.S., he says; even though his housing condition and lifestyle is in disarray, there are opportunities here in America that Vietnam does not have.

My dad’s first goal was to make it to the US and be free from Communism and war: that shaped his American Dream at that time. My father’s fantasy was to have a better life and come to the US for a better chance of landing a job and to send me to college. “I like it here better, because it’s easier to find a job here.” Almost every immigrant I’ve met would say that they came to America for a new life and a new beginning. America is a stepping-stone to start and to having a better chance for prosperity and success. “Americans have long been aware of our special circumstance. We think of America as a refuge for every human being who has ever dreamed of a better life and been willing to risk his or her own to come here and start over” (Rifkin 1). In the beginning, my dad wanted to search for the promise land, hoping that would get him to the American Dream, to get away from the tumult. He traveled to America by boat through the Pacific Ocean. There were no jobs available because of the Vietnam War. He was in the army while there was Communism. My dad stayed in the Philippines for half a year. It was really hard to survive in Vietnam. “It is better here in the US…more freedom.” He wanted me to do well in school, thrive, go to UC Berkeley, and live the better life that he couldn’t have in Vietnam. He was a refugee so he pressured me to achieve well in school. He doesn’t know much about American laws and traditions. Nor does he comprehend how to achieve the American Dream. All he knows is how to work hard and go to school. But later he finds that it’s what’s inside that counts because one can graduate from UC Berkeley but it doesn’t mean one’s life will automatically be prosperous and abundant. That’s how he sees his American Dream: to have an auspicious, safe and abundant life.

Even though my dad regrets choosing to live in the Tenderloin, which contains many drug addicts, homeless, filth, and poverty, and is the poorest neighborhood in San Francisco, his biggest goals were to find safety and harness his ability to survive with food and shelter, which has been accomplished! My parents’ current situation living in the Tenderloin has numerous problems but still he manages to find happiness. “I would much rather live in a house in the Monterey Heights than the Tenderloin but I know that wouldn’t solve all my problems.” My family lives in the Tenderloin, the most unfavorable part of the city in San Francisco. He has told me that he regrets not buying a house when he could have two decades ago. He regrets my mom’s decision to live in the Tenderloin. But even though he would like a house, he still thinks that even if he had one, what’s more important is having contentment and inner peace of heart and mind because he thinks that’s better than big thrills. Real estate prices have gone up more than 100%. He never harkened to my mother about buying our own home 20 years ago, when we could easily have afforded it. He was too scared to do it, and now it’s too late. There’s no way we can sustain a home a now. Everything has gotten worse in that neighborhood. It just keeps getting poorer, not better. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Every time I visit my parents at their apartment, there is feces, both dog and human, on the ground everywhere. There is broken glass, litter, and a foul odor. Drug addicts are lying on the ground. Their home is surrounded by homeless people. It’s so upsetting to me to walk back and forth and see tents and the homeless people can be so rude! They can toss out insults at me all the time. I feel bad, not just him, but for myself. It’s awful. There’s nothing I can do. It is terrible. I feels like it is hell walking through all those homeless people. To him, it is quite vulgar but there is nothing that can be done. He just wants to remain optimistic. “I don’t like it but there nothing to do.” The apartment I had to live in with them in is said to be haunted. The last resident there had warned us that there had been a woman that had passed there and that the house was haunted, but my mom cared not to listen. My dad wanted me to do well in school, which is any parents’ dream for their kids. He wanted me to be a doctor or a lawyer. That’s what my parents wanted for me, to be successful. I have so much bitterness towards my mother. I hate her. We don’t get along. I feel so angry with my mom. Why did she choose to live in the Tenderloin when there are so many other places like Cole Valley, Haight, Richmond, Sunset, etc.? Why, oh why, did they choose a frightful place like the Tenderloin? I cannot comprehend her decision at all, though one can still make the best of life in every given situation. For example, one can live in a mansion with demons or be a doorman in heaven. He still has achieved relative safety and peace.

While places like the Monterey Heights neighborhood with luxury cars, and materialism is a depiction of the American Dream for some people, that Dream is different from my dad’s. He realizes that this depiction shown in the photo montage may cause distress and huge anxiety to others. My dad thinks people with money seem to control and manipulate others by showing off their material possessions. I agree with him; people dress to impress and spend thousands on clothes, perfume, shoes, eyelash extensions, handbags, tanning, makeup, waxing, nails and even cosmetic surgery just to prove their point. “First, Emmons (1991) found that personal strivings for power (desires to control, impress, or manipulate others) were associated with more negative affect and more distress” (Kasser and Ryan 410). People will drive nearby City College with their nice cars just to show off what they have. In the journal article “Zeroing in on the Dark Side of the American Dream: A Closer Look at the Negative Consequences of the Goal for Financial Success,” by Carol NickersonNorbert SchwarzEd Diener, they deduce, “The American Dream of financial success has negative consequences for various aspects of psychological well-being.” Basically, as the family income increases, the happiness decreases because the more they want money, the less the family is happy.

My dad says when one sees money as a means of success, he or she will fail to achieve happiness. Despite the popular belief that wealth, fame, money and fortune can bring happiness, my dad envisions the American Dream, which he carried with him from Vietnam to America, to involve working towards one’s individual success through goals while maintaining a harmonic balance of one’s self through good morals and values. My dad sees the contrast between celebrities and the super-rich and the poor in the Tenderloin as misleading, and realizes that wealth is not the answer to life. Despite all these riches, they can’t bring happiness. My dad feels that it’s better to be rich inside than to sell one’s soul for fame and fortune. In America, there are people like Rihanna, Donald Trump, Beyoncé, and Ariana Grande, the ultra-rich, and then there’s my dad and me, who are low income. There’s a big difference between the two. There are the super-rich, and the super-poor. When my dad walks downtown, he sees homeless people begging for money, the Tenderloin (a neighborhood filled with poverty and drugs), and Glide Memorial Church (a soup kitchen); he’s saddened by the fact that the contrast between the two is so unfair and treacherous. On one hand, the wealthy tourists are coming out of the Hilton Hotel in Union Square holding shopping bags, coming out of Louis Vuitton; then the other hand, a homeless person sits down asking for change. Stated by Deci et al., “Higher control orientations have been shown in past research to be associated with less self-actualization, more concern with what others think and less-emotion-behavior congruence.” People may care more about how they look and their material possessions than the human beings around them. There are men and women alike who love to shop, are obsessed with shallow and superficial things, and don’t care for things that truly matter like education, love, and family. There are young and rich people that get everything they want, go shopping all the time, don’t have to work, and live in nice houses, but in the end they turn out to be miserable. Some things are more important than cosmetics and clothes. Being rich and shopping all the time for beauty products can be nice but in the end, fashion fades. Education is forever. Nobody can take away one’s education. Education, love and family should be more valued because they are what truly matters. He sees people drive Downtown or by his workplace with their hot cars just to show off their possessions. Wealth cannot bring one happiness.

My dad thinks the process of going from rags to riches doesn’t mean automatic happiness, proving that famous people falter even having millions of dollars. To my dad, if he’s happy with making life goals and reaching them, that’s what is more important. What’s more important, what people think about each other and what car one drives, or their mental, emotional, physical and spiritual wellbeing? To my father, how he feels inside is more important than where he lives and whether he takes the bus. He has told me before that one can have all the money in the world but be poor in every other way. If one has nothing in their life but money, that is not an abundant and prosperous life. That is more like death. He feels many people who are super rich and have everything commit suicide and become drug addicts. My dad thinks a good example is Lindsay Lohan. He feels that she had everything young girls could ever want. She had beauty, talent, intelligence, fame and fortune. There was nothing she lacked. She was the girl every guy wanted and the one that all the girls want to be. Well, look at her now. She did a 180 degree. She was beautiful and young and her life started to go into a downward spiral. She started to act out as a bad girl by partying and doing drugs like cocaine and crack. It started to show physically by her aging and becoming very homey. Now she lives in Dubai, where she is hiding out so that no paparazzi can take photos of her. She let the fame get to her and now she cannot turn back. Once she was young and had it all and the next thing she looks like she’s 69 years old when she’s only 31! So there it goes to show that money doesn’t bring happiness. My dad is right. “Is the content of goals and values differentially associated with the well-being of the individuals who hold them?” (Ryan and Kasser 280). Isn’t true that inside is what matters? The goals and values that one has should matter and what one individual’s wellbeing of mind, body, and spirit matters more than what makeup or outfit a woman is sporting. One may have $2000 in their pocket walking Downtown, yet one can feel like the most miserable person in the universe or another person can have only $100 and be the happiest person on earth. True story.

My dad thinks rags to riches is not what he values and I agree with him. I say look at the superstar female rapper Cardi B. She claims, “Everybody got different beliefs and different religions and were raised differently, yet you also supposed to be careful you don’t offend somebody. Everybody gets bothered about everything. Everybody got a fucking opinion about you. You always got to filter yourself.” She claims that she was happier before she got famous. I agree. She said she had more privacy. “Abraham Lincoln, our most legendary, charismatic president, embodied both myths of the American Dream: the rags to riches, materialist myth of individual success and the egalitarian moralistic myth of brotherhood” (Fisher 2). Focusing on goals and achievements like motivation, organization and preparation skills, and works hard every day to make the next day better is surely more valuable than just shopping and obsessing over shallow things. Fashion and beauty trends come and go because they are like sand on a beach that get washed up by the waves. One needs to build a life with stones and brick that will last through the storm.

