Dear America is a memoir by Jose Antonio Vargas in which he writes about his life as an “undocumented citizen” in the United States. He chronicles his journey from his home country in the Philippines at the age of twelve, his struggle to come to terms with being undocumented once he found out at the age of sixteen, and how that status has shaped his life as an adult. There are numerous themes in the book, such as changing the language around immigration, redefining what it means to a citizen of America, and meditating on the concept of home. The first section of this essay will focus on that final theme and explore what home means to Jose Antonio Vargas at various times in his life, and the events that have shaped his understanding. After examining Vargas, the second part of this essay will focus on a French immigrant named Emeline, whom I had the pleasure of interviewing about her own concept of home. It is commonly believed that home means a physical location. An example of this is found in the essay “Home as a Region.” in it the author states, “The strongest sense of home commonly coincides geographically with a dwelling” (Terkenli 324). This is not, however, how Vargas, nor Emeline think of home. Nor do they consider it something that can be defined by outside forces such as government or law. The only force that can define home for Jose Antonio Vargas and Emeline are themselves.
Manila, Philippines Getty Images
Jose Antonio Vargas’s initial concept of home is centered around the familial bond he had with his mother, rather than any fixed location. As a child in the Philippines, she was his constant companion and protector, which created a feeling of safety and belonging that made him feel at home. He states, “She made sure I was doing well in school. She cooked every meal: usually a fried egg with Spam for breakfast and, if I was good, her special spaghetti dish with chicken liver. On weekends, she dragged me to her card games and mah-jongg games. Our apartment was so tiny that we shared a bed. I was Mama’s boy” (Vargas 3). There is only a brief glimpse given to the reader of his life before coming to America, and in that brief glimpse of his first home Vargas does not describe the environment, his friends, or any aspect of his life besides his mother. Home is, at this time, not a physical place to Vargas, but rather a person. A person that would be lost to him after coming to America, which would alter his concept of home forever.
After coming to America at the age of twelve, Vargas was caught between two homes: the one he left behind in the Philippines, where his mother remained, and the new one he had landed in that included his extended family. The expectation of immigrants to assimilate is intense, as noted by authors Karin Amit and Shirly Bar-Lev when they stated, “The immigrant is expected to gradually release previous attachments, social identifiers and even a sense of national commitment to his country of origin, and develop a sense of local identity and belonging in the host country” (948), yet during this period of his life, Vargas attempted to live in both homes at the same time. He states, “Writing letters to Mama was also a way to soothe us both, to ease the pain of our separation before we were reunited again” (Vargas 13). This is Vargas’s attempt to carry his old home with him by keeping the feelings of comfort and belonging his mother had provided him alive. It is also the first time Vargas takes comfort in writing, which will be a trend that continues later when he chooses a career in journalism. Then, just a page later, he says, “America was an entire experience, and I wanted to do all of it” (Vargas 14). Vargas has now come to a point where he needs more comfort and acceptance: he also needs excitement and opportunities to grow for him to feel at home. These two statements show the conflict in Vargas: the bond with his mother, who was his first home, is still strong, but the excitement of his life in America is shifting him towards a new idea of home. This is significant, because it is the first time Vargas becomes aware that he has a choice in what or where his home is.
At the age of sixteen, Vargas found out he was not a permanent resident, and this revelation caused a major shift in every aspect of his life, including what he considered home. For the first time he had to contend with the reality that outside forces could impose their own ideas of what his home is, and that that could have major consequences. Speaking of his shock at his grandfather’s confirmation that he had been lied to for years about his residential status by his family, Vargas says, “Nothing Lolo ever said to me afterwards—nothing Lola or Mama has said to me since—weighed as heavily” (33). All at once the excitement that had led him to call America his home was gone, and the distrust he had in his family meant he couldn’t find a home in familial bonds as he once did as a child. His entire world had undergone a dramatic shift, and nothing felt stable or permanent anymore. It was a problem with no solution, since, as stated by the author Sofya Aptekar, “The labyrinthine immigration system works to limit the possibility of legal immigration for many interested in it, even if they are determined to do the right thing, even if their survival depends on it” (47). The conditions he felt had created a home—love, acceptance, excitement—disappeared in an instant, and the new land he had once found so full of opportunity had become a hostile place where he would forever feel unwelcome. For the first time in his life, Jose Antonio Vargas was without a home.
With the feelings that formed his sense of home gone, Vargas was faced with the challenge of once again rethinking his definition of home from scratch. He found the solution by taking refuge in one the last remaining sources of comfort in his life: writing. What had started as a source of comfort through keeping the bond with his mother alive had evolved into a passion for journalism that served as much more than just a career. He states, “If I was not considered an American because I didn’t have the right papers, then practicing journalism—writing in English, interviewing Americans, making sense of the people and places around me—was my way of writing myself into America. In the beginning, writing was only a way of passing as an American. I never expected it to be an identity. Above all else, I write to exist, to make myself visible” (Vargas 58). This is another important shift in how Vargas conceptualizes home: before this point he had taken a passive approach in his definitions, forming new ideas based on what people or places offered him, but through his work in journalism he is instead taking an active role by constructing an idea of home that is based on what he contributes. Since his idea of home, which had been based on how he felt it was possible for outside forces to interfere with his sense of belonging, was now based on actions he was taking, that offered him agency in an area that had largely been determined by chance.
After going public with his status as an undocumented immigrant, Jose Antonio Vargas once again entered into a period of uncertainty in regard to home. He had come to a point where he had combined his original concept of home based on feelings with the new concept of home based on action, but the constant, overwhelming denial of his belonging had taken its toll. When the Trump administration came to power, he briefly considered leaving America, but ultimately chose not to lose his home to fear. He states, “I came to the realization that I refuse to let a presidency scare me from my own country. I refuse to live a life of fear defined by a government that doesn’t even know why it fears what it fears. Because I am not a citizen by law or by birth, I’ve had to create and hold on to a different kind of citizenship” (Vargas 199). By overcoming his fear, he had reached a new understanding of home. Vargas had come to understand that, more than feelings or actions, home was determined by choice. Not the choice of a government, or family, or strangers, but the choice of Vargas himself. The evolution of Vargas’s concept of home is the evolution of Vargas’s understand of his own power: there will always be those who will tell him America is not his home, but that is not their decision to make.
Aerial shot on Dijon, France. Getty Images
For the next portion of this essay, I will be interviewing Emeline, an immigrant from France. Emeline was born in Dijon, the capital city of Burgundy, France. After receiving her B.A. in British and American Literature and Culture from the University of Burgundy in 2011, she decided to spend a year in America as a Teaching Assistant at the University of New Hampshire. She returned to France for a year and was then accepted into a master’s program in French Literature and Culture at Miami University of Ohio, which she completed in 2015. She was then accepted into the French and Francophone Studies Ph.D. program at the University of California, Davis, and is currently finishing her dissertation.
Emeline’s concept of home while she was growing up in France was based mostly on the sensual aspects of her environment, as opposed to the familial connection that was the origin of Vargas’s concept. During our interview she stated, “In the region where I was born there’s a lot of diversity. In like, in dense caves, and we have mountains, but we also have like, you know, flat land with lots of flowers and vineyards and stuff like that. You can travel within like a thirty-minute radius and have all sorts of nature, so that’s one of the things I really enjoyed” (Emeline). While family was an important part of home, the most important aspect of Emeline’s first concept of home was variety: her eyes sparkled as she spoke of exploring the various environments of France, and of the many foods that she enjoyed that can’t be found in America. There was also, of course, a great emphasis placed on the vast number of superior wines found in France. After spending two decades in France, however, what was once novel had become familiar, and Emeline’s desire for new experiences would cause her to leave her home in search of something new.
After leaving her home country and coming to live in America at the age of twenty-one, Emeline experienced a shift from variety being what made her feel at home to personal connections and a sense of family being more important. When talking about what made her feel at home when she first came to America, she stated, “It was easier to sort of consider it home because I already had connections that could introduce me to people and I could, like, do events like Thanksgiving with. I did Thanksgiving with my friends’ family the first year, and it was big, but not intimidating. It felt like something I had wanted for a long time. I have a big family and friends, but we don’t get along, and seeing people make the effort to have those big meals, and like, spend time together was really something that I liked and made me feel at home” (Emeline). Whereas Vargas’s first shift in his concept of home was from family to experiences, Emeline’s first shift was the opposite. Home had gone from being a concept tied to variety to a concept tied to connection. She had found a sense of community and belonging that had been lacking in her time in France, and it had fulfilled a need in her that no amount of beautiful mountain landscapes, delicious food, or vastly superior wine could fill. Almost immediately after arriving America had become her home, not due to any paperwork or seal of approval from the government, but because of what she felt in her heart.
After living in America for nine months as a teaching assistant, Emeline returned to France and felt uneasy in the country that was her first home. Her experiences in America had opened her eyes to things she had never noticed before about France, like the unfriendly attitude of strangers as they walked down the street, and it made her even more certain that America was her true home. While speaking about her return to France, she said, “Yeah, it’s just, uh, not a matter of like, of the country itself; it’s just what’s there for me, and that’s mostly just family. That’s why it was easy for me to make the U.S. home, because wherever I have been to, whether it was New Hampshire, or Ohio, or here, I’ve always had a community of people around me, like when I was in New Hampshire I could go whenever I wanted to visit Julie: she was just an hour away” (Emeline). The lesson from Emeline’s return to France is that, despite the laws focus on a person’s physical location when determining their home, a person does not have to be present in a place at all for it to be their home. Emeline spent a year in France when she returned, and for that year she did not feel welcome, comfortable, or at ease, because for an entire year she was away from her home.
After her year in France, Emeline returned to America, and at the time of this writing has lived in America for eight years, and over that time her concept of home has continued to evolve. The pursuit of variety that she felt in her youth has turned into an understanding of the value of a feeling of familiarity and safety. When asked about her current concept of home, she replied, “Moving here, it’s… I had to make home; I had to make those concepts for myself, both home and family. I needed to be comfortable in that same space so, that came with knowing the area around me, like, there are still places in Davis that I don’t know, but I pretty much know where I’m going and where everything is in the town. I can have like a certain distance of comfort” (Emeline). It is not surprising to me that Emeline has come to value predictability after spending time in this country, given that her ability to stay in America has remained uncertain. I have seen the ever-present fear and anxiety she has experienced being a non-citizen, knowing that her life here is far from guaranteed. Despite her citizenship status Emeline fully regards America as her home, only returning to France for brief visits during holidays. Not once during our interview did the opinions or judgements of the government or anyone else factor into Emeline’s choice of where her home is. The one and only factor was what she felt.
What we learn from Jose Antonio Vargas’s and Emeline’s journeys is that the concept of home is not determined by outside forces such as governments or legal definitions, but instead is determined by individuals themselves, and can change over time. At nearly every stage of his life in America Vargas was told that he didn’t belong, that America was not his home because he didn’t meet certain criteria, and Emeline has been constantly told by the bureaucracy of American that she is not a citizen, and could be removed at any time, yet despite the pressure they have both refused to let anyone chose for them what can and cannot be their home. There are those who would say that a person’s home is determined by where they are born, where their family is, or where they are legally allowed to live. They would say that a person can only live where they are allowed to live, and that feelings are irrelevant in the face of the law. This is an attitude based in prejudice, as noted in the essay “Leaving Home,” in which the author states, “The walls of our home, however, are more than material. Home is ‘home’ because not everyone is welcome” (Lockford 5) I don’t believe we should let fear exclude people who have just as much right to live in this country as anyone else does, and I don’t believe any factor can determine where a person’s home is any more than they would be able to determine what a person feels, what a person thinks, or who a person loves. I know that Emeline agrees with me, and I think Jose Antonio Vargas would agree.
Works Cited
Amit, Karin, and Shirly Bar-Lev. “Immigrants’ Sense of Belonging to the Host Country: The Role of Life Satisfaction, Language Proficiency, and Religious Motives.” Social Indicators Research, vol. 124, no. 3, 2015, pp. 947–961.
Aptekar, Sofya. “Celebrating New Citizens, Defining the Nation.” Contexts, vol. 15, no. 2, 2016, pp. 46–51.
Emeline, Personal Interview, May 11, 2021
Lockford, Lesa. “Leaving Home: Abandoning a Problematic Metaphor. International Review of Qualitative Research, vol. 9, No. 1, 2016, pp. 4-10.
Terkenli, Theano. “Home as a Region”. Geographical Review, vol. 85, No. 3, 1995, pp. 324-334
Here’s my mom with her boots on, surrounded by her cousins in Nicaragua.
Get Your Boots On, We’re Going Home
by Mari, May 2021
Dear America: Notes of an Undocumented Citizen, by Jose Antonio Vargas, is a book about Jose’s life migrating to the Unites States and what it means to be a citizen in his eyes. Jose Antonio Vargas is a journalist and a immigration rights activist. We see the rollercoaster and an endless struggle in his life as he feels pressure to be a perfect “citizen.” Although he excels in everything he does, Jose still feels that being an immigrant is viewed in a negative light in our society. In the book, he separates his story into three parts: “Lying,” “Passing,” and “Hiding.” The purpose of the narrative structure is to show the reader how important one word—undocumented—can be. Because of this narrative structure and being connected to this topic in some way, I interviewed my mom, Favi. She came here when she was seven (around the same time as Vargas) for a better life and to reunite with her father. Life in Nicaragua was beautiful until the Sandinista Revolution came about and the Sandinistas started to take children from as young as ten to twelve years old to fight in their revolution. My mother had to flee, along with her siblings. Although Vargas and Favi come from different places in the world, they both experienced having to adapt to the U.S. and overall foster a new sense of home. In this essay, I will compare Vargas’ and Favi’s stories and look at similarities they went through to show how much immigrants go through in their lives. Taking the time to directly ask questions to the reader in order to put themselves in his and other immigrants’ shoes (like my mother), Vargas was just beginning to process migrating to the U.S., only to later find out he was undocumented, to discover his sexuality, only to feel unsupported by his family, and to come clean publicly about lying to get a job as a journalist: Vargas’ work suggests that defining home is a continuous process made complicated by the word undocumented.
Aerial view of Panorama of Manila city, Philippines Getty Images
Jose was born in Antipolo, Philippines and in his early stages of life felt like he had everything he could ever want in the world because that’s all he knew, but he later found out that his view of home was about to change. Jose grew up with his mother as his only guardian and you didn’t see one without the other: “Until that drive to the airport, Mama and I were inseparable. She didn’t work because I was her work. She made sure I was doing well in school. She cooked every meal: usually a fried egg with Spam for breakfast and, if I was good, her special spaghetti dish with chicken liver” (Vargas 3). When you love someone, you can always remember the good memories you had with them. They will forever stick with you. These were his favorite memories of his mother, be he would find out those were going to be some of the last memories he would have of her. His mother then took him to the airport, where she introduced him to this man she said was his uncle. She had told him that he was going to live in the United States, but she was not going with him. This was a very sentimental moment for Jose: “I don’t remember giving her a hug. I don’t remember giving a kiss” (Vargas 4). This was the very last time Jose saw his mother, so this stays with him forever. The feeling of not being able to remember how it felt to hug his mother, not knowing how she looked, if she had eaten, anything of the sort. Jose not having a mother in his life really affected his upbringing because he lost what it feels like to be close to family and to home. His mother was his everything, so he will keep the memories he has left of her close to his heart forever.
General view of the capital city of Managua, Nicaragua Getty Images
My mother, Favi, was born in Managua, Nicaragua. She loved it there and enjoyed every second of spending time with her family. Although she was very small, she remembers specific things, like the weather and humidity, how school was across the street from her house, how her gate looked around her house, and how no matter how the poverty affected everyone living there, they were the most giving. All of this was very sentimental to her. Around this time was when the Sandinista Revolution came about. My grandfather would have been taken, so he came to the U.S. through political asylum. Although she was with her mother, she had a special connection with my grandfather so she missed him dearly. When I asked her “What are some memories that really stuck with you from Nicaragua?” she answered, “It was my birthday and I remember my dad sending me clothes and a pair of brown boots from the U.S., and I wore it on my birthday and it felt so great. Because even though I didn’t have him physically with me, I knew he would always think about me.” She remembers that it was very hot on her birthday, but she didn’t care; she still wore that outfit. She proceeded to say, “I wore my boots so proud. Even as hot as my feet were, I wore it and it was beautiful.” Having her father not be there with her hurt her so much. Although Favi missed him dearly, she knew that if he came back he would be taken or worse. So much like Vargas, my mother carries all of those sweet memories with her forever. When it was time for her to migrate, it was a struggle. She had to cut her hair short to resemble the boy whose green card she was using. She remembers having roller skates placed on her shoulders and that she needed to pretend to be asleep crossing the border. The lie they made up was that they had just gone roller skating and they were going home. When she finally arrived, she was reunited (along with her siblings) with her father. Favi remembers it being Christmas Eve and he surprised them dressed as Santa Claus, yelling “HO, HO, HO!” Although she was reunited with her father, she still didn’t have her mother. She and Vargas felt as if they would never see their mothers again, which ultimately hurt their relationships with them.
The Sandinistas were a violent group of people that were fighting against the Somoza dictatorship; The Sandinista Revolution began in the late 70’s and early 80’s and laster to the early 90’s. The reason for this was the Somoza family felt that this kind of dictatorship was needed to fight the problems they were facing such as poverty, the mistreatment of the people, and disagreements when it came to sexuality. They believed that doing this would create a strong community when in reality it was doing everything but that. My mother remembers bullet shells being on the ground and even bullet holes around their home and neighborhood. When I asked my mother more about it, she proceeded to say: “They would take kids at a certain age and put them in the military. So you had no choice: they would just come into your home and take these kids, and take them into the jungle… you would never see these kids again.” They would barge into homes, take boys from their mothers and families and put them to work in their military force and brainwash them into believing in their dictatorship beliefs. This is the main reason why my grandfather had to leave because they would’ve taken him too, and he did whatever it took to prevent that from happening so he could look after his children. It got so bad that this was the reason why many Nicaguans fled to the United States. Although there was political asylum available, Ronald Reagan felt that they should handle their own issues because of what happened to the crime rate in Miami due to Cubans coming through asylum as well. In the chapter “A Repeat Performance?” by Alenjandro Portes and Alex Stepick, they describe: “The Nicaraguan Exodus, like the Cuban, converged in successive stages on Miami, beginning with the elites, then incorporating the professional and middle classes, and lastly the working class” (151). They describe that Nicarguans were adapting to the Miami culture and these was the same conditions for Cubans. So having more people migrate from asylum was hard for Ronald Reagan to fight for. This Revolution lasted for many, many years until the fall of the Sandinistas. It got to the point where thousands of lives had been lost and money as well, and this put the end of their revolution into gear. “This war cost tens of millions of dollars and thousands of lives, and ultimately led to the fall of the Sandinista regime. Democracy was restored in the 1990 elections after a hiatus of more than 50 years, running from the days of the corrupt Somoza regime through the revolutionary authoritarianism of the Sandinistas” (Quainton 1). In the article “…And Nicaragua, a Case in Point,” by Anthony Quainton, he describes how exactly the regime came to an end and the reasons for it. After almost a decade, Nicaragua itself had been known to be segregated in trying to rebuild their economy after the war. They have been better since back in the 80’s, but they are still struggling today to find their way back.
Vargas later found out that the U.S. was not exactly what he expected, which caused him to feel discombobulated, but later realized he had people that he could rely on and feel comfortable around. Growing up in the Philippines, he saw America as this place where celebrities walk around everywhere and where everyone was wealthy and came from wealth. My mother had described this as well. She said that it was so weird coming here because she thought she would see all her favorite actors walking around, when it was not the case. In developing countries, they have this fixed notion about how it’s supposed to be like here in the United States. “I thought I had landed in the wrong country” (Vargas 7) is what he originally had thought first landing in the U.S. He felt as if he was supposed to land in a place where artists of all sorts would be roaming around like it was nothing, and that’s simply not the case. This affected his sense of belonging, because back in the Philippines he already had these perceptions of what America was supposed to look like and who was supposed to be here. So when he landed and what he saw didn’t live up to his expectations, he felt discombobulated. According to “Culture: Persistence and Evolution,” by Francesco Giavazzi, Ivan Petkov, and Fabio Schiantarelli, they explain how assimilating to the U.S. culture may interfere with immigrants’ cultural identities. Giavazzi is a professor at Bocconi University, and studied economics and how it ties in with society. Many families go through this and struggle to find themselves. “…some of these inherited values may be at odds with the culture of the new country in which they are living, possibly hindering productive exchange with other group, and may be modified as a result of the exposure to US society and its social, political, and economic institutions, often very different from those of the country of origin” (Giavazzi, Petkov, and Schiantarelli). Within the quote, they are explaining that their values from their home countries often collide with trying to assimilate to US society. I believe that Vargas felt this when he came here and experienced that in fact there is more that comes with the US than they make it seem in their countries. In other countries, all that is shown is Hollywood life like actresses, models, and rich people when in reality it’s not like that. This caused him and my mother to feel confused on what to believe when they arrived the first time, and later on in their lives with their families.