Being in the present moment and enjoying life as it comes along is having peace and harmony, is what my dad values, and that’s a lot better than being a hamster in a windmill. It is like when one is going, going, and going but not making any progression. It is like running around in circles going nowhere. When all we are doing is chasing after what we desire for the future instead of living in the present hour losing inner peace. “If you work on your academic achievement and you do well in life and have self-worth. And making goals to make yourself better matters to me more than driving a beautiful famous car.” To my dad, life is like a rat race when one is trying madly to get that degree, get that luxury car, and get that job. He thinks it’s like a hamster in the windmill, running round and around and getting nowhere. He says that’s a lot like life to many people. Why, when all one needs is what one already has inside? My dad thinks values like abstinence or sobriety are more important than driving a beamer. “You need to know that as long as you are attaining your goals and achieving them, and happy with your life, that’s what matters to me.” He says if one is happy with what they have now and not just what they are waiting for next week, that’s a sign that one has got to stop and smell the roses. It’s important to live in your body and not just in your mind. “The American Dream Nixon personifies [is] an image more in harmony with their present, predominate self-concept…” (Fisher 1). My dad feels that when you focus on the present moment and the concept of right now, life is easier to handle. Tim Kasser and Richard M. Ryan at the University of Rochester writes in the journal article “Further Examining the American Dream: Differential Correlates of Intrinsic and Extrinsic Goals,” “Only money (e.g., achieving financial success), family security (e.g., a stable home life), and global welfare (e.g., world peace) are of interest here, corresponding to financial success, affiliation, and community feeling domains, respectively.” If it’s who our friends are, what neighborhood we live in, and how much money one has that ultimately defines people, life is so depressing. So if one lived in the Tenderloin and was low-income and had unattractive friends, does that mean he or she is a loser? It must make those people feel lowlier than someone who lives in the Beverly Hills, is gorgeous and has beautiful friends. That sounds pretty shallow because it doesn’t mean the rich person is happier. One may drive a Toyota and be happier than somebody who drives a Jaguar.

My dad thinks that inner peace is better than being wealthy and living in grief and sadness. “The overall likelihood of attaining one’s aspirations was positively related to self-actualization and vitality” (Fisher 413). According to my dad, aspiring for the little, simple things are more important than fame and fortune. “And it is naturally opposed by those who place highest value on moral rather than material goods” (Fisher 161). It’s his own choice and declaration what he want to do with his life and make his own destiny. So his dreams can flourish and his goals can be achieved. He wants me to graduate from CCSF, get a certificate and land a career. He may not like it in the Tenderloin just as much as I do. He’s not happy about it but he wants to make the best of every situation. “You feel good inside, good enough, you know.” He’s wise in knowing that. “Self-acceptance assesses aspirations for individual psychological growth, self-esteem, and autonomy. Research on values has found the related domains of self-direction and maturity” (Schwartz & Bilsky). Exactly, being free, being a grown adult, growing psychologically, having confidence in onerself, and aspiring for one’s dreams: that’s the definition of my dad’s American Dream.

After all, my dad’s life has the basic foundation of happiness which is safety, food, housing, family, and a job which he is ever grateful for because he has exactly what he needs and needs nothing more. He never got to make the traditional American Dream (like everyone else) but just the fact that he’s here instead of in Vietnam is enough. “Communism … I like Capitalism better.” He never got to make millions of dollars. It’s either a life or death situation living in Vietnam. “I came to America hoping you could go to school your education very important.” To my dad, America has been very helpful. It gave him a job, retirement, a wife, a daughter, and more importantly, abundance, peace, prosperity, and joy. He will be able to retire and can live life joyfully. He can be happy because he has wisdom and inner sense of peace and contentment.

My dad feels that inner peace, harmony, and good morals matter most. Abstaining from sex, purity, and waiting for the right person is always a good thing. Sex is like a lawnmower: if one doesn’t know how to work it, it may cause great damage. When a woman gives her most precious body to a man that does not respect and truly care for her, it is a waste and painful for the woman herself. Also, having a clean sobriety and not smoking and drinking is not only good for the physical health but also for the mental health as well. Drugs are very awful and can cause great harm to one’s life. It may ruin a person’s entire life permanently. It is like selling one’s soul; once it’s gone, it is gone forever. The true American Dream is not wealth and materialism. Having goals, values, good morals, and self-individual success, and striving for world peace is vital to living the American Dream. My dad thinks that money does get people a lot of things. Money gets people almost everything one can dream of. Money is seductive and if people have nice houses so cars, they thnk they are living well. Plus they have more financial freedom. My dad’s initial dream was to have peace in his homeland and to get away from the pandemonium. He needed a job to survive, a place to live and be safe. Since he has achieved those dreams, his new dreams are different as I have pointed out this whole time. He feels if he’s motivated, works hard, and has excellent preparation and organization skills, that will take him far in daily life, which will make one quite a success in itself. Although my dad asks, “Who doesn’t want money?” he wants money too, and feels money is universal. It makes everybody happy. Then again, if one is depressed and goes on shopping sprees, the happiness is only temporary. He says, “It is instant gratification but that doesn’t last long.” My dad thinks that attaining and improving one’s life every day is a good motivational tool for happiness and self-fulfillment. He feels that if ones’ life is full of abundance and prosperity even if it’s invisible, that’s what one should be striving for. Just because someone has money does not automatically mean their life is abundant. The American Dream is setting the right goals and values for oneself, living presently in harmony with others, having one’s own aspirations, one’s own concept of individual success, being morally good, behaving in a brotherly way, and striving for world peace. This is the true meaning to life and the dream of not just Americans but the whole world.

Works Cited

Charles S. CarverEryn Baird. “The American Dream Revisited: Is It What You Want or Why You Want It That Matters?”; First Published July 1, 1998;http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1111/1467-9280.00057

Nancy E. Hill and Kathryn Torres. “Negotiating the American Dream: The Paradox of Aspirations and Achievement among Latino Students and Engagement between their Families and Schools” First published: 09 March 2010;http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1540-4560.2009.01635.x/full

Kasser, Tim, and Richard M. Ryan. “Further Examining the American Dream: Differential Correlates of Intrinsic and Extrinsic Goals.” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, vol. 22, no. 3, 1996, pp. 280–287., doi:10.1177/0146167296223006.

Kasser, Tim, and Richard M. Ryan. “A Dark Side of the American Dream: Correlates of Financial Success as a Central Life Aspiration.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, vol. 65, no. 2, 1993, pp. 410–422., doi:10.1037//0022-3514.65.2.410.

Mach, Donald. “The American Dream.” 1 May 2018. Oral History Project; English 1A; Dr.    Steven Mayers; CCSF; Nancy Mach

Carol NickersonNorbert SchwarzEd Diener. “Zeroing in on the Dark Side of the American Dream A Closer Look at the Negative Consequences of the Goal for Financial Success”  First Published November 1, 2003;

http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1046/j.0956-7976.2003.psci_1461.x

 

Sample Transcripts

Do you like living in your apartment in the Tenderloin? No, but I have no choice. I cannot afford a home in a nicer area right now.

Do you like flowers? Yes, I like looking at them. I would like to grow some if I could.

What are your wishes? A nicer home, a better happier, and lifestyle

What is your favorite neighborhood? Monterey Heights. It’s beautiful there. Safe, no litter, no homeless, quiet and serene.

What did you do when you were young? When I was young I loved to play Ping Pong.

Where do you wish to live? I would wish to have a happier life in the Monterey Heights

Do you like living in the in the Tenderloin. No I don’t. I am disgusted by the like the litter, smell, and the drug addicts.

What is your favorite food? I like to eat Vietnamese food.

Do you speak English well? I know a little only.

If you could go back to Vietnam would you? No, only to visit but not to live. It is better here in the U.S. …more freedom.

What do you like about USA? I like it here better. Because it’s easier to find a job here.

Is San Francisco cheap or expensive? San Francisco is a wonderful place but rent is very expensive. It’s hard to live here. I want to own a home.

What color would You paint your own house? I would love to paint the exterior of my house yellow

What do you think about the drug addicts and homeless around your area? I don’t like them but living here is closer to my job. I work in a hotel nearby Union Square.

Have you ever done drugs? No, I never have done drugs. And I’m glad I never had. They are bad for you.

How was Vietnam like? Vietnam is very pretty and very beautiful

To you what is the real reason you came to America?

I dream of making success I come and find a job and have a family. And have retirement plan. So I could go on vacations. I see the American dream would like to have a safe home to live. A happy home, auspicious. But if you cannot do that what really matter is that you are happy inner self happy. If you work on your academic achievement and you do well in life and self-worth. And you make goals to make yourself better that matters to me more than driving a beautiful famous car.

What are your wishes?

My wish is that you can be happy even though I did not give u born an American dream. I want you to be happy by inside. And how you feel about your own life. Happiness is not just from material stuff from your money is from your inside.

Are you happy? Are you okay? Why do you always frown? I am worried about you.

I am stuck there is nothing I can do. That’s life. But at least I can eat and sleep and I am not homeless. It could be worse. Escaping from death and war and communism, America is freedom for me. I just want you to do well you can move on to where a nice place you want to live and be independent. I want you to be happy and successful in your own life. You are free you are over 18. No longer dependent on me. I want a happier life. I want a better future and lifestyle but it’s hard right now. But I have a job and I have retirement plan that is okay with me.

How do you think the American dream is like?

It is a lie that American dream mean money you can have a lot of money but be miserable. Happiness come from in your heart and inside your soul. If you happy with every day happen that’s why you happy inside. You can be poor inside and rich with money. I want a nice house so I could enjoy but I cannot. In America it is always about car or house you own to show off. If your life is direction that good enough. You feel good inside good enough you know?

If you are depressed don’t you think you should take medication?

I’m fine. Medication will just make things worse. I had told your mom we want to live in Richmond or Sunset and she don’t listen. Too late now. I hate walking around here it is like hell. Dirty everywhere, bad people. But Vietnam worse a lot of robbery and danger. Communism … I like Capitalism better.

What is your idea of an American Dream?

I would like to have a pretty home in a safe area. I’m sorry I not give that for you. I came to America hoping you could go to school your education very important. And provide for me and mom. Either way I proud of you what you become. You work hard and you are beautiful girl.