Jose had not only family but the adjustment and discrimination that came with moving somewhere else awaiting him, which made him question whether he actually belonged and it tricked him into trying to “pass” for someone he wasn’t. His Lolo and Lola (grandpa and grandma) were the ones waiting for him as soon as he got out of the airport. “‘Ako ang nagdala sa iy dito,’ Lolo told me on the day he signed me up for school. ‘I brought you here.’ He said it in a voice that demanded pure joy and familiar ownership” (Vargas 10). Jose then realized that Lolo would soon become his father figure that he had always missed out on since he was a child. Lolo and Lola played huge roles in his upbringing. He loved living with his grandparents and the rest of his family, but he just wished that his mother would get to experience the same as he did. When he went to school, he actually loved it although he was discriminated against and still managed to prove everyone wrong. Joining many extra curricular activities, Jose was very involved. Whenever he went to school, he had realized that race was something unavoidable and he had to cope with what that meant. Jose didn’t understand why it was of such an importance to differentiate himself from people who din’t look like him here in the United States. It confused him: “…I learned that race was as much about behavior—as it was about physicality” (Vargas 20). This opened a door that Jose never thought would exist, something that he had never thought about before coming to America. In the article “Minority Statuses and Positive Views of the Country in the United States: an Investigation of Nativity/Immigrant Status, and Racial/Ethnic and Religious Backgrounds,” by Ryotaro Uemura, he describes that although there is a lot of discrimination against immigrants and refugees in the United States, many believe that they would rather be here than in their home country. Within the quote “…in general, immigrants voluntarily come to the US with the hope of having a better life (Portes and Rumbaut [26]), they may feel that their lives are better than those in their home countries (Kim [19]), which may offset the negative effect of their minority status” (Uemura) the authors of the article describe exactly that. Uemura uses examples from other sources to describe that many are just happy to be living their life here rather than in their home countries. The reason I chose this excerpt is because Jose tried to put together a reason why he was receiving this backlash and cultivated a mindset when he was younger to look at people other backgrounds differently. And that is because US citizens are used to discrimination and pointing out differences in eachother, while immigrants don’t see that before coming here. They come for a better opportunity in life, not to point out cultural differences.
Favi believes that when she was younger, although she did experience some people trying to exclude her and make her feel like she didn’t belong, she managed to get through and prove others wrong. It was hard at first but easier as time went on. She also feels that because she was younger, it was easier to adapt and learn the new criteria in school. Favi believes that in Nicaragua, schools actually taught at a faster pace than in the United States. In Nicaragua, schools would require the students to memorize all homework in a very crucial way. They would have you practice saying a certain number of words and would have you say them in front of class. Whatever the statements were, if you did not memorize or say things correctly they would hit you on your hand with a ruler. And because of this she felt tougher and more knowledgeable when she came to the U.S. Favi had straight A’s all the time. So rather than it being a struggle at first like it was for Vargs, Favi had a different experience and believed it was easy to adapt.
When Jose was younger, he believed he had a great support system, only to later find out that he had been lied to about being documented and would be pushed aside when he found out his sexuality and preference. Jose was going to school, was an outstanding student, and felt at peace until one day he brought his green card to the DMV so he could sign up for his driver’s permit. He was sixteen years old when he found out that his green card was fake and it caused him to be afraid. Afraid of not only the fact that he had come here without permanet residence, but that the word “undocumeted” would haunt him forever. Yet he was trying to cope and understand why this was happening to him. Jose asked himself many unanswered questions: “Does Mama know? Why didn’t anybody tell me? Can I get a ‘real’ green card? Is a ‘real’ green card something you can buy? For how much? Where? Can I tell my friends about it? Can I trust my family? Who can I trust?” (Vargas 33). He felt lost and mostly betrayed by the people closest to him at the time, his family. It caused severe tension in the family, and eventually caused him to avoid confiding in his grandparents about certain things that were going on in his life. He felt as if they had lied to him about bringing him here with legal residence, that he couldn’t trust them with anything. Then he started to notice that his preferences and his sexuality was something he wanted to discover. Jose knew he was gay, and eventually told his grandparents what that meant to him. “As Catholics, they viewed homosexuality as a sin. Lolo said he was embarrassed about having ‘ang apo na bakla’ (a grandson who is gay)” (Vargas 42). The feedback that was given to Jose after telling his only guardian figures hurt him so deeply. It hurt him tremendously because he thought this would be a last straw in being close to them. Trying to get them to understand that this wasn’t a choice, yet a recognition of who he was as a person made it feel like it was him against the world. Like he had no sense of belonging. In fact, many parents go through this, but immigrants especially have it harder because of how “dangerous” it may be for the family. One person’s ideas and the way they act is viewed as a treacherous way to send the family back to their home countries. According to the article “Identifying the Needs of LGBTQ Immigrants and Refugees in Southern Arizona,” by Karma Chavez, people in immigrant communities are often afraid to reveal their status because they are a part of the LGBTQ communities. “This man’s family relies on him, and due to his intersecting situation with health, sexuality, and migrant status, he is unable to meet his own health needs, let alone those of his family. Meeting the health needs of LGBTQ migrants, thus, not only involves addressing individual needs, but also those of family and community” (Chavez). This part of the article shows that this immigrant man couldn’t find the support he needed when it came to his health because he would rather keep his, as well as his family’s, status under the radar. This happens to many families in immigrant communities. The sacrifices made just so your family is safe, and this idea to stay quiet and low key. Jose felt this pressure from his family because they wanted to keep everything under the radar themselves, but Jose saw it differently.
Journalism has always been Jose’s dream career because he felt that he could be a voice for others and felt in charge of bringing light to situations many people don’t know immigrants are going through. Jose brings all of his passion not only to what he knows about what being an immigrant is like, but to how that can affect someone’s mind, how it can potentially make them afraid of being able to express themselves and feel like they belong. “Writing was also a way of belonging, a way of contributing to society while doing a public-service-orientated job that is the antithesis of the stereotype that ‘illegals’ are and here to take, take, take” (Vargas 58). His ambition to make sure people are aware of this fear of not knowing how much it will take for someone to feel like they belong is exactly what makes Jose understand his purpose. Jose found himself through his journalism career: “The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a person’s determination” (Vargas 85). Jose understood that no matter what the consequences may be, he had to write about what other people like himself are going through. Because at the end of the day, immigrants “show up” and will continue to do so.
Vargas feels as if the meaning of home is not just a place where you feel safe in knowing you are welcomed, but the people who push you to your best abilities. Home is a place where you know you belong and are able to express yourself in any way you want. It took a long time for Jose to realize this. Jose went through all the highs and lows in this portion of his life: “But as I get older, as the sense of isolation and individualism digs deeper, I cannot look myself in the face. Even though I am no longer hiding from the government, I am hiding from myself, all alone in a massive loft” (Vargas 185). Vargas understood that running away from the fear of facing reality and other people around him made him lonely. He realized the word “undocumented” had haunted him so much that he was running from not only the word, but also from the people who did in fact love him and care for him most. The word undocumented is simply, just a word. This word deteriorates a human being’s willingness to want to stand up for themselves and say, “I do everything most ‘citizens’ won’t even do!” This happened to Jose. He was surrounded by others who wanted him to accept the amount of potential he had and his voice for others. But even while he knew this, he caught himself running from trying to create these relationships and step out of his comfort zone. Jose knew that his view of home changed right there and then. Home is not only a place, but the people you surround yourself with to push you further in life. He talked to his mother and explained his phenomenon and what was going on in his life and her response was, “ ‘Maybe’, Mama said, her voice growing fainter for a moment, ‘maybe it’s time to come home’ ” (Vargas 230). Something he’d never thought of before. Going back to his mother. His first sense of home had been being with his mother.
Favi believes the meaning of home is where her family is. As long as she’s with her family, she feels like she is her best self. My mother is so selfless to the point where she puts everyone first and she is the strongest person I know. She has always taught me right from wrong. Something that always sticks with me is that she has taught me to stay true to myself and to remember that family is the most important thing I have. I believe this myself. All I’ve known is family and sticking together no matter what happens. This is what my mother had taught me, and the way I was raised. So I truly believe that no matter where I am myself in my life, my family will always make me feel at home and at peace with the world.
My mother feels as if the word undocumented is a judgemental stamp created to segregate people from one another. When I asked my mother what she believed undocumented meant, she responded: “Unable to see equality. Having walls built around you that you feel like you can never get up and over. Um, to being tagged as less worthy compared to a documented person. Society makes you feel a little less by using that word.” Although it is just one word, it really has an effect on my mother. Favi feels like this is a way of separating and dividing people. She begins to say, “What makes us different? A piece of paper? It is used to divide us people into having different opinions and views of each other.” My mother believes that every human on this earth is worth having the right to living and seeing others as human beings. Because in reality nothing makes us different, except for our backgrounds. We are all one species.
In the book Dear America: Notes of an Undocumented Citizen, by Jose Vargas, we find that this narrative structure in the parts of “Lying” (finding out he was undocumented) , “Passing” (coming out, becoming a journalist), and “Hiding” (from everything) has a purpose in describing how finding home is a continuous process because of the word undocumented. He also understands the amount of weight that word has on others, and it’s because of this narrative structure that I can bring light to my mother’s story and show that although you may come from different backgrounds, you can go through similar things in life. Jose interprets home to be not only a place of continuous adjustment but people who push you to be great, the same as my mother. My mother feels this way with family. Although others may feel that the definition of home is different, Jose as well as Favi, take into consideration what the sense of belonging may be for an immigrant, and also understands it’s a round-the-clock job itself. Home isn’t a place, but people who welcome you for being you.
Works Cited
Chavez, Karma R. (2011). Identifying the Needs of LGBTQ Immigrants and Refugees in Southern Arizona. 58, 189-218.
Giavazzi, F., Petkov, I., & Schiantarelli, F. (2019). Culture: Persistence and Evolution. 24, 117-154.
Portes, Alejandro. “A Repeat Performance?” City on The Edge: The Transformation of Miami., edited by Alex Stepick, University of California Press, 1993, pp. 150–175.