Where else would you want to live at?

Ideally I want my house in Ingleside or Sunset or Richmond somewhere safe. Living here is so stress and strife for me. I don’t like it but there nothing to do. I cannot afford.

What about me now?

I know you are grown and you are now 30 and you can choose your own life. You no need to depend on me and mom.

Sorry I did not fulfil your dream to go to UC Berkeley.

You need to know that as long as you are attaining your goals and achieving and happy with your life that’s what matters to me. It doesn’t matter for you to have a car or driving, as long as inside you are know you do good. You are happy with inside yourself. If you happy then I happy too.

What would you have done different?

I regret not buying a house sooner. I am so regret. I hope things can change. Hopefully you do well in your life and things can get better if you work hard in school. Sorry I didn’t give you a good life with an American dream.

Are you happy?

Don’t worry for me. Worry for yourself. I can take care of myself. I am a big now. It’s okay you don’t need money to be happy. You are happy already. I don’t need to be rich to be happy. As long as I can have food on my table and roof over my head I am happy. When I in Vietnam cannot survive, die anytime.

If you had one wish what would it be?

I would love to have beautiful, big house in a beautiful neighbor and a lot a lot a lot money but the most important thing is happiness inside if you happy inside that you got it. You broke no money and happiest in the world. And you can be walking in Union Square $5000 in pocket and you most miserable. Life is what you make. You already learn from me. You know me. I tell you all the time. Yes there’s homeless outside so what inside is okay. Just don’t go out at night. Rent is cheap here. You go elsewhere rent too expensive.

What makes you happy?

I like play Ping Pong. And Chinese Chess and Listen to Chinese Music and watch Vietnamese movie or Hong Kong Movie. Happiness it comes from inside, a nice feeling in your soul. No materialistic thing. Wake up and drink a coffee. Having a roof, food and eating, have a family, have people that truly love you not false love care. Being safe. Have peace. Be peacemaker. No enemy. Everywhere mom go she has enemies. Don’t make enemy with no-one. Be peaceful.

Explain more.

Make goals and achieve them. Everyday things that you make to learn to grow. Every day is new day. A new present to open. Christmas present. People learn from their own mistake. You make mistake, you learn. You go through big suffer and you go stronger. Am I right? Life is fair. Do you know what I went through in Vietnam? Now look at my life now. You go through rotten thing and you get stronger. I always teach you these thing peace is the answer. No enemies.

So, what matters is how you feel inside and not if you’re rich and drive a Rolls Royce or Bentley?

Exactly. Rich people sometime kill themselves they not happy. You have all the money in the world and not happy. Life is grow and learn that it. If you enjoy your life you rich inside. Now if you rich inside that’s the secret. Simple. Just keep life simple. Me and mom never go out or vacation or buy house. We have food and shelter that what matter to us. No need for those extra things. Waste money.

 

Strong Woman

street-scene-el-nido-palawan-philippines

Strong Woman

by Isabela Irene T. Nangca, December, 2017

In Philosopher Friedrich Nietzche’s book Twilight of the Idols, he wrote, “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” (6). Margareta is a medication aide in an assisted living facility in San Francisco. I met her on July of 2016 when I was hired at the facility as an assistant medication aide. Margareta was the one who trained me. She gave me the impression of being a strict teacher, but a caring mother. Curiosity made me want to know her story as to how she developed her ironic mix of loudness and gentleness. As we got closer, she started to open up about her stumbling blocks and the relationships she has had with the people around her that have shaped her into who she is now. Although some of the relationships she has made with the people she has loved, such as with her deported mother or her cheating and abusive ex-husband, combined with some of the stumbling blocks she has endured, such as her documentation issue, have given her challenges in life, Margareta has channeled this negativity into her personal motivation and strength to achieve a good future for herself and for her daughter.

Back when she was still in the Philippines, Margareta de Jimenez grew up in a close yet distant family. She was born on August 5, 1985 in Leyte, Philippines. Growing up, she lived with her grandmother because of her parents’ and siblings’ constant absence. She told me that when she was little, she felt “like I [didn’t] know [her] parents…and like [she was] the only child.” Her parents were visiting her every six months from the United States because they were on multiple-entry tourist visas, which required them to go back to the Philippines regularly, while her siblings were already living permanently in the U.S. According to “Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Goals and Support Groups,” by Robert Strom and Shirley Strom, grandchildren being raised by grandparents are common, mostly due to different parental conflicts. It was stated in the journal article that “Letting children know they [were loved was] essential for helping them grow up. Grandparents [were] often praised for how well they fulfill this need” (Strom and Strom 705). She mostly spent time with her grandparents and cousins, making her feel like they were her parents and siblings. She was raised by her grandparents because of her parents’ absence. Despite her distance from her immediate family, she was always kept close and warm by her extended family. With a twinkle in her eyes, she recalled, “Every Sunday, we always [had] family gathering[s], and during the holidays too.” She said that after attending the church in the morning, together with her cousins, uncles and aunts, they would have a simple feast at home, strengthening the close bond between them. Although her parents’ and siblings’ absence created a hole in her heart, her extended family filled the hole with love and warmth instead.

Because of her parents’ decision to make her follow them in the U.S., Margareta saw lots of opportunities but was sad at the thought of leaving her grandparents and scared of the uncertainty of her parents’ plans. At the age of seventeen, her parents wanted her to live in the U.S. with them. As a child, she said, “I [had] no choice.” She was saddened by the thought of leaving the family she knew and of being with the immediate family she barely knew. She had a stable and simple life with her grandmother, already starting college and enjoying a blossoming relationship with her boyfriend. She was reluctant to leave it all behind for an uncertain future in the U.S. with a family that she didn’t know. Most of the time, children don’t have a say in their parents’ decisions for them. Those children always follow their parents, no matter what consequences there might be. Like them, Margareta felt the same way. She followed her parents’ decision to go to the U.S. even if it meant leaving her good life with her grandparents behind in the Philippines in exchange for an uncertain life in the U.S. with her parents, not knowing the struggles that would come her way when she finally got to U.S. She loved both her grandparents and her parents, but the thought of living with her parents, who were very distant to her and away from her grandparents, who she already considered as her parents, made her very lonely.

One reason why Margareta’s parents wanted her to come to the U.S. was because her mom was already being petitioned for residency by her stepdad, who was only using her mom’s money for another lover, and they were hoping that she would be granted the residency since she was still a minor. Before she came to the U.S., her parents had already divorced and her mom was already married to someone else, a U.S. citizen. Her mom really loved her stepdad, only to find out that “[her] stepdad was only using my mom for money.” Her mom questioned him when she noticed the constant withdrawal of money from their joint bank account. Money is a root of problems in relationships, not just married couples, but also family members and friends. In Social Psychologist Dr. Joan D. Atwood’s article on the relationship between money and couples, she stated, “Many individuals have problemed relationships with money and when they enter marriage, money matters can become a trigger for arguments” (10). An argument between Margareta’s mom and stepdad arose when her stepdad confessed that “he [had] a female heart” and his boyfriend was the one who he spent the money on. At the same time that this problem arose, the petition process was almost complete and a final interview was on its way. After her mom and her stepdad had been interviewed one-by-one, the immigration officers decided that their marriage was a fraud so they turned down the petition. Her mom was disappointed because she knew that right from the start that it was probably just a one-sided love. She got angry at her stepdad because she and her mother suspected this after he had said something in the interview that influenced the decision of the immigration court. This fueled a flame inside her, which motivated her to move forward and fight.

After being with her parents for a short period and after the issue between her mom and her stepdad, she was scared of being left alone in the unknown again, but started to stand on her own and be independent. Since her biological father was going back and forth between the U.S. and the Philippines, he was still a blurry figure in Margareta’s life, so basically all she had in the U.S. was her mom, and now, because of the issue with her stepdad, her mom will also be a blurry figure again in her life. After her stepdad’s failed petition, she and her mom received a deportation notice from the U.S. immigration. She said, “We were planning of going back home, but my mom decided that I should stay here.” Her mom decided to go back home to the Philippines for good, but told her to stay because her mom knew that her future would be brighter in the U.S. But now, Margareta’s life would be harder because not only was she alone, but she was also a TNT now since she could not renew her work permit due to her deportation notice. TNT is a Tagalog abbreviation for “tago nang tago,” which in English means “always in hiding.” This is a characteristic of every undocumented immigrant: that is why it is a term used for them. In journalist Helen Thorpe’s book Just Like Us, about the woven lives of four Mexican teenage girls, their documentation issues and their futures, one of the girls, Yadira, an undocumented immigrant, experienced being away from her deported mother, who was charged for stealing the identity of a U.S. citizen. Yadira described the deep longing she felt for her mother and her anxiety about her future. As with Yadira, Margareta also felt afraid of being alone in one of the tough times in her life as an undocumented immigrant. So although there are lots of opportunities in the U.S., her future would still be uncertain because of her documentation issue. Still, she diligently worked hard and looked for ways to legally achieve residency.