Quainton, Anthony. “…And Nicaragua, a Case in Point [FINAL Edition].” …And Nicaragua, a Case in Point, 2002.
Vargas, Jose A. (2018). Dear America: Notes of an Undocumented Citizen. Dey Street.
Uemura, R. (2017). Minority statuses and positive views of the country in the United States: An investigation of nativity/immigrant status, and racial/ethnic and religious backgrounds. 40, 931-950.
This is a recording of Marlon telling me his story.
The Cost of Salvation
by Antonio Johnson-smith, January 2021
The book Solito, Solita is a collection of stories compiled by Steven Mayers and Jonathan Freedman that tell the diverse journeys immigrants embark on from across the globe in their quests to reach the US border. After reading and writing about two narratives in the book, I’ve come to understand that Gabriel and Josué faced many human rights abuses while growing up in Central America. I also got the chance to interview a friend of mine from EL Salvador during which we discussed abuses he also experienced growing up there, and related them to his experiences after moving to the US. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR) is a document passed by the United Nations General Assembly that was created in an effort to ensure all human beings equal protection to rights, such as the right to life, with which one is allowed to freely attain personal wellbeing; the rights in the UDHR are inherited by every human the second they are born. Gabriel is a Honduran immigrant who escaped his country to seek the protection of his human rights, and is now working to become a lawyer to prevent children from experiencing human rights abuses. Josué is a Salvadoran immigrant who fled his country because of gang violence and the little to no chance of upward mobility. He is now running his own trucking company. Marlon, also a Salvadoran immigrant, who experienced much discrimination while growing up because of his sexuality. Fortunately, he was given the opportunity to move to the US, and is an aspiring anthropologist. The depletion of government services in Central America, the rise of debilitating corruption, and gangs that have more authority than the police, have led many people to be vulnerable and likely to experience human rights abuses: factors that force one to flee.
Gabriel’s experience not having a say over his own body violated his right to being treated humanely by others; Josué’s experience being persecuted by gangs that dramatically limited his quality of life violated his right to live freely; Marlon’s experience being bullied for his sexuality violated his right to also live freely and express himself without repercussions. In the article “Trump Defends ‘Animals’ Remark, Saying It Referred to MS-13 Gang Members,”Julie Hirshcfeld, a congressional editor at the New York Times, and Niraj Choski, a business reporter at the New York Times who focuses on transportation and trends in state politics, recorded how Trump stated: ‘“You wouldn’t believe how bad these people are,’ the president added. ‘These aren’t people, these are animals, and we’re taking them out of the country at a level and at a rate that’s never happened before”’ (2018). Even though President Trump said this in the context of criminals crossing the US border— specifically MS-13 gang members— he never addressed the thousands of families suffering tremendously to reach a country where they can raise a child in a secure environment. This poses the question of whether Trump even understands that the-vast-majority-of Central American refugees are ordinary citizens, or whether he sees Central Americans, in general, as simply criminals who are less than human. How do the experiences of Gabriel, Josué, and Marlon break the narrative of young Central American males being criminals and gang members? From their shared yet distinct experiences as young men growing up in Central American countries, to their journeys to the US, as well as their lives once they successfully arrived at our shores, break the false narrative of young Central Americans males, and immigrants in general, of being criminals who seek to steal this nation’s wealth; their humanity is revealed through their stories, which do not reflect the ways immigrants are negatively portrayed in much of society.
Gabriel grew up in Honduras, where at an early age he was raped by numerous cousins and witnessed the violent abuses his father inflicted on his mother. He frequently moved in with different family members because of the instability at home, or to get away from gangs and drugs at school. At age fifteen, he convinced his Mom to pay a coyote[1]to bring him to the United States, and subsequently he made the long dangerous trek across two borders. Once he reached the desert between Mexico and the US, his coyote used inhumane tactics, like drugging him, to get him across in a short period of time. The coyote also frequently increased the cost he was charging his mom to smuggle Gabriel across the border and threatened to kill Gabriel if the increased ransom was not met. Once Gabriel arrived in San Francisco, he began attending school and eventually came out to his mother as being gay. He is now attending UC Berkeley, working towards becoming a lawyer, with the goal of preventing children from going through the countless abuses he faced growing up.
Josué is from El Salvador. Growing up, he lived a poor but fulfilling life working with his father’s business collecting coconuts. He recounts how his mother made the best marquesotes[2]in town and how his father was beloved by all. Unfortunately, his mother died when he was a boy and so his father took on both parenting roles; Josué always had a deep admiration for him. One day, gangs took over his small town on the Pacific coast, and everyone was forced to pay them “taxes;” not paying would often lead to being violently murdered. In addition, he was being pressured to join the gangs, but Josué resisted, putting his life in direct danger, so he had no choice but to flee to the US. With the help of his father, he managed to make it to the US border, where he was detained by border patrol officers. Josué recalls being discriminated against by a couple of the guards who made it clear they didn’t value him as a human being. After the Border Patrol realized he was underage, he was sent to live with his brother in the Bay Area, where he was provided free legal services that led him to being granted asylum. Unfortunately, his father was killed by gangs back in El Salvador for refusing to pay their renta[3]. This shook Josué to his core, but through the help of a loving girlfriend and being granted asylum, he now is running his own trucking business he named Agosto and Beatriz Trucking, after his parents.
Marlon grew up in El Salvador, and moved to the US when he was fourteen because his grandma successfully petitioned him, as well as his mother, his sister, and his brother. While growing up in El Salvador, he experienced a lot of discrimination for being gay, particularly when he enrolled in a private school, where the kids were relentless in tormenting him because of his feminine attributes. He recalls how he used to be a very good student before enrolling in the private school, and how he started to involve himself with bad students after enrolling, which further led him into the wrong crowds once moving to the US. He also recalls his inability to openly express his sexuality in front of his family because he knew doing so would only lead him to being ostracized, which meant that he, in many ways, was neglected from receiving essential support from his loved ones. Overall, Marlon felt that being gay in a country that was completely intolerant of that way of life traumatized him in many ways that still affect him today.
In Central America, the lack of government resources provided to its citizens creates much instability and hostile living conditions. Human rights are typically not protected by governments and abuses spread rampantly, as in Gabriel Méndez’s story. Gabriel endured traumas by many of his close family members, such as his father and cousins. He suffered abuses to his personal privacy and his right to be treated humanely by others. When Gabriel was only a boy, his father regularly physically abused his mother in front of him. Gabriel would also be abused if he ever tried to intervene. “There was a lot of yelling at the house. My mom would cry and my dad would beat her in front of us—and beat me up as well. I felt awful because there was nothing I could do” (Mayers & Freedman 61). Gabriel’s early traumatic experiences in the developmental stages of childhood have contributed to lifelong scars. Early traumas experienced by children leave them more likely to follow the wrong path later in life, which in Central American countries, like Honduras, where abusers are often not punished for their acts, contributes to the never-ending cycle of human rights violations. According to the UDHR, “No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his privacy, family, home or correspondence, nor to attacks upon his honor and reputation. Everyone has the right to the protection of the law against such interference or attacks” (12). Gabriel witnessing and having fallen victim to his father’s sporadic and drunken attacks degraded his privacy, as well as his sense of personal self-worth.
On top of experiencing abuse by his father, Gabriel was repeatedly raped by close members of his family. “I was just a boy of seven. My cousins raped me for a long time—for a year. They raped me at the river, where they collected water, and in my own home. Some of the cousins were brothers. One had a wife and his own children, yet he raped me” (Mayers & Freedman 63). The horrible acts Gabriel endured by his cousins went unnoticed by family members, leading to Gabriel having to cope with these traumas without the loving support and affirmation of a parent or guardian. A basic human right is the protection from being degraded and debilitated by violence; Gabriel did not have the luxury of having this basic right respected. “No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment” (UDHR 5). It’s apparent that the Honduran government providing little services, such as in criminal investigations and community prevention of abuses, leads to virtually nonexistent consequences for people infringing on the human rights of others. Cecilia Menjivar is a Professor of Psychology at UCLA who focuses on immigration, gender, and violence; in her academic journal article “The Architecture of Femicide: The State, Inequalities, and Everyday Gender Violence in Honduras,”she discusses gender-based violence experienced by women in Honduras, and quotes the work of Guillermo O’Donnell on the role the Honduran government plays in the impunity of criminals:
“Honduras is characterized by Guillermo O’Donnell’s conceptualization of ‘brown areas,’ that is, areas where the legal state is absent, resulting in a compromised rule of law. In these areas, ‘whatever formally sanctioned law exists is applied intermittently, if at all’ by subnational systems of power (e.g., patrimonial or even gangster-like), with informal legal systems that coexist with national regimes that have formal legal systems and are nominally democratic” (O’Donnell 2004, 38-39, 2017).
The horrific experiences Gabriel went through with his family members are an example of what many experience living in poverty; unaccounted human rights abuses force people to flee. These abuses also erode the stereotype that Central American males come here to bring violence and spread disease, as Gabriel fled out of the necessity to survive. Gabriel witnessing and experiencing physical abuse from his father, and silently suffering for years with the act of rape repeatedly inflicted on him by his cousins, violated the rights a human being is entitled to be protected from by the simple act of being born.
Gabriel and Josué both lived in countries where gang violence was a daily reality, a reality that infringed upon their rights to feel secure in their own communities, where making the most of the little they had was completely taken out of their control; leading them to an inevitable journey to the US, not as criminals but as refugees. Josué’s experiences growing up in El Salvador were not perfect, as he lost his mother at a young age, but for a time collecting coconuts off a nearby island with his father and later selling them served as a good enough way to sustain life. Unfortunately, this peaceful and tranquil way of life was abruptly halted by the insurgence of maras[4] in his town, which forced anyone at his age to join; in fact, resisting joining would often end in lethal consequences. “They’ll just pass by your house and boom! It doesn’t matter to them who you are or if they are right or not. they just kill people. they even kill the police” (Mayers & Freedman 42). Resisting would only exacerbate his danger, but one could look at the situation as a double-edged sword: If one joins, they’re likely to get killed by a rival gang; if one doesn’t join, the gangs will likely kill them. The International Human Rights Clinic at Harvard Law School published the book No Place To Hide, in which they investigate the causes of extreme gang violence in El Salvador; in their book they state: “Young people in certain regions of El Salvador increasingly find themselves coerced into some form of association with a gang. Indeed, resisting such association often means being targeted for physical abuse or death” (Fariña Pedraza et al., 22 2010). This seemingly inescapable fate is the motivation for Josué making the trek across Mexico to the United States. Gabriel also faced similar challenges in his neighboring country of Honduras, where the protection of the lives of citizens is seldom enforced, leaving people to fend for themselves. “I’m from Tegucigalpa, Honduras, from a very dangerous neighborhood called Villa Franca. The people there are very poor. there are a lot of maras, many negative things happening with the government, and a lot of ignorance in the community” (Mayers & Freedman 62). The constant stress of living with the terror of not knowing when or for what unjustified reason one might be killed is a violation of the right to be alive. “Article 3: Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person” (UDHR). Living in an environment with the high insecurity that for whatever reason a person’s—or their family’s—life could be in danger, leads many people to abandon the only places they’ve ever known, and to enter into the unknown. Josué and Gabriel’s experiences of the constant threat of death looming around a nearby corner is a violation of their right to live freely, to express one’s desires without consequence, and through these experiences they’re shown to be the victims, not the perpetrators of abuse and violence.
Gangs like MS-13, whose presence in Central America is strong, were actually founded in the US, and this key piece of US history in itself debunks the false narrative that immigrants coming from countries like Honduras are all criminals. “At the least, the deportation of gang members from the U.S. in the late 1990s helped trigger the rapid development of organized gang activity in El Salvador” (Fariña Pedraza et al., 22 2010). Gangs that were founded in Los Angeles, like MS-13, saw their members being deported rapidly because the US felt that their presence was not their problem since many of them were not legal citizens. This led to an increased amount of instability in countries like El Salvador, whose judicial system was not adept to handle this new crisis of American gangs in a fragile post civil war state; thus these gangs found it easier to take advantage of this fragility, and now hold firm power in the region. The understanding that gangs in Central America started in the US debunks the false narrative that males from this region are bringing the gangs here, and through the abuses that Gabriel, Josué, and Marlon faced it becomes clearer that the-grand-majority of young males fleeing Central America are not criminals; they are humans seeking a better standard of life.
Josué, Gabriel, and Marlon were also denied their inherent right to free and accessible education that provides a safe space for their personalities to be cultivated. Access to adequate education is fundamental in the ability of an individual to better understand the politics of the world that surrounds them, which partly explains why many Central American governments have been so successful in maintaining corruption. Josué grew up without the option of ever attending school. Even though he was content working with his father and had a fulfilling life doing so, Josué never learned to read or write, which can make it easier for someone to take advantage of him, or make it harder for Josué to know when danger might be lingering close by. “The gang left a piece of paper under the door. I didn’t know how to read. Nor did my father, but my little sister read it aloud: ‘We’re coming for you tomorrow morning. We’re not playing around’” (Mayers & Freedman 43). It’s highly probable that if Josué’s sister wasn’t around to warn them of what the note said, he and his father would have been completely blindsided; adequate education can prevent these types of scenarios. Josué’s experience never attending school went directly against his human right to free education. “Everyone has the right to education. Education shall be free, at least in the elementary and fundamental stages” (UDHR 26.1). Had Josué or his father been given the option of education to learn fundamental skills, like reading, they would’ve been able to use those skills to potentially be more informed about the specific ways the Salvadoran government’s corruption is linked to the uncontrolled gang activities that seem to plague their lives. The Salvadoran government’s negligence, which inhibited Josué from every attending school, broke his basic right to free and available education, and also acted as a catalyst that led him to immigrate to the US for security of life, not to participate in illicit activities once moving there.
Gabriel and Marlon were both bullied at school for their feminine attributes, and the fact that no one would stand up for them violated their right to express themselves freely without being condemned. Their shared experiences of being queer in an intolerant environment riddled with machismo[5] shows that staying in their native countries would only prove futile. Gabriel stuck out like a sore thumb when he attended school because his mannerisms did not align with how a boy “should” act. This is a common experience felt by queer youth universally, but the fact that the school he attended provided no support for the bullying that he faced only made it harder for him to find acceptance for himself. “Everybody at school was calling me ‘gay,’ ‘faggot,’ ‘homosexual.’ I didn’t know what that was or what they were referring to. They wouldn’t tell me. In time they began to say that I walked funny, that I walked like a woman. I didn’t like it” (Mayers & Freedman 66). Even the teachers would shame him for the way he was naturally acting, which violated Gabriel’s right to express himself without being put in harm’s way. “Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression” (UDHR 19). Schools play a vital role in shaping the way young minds think, which is evermore a reason why education systems have the responsibility to uphold the human rights of their students; particularly, rebuking attitudes that violate equality of expression and opinion. Article 26 in the UDHR, regarding education states: “It shall promote understanding, tolerance and friendship among all nations, racial or religious groups.” It’s clear that Gabriel’s experience in the Honduran education system was not one that aligned with these rights. In Central America, schools are not allocated sufficient funding to provide those countries’ youth with opportunities to reach higher education. Jordan Levy is a political anthropologist, and in his academic journal article “Decentralization and Privatization of Education in Honduras,” he describes how the education system in rural Honduras is not properly funded by the government, and the ramifications this lack of funding leads to:
“An unprecedented set of school finance reforms now ‘decentralize’ state funds for academic programs and facility maintenance—stipulating that money will come not from the central Ministry of Education offices in Tegucigalpa but from each school’s corresponding municipal governments. From there, regional authorities can demand that teachers actively seek funds from private businesses, nongovernmental organizations, and philanthropists in the area as a condition of transferring government funds to local schools” (2019).
This lack of government funding for schools in Honduras, especially in rural regions, leads to teachers having to find private resources for the survival of their classrooms, which is funding that is not guaranteed. The cost of school and the need for kids to contribute to their families’ income leaves many children accepting school as something they will never take part in, which is a human rights violation Josué and Gabriel experienced firsthand.
While growing up, Marlon attended public school in El Salvador, and he was an excellent student earning high grades; however, he experienced bullying from the students at the private school he attended because of his lower socioeconomic status, and the fact that he was naturally feminine, which violated his right to be himself in a safe place without becoming a target for physical and verbal harassment (UDHR 19). He recounts feeling proud of himself and having a strong sense of confidence for being one of his public school’s best students. Then around fifth grade, he had the opportunity to transfer to a private school because of the grades he was earning. Once he transferred, Marlon remembered noticing the stark socioeconomic differences between the public school he attended, and the private school he was now enrolled in. “I remember the very first day of school. So, they dropped me off [pause]. By foot. Somebody went to drop me off. We went to the bus. We went to the school, and then… I see this: A lot of kids getting off like, umm, big cars, big busses and stuff. Like private busses” (Marlon 2020). Marlon immediately noticed how the other students had privileges that he was never afforded, which intimidated him and also made him feel envious because of how much wealth his new peers had. From the moment Marlon stepped onto the campus, he stood out, and not in a good way either. “She [the teacher] would be like, ‘Oh can you do a summary of this?’ and I didn’t know what a summary was. I would ask them and they would laugh because I didn’t know what summary was” (Marlon 2020). He was ridiculed by the other students for not knowing what in their eyes were basic concepts, but for Malron these were concepts he had never been taught at the public school he had formerly attended. This bullying he received for being from a different economic background at the private school violated his right to have a safe place for his personality to be cultivated, and a place that promotes understanding between all ways of life (UDHR19).
Marlon was also discriminated against because of his sexual orientation while attending private school in El Salvador, which restricted his ability to express himself naturally without the fear of receiving aggressive backlash (UDHR19). Marlon was harassed for being feminine:
“So, as soon as I got there I think they noticed my flare. They knew right away that I was gay, so I was teased a lot about that actually. Actually, I laugh about it, and we [referring to me and him] laugh about it, umm, because I try to make it funny, but actually it was not funny at all honestly. I was super super scared. I was. I felt like I lost a lot of self confidence there because of the way they would treat me. They would treat me really bad” (2020).
Marlon was an easy target for the other students because he was not only a new student, but was from a poorer, more rural neighborhood, and he was also gay. “I asked: What would they say? He responded: Well first, you know things like ‘faggot, like maricón, marica, una niñita,’ umm, what else, I have so many words” (Marlon 2020). This harassment led Marlon to do poorly in school, and he started making friends with the “bad” students, who were ironically the ones who were nicest to him. Malron’s right to adequate education was not upheld even though he attended a private school that had quality education. The treatment that he received from his peers pushed him away from his studies, especially since he was being harassed and no one would stand up for him. “Education shall be directed to the full development of the human personality and to the strengthening of respect for human rights and fundamental freedoms. It shall promote understanding, tolerance and friendship among all nations, racial or religious groups…” (UDHR 26). The opportunity for free education that equally values its students and promotes their best qualities was absent in Josué’s case, as he never attended school in El Salvador, and deficient in Gabriel’s and Marlon’s, as they both faced discrimination for their sexuality. Starting a new life in the US for all of them would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have access to education that promotes ones best qualities, which they or their potential future children could benefit from, and shows that moving here would certainly not be to perpetuate the myth that they are criminals.
Gabriel and Josué both fled their countries because they knew coming to the US would give them a better chance to have their human rights upheld, as well as gain access to upward mobility; however, the journey through Guatemala and Mexico is one that presented many dangerous circumstances, and their rights were oftentimes thrown out the window; for example, Gabriel was given drugs to keep him walking through the desert, and was held against his will by his coyotes; Josué was accosted on a bus traveling through Mexico, where he could have easily lost his life. Many Central Americans on their path to the US are taken advantage of by cartel gangs or even by the Mexican government, where they are often subjected to inhumane acts. Josué eventually had no other choice but to flee El Slavador because his resistance to joining a gang was putting him and his family’s lives in direct danger. While traversing Mexico, he was in-close-proximity-to many dangerous people. Fortunately, the coyote he was traveling with was able to protect him through the journey. In one instance, he was on a bus and it got hijacked by thieves who were taking people’s money. “We were accosted on a bus in Mexico, and thieves demanded money. We didn’t have much, but it was something that I wouldn’t want to go through again” (Mayers & Freedman 46). Josué was detained by thieves who sought to exploit his vulnerability because he was an unprotected immigrant. This was a violation of his right to freely pass through another country without being targeted for not being a native of that region. “Everyone has the right to freedom of movement and residence within the borders of each State” (UDHR 13). Josué was fortunate to be traveling through the first part of his journey with an experienced and intimidating coyote who protected him in moments when people could have easily picked up on his vulnerable conspicuousness, which gave Josué a much better chance of surviving the journey through Mexico than if he was traveling with a coyote who didn’t have his life at best interest.