After a few years, Margareta found the one she thought was her one true love, who helped her with her documentation problem yet broke her heart by fooling her and abusing her. Before her mom left, both of them already knew what could solve her documentation problem: marriage; but her mother reminded her “to do it with love.” Her mother never wanted her to fool someone else just like her stepdad had done to her mom, even if it was in a different way or situation. She met and fell in love with a U.S. citizen, Pedro, who knew about her situation but still accepted her anyway. They planned a lot of great things for the future, even marriage. At first, her relationship with Pedro “was legit … but I guess, things change; he changed.” When they found out that she had gotten pregnant, Pedro accepted the baby whole-heartedly and even wanted to keep her and their baby, so they planned to get married and did. But days before, Pedro visited his home in the Philippines. He changed his mind, telling her that he wanted to be single because he didn’t want to be responsible for her hormonal emotions, but he was still willing to support their baby. Then, she revealed, “I didn’t know that he was cheating.” When he wanted to break up, she decided to move out and be independent again. The day she moved out was the same day that she received a removal notice from U.S. Immigration. She started to text Pedro because she was so scared. He tried to comfort and calm her down through text messages but accidentally sent a wrong message that was intended for a girl he was flirting with. The girl was the reason why he wanted to be single when he visit the Philippines. After his vacation, they continued their marriage. He still wanted to keep their baby, and she moved back once the petition for residency had started. Although he still wanted to help her documentation issue, she opened up about how “he [had] threaten[ed] [her] every single time,” how he psychologically scared her with his words, and how he continued to flirt with the girl. He would slap her with the documentation issue to make her feel useless and threaten that she wouldn’t get the chance of acquiring residency without him.

During those hard times, Margareta grew closer to her friends, especially to her best friend, Agatha, and they became her support and gave her motivation to continue on. A year after she arrived in the U.S., she went through a CNA program, where she met Agatha. When her mom got deported, Agatha became her company as she started to become independent from her distant family. Agatha helped her find ways just so Margareta could and would stay, even suggesting marrying her, if it was already legal, so she could be petitioned by her best friend. Margareta was encouraged to move forward and work for her future. Then, when Pedro came and made her vulnerable again, no one from her family or Pedro’s knew what had happened to them, except Agatha. She was there to help her stand up and to encourage her to fight back. Margareta describes how “Agatha is like a family: my sister.” Despite Agatha’s own personal issue, she never failed to be there for Margareta, like a family. According to William Rawlins, a Stocker Professor in the School of Communication Studies at Ohio University, in the foreword of The Psychology of Friendship, a book about friendship by Psychology Professor Mahzad Hojjat and Associate Psychology Professor Anne Moyer, he said, “Friendship has manifold psychological significance and time-honored recognition as indispensable for individual and communal well-being.” Agatha has been very significant in Margareta’s life and wellbeing by giving support and encouragement, especially in times of need.

Through the struggles she faced with Pedro, Margareta’s baby gave her the utmost of strength and determination. When she caught Pedro cheating, Margareta wanted to leave the baby with Pedro and return to the Phillipenes, because she didn’t want her baby to grow up with a broken family and knew that she wouldn’t be able to raise her baby alone. But she knew that her baby deserved a good life so she said, “I was motivated to stay in the U.S. for my daughter’s future.” She thought of her baby’s potential future in the U.S. if she fought and stayed. In “The Role of the Future in Student Motivation,” a journal article about students’ motivation in their education, it was stated that “Frank (1939) and Lewin (1935) were two of the first modern psychologists to discuss the importance of the imagined future in understanding human motivation and behavior” (Husman and Lens 114). It was discussed how perceiving the consequences or outcomes of different possible actions could motivate a person to choose an action with a better positive outcome. This is the same as Margareta: she had the option of letting go of the baby and going back to the Philippines, or keeping the baby and staying with Pedro, who suddenly wanted her to stay. She chose the latter for the future of her baby, learning to fight back against Pedro’s threats. She became a strong pillar against Pedro and for her baby.

After several years, Margareta’s life is now stable and quiet but she still holds her past in her attitude and character. After receiving her green card, she immediately moved out of Pedro’s house and waited for her citizenship for five years, instead of the two years she would have waited as a a fiancé/spouse. She won her citizenship last 2016, so she was able to petition for her parents, and the process is now ongoing. She is expecting their interview soon. Her marriage with Pedro just officially ended last January 2017, but they are “now on good terms.” He continuously supports and spoils their daughter to the fullest. Agatha and Margareta are still working together in the same workplace and still have each others’ backs. Margareta’s baby girl is already in her 3rd grade at school. She is a very bubbly and silly diva, like her godmother, Agatha. As for Margareta, going back to the start, I now understand why she has this ironic combination of characteristics. Her softness comes from the circumstances and the people who made her feel vulnerable, while her boldness comes from the people who encouraged her to fight.

Although her relationship with her distant parents and her cheating husband, and her lack of documentation at such a young age, have given her challenges in life, especially her life in the United States, Margareta has channeled these problems into her strength with the motivation that her friends and her daughter give her. While her parents and grandparents play a vital role in her life, Margareta’s friends took up that supportive role during the hardest times of her life in the U.S. When Margareta was still young, her parents were blurry in her image of family because of their physical distance from her but fortunately, her grandparents stood up as her parents during their absence. When Margareta and her parents finally got together in the U.S., it was short-lived, for her parents were forcefully sent back home, leaving her alone in the crucial moment of her life as a young undocumented immigrant. Thankfully, her friends, especially Agatha, were there for her to give her support and her daughter was also there for her to give her strength. They still are here for her today. Families play a vital role in the lives of young immigrants, especially those that are undocumented. Young undocumented immigrants always need their loved ones to help them through their hardships and to give them support. Margareta never had her family beside her during those hard times, but thankfully, some people stood in their place to help and guide her life.

 

Works Cited

Atwood, Joan. “Couples and Money: The Last Taboo.” The American Journal of Family Therapy, vol. 40, no. 1, 2012, pp. 1-19.

De Jimenez, Margareta. Personal interview. 11 Nov. 2017.

Husman, Jenefer, and Willy Lens. “The Role of the Future in Student Motivation.” Education Psychologist, vol. 34, no. 2, 1999, pp. 113-125.

Nietzsche, Friedrich. Twilight of the Idols. Translated by Richard Polt, Hackett, 1997.

Rawlins, William. Foreword. The Psychology of Friendship, edited by Hojjat, Mahzad, and Anne Moyer, Oxford UP, 2017, pp. ix-xiv.

Strom, Robert, and Shirley Strom. “Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Goals and Support Groups.” Educational Gerontology, vol. 19, no. 8, 1993, pp. 705-715.

Thorpe, Helen. Just Like Us: The True Story of Four Mexican Girls Coming of Age in America. Scribner, 2009.

 

Sample Interview Transcript

Interviewer: Isabela Nangca (IN)

Interviewee (Pseudonym): Margareta de Jimenez (MJ)

Interview Setting: November 11, 2017 at 4:30 PM

IN: Hi Marge! Good afternoon!

MJ: Hello Issa!

IN: When is your birthday?

MJ: Birthday? August 5, 1985

IN: Where were you from?

MJ: I’m from the Philippines, from Visayas, Leyte

IN: Can you tell me something about your childhood in the Philippines? Any memorable experience/s?

MJ: Memorable experience, just, uhm, being able to, I guess, spend time with, okay, the memorable part, I guess, when we were little, most of my cousins, nakatira kami sa lola (we were living with our grandmother), and we have that great bond, yeah, we always hang out, we always have, like, every Sunday, we always have family gathering, uhm, everyone must be there, and then, uhm, sometimes, during holidays, uhm, and then, more like, ung mga panahon na (the times that) we, you know, like I was able to really, like spend time with them when were little.

IN: When did you came to the United States?

MJ: So, I came to the US when I was 17, when I graduated high school. I didn’t want to but I had to come with my parents. I came to the US as a tourist, and my mom was trying to process my resident card here. So, my mom actually got married to my stepdad and the part of the reason why I was coming to America because I was petitioned but unfortunately, uhm, it has to go through a lot of process.

IN: So, what do you mean by you were petitioned but too many process, then you came as a tourist, so it’s like you can’t wait for the petition?