Gabriel also fled; he kept moving from family member to family member because he was being threatened by gangs, and people wouldn’t stop harassing him for acting “gay,” which pushed him to the edge; as a result, he left Honduras with the help of his mom. The journey through Guatemala and Mexico was not an easy one for Gabriel, as he witnessed discrimination, came into close contact with drug cartels, and traveled with coyotes who constantly demanded more money from him. The coyotes Gabriel was traveling with used extreme tactics to keep him on his journey to the US, tactics that completely disregarded his consent. “I began to feel extreme anxiety from the drugs they were feeding us; every three hours was another pill. Pill after pill. We felt no hunger, no cold, no weariness” (Mayers & Freedman 71). The coyotes were giving him drugs without explaining what they were, or what kind of symptoms he would most likely experience from taking them. Although the drugs Gabriel was given did help him get through the desert in a relatively short period of time, he was constantly taking new pills to keep him walking; furthermore, the drugs were causing him extreme anxiety, a feeling that never ceased because of his constant intake. The fact that Gabriel didn’t know what he was putting in his body, and the seemingly neverending torture he was experienceing from the drugs, violated his human right to be protected from inhumane treatment (UDHR 5). Josué and Gabriel’s experience being in constant danger while traveling through Mexico is unfortunately a very common experience for Central American immigrants. Wendy Vogt, who has a Ph.D in Anthropology and focuses on migrants, violence, and Latin America, wrote the academic journal article “Stuck in the Middle With You: The Intimate Labours of Mobility and Smuggling along Mexico’s Migrant Route,” which talks about the different criminal and government organizations that prey on vulnerable immigrants traversing Mexico:
“Most notable has been the rise of Los Zetas criminal gang, who demands migrants pay ‘taxes’ to pass through their territories. Those who do not pay are kidnapped, forced to work for Los Zetas in transporting drugs, weapons and people, or in some cases, killed. In a six-month period in 2010, Mexico’s Human Rights Commission (CNDH) documented 11,000 incidents of kidnappings of Central American migrants” (2016).
Kidnappings and the increased likelihood of experiencing violence for immigrants passing through Mexico are the direct result of their vulnerability due to factors such as not knowing the places they are traveling through, and the fear of being caught and deported, which makes them prime targets of criminal organizations for extortion. Josué and Gabriel both experienced human rights abuses in their quests to achieve a better quality of life. The sacrifices they made just to reach a place where they knew that their human rights had much better odds of being upheld set an example, and further break the false narrative that they came here with malignant intent.
If immigrants are fortunate enough to overcome the numerous obstacles on their journeys to the US-Mexican border, they face one last barrier that must be overcome before they can hopefully gain access to the prospect of guaranteed human rights, this obstacle being the US border patrol, and more specifically the policies that are passed by the US government to keep immigrants out. While Jousé experienced nativistic discrimination while being detained by the US border patrol, Gabriel’s life was threatened by his coyotes who demanded more money from his mom, and threatened to end his life if she didn’t pay. These acts violated the rights of Josué and Gabriel while crossing the US border. Once Josué reached the US-Mexican border, he was caught by the border patrol and detained, where he was discriminated against and treated poorly for no justified reason; his only crime was seeking asylum. “I told them I needed help, that I’d fled from gangs in my country. One agent said in Spanish, ‘All of them say this!’ Another yelled, ‘And when they get here they’re the ones that ruin our country! We don’t want people like you’’’ (Mayers & Freedman 47). The patrol officers displayed explicit nativism that degraded Josué’s human experience, as they didn’t know him on an individual level; they only categorized him as a criminal because of where he comes from. “All are entitled to equal protection against any discrimination in violation of this Declaration and against any incitement to such discrimination” (UDHR 7). Josué faced blunt discrimination and was treated less than human, which violated his right to be protected from prejudices that could potentially put his life in harm’s way.
Gabriel’s transition into the US also came with the repercussion of being undocumented. When Gabriel successfully made it through the desert after a tortuous journey, he was still held captive by his coyotes,who threatened to kill him unless his mother met their increased ransom. “The coyotes demanded more money to take us to San Francisco. If we didn’t pay, they threatened to cut our heads and all kinds of horrible things” (Mayers & Freedman 70). The smugglers that Gabriel’s mother coordinated with to get him across the US border were successful in completing the journey, but were also abusive and took full advantage of Gabriel’s undocumented status, which severally limited his ability to escape the dangerous situation. The threats the coyotes made against Gabriel neglected his right to life, and his ability to move freely as they were keeping him captive unless a certain ransom was met. “Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person” (UDHR 3). The coyotes holding Gabriel captive and taking any control out of his hands degraded him as a human; in fact, they were so persistent in extorting the most money out of Gabriel that even once he was reunited with his mother, they threatened to kill him until the moment his mother had paid the ransom. The abuses Josué and Gabriel faced did not stop once they escaped their birth countries, but followed them like a plague because their rights were not protected from those who would seek to profit off them, which sets yet another clear example that their motives to come the US are to seek refuge from the violence they grew up in, not to bring that violence upon others.
After moving to the US, Marlon seeks to find a sense of community where he feels that his sexuality is respected, and begins to associate himself with crowds that fade his focus on education and on his future, but he breaks away from this community and in doing so breaks from the narrative that young Central American immigrants are “delinquents” who don’t deserve to be here. Once Marlon arrived in the US and started attending school, he began the process of learning how to cope and adapt to a new American society. There were many difficulties, such as learning the language, and finding a community where he felt that he belonged. Marlon tells me about how he, when first attending schools in San Francisco, was still bullied for being gay, which continued to violate his right to be accepted and supported for who is (UDHR 19). He tells me about how this struggle didn’t end with him departing from El Salvador. Because Marlon faced continued harassment for being gay and didn’t see himself fitting in with the “smart students,” largely influenced by his previous experiences being treated poorly by his high achieving peers, this led him to follow a path that at the moment felt familiar and comfortable, while later he reflects on how destructive it was to his success. “I should’ve been with friends, you know, who are like doing homework at night, friends who, like, study together because there were people who did that in high school. I just never hung out with them. Umm, I preferred to hang out with my friend, who would smoke weed and drink, I preferred that over friends who would study” (Marlon 2020). Marlon eventually realizes that associating himself with people who are “fun,” but are constantly using drugs, and some of whom are in gangs, hinders his ability to have a successful life. This realization leads Marlon to break out of that friend group and to focus more on school, which is no easy task, and further breaks the false narrative that Central American males are criminals. Aviva Chomsky is a Professor of History at Salem State University in Massachusetts. She focuses on Latin American, Latino, and Caribbean Studies. In Chomsky’s book “They Take our Jobs” and 20 other myths about immigration, she debunks in each chapter with great detail one common myth about immigrants: “As they became more Americanized, they entered an oppositional inner-city teenage culture that valued money, drugs, and reckless behaviors defined as cool- the opposite of the hopeful and hard-working recent arrivals” (107). Chomsky explains that immigrants that first arrive to the US are some of the most motivated and hardworking students in the classroom, but when they struggle to find ways to assimilate to American culture they often forfeit their strong identities of their native countries, and in doing so replace their identities as hard working students hungry for success with a learned position within the US social hierarchy, a spot that does not promote economic mobility. Separating himself from a community that makes him feel at home, but at the same time perpetuates dysfunctional behaviors, has led Marlon to break out of a fixed position in American society that suppresses minorities into never achieving their full potential and the American Dream.
The sexual and physical abuse Gabriel suffered at the hands of some his close family members, who betrayed the notion of a loving family, left him with deep permanent scars, and violated his right to be treated humanely, as well as his right to have privacy over his own body; The maras that forced Josué to flee El Salvador, with their constant threats of ending his life, violated his right live freely and to choose what he decides is best for himself; the harassment Marlon faced for being gay also violated his right to express himself fully without facing negative repercussions. Since colonial times, Central America has lived in the legacy of those who have conquered and selfishly ripped the resources and rich culture out of the hands of its native inhabitants; furthermore, this legacy has continued into modern times, when governments deprive its citizens of their human rights, leaving them no choice but to flee. One could ask, why Gabriel didn’t seek help, or just report the incidence of rape to the authorities or say that Josué could have simply moved to another town where he wasn’t known by gangs; it was unnecessary for them to come here. Or even that Marlon’s decision to associate himself with people who use drugs suggests that he isn’t deserving to be here. It’s highly probable that the police in Honduras would have never filed a report of the sexual abuse Gabriel experienced, as they are incompetent to act, and they know there will be no penalty if they don’t. If Josué were to have moved to another town, he could still be recognized by the same gang because El Salvador is a small country roughly the size of New Jersey, which makes it easier for maras to communicate amongst one another between regions; additionally, if Josué were to have successfully moved to another town and not be recognized, there’s still a high probability that a different gang would see him as a stranger and immediately try to force him to join, or even murder him. Marlon’s decision to surround himself with people who promote drugs was largely influenced by the fact that he was unable to express himself in his new American school, paired with the already established narrative that immigrants are not successful, which traps countless immigrants like Marlon into giving up on their hopes and dreams. Gabriel, Josué, and Marlon faced abuses that deprived them from fully experiencing life without the fear of persecution, the fear that at any moment the little they had would be torn from their grasp, the constant fear of living in a place where breaking the egg-shell on which they walk would leave them to helplessly drown in a fate that seemed foretold; anyone struggling to breath in the fire of history’s unceasing destruction, flees.
Works Cited
Chomsky, Aviva. They Take our Jobs! And 20 Other Myths about Immigration. Revised Edition. Beacon Press, 2018.
Fariña, Laura Pedraza, et al., No Place to Hide: Gang, State, and Clandestine Violence in El Salvador. International Human Rights Clinic, Human Rights Program, Harvard Law school, 2010.
Levy, J. (2019). Reforming Schools, Disciplining Teachers: Decentralization and Privatization of Education in Honduras. Anthropology & Education Quarterly, 50(2), 170–188. https://doi.org/10.1111/aeq.12290
Marlon. Personal interview. 16 October 2020.
Mayers, Steven, and Jonathan Freedman. Solito, Solita: Crossing Borders with Youth Refugees from Central America. Haymarket Books, 2019.