MJ: So basically, when my mom was petitioned by my stepdad, she wants me to be in America already while I was still underaged, that way when she gets the papers done, I will get automatically get the green card as the same time as she will. And at that time, I only have a tourist visa for 10 years, which is I have to go back and forth to Philippines every 6 months. And during the process, well, she thought that, you know, when Im already here in the America and we’re already processing the papers and when everything goes through, they wanted me to just stay here instead of going back after 6 months, even though it’s still on a pending, uhm you know like uh, processing our papers. So my mom tried to, uhm, request from the lawyer, request an extension and they have try to submit, and you know, see if the court or immigration will say “okay”, uhm, then I would have stayed and so me and her because she’s also under process. We have to both, but then she, well maybe she, I don’t know, I’m not sure, maybe she could stay but maybe not me, because basically she’s the one being petitioned as a wife or fiancé, and I’m only the daughter, so maybe I have to go home. That’s what I’m understanding back then. But I guess the request was granted so I stayed. And later on, during the process and stuff, there was a lot of, uhm, issue that actually made everything worse that instead of getting the papers granted, it turned out to be bad, like hindi nagkatuloy (it didn’t continue) because my mom found out that my stepdad was only just using her, he was not really, uhm uhm really, lalaki (male) because he has a another heart, he likes man, he has a female heart and he likes boys, well originally I guess. I don’t know why he wanted to pretend, I guess, I don’t know what’s his reason. And then my mother found out that he was using her money, you know that they have joint account and stuff. And then when we were doing the interview, unfortunately we were supposed to have out attorney and my mom decided not to have the attorney. So when we were getting our interview, final interview, we uhm, we ended up getting interviewed one by one, and that was more, it was the scariest feeling that me and my mom, and I’m sure my stepdad too. They were already in bad terms at that time and we were having, uhm, interview na tag-isa-isa (alone/one by one). The first person that got interview was my stepdad, no, my mom. And then after my mom, they interviewed my stepdad. And I never got interviewed because after that, they already got denied. They were suspecting that it was fraud and all that stuff. I don’t know if my stepdad was the one that actually turned it, you know like, kinda like, maybe he, may they’re probably interrogating, maybe they scare him away for whatever it is because he knows to himself that he’s not really real to my mom, maybe he got scared, and then he started probably telling stuff there that “oh this is what happened.” And then we got, my mom had to, me and my mom had a deportation notice after then. So within that 30 days, we have to leave the country and that was 2005. And uhm, so we were planning of going back home but my mom decided me should stay here, just to be good, not do anything crazy, not do anything stupid, just try to be good and work if you can, and you know, just try to survive because she knows that that was the only she can give me at that time, future wise, like I know, she knows that if I stay here, I’m going to have a better life. I know I’m going to be by myself, or not really by myself because I have family still but you know, I chose not to be with my siblings. So I basically started to be independent, I continued to work at the company I started working. I’ve never really had any issue yet with asking the papers stuff. It was basically it was fortunate, or maybe it was God’s plan that all throughout the time that I’m not legal, I’ve never encountered, for many years, that you know, mahuli ka ba (being caught) because you’re only tago nang tago (hiding). But at the same time, of course, I have to do good and I didn’t wanna have any issue so I don’t get in trouble. Stay away from trouble for many years and then, so my mom went back home to the Philippines, and I stayed here with my friends. Later, after a couple years, you know, I met my daughter’s dad, my ex-husband. So at that point, when we were great, we planned a lot of things. He knew about my situation and then I got pregnant, and he wants to make sure to keep me and the child here. So, it was basically legit, like it was real at that time, that we were planning. Later after, I got pregnant. I guess things change, you know, he changed, he have things in his mind, he was young, whatever, and he wants to- you know, we had plans that we wanted to do. At the same time, it actually didn’t happen because he changed like he wanted to be single and he already know I’m pregnant, and this and that. So basically I have to go through at the time that he was helping me, at the same time, uhm, you know with the petition and stuff, it was more on, you know, at that time, I mean, in the beginning, it was supposed to be, you know, because he wants me and he wants the child and then later on, it ended up like, oh, uhm, i wanna be single, whatever, and then, he just wants to keep the baby, so I have to kinda struggle with in that phase where I don’t wanna be with him but because of my child, I have to be there and even if he already have some new girlfriends, or I mean you know, new girlfriend back in the Philippines, he would still, you know, I’m here and like trying to just to stick around, you know, I mean, it wasn’t, it wasn’t, it’s not the- what I wanted but it’s just what’s happening because that’s what he wants and I’m giving him what he wants, uhm, in the middle, like i don’t want to go through the papers because my mom, when she left, she would always tell me, if you ever want to, to, you know, get your papers done, we all know that there’s no other way for me to get my papers is just to get married, she always tells me that do it with love, like you really love the person. You are not using the person because of what she have gone through and even if it’s in a different way, different situation, because the guy, I mean my stepdad was messing with her head, uhm, yeah, it’s like, whatever, you know, cause I can always get just be, you know, maging fake ka na lang (be fake) just to get that. I didn’t wanna go through it, I wanted to let go of the baby, I wanted to do a lot of- there’s so many things because I’m by myself, I have no family here close by. I didn’t wanna tell my brother about my situation because I know they also have problems with their own. So, I have my best friend, she’s the only one that would know most of everything that I have encountered, or you know, experience in my whole life here in the US since my mom left me. And she’s always been there to help me with everything that I need. She’s like my family sister, or like a sister, kinda like best friend. Now, I have to go through a lot of mess because, you know, something that i cannot control. But, I have to stick around for my daughter, to make sure that she gonna hav good features-      she’s gonna be here. I don’t wanna, you know, there’ even a point that I just wanna give up already like I don’t wanna go through the process anymore because it takes a long time for the marriage, I mean, the petition for that, and, uhm, I’m struggling to much because the way that he was treating me that tame was really, uhm, the worse, like worse, uhm, experience that i wouldn’t ever ever thought that I would experience when you know, when I was uhm bata pa (still a child/ still young), whatever. Ang dream ko talaga (My dreams), i always dream to have uhm. And then, ang pinaka pangarap ko kasi noon (my dream before), to have my own family and I though he was my family. And then when I have my daughter, I thought it will change hi mind. It actually changes his mind, after four years, my daughter was already born. But that’s like I already have moved on but yeah, so and dami kong pinagdaanan bago ko makuha yung (i did so many things before I got), uhm, yung mga bagay na (the things that) I really thought na ang hirap nung panahon na yun (those times were very hard), especially knowing na shit, buntis ako (I’m pregnant), I’m not even legal here, and I have to deal with this man that i thought would help me, i mean he did help me with papers and stuff, but the consequences na binibigay niya sakin (he’s giving me) was not- it wasn’t really, it was not a normal or like, uhm, he was just really treating me bad at that time, and I don’t know why, and I even cursed him before, and you know, pero lahat magbabago (but everything will change), nagbago naman ang lahat (everything changed) because what can you do, he’s going to be forever part of my life, may anak kami (we have a child), and everything. So, and then after nun, we have to go through court hearing because at that time when he wanted to break up, I got pregnant, the same day I had my removal. So, when I had my removal, hindi namin expected yun (it was unexpected), we already planned to get married even before I got my removal because I got pregnant but at the same time, hindi ko akalain na may removal ako (I didn’t realize that I have removal). And then, when I received the removal, and I remember that it was like December 2008, uhm, nalaman kong nabuntis ako nung (I found out I was pregnant on) December 25, after 3 days gusto na niya magsingle (he wants to be single), gusto na niya maghiwalay kasi gusto na niya umuwi sa Philippines (he wants us to break up because he wants to go to the Philippines), hindi ko pa alam na he was cheating pala (I didn’t know that he was cheating). I just found out everything the same day that I got my removal, same day that I moved out, and same day that he sent me a wrong message that was supposed to be for the girl he was flirting back in the Philippines and that’s the reason why he wants to be single before he goes to Philippines because he is already going to see someone and I let him. In the beginning, I let him go. Okay you want to be single, because he just wanted to go to the Philippines because he just wanna be single, that he doesn’t want to be responsible for my emotions, whatever. So even if I was pregnant, I was actually strong to let him go. I said, “okay, and i’m going to move out. You have your own life, go do whatever you want.” At that time, I was just gonna, I was just thinking, “Oh, you know what, I don’t need you, I’m going to take care of my child, I don’t care.” And there’s times that I think of letting go of the baby because he/she doesn’t have a father anyway so might as well, I don’t want to continue, but most of his family members already know, and they kept telling me, “you better not do it because you have to keep the baby.” And then, I have no choice. I mean, at the end, I realized na “oh it’s buhay (life) and I already know I’ve made mistakes in the past na hindi ko na siya pwedeng ibalik ulit (that I can’t change), you know, so then I have to keep the baby. And every single time, I have to deal with him, magpupunta kami sa court(when we go to court), because I have the removal so we processed everything. We got married. He tried to petition me. He did all that stuff and he always threaten me every single time when we are not really in good terms like about sa mga kalokohan niya (his foolish actions), like he thinks, like he can do whatever he wants here with me while he’s here, while he still talks with the girl in the Philippines, like parang okay lang (it’s okay). But I had no choice because at that time I have to live with him because there’s no way I’m gonna be doing these papers and I’m living somewhere else. We’re gonna get caught and I’m gonna going be back home for whatever this and that and it’s gonna be on my daughter too like paano na lang ang future niya kung babalik ako? (how would her future be if I come back?) I mean, I know, like what my dad always say “oh bakit ka naman mamomroblema kung madedeport ka, eh hindi ka naman ipapadala sa Thailand? (why would you worry if you get deported, it’s not like they’ll send you to Thailand?)” like he always joke that, like “you’re going back to us, to your family, here in the Philippines.” But, yeah, I get it, you know, no matter what happens that time, I was like thinking “oh yeah babalik naman ako sa Philippines, may mga tulong ako. (I’m going back to the Philippines anyway. I have help.)” But it’s still not gonna be enough for me and my daughter na maglive (to live) in the Philippines and we know how it is and how hard it is to be there, magtrabaho (to work), and all that stuff, yung mga opportunities na meron ako dito (the opportunities that I have here). I’m gonna give up everything and what’s gonna happen to her. I mean, I’m sure I’m not gonna leave her alone or my parents are not gonna leave me alone. But, I’m pretty much independent for many years that I’ve lived na ako lang (alone) without my parents so that’s something that I would not wanna go for. I had to fight. When I fight, I have to swallow every damn thing kahit masakit, kahit na gusto mo na umiyak (even though it’s painful, even if I want to cry already. Pero for one year na nangyari sa buhay ko yan (that it happened in my life), none of them knows what I was going through. Ang alam lang ng brother ko (the only thing that my brother knows) is I was having a removal notice, that I have to go through court. My brother never knew anything about Pedro until after one year because I don’t wanna tell them anything. My parents didn’t know anything about him. Ang nakakaalam lang is my best friend and yung mga kaibigan ko na malalapit (Only my best friend and my close friends know). But my family never knew about him, the cheating, treating me like shit

IN: Like how does he treat you bad? How, like abuse, or something?

MJ: He treats me like “oh you know, if not for me, you’ll be a TNT, mababalik sa Philippines (you’ll go back to the Philippines)” and all that stuff.

IN: Parang sinasampal niya sa face mo? (like slapping it to your face?)

MJ: Yeah, sinasampal niya lagi sayo (he always slaps it). And then, pagmagaaway kayo (if you argue) because there’s no way na maiiwasan mong mag away kayo (to avoid arguments) because of how he’s doing. Buntis ka na nga at lahat and he had the nerve to leave you for another girl na nasa Philippines. Of course, at that time, gusto niya, enjoy siya (he only wants to enjoy). But then, eventually, he didn’t know na it’s gonna bite him in the ass once na mawala na yung babae (that the girl will leave) because she was just using him. He would spend many many many money for that girl and not spend anything for me or even just for our baby because you know, he was young back then. He was stupid, all he does is whatever benefit him at that time is what he takes. If not, then he doesn’t care. Even his parents would get mad at him. I always tell myself that one day, he will regret that. It’s gonna go back to him 20x. It’s not gonna be that easy or simple but it will. After four years, that’s what happened. It all came back to him. Then tapos na (it’s done), nag go through na kami sa papers ko and everything (we processed my papers). I had gotten my papers, and I was happy. I mean, I appreciate naman na (that) he still continued to help me. Yun na lang ung pinanghahawakan ko na (That’s what I’m holding onto that) even though he was an ass at that time, I know he was just being selfish because he thinks that he got the power cause he was controlling me because of my situation and I let him that time. Not totally let him because I would fight back na sagad-sagad kahit na uuwi ako sa Philippines (extremely even if I will go back to the Philippines), na I don’t give a shit, bahala ka sa buhay mo (Tagalog idiomatic expression for I don’t care about you, do whatever you want), I can do that but di mo makikita anak mo, balaha ka (you won’t see you child, I don’t care)” because of what he’s doing. Natapos na lahat and everything (it was done). Nag go through na, nakuha ko na what I need (It went through, I got what I need). It sucks na (that) you have to go through a lot of, you know like, magkaproblema ka pa sa papers (you’ll get problems on your papers) and then you would go through mga treatments like mga ganyan (those) or you would experience na parang ganyan (like that). Sometimes you would think na walang puso itong taong ito (he’s heartless). But then, like I said, Ito na lang ung pinanghahawakan ko na (that’s what I’m holding onto, that) he helped me out kahit na ganun siya ka grabe na (even if that’s how he is, that) I have to struggle and sacrifice a lot of things, emotionally, physically, mentally. Because I was just, actually that time, iniisip ko lang yung anak ko (i will just think of my child) and what’s gonna happen to her and to me at the end. Of course, magiging masaya kami (we will be happy).

IN: So, how many years did the process of the papers go through?

MJ: So we got married on January 2009. The process started at that time. It took me until 2011 before I was granted. I have to go back and forth sa court to show them the documents that they needed to see, so that way, they can keep me here. I had to hire a lawyer and pay hell of a money to save me and my daughter here in America. And because, hindi naman talaga dapat magiging parang set up (it is not a set up originally). It just happened kasi nagbago na siya (because he changed). It was supposed to be really legit marriage, love, family. If it was not a legit, I would not, I mean, bakit ako magpapabuntis sa kanya? (why would I want to get pregnant to him?) 2011 – I got my green card. Mas maganda ang nangyari sa buhay ko after that (My life became better). Kung baga, naisip ko na din na lahat ng mga struggle ko and sacrifices nung Naiwan Ako ng parents ko, may deportation notice kami (I always think of all my struggles and sacrifices, when my parents left me, when we got our deportation notice). I was worried about my mom and dad and ang layo ko (i’m so far away), mag-isa lang Ako (I’m alone) for many many many holidays. I was happy to have him because I thought siya na ung family ko dito (he will be my family). And then, sinira Niya yun para sakin at para sa anak ko (he destroyed it for me and our daughter). Pero you know, there’s always a reason why everything happens to each individual. With mine, I learned a lot from my experiences sa buhay ko na hindi ko aakalain na (in my life, that I won’t believe that) I’m gonna become me now. And that’s because of that stuff. It wasn’t easy, simple, but kapit lang bes (just hold on bes). Then, okay na. Nag citizen ako nung (I became a citizen) last year (2016), after 5 years. I was supposed to be citizen already after 3 years but hindi ko nakayanan ung treatment niya sakin na maghihintay pa ako ng 3 years (I really can’t endure his treatment anymore to wait for 3 more years), tapos magkakaroon pa kami ng (then we will have) another probation. After 2 years ng green card, uhm, bibigyan ako ng (they will give me)- actually I’m pretty fortunate that time kasi nung ginawa na yung green card ko (when they processed my green card), imbis na magkakaroon ka pa ng 2 years probation (instead of having 2 more years of probation), ni-let go na nila yun (they let it go) because it was already 2 years na I was going through court. So the court and being with him at that time na kami pa rin hanggang nung natapos na (from when we were still together until the end), automatic na nila akong binigyan ng (they automatically gave me) green card for 10 years na (that) I don’t have to worry about probation or anything kasi yun na yung 2 years na cover na dun (because the court already covered for the 2 years probation). Then, nung nakuha ko na yun (when I got it), so I wanted to get a citizenship already in 3 years starting the day they granted my green card on 2011 pero naghirap talaga ako sa issue naming dalawa (but I’m really having a hard time with him) so I have to let go of him… (32:06.34)

IN: What’s your motivation to go on despite everything that happened to you? What pushed you to stay in the US?

MJ: I was motivated for my daughter to stay in US for her future. I could of went home after my biggest breakup with her dad but because i know there is not much opportunity there specially for her i had to stay and sacrifice being single mother for her.

IN: When you were still in the Philippines, what’s your perspective of USA?

MJ: When i was in Philippines …i think of USA it’s beautiful because I know there’s many opportunities but I don’t want to live there because HOME SWEET HOME with my family and friends in the Philippines where I came from and I only want to stay there. But my parents forced me because I have no choice im only 17 eh. Lol

IN: When you first came to the US, did your perspective change? (From your answer in #2)

MJ: yes my perspective on USA changed since I attended school and met new people and friends and I got used to it and I became happy that I stayed in the US because I became independent. I worked to help my mom and learn how to budget and stuff and specially knowing the fact that I GET WHAT I WANT because I have my own money.

IN: Then now, how would you view Philippines and USA?

MJ: I would say when I went to Philippines for vacation i see the big difference than US and i would say that in the Philippines i can only go for vacation and not live. The feeling is already different between living in the Philippines and the USA, very big difference. I would also say I’m happier now being in US living the life in US its been 14yrs living in the US. My lifestyle is different now.

Where His Family Is

photo

Where His Family Is:

Git Lee

by Isabella Chen, September 2017

I met Git while I was volunteering with Project Shine helping coach an ESL class. I worked with him a lot because he has a bit of hearing loss as well as not being able to see out of one eye. I was drawn to Git from the beginning because he is 84 years old but still one of the harder working students in the class. Most Chinese senior citizens I know love to just sit in front of the TV or hang out at Asian coffee shops but I knew that Git was a different kind of “old” person. Git comes off as a delicate old man that is very polite and soft spoken. I enjoy working with Git because I get to use my Cantonese skills and help translate the chapters that he doesn’t understand. We became close because I was helping him get into DSPS (Disabled Students & Services) for over a month, every Monday at 9:30 at the Mission Campus. Git was born in 1933 and speaks Cantonese. This common ground led me to want to get to know him better. He is currently retired and lives in the house that he partially raised his five daughters in in the Outer Mission. Eventually, his daughters bought him and his wife that same house. We both share a passion for helping the community, especially the Chinese American community. As I got to know Git better, I found out that he is also from the same province in China as my dad. I asked Git if he would let me interview him for my Oral History Project and he said yes! Our interview was done at my house on a cold Tuesday in the early afternoon.

     Git migrated from Guangzhou, China in the late 70’s. He arrived with his five daughters and his wife. He knew all his life that he was coming to America because it was ingrained in his plans while he was growing up. His father left for America when Git was at a prepubescent age, leaving his mom to raise him while his dad sent money back to support them both. Because it was just the two of them, Git and his mom became really close, opening up his eyes to how important family is to him. Eventually, Git started his career as a teacher in China. He spent over twenty years teaching Chinese calligraphy and origami. Git is a husband and the father of five daughters. Finally in his mid forties, his father’s sponsorship and the paperwork for Git and the rest of his family kicked in and they were ready to come to America. After arriving, Git realized that thriving in America was quite a bit harder than he had anticipated. He faced many life challenges that held him back from his dreams and career, but conquering those challenges has helped him find where his sense of home is.

            Git has planned to make America his home for as long as he could remember. His father came to America when Git was very young to make more money for him and his family. Git grew up watching his father provide for them. His dad supported him and his mother. Git tells me, “She didn’t really work and was dependent on him because my dad was in the U.S, sending money back.” Git’s life was planned for him with the dream of his father to bring him and his mom to America. Git eventually founded a home and started his career as a teacher in China, teaching Mandarin, Chinese calligraphy, and origami. He met his wife over in China as well and started a family, having five daughters. Before moving, Git and his wife were in their 40’s with their kids living a comfortable life in their home. One day, they got a letter and it was finally their time to come to America. Git planned to come to America all his life because of the life his dad started in America and the plan to move the rest of his family out there. I asked if Git was worried about coming out here, but he promptly replied, “No, not scared. We knew we were coming to the U.S for a while now so we were mentally prepared for it. My family was not scared either.” By putting his career on hold, Git was able to move to America to please his parents as well as to give his daughters the best opportunities; this move helped him see that family is where his home is regardless of where they are located.

Git was excited to reunite with his dad again, since his dad had left for America when he was really young. Git felt like he had come from a broken home without a father to guide him. Git wanted to give his daughters a better opportunity like his dad had sacrificed his quality of life for n order to provide a better life to him and his mom. Because of the hard work endured by his father, Git had a better opportunity than many people in China by being able to get an education and then eventually become a teacher. Back in China, his family lived comfortably in a three-bedroom apartment but he dreamed of giving his daughters more. Git believed that coming to America would give his daughters new opportunities in education and careers that they deserved. He wanted the best for his five daughters and their families to come. He and his wife dreamed that coming to America meant that they would find jobs and a home right away, mostly because his father had been in America for so long and even ended up owning his own laundry business. Git’s dad migrated to the U.S. because of the Gold Rush. He had heard that there were many opportunities to make more money on the “Golden Mountain,” which lead him to come to San Francisco, CA. As Git’s dad arrived to America, he wound up in the laundry business and worked so hard he eventually owned his own business. Ronald Takaki, a Professor on Ethnic Studies, wrote in his book Strangers of a Different Shore referring to the 1940’s, “61 percent of the Chinese who were in the labor force were manual laborers, almost all of them working in laundries, garment factories, and in restaurants.” He ended up selling his business. “My dad didn’t leave me the business because he never expected me to be able to actually come to America, especially because so many years had gone by.” Git knew at age 46, in the year 1979, that it was finally time to come to America. “I got a call and had to get our paperwork in order right away because it was happening fast.”