Menjivar, W. (2017). The Architecture of Femicide: The State, Inequalities, and Everyday Gender Violence in Honduras. Latin American Research Review, 52(2), 221–240. https://doi.org/10.25222/larr.73
Vogt, W. (2016). Stuck in the Middle With You: The Intimate Labours of Mobility and Smuggling along Mexico’s Migrant Route. Geopolitics, 21(2), 366–386. https://doi.org/10.1080/14650045.2015.1104666
Notes
[1] A coyote is the Spanish term for someone who smuggles people across an international border.
[2]Marquesote is a traditional cake from El Salvador, and is typically made with eggs, flour, sugar, yeast, vanilla extract, and sprinkles of cinnamon.
[3]Renta refers to gangs forcing local businesses to pay them taxes.
[5]Machismo is the overindulgence of masculine pride.
Transcripts
Marlon’s experience growing up in El Salvador and moving to San Francisco, CA.
Antonio Johnson-Smith: So you came from El Salvador ?
Marlon: Yes
AJS: At what age ?
M: umm, would have to do the math. Hold up. I came here when I was fourteen years old. Yes. Fourteen.
AJS: Do you think the US changed your personality, or do you think your personality was already set [pause] by the time you got here ?
M: Well, looking back when I was fourteen and looking how I am now, it has, I have definitely changed I think I am more, um, into the American culture, actually, I feel like I can relate to a lot more people, but; however, umm, I feel like if I would have come maybe at like around eight or nine I would have got more of it, So at age fourteen I think I had set like a… like a personality for myself.
AJS: mhm.
M: I experienced, I actually experienced puberty in El Salvador.
AJS: Oh ok.
M: So yeah, so I had my first crushes in there, relationships, friends in there, umm, I experienced my first cigarettes in there, so like, umm, I feel like I had my own personality.
AJS: When was that? When did you start smoking cigarettes? (3:00)
M: Around thirteen —you know— after school, with my friends.
AJS: It was just there?
M: Yea, umm.
AJS: It was fun?
M: It was just fun, I think it was like [pause] taboo I guess —you know— because we were young and it was like cigarettes —ohh smoking [sarcastic sigh]— so we did it, umm, so I got, I got a lot like into trouble and stuff, so I would think that I did had a personality before —you know— coming here. Then when I came here, I think it, it just really, like, screwed me up —honestly [soft tone].
AJS: yeah, um, and now you’ve gone through a lot of stuff since coming here and living here, um, but the place that you’re at now —you know— where do you see from now yourself in a couple years? where do you see yourself being?
M: If I’m gonna be honest with you, I would like to see myself more integrated into the American culture. Um, I still feel like I’m not part of it, like completely, I feel like I’m in between; I’m not from there but I’m not from here. So, in ten years I would definitely want to see myself more integrated. I would like to see myself, umm, with a job, of course, with a career. I would like to have experience a lot of things. I would like —lets see, let me phrase it correctly— [voices to himself], in ten years I would like to see myself as someone who took risks —yeah. [5:00].
AJS: Well honestly I think you’re doing good, cuz I know you’ve been through a lot. I think you’re doing good. Okay gurl.
M: Thank you.
AJS: [laughs] Umm, so, how was growing up in El Salvador? Or, that’s a very broad question, what is your first memory that you can remember? I know you’re from Santa Ana, right?
M: Yeah. Umm. Christmas. I would say that is the first memory that comes to my mind.
AJS: It’s different there?
M: It’s so different, it is like, it’s [pause] you can feel like a family, umm, vibe. Honestly growing I actually didn’t feel [pause] like I fit in my family because of my sexuality, I am Gay.
AJS: where you always Gay?
M: I was always Gay [asertively].
AJS: Well..No, did always act Gay ? [laugh].
M: No no no, I always like, um, portrayed myself as straight, in front of them.
AJS: So you, so you just already knew you couldn’t be like that.
M: I already knew.Yeah. I knew in the back of my head. I knew that I like boys. I had a couple crushes. On my friends. Some of my friends. Um, so I knew, I definitely knew, I just, I know, Like I am aware that I would portray myself as straight in front of them. I would talk about girls and I would talk about ohh how I liked this girl in school, but she was actually my best friend. And of course they would always see me with her. So, they would tease me like “oh your girlfriend,” and I would be like yeah yeah she’s my girlfriend [sarcastic tone].
AJS: [repeats sarcastically] “she’s my girlfriend.”
[Both Laugh].
M: When in reality, no she was not. So…
AJS: So you’re talking about christmas. Is there,like, a smell, is there some kind of…is there a music, a song. Something that reminds you of Christmas when you were a little kid, specifically?
M: Mmm, definitely the smell of [pause] how do you call? … fireworks, yes the smell of fireworks, yes. We do a lot of fireworks in there. Umm, I smell a lot of food, I smell a lot of alcohol, actually —my family grew up on a lot of alcoholism and stuff, you know they drinked a lot, actually.
AJS: Was it a bad or a good thing on you?
M: It wasn’t a bad thing, actually. Um, they didn’t do it like every day, they just —you know— like socializing, they would drink, like, heavy, so it was a big thing around christmas —you know drinking— it was like the main thing. You. Would. Go. There. For. That.
AJS: Did you also have fun?
M: Oh yes… I had fun.
AJS: [laughs].
M: Honestly, I had fun, yes. We would all like meet, my families probably, like, more than twenty people, so we would like come together to… [pause, laud truck drives by] [laughs] into our house, they would actually come to me house, umm, well the house of my mom, and so we would spend all our spending there, and then we also did gifts, so that was… that is not only like an American. We also do gifts, so like at twelve, umm, AM we open the gifts.
AJS: At twelve AM?
M: Mhmm.
AJS: See that’s different, because we do it in the morning.
M: In the morning. No no no all the kids stay up at twelve.
AJS: oh really ?
M: mhm.
AJS: Who was someone that was close to you, in your family? Anybody. Uncle, Aunt, grandparent, cousin. Who were you close with?
M: [pause] mmm… you know, my grandfather? But then he came here to the US. So, after that I think it was brothers, my sister maybe, not gonna lie, yeah my sister [soft tone], and my mom. So those three people, I guess, I was the most close with.
AJS: And…your grandfather. How did he come to the US?
M: Soo, my grandma [sighs] came here illegally.
AJS: Okay.
M: Umm, and then my aunt also came illegally, then my aunt married this french guy —who she met at Hilton hotel, like by the Embarcadero— and then they got married, so she got, umm, legal papers. So, she petitioned my grandma.
AJS: Right, because they have, um, a preference for people who have a family member here right?
M: Yeah. So, my grandmother went back to El Salvador to like fix those papers, um, then she got residence, then she move here —like legally— and then she tried to petition my mother, but there’s a system in the US that you have to petition your husband first, and so since my grandma was not, like, divorced from grandfather then she had to petition him first. So, that’s why he came here first. Then later we came here because of her. She petitioned us, yeah. [10:07].
AJS: Oh wow. So, in El Salvador was… how would you describe your family’s, like, economic situation?
M: I would describe it as lower middle class. I would describe it like that because we lived in a rural area, and we actually had a lot of difficulties, umm, with money. But, my mom always pulled it off, umm, she worked in a laboratory, umm —pharmacy laboratory— so she always, like, got some money at the point where our neighbors would see us as like the rich family in our neighborhood, but actually were actually poor. We’re actually struggling with a lot of stuff.
AJS: It’s just everyone was struggling.
M: Everyone was struggling. Yeah. It was tough, but we actually didn’t have had it hard —you know— we had a house, we had food everyday, so I think we had it good.
AJS: Did you know coming here how people live?
M: No.
AJS: Did you know there was that… when you lived in El Salvador?
M: what do you mean?
AJS: Did you know, like, the differences basically?
M: Umm, in terms of socioeconomic status?
AJS: Yeah.
M: I think yeah. Yeah. I would have to say yes. Uhh, yeah when I came here I actually, like, found out what money. How money is important to people —you know— to family’s actually. When I came here I would describe myself as more poor than I was in El Salvador because El Salvador I had space. I have my own room. Um, I have things of my own, and then when I came here I [sighs] was living in a f**king [sorry].
AJS: You could say what you want.
M: ohh yeah, because it’s yours right? Hey. Umm, I was living in [pause] how’s it called. A studio, it’s like Guillermo’s studio [one of our mutual friends]. Exactly like that.
AJS: But now just for Guillermo.
M: Yes.
AJS: okay.
MU: In there lived a grandma, my mom, my sister, me, my cousin.
AJS: Oh wow.
M: So, there were five people living in there. Umm, yeah. My grandma was living, well, umm, sleeping on the sofa, my cousin was sleeping on a bed that was in like the studio, and then me, my mom, and my sister was sleeping on the floor.
AJS: Oh wow, I did not know that.
M: We slept on the floor for, like, about ten months. I would say. I was tough bitch, like…
AJS: Was your mom [pause] Is your mom a strong person ?
M: Oh she is, yeah. I think so.
AJS: Do you think she held it down during those times? Kinda like. Maybe. Idk who. In those times when you were sleeping on the floor with your mom right, who were the people that were strong? You know— who were the people saying like we don’t have a choice, but were going to get through this? Who were those people keeping you through ?
M: [pause] My cousin.
AJS: Your cousin [surprised tone].
M: Because he’s gay, so once he saw me I think he that I was struggling because, um, I noticed that my mom also had a hard time, like, umm, getting use to here. She had a hard time, so she was kinda like bottling up her feelings. My sister had a hard time too.
AJS: And you said a hard time with…
M: Emotionally.
AJS: Um, is it the way they were treated? Was it, like, trying to find a job? The language?
M: It was the mix of trying to find a job, the language. It was just like the first time we were, like, out of El Salvador, and then we used to live in a house that was, like, full of people. Like, all my family lived there, like, even though they were like twenty five, thirty, they were still living in my mom’s house —you know.
AJS: So, it was so different .
M: It was so different because when we were there it was just, like, quiet. So quiet. So, I think my mom missed my brothers of course. So, my mom struggled economically, she couldn’t find a job because of the language, umm, she couldn’t speak the language, so she was also struggling with that. She was missing people from there, she was always talking on the phone, always always talking on the phone, over there. Umm, my sister the same thing, umm, I actually felt a little bit alone during those times because I was the only one who was like —yes!— I want to live here, but it’s hard. [15:08].
AJS: What was your first day in the United States ?
M: Ohh, it was a night.
AJS: Did you get on an airplane ?
M: Yeah, we got on an airplane, umm, because like I said my grandma petitioned my mom and then automatically because we were underage we were included. In the package.
AJS: It’s easier.