From the late 1800’s to mid 1950’s, Chinese immigrants were denied opportunities to work in many occupations for which they were qualified due to anti-Chinese sentiment and laws that reflected this. This led many towards the laundry business. Back then laundry was considered “women’s work.” In fact, there were very few women in the industry due to the 1882 law, which made it unlawful for Chinese immigrants to come in any capacity except as merchants. Chinese men in America took over the opportunity. Everyone needed their laundry washed so no one really opposed the Chinese doing laundry as a way of living or other jobs that no one else really wanted. According to a journal article that was written by Joan S. Wang, “Race, Gender, and Laundry Work: The roles of Chinese Laundrymen and American Woman in the United States,” in 1850-1950, most Chinese men turned to laundry because “…the small amount of start-up capital needed, the eagerness of Chinese workers to be self-employed, and the limited language requirements for the trade.” Many laundry companies had three to five men doing laborious work for long hours. The workplace was hot and steamy and the heavy wet clothing would be brutally heavy to work with. While the work was intensive, the positive outcome was that these immigrants owned their own businesses with limited communication.

As Git’s finally arrived to his new home in America, he felt disappointed and overwhelmed due to the fact that he didn’t feel like he belonged her; he felt that America didn’t feel he belonged either. In China, there was gossip and talk of America being the land of opportunities but in reality it was just stressful. He struggled due to not being able to speak English, which he recalled left him “feeling deaf, mute, and blind.” He informed me that it felt like he had gone from being a scholar and a teacher to feeling handicapped. According to the IMR (International Migration Review), which collects and studies statistics on immigrants, “That the effect of early arrival is much greater for English proficiency than other outcomes and bears significantly on most, not all, attainments.” Git has also told me that when he first arrived, he always worked hard but never felt like he was doing enough. He worked from nine to twelve hours a day, six days a week but still felt discontent. He told me, “…with my job I couldn’t pay rent, back then rent was like $700-800 for a flat. With all the taxes I ended up with a little over $500 only and rent was $700-800 so how can I afford rent? Sometimes I’m like what am I working for?” Git was forced to work at the cleaners because he felt like he had no other sustainable skills. His father used to own a laundry shop but had sold it before Git arrived. His father still managed to have some connections so he reached out to the men he used to work with in the laundry business and provided Git with a few labor jobs. As time went on, Git started working as a laundry man, working from eight in the morning to around six, with an hour break and dinner at five pm. I asked him if he ever had to work overtime and he told me a lot of the time he did work overtime. “In the first year and a half [I didn’t get paid overtime] but then after [a year and a half] I did get paid overtime. As you stay overtime [after the year and a half] they will [would] throw you some money for a few hours here and there.“ Git didn’t see anything wrong in that but I believe it is an abuse in his human rights to take advantage of people that have just moved to America. Article 24 in the UDHR (Universal Declaration of Human Rights), a document about equal human rights, tells us, “Everyone has the right to rest and leisure, including reasonable limitation of working hours and periodic holidays with pay.” In reference to the long hours Git worked with his hands, especially when he pulled up the wet load of laundry from the washers, he told me, “the load of laundry was soaked and when you have to pull it up over and over again. My fingers were throbbing, at night I remember trying to fall asleep and my fingers just hurt so badly.” Git never once had regrets of coming out to America. He felt like America was in the plans and he needed to make the best of it.

As Git started to accept that America was his home, where his family and responsibilities were now, and that he needed to adapt more, he began to socialize and joined social clubs that would take him to places around San Francisco, as well as to teach immigrants how to adapt and fit into America. On top of going on outings, he also watched movies and learned English at the club meetings. Git and his wife actually met some of their friends there. The clubs were a safe place for the immigrants to look for resources as well as talking to others that are going though and feeling the same way Git was feeling when he moved to the U.S.. Oxford Academic has a journal called Social Forces, which talks about the importance of immigrants being social and meeting other immigrants that share similar feelings. In one of their articles, they state, “These networks provide group-based resources that assist immigrants in making headway in their new society.” Git was telling me that as you work and interact with the same people, “people end up talking about you, but you just have to deal with it.” In the beginning he said that adapting to the culture was really hard. He felt like many people took advantage of him including swindlers on the street. Git confided in me:

“One time a regular looking Chinese man came up to me and told me he needed to cash his check. The check was for $30 but the man told me he need the money now and that he would take $20 for the $30 check. I believed at the time it was a good deal for the both of us so I gave him the $20. The next day, I went in to cash the check and the check bounced. I tried to do a good deed and make some money but it turned out I was taken advantage of.”

Git took it as a learning experience to not trust anyone but instead to be more aware. Twenty dollars was a lot of money, especially back then, and Git felt very ashamed that he had been tricked. He never saw the man again. After that Git felt like he needed to acclimate more to his surroundings and be more aware of the people around him.

Git finally felt like he was at home being able to watch his daughters graduate college and start their own families as a result of how hard he and his wife had worked. Git’s dream had always been to teach and learn but he had his dreams cut short due to having his life planned for him by his father, for his kids and his family. Git finally got to teach and go to school again after working so hard six days a week, nine to twelve hours a day for over twenty years. In the middle of my interview, Git actually pulled out a book that he proudly showed me. It was a book that was made for him by this family whose two brothers, six and thirteen, he used to teach origami to. Git showed me pictures of his daughter graduating from college as well as him teaching kids origami.

There were also pictures of him teaching calligraphy to older folks. He told me that he had started teaching origami because, “Someone introduced us in my community center. They told me that their kids loves origami so the couple brings them to the community center for class with me.” Then he showed me another picture that he is also very proud of, “This picture is at the retirement center of me teaching calligraphy.” He was so proud and looked so happy explaining what he had done for the Chinese American community in San Francisco. Git never moved out of SF after he settled here. He moved from Chinatown to the Outer Mission but that’s the extent of the change in his living situation.

He told me that he just really likes the San Francisco weather and that home is where his kids are. He said that he sacrificed a lot for his daughters and there was no point of him living anywhere else; as long as he is close to his family, he is home. He also felt like the San Francisco community has done a lot for him and he wants to be able to be a bigger part of it, as well as finally doing what he loves best, learning and teaching. Git currently spends his days going to the community center to eat lunch and attended class.

Git found his definition of home by being where his family is. Git grew up seeing the sacrifice his father made to America without a second thought of what he himself was giving up for his family. Back in China, Git used to be a teacher but when he finally arrived here he had to be a laborer and work as a washer and dryer at a laundry company. Git put his dream and his own priorities on hold for his father’s dream of moving him and his mother to America. As Git arrived he quickly realized that being in a new country was harder than he ever imagined. Not only did he not know the language, but he couldn’t continue pursue his career while working six days a week. Git agreed to move to the U.S. as a young boy because his father had moved to America first in hopes of finding a better life for him and his mom. Even though his paperwork to come America took so long and Git ended up starting family in China and a career in China, he was always prepared to leave his career and his home in China when the paperwork was finally ready. Home is usually where someone feels the safest, and since Git’s family was so important to him that he has always felt at home with them near by, knowing that he is doing everything he can to provide for them. Some people might say that Git is his own person, he can make his own choices, and didn’t have to leave China, or follow anyone’s dreams but his own, but he had to get away because of the one child rule and he wanted a better opportunity for his daughters. Git felt he was home in China with his mother but has always known that America is also home because his father was living there already. When it was finally time for Git to move to the U.S., he brought his wife and five daughters to move with him. No matter how much Git suffered, he always felt like America was the right direction for him, especially after being able to provide for his daughters, please his father, and to be at home, which is where his family is.

Work Cited

Myers, Dowell, Xin Gao, and Amon Emeka. “The Gradient of Immigrant Age‐at‐Arrival Effects on Socioeconomic Outcomes in the U.S.” International Migration Review. Blackwell Publishing Inc, 02 Mar. 2009. Web. 3 May 2017.

Sanders, Jimy, Victor Nee, and Scott Sernau. “Asian Immigrants’ Reliance on Social Ties in a Multiethnic Labor Market.” Social Forces. Oxford University Press, 01 Sept. 2002. Web. 3 May 2017.

Takaki, Ronald T. Strangers from a different shore: a history of Asian Americans. Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 1998. Print.

“Universal Declaration of Human Rights.” United Nations. United Nations, n.d. Web. 7 May 2017.

Wang, Joan S. “Race, Gender, and Laundry Work: The Roles of Chinese Laundrymen and American Women in the United States, 1850-1950.” University of Illinois Press on behalf of the Immigration & Ethnic History Society, n.d. Web. 3 May 2017.

 

Sample Transcription: Git Lee

I: So I want to ask you where you were born?

K: Huh what?

I: Where you were born.

K: Ah, in China, Canton.

I: Oh ya! My dad was also born there, So what year were you born?

K: In 33’ year

I: Ah ok, Can you explain Canton to me, maybe tell me a little more like the weather?

K: What? What?

I: How in Canton including the weather; is it hot, cold, is it a city or the suburbs? Um, Is there lots of vegetation/ farming?

K: Its is small, Guangzhou is a big city, the others are much smaller cities.

I: Are there a lot of plants?

K: Yes there was, especially farmlands there is a lot vegetations

I: ah ok, Do you any siblings?

K: Its just myself

I: wow oh my gosh, What is your favorite place in Canton?

K:(names a park) small park in Canton,

I: oh nice, i’ve never been, How many people live did you live with?

K: It use to be just my mom and I, my dad’s family was here in the US already

I: How did your house look like?

K: It was rented like how I did when I moved here (US) – with three rooms

I: What did your mom do for work?

K: She didn’t really work and was depended on him because my dad was in the U.S, sending money back,

I: so how much schooling did you have in China?

K: I went to school for awhile. I went to school for about 10 years in Canton

I: So what do you miss the most?

K: wha well, (laughs) nothing really to miss

I: i forgot to ask you what your chinese name is

K: My name is (Chinese name)

I: what is your last name?

K: lee

I: what is your english name?

K: Kit lee

I: how old were you when you arrived to America?

K: In my 40’s, i don’t really remember exactly

I: so where did you meet your wife?

K: I met her in mainland china

I: oh so you moved out here together, how old was she when she moved out here?

K: also in her 40’s

I: What about your daughters? You have 5?

K: ya they were in their teens and younger like 8 or 10

I: did your mom move with you?

K: yes but she moved out to the US first then we followed but as we finally arrived she ended up passing away before we made it out here. She passed away for a few months before we made it out here.

I: oh wow. So how long was she here for until you and your family made it out here?

K: probably a few years

I: did you have to go through angel island?

K: i’ve been there but was not required to pass through, we were allowed to arrive here already

I: Was it hard for you to move to America? To acquire citizenship?

K: no it wasn’t, I had applied for my green card and identification before I arrived

I: Were you scared to move here- to lose all your friends? Was your family scared?

K: no, not scared, we knew we were coming to the US so we were prepared. My family was not scared either.

I: Did you have any dreams or aspirations before coming to america?

K: it was hard when we first arrived, we were not used to it, we thought it was going to easy but when we actually arrived reality kicked in and back then rent was still around 700 and we thought it was really expensive. We rented a whole floor for my family and I

I: How big was it?

K: it was comfortable, we had a big living room at washington st and the cross street of something by chinatown

I: How did you find it?

K: through an acquaintance

I: did you have a lot of friend?

K: no, just met people through work

I: how did you find work?

K: my father use to own a clothes washing joint and by the time we arrived he already sold his shares and the shop. The men he sold his share to older men or men that have money or is somebody so my dad introduced us and told me to go work for them

I: Does your dad live nears you?

K: not really, he lives on Stockton st & Vallejo st in an SRO

I: did you only live in sf?

K: yes

I: did you live any other homes? Did you move a lot?

K: in 87’ we moved

10:00

I: So the house you are living at now, is it being rented or do you own it?

K: The kids ended up buying it, because they grew up

I: So did you have the same job as a laundry man your whole career?

K: Yes the whole time, I washed clothes

I: When did you retire?

K: I retired at 62..haha

I: what did your wife do? Did she do laundry with you?

K: No she worked at a garment factory, sewing clothes

I: So wow, you had so much schooling but you just washed clothes in America?

K: ya just laundry, when i retired I started teaching here and there, started out doing calligraphy and then ended up teaching kids how to do origami

I:  How did the laundry job work? Was it just one person working? Did you wash and dry?

K: Yes it was one person, I washed and dried. It was all me.

I: ooooo ahhh (he shows me a book with pictures of him and kids folding origami)

K: here are some pictures of people folding and here are some people writing calligraphy

I: oh wow ooooomg wowww.

K: this is my daughter and I.

I: wowwwww she’s so pretty

K: haha

I: when did you learn how to do origami? Did you learn it here?

K: here and back in China, the kids are my students that i teach origami to

I:  is this your daughter’s graduation

K: yes college. That kid is only 6 in there and he’s really good at folding

I: wow they made a book for you? That so nice

K: yes their father does real estate

I: how did you find you? Was it at school? (he’s my student in an esl class)

K: Someone introduced us in my community center. They told me that their kids loves origami so the couple brings them to the community center for class. The drive them and drop them off. These are brothers. This picture is at the retirement center of me teaching calligraphy

I: So laundry, is that how you met friends, at work?

K: we when i had to work there would be someone else working near me so we would end up talking and getting to know each other

I: So when did you start english

K: I was learning here and there

I: Well your english is pretty good already

K: Laughs** is just spelling that I’m bad at. My memory is bad

I: Noooooo. Even the professor says that your english is good but you just can’t hear. The professor has told me that he wants us to got DSPS because your english is really good but you just can’t hear.

K: hmm. ok

I: soooo do you still keep in touch with any of your friends?

K: ya some of them?

I: who do you know the longest? Do you still keep in touch?

K: This one dude that lives in Oakland. We write letters to each other here and there

I: wow writing letters. So why did you live in sf for so long? Why not move to oakland?

K: well I lived here for so long? Why bother moving? You just get comfortable

I: well I guess all your activities are here and you have so much. So speaking of activities, what did you to pass time when you first moved here?

K: when i first move here I joined this club “asian progressive club” is in Chinatown, (in some famous building across some bank) on the fifth floor. When i first moved here I would go every sunday to meet people and look for activities to do, and ways to explore this new place we moved to

I: What kinda activities?

K: we went to the museums, sometimes we went to the movies, sometimes there would be parties, we went to angel island also

I: was this for everyone? Not just for retired people?

K: No its a club for everyone. You just have to be a member to go to the events. They also brought just to picnic.

I: How many people went?

K: There was about twenty something people

I: What are origami? Did you do that at the club?

K: No that was something I did when i retired. After work I was be so extremely tired so how can I do origami after?

I: In china what did you do?

K: I taught writing

I: did it make you sad that you didn’t teach anymore? To have to go from your your brains to using your body for labor?

K:  Yes of course. I missed china and teaching

I: wow so when you moved here everything was different

K: ya so different

I: I can’t even imagine

K: hahaha

I: umm so emm when you first moved here did you see your dad alot?

K: yes i saw him everyday actually

I: how old were you when he moved to america?

K: I was very young when he moved here

I: So you haven’t see him for a long time, like twenty something years? Wait over 20 yrs like 30ish years?

 

20:00

K: yes

I: So what does he like to do? Like activities?

K: i’m not too sure but I know he likes to go get coffee with his brothers/ friends

I: oh my grandpa use to do that a lot. He use to sit around and get coffee for hours and hours. When I was younger I use to wonder why he would sit there for so long? I grew up around Oakland so I know that Chinatown more. So did you have any expectations when arriving to America? Did you think it was going to be easy?

K: I thought it was very hard to sustain a living in America since i’ve arrived. I felt like I was deaf, mute, and blind. Deaf because I don’t understand the language english , mute because I cannot speak and blind because I can’t read

I: Didn’t you learn english in Canton though?

K: I learned a little but knew mainly just some alphabets and some words here and there but mainly the three, blind, deaf and mute

I: you use to teach so did you think that this job (in america) is harder that your life back in China? You taught for so long and then it was all taken away from you with you feeling mute, blind and deaf.

K: ya

I: so back then, what was your schedule like? What time did you start work?

K: where?

I: here

K: i would start at 8 in the morning and end work at 8 or 9. Many time around 8 or 9

I: wow ohhh like 12-13 hrs a day

K: they would give me an hour to take lunch. You can rest and take a breath

I: then you would do laundry. Wow ehhh ugh. You did it for around 20 year?

K: yes haha

I: What do you think of America?
K: Well I think SF had really nice weather. Everyone is really nice, very giving

I: but that’s it?

K: well back then my job wouldn’t pay me enough to pay rent

I: you and your wife didn’t make enough to pay rent?

K: I mean by myself with my job i couldn’t pay rent, back then rent was like $700/800 for a flat. With all the taxes I ended up with like $500 something only and rent was $7/800 so how can i afford rent? Something i’m like what am i working for?
I: wow you worked so much and couldn’t even afford to pay rent? But what about your wife? With her job can you both afford rent then?

K: well with her job of course we can afford rent

I: What about your daughters? Where were they born at?

K: They were all born in China, well with normally we just worked till 6ish. We would have lunch from 12-1 then eat dinner at 5

 

I: Then after dinner would you have to start working again?

K: Usually not but sometimes when we have big jobs then we would have to
I: If you stayed longer would you get overtime money?

K: In the beginning I didn’t but then i would get it as I worked there longer

I: In the beginning like you mean the first few months?

K: Like in the first year and a half but then after I would get paid overtime. As you stay more overtime they will throw you some money for a few hours here and there

I: did you think anyone was racist towards you or prejudice ?

K: i’ve always worked in shops with chinese people so there was never any of that. We are all Chinese so what’s there to be prejudice against.
I: what about where you live?

K: no not really?

I: have you been out of sf?

K: I’ve been to vegas, lake tahoe, reno

I: have you been to the snow?

K: ive seen snow but never ski or anything
I: are both you and wife retired?

K: yes

I: was your wife ok with coming to America? Did she like it?

K: I don’t know her thoughts

 

30:00

 

I: Why did you stay in SF? Why didn’t you move somewhere with more space like Oakland?

K: there is no point of moving. Then I would have to look for a new place and its too much.
I: Is your house big?

K: Its comfortable

I: So where do you live now?

K: In the outer mission

I: so is it close to school at the ocean campus

K: ya its close, I live at geneva
I: there is a lot of Chinese people there, So why don’t you live in Chinatown?

K: I’ve lived (CT) there before, since they bought a house there, we ended up moving

I: did you like living in Chinatown?

K: well of course, there is a lot of chinese people there and its easier to get around and acquire what i need. And grocery shopping is close by
I: What about the rats there? There is so many rats?

K: haha ya there are some mice there.

I: You said you use to rent?

K:  Ya back then there use to be many places for rent. Back then 750 was considered a lot to rent a flat. Back then around 300/400 you can rent a whole appartment. Everything above 500 was considered very expensive. That was like over 20$ years ago

I: so back then you can rent a whole 3 bedroom for around 300$? Thats crazy!!!

K: haha ya.

I: So you use to work in sf chinatown also? Did you feel like there was a lot of gossip?

 

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