M: Yes. So, my sister and I came along and I remember we boarded the plane, maybe in the morning, I think it was, it was in the morning, and then we got here around nine, so it was very dark and it’s just honestly to be honest it’s traumatizing, like, remembering those times because I remember it was just so different and then the minute I stepped foot in here, I was like: I wanna go back. I wanna go back, I wanna go back, I wanna go back. This is not for me.
AJS: You what’s interesting. And also If anything, I might ask you questions that might spark something that you might not want to talk about, you don’t have to talk about it. You can always say I don’t want to talk about that.
M: Okay.
AJS: I can relate to your experience, but my brother when he came here. He was on an airplane, when they adopted us, umm , It’s a different experience, but —you know— he was nine, and then my mom. They couldn’t speak to each other [Marlon gasps] —yeah— because my brother didn’t know english yet. My mom only spoke english, but what she did is she pointed at a map and it showed Guatemala, and it showed the United States, and then she pointed, like where do you want to be. And he was on the airplane to San Francisco, and he couldn’t say it because he didn’t speak english, but pointed to Guatemala. Like he wanted to go back. Like he was scared —you know.
M: Yeah.
AJS: So, maybe that. Going somewhere you don’t know. You don’t know what you’re going to find.
M: Yeah.Yup, it’s tough honestly. Umm, yeah, I personally just felt, like, really really really alone because like I said I think I already had a personality, from over there.
AJS: You had friends.
M: I had a lot of friends actually, I had a lot of friends. We were a group of friends. We would always, like, take care of each other, and…
AJS: What did you say to them when, um, you knew you were going?
M: So, I knew I was coming to the US, like, from about seven months. I told them before, I was like “oh you know I’m actually moving to the US,” and I don’t think they believed it actually because they didn’t take it —you know— as a big deal. I think they thought that I was joking because I was always joking. So, they thought I was joking, but the minute came when we had to leave, and it was around november, so school wasn’t even, like, done. So, I had to, like, stop going to school, and that’s when they found out. That’s when they were like “oh, so you’re really going there.” And they were sad. They texted me for about a few months, and then —yeah— it was —yeah— that like…
AJS: Did it kinda just happen like that? [snaps finger].
M: It just happened so fast —you know. Yeah, I just, I just knew the date —you know— but I was like, I was numb to it. I was like “oh yes I’m going to go there I’m excited,” but in the back of my mind I actually didn’t want to leave —you know— I was, like, trying to forget about that date.
AJS: Oh okay.
M: Yes. I was like, mmm, it’s not happening —you know— I was kind of like in denial.
AJS: What did you think that this country would be like? before you were here? You know— what did you think it was going to look like? The people?
M: Oh yes.
AJS: [laughs].
M: I remember I saw myself in big buildings. I was myself in a big house. You know how I saw myself? I saw myself as one of those people that is like walking on the yard. In the big as* house, you know the suburban areas, kind of, that you see in movies?
AJS: Yes.
M: So, I really saw myself there, and I actually didn’t know that it didn’t snow here. So, I thought there was going to be snow.
AJS: Ohh, like the perfect, like, American…
M: Like the perfect American. Yes.
AJS: Weather, the winter, Christmas…
M: You know how I imagined it? Have you, have you watched the movie Home Alone?
AJS: Yeah.
M: That’s how I imagined it. Like a big house. Not as big as him though, that was a big house.
AJS: [laughs].
M: But you know like a suburban house. I thought it was gonna snow… umm, I don’t know! Just, like, very American. Like, what you see from TV. Then when I came here, there were like “oh no, it doesn’t snow here.”
AJS: [laughs]
M: And I was like “what?!.” I was like mind blown. [20:00].
AJS: I was like “where’s the house at yall.”
M: I know, b**ch!! I swear, the minute I stepped into that room I was like “what is this?” Yes. I was a little bit judgemental.
AJS: Were you disappointed?
M: Yes. I was disappointed.
AJS: Do you remember a feeling ? I know disappointment is a feeling, but do you remember like [pause] when you came into the house? Do you remember any other feelings besides disappointment?
M: Trapped. [sighs profoundly] So many actually. I felt trapped, misunderstood. Actually, I would say that word describes it all. I feel, like, very misunderstood [pause] because I felt very and all the time, and they just didn’t understand what was happening.
AJS: They didn’t, like, did they ask you?
M: No, they didn’t ask me. They never asked me. No.
AJS: Okay.
M: I was kinda like…
AJS: That’s hard.
M: Yeah. I remember during that time I was supper [pause] like rude to people. To my family most of them, and then they were like “ohh, just because…” I remember this, they told me: “just because you feel like you’re something else just because you’re in the US.” And I was like no it’s not because that it’s just, it’s just miss my friends and I don’t know I just felt. I felt some type of way…
AJS: They were not talking to you about it.
M: No, they weren’t.
AJS: Can we go back to El Salvador for a second?
M: Mhm. Mhm.
AJS: Umm, so what was the education system like in Santa Ana?
M: Really good. Actually, really good. Yeah.
AJS: Would you say maybe better than here?
B: Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Umm, so first when I was in El Salvador I went to a public school, I think I told you about this before, but I went to a public school first and then… So, the public school was, like, near the area that I lived called… Of course it’s a rural area, a lot of vegetation stuff, not a lot of roads. So, just a public school there, and all the kids from that area would go there. So, all the poor people, all the poor kids. So, I went there, and then I was really smart, actually. I really got good grades. Uhh, the education? It was questionable, if you ask me I don’t remember because I stopped going at fourth grade. Because. Because I had this stupid idea, honestly, well actually my family convinced me, umm, that I should go to a better school. That I should go to a private school. A prestigious school —you know— because of my grades —you know.
AJS: So, you were a smart kid.
M: I was a smart kid, yeah. So, they told me “you could do better” —you know— “you could get more education if you go to a private school.” Soo, I chose one that my, umm, a member of my family went there, and then she’s actually the wife of my brother, so she’s from another family. So, she had money. So, she was able to go there through all high school, well, what’d you call it in high school?
AJS: What’d you call it Spanish?
M: We call it, umm, soberchiverato, it’s like high school.
AJS: Woah. I can’t even say that [attempts to pronounce word].
M: And then the lower grades…it’s just called school.
AJS: Escuela.
M: Yeah. Primer Grado, segundo grado, tercer grado, cuarto grado —which is fourth grade— fifth grade, six grade…
AJS: Mhm.
M: So, she went through like all of school there [brothers wife]. So, she convinced me. So, I went there. They actually interviewed me. It was the first time someone had interviewed me.
AJS: Wow, so it’s that kind of school. Woah.
M: I know B**ch!
AJS: [laughs] What did you feel when, like… did you know you were a smart kid?
M: I…
AJS: Did you have a feeling, or did you not know until they were like…
M: No, I knew.
AJS: Okay.
M: I think I knew. I mean, I was getting the good grades so. Out everyone I was the one who was getting good grades. I think there were about like three people who were like smart, like in the whole classes. So… yeah.
AJS: Did you feel proud?
M: Oh yeah. Yes. Yes, that’s why I wanted to go. That’s why they convinced me because I was like “yeah I guess I am smart” —you know— So I should go there.
AJS: I am smart huh [playfully repeats Marlon]
[both laugh]
M: So, I was like I should go there, umm, and then a big mistake I think. You know I think it was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve ever made.
AJS: Why do you say that?
M: Because, I should have stayed in public school. Because. [pause] Yes, the education is way better. Because, I remember the very first weeks of school like the teacher would, like, say stuff. She would be like “oh can you do a summary of this?” and I didn’t know what a summary was.
AJS: mm.
M: I would ask them and they would laugh —you know— because I didn’t know what summary was. [25:00].
AJS: It was like that?
M: Yeah.
AJS: Wow.
M: Yes b**tch it was very like that. It was horrible.
AJS: Did you do good in the private school?
M: No. No. I became really really really really really bad.
AJS: Were all the… was there a different class of people? Economic class?
M: Oh yes. Yeah. I actually felt very… [pause] like I’m not proud of it, but I feel like I always had to pretend —you know— like they would ask me where do you live? And I would say somewhere else because I live in a rural area.
AJS: Did you ever have to get a, umm, actually keep going sorry.
M: No, go ahead.
AJS: Umm, did you ever make a friend?
M: I did make friends.
AJS: Did you ever go to their house?
M: Yes.
AJS: And what was that like?
M: Intimidating. It was [pause] I don’t know I feel like. I had a lot of envy —you know I’m not gonna lie to you— it gave me a lot of envy, umm, just from the life they had. Uh, I remember the very first day of school. So, they dropped me off, by foot. Somebody went to drop me off. We went to the bus, we went to the school, and then… I see this: a lot of f**cking kids getting off like, umm, big cars, and like busses and stuff, like private busses, and I was like…
AJS: Oh okay, and you were by food?
M: Yes!
[both laugh]
AJS: So, it was kinda like that.
M: Yes, it was very like that actually. So, as soon as I got there I think they noticed my flare. Uhh, they knew right away that I was gay. So, I was teased a lot about that actually. Actually, I laugh about it, and we laugh about it, umm, because I try to make it funny, but actually it was not funny at all honestly. I was super super scared. I was. I felt like I lost a lot of self confidence there because of the way they would treat me. They would treat me really bad.
AJS: What would they say?
M: Well first, you know things like “faggot,” like “Maricon,” “Marica,” “Una Niñita,” umm, what else, oh my god they have so many words.
AJS: But, in the public school?
M: They never say that to me.
AJS: That’s interesting. Why do you think it is like that?
M: I don’t know. I don’t know. You know, till this day I always, like, think about that. Like, fourth grade was totally cool, and then I have a lot of friends, and then in the fifth grade there was all these kids calling me gay. Like, for a long time that it had to do with the private, like, part of it because —you know— it was a private school because of all those rich kids. They were rich, actually. So, I thought it had a lot to do with that. Right now I don’t know, but I find that very interesting that in public school they never called me anything, and then…
AJS: So then you’re gay?
M: Yeah.
AJS: You weren’t hiding it, you couldn’t hide it.
M: Yeah.
AJS: You’re getting bullied for it and then you go home. And then what happens?
M: And then I can’t talk about it. [laughs]. Because —you know— of course you can not say “oh, you know, they’re bullying me because they’re saying this words to me,” you know, I couldn’t talk about it. I would just try to…
AJS: Wait why couldn’t you talk about it? You couldn’t say the words?
M: Yeah, I just —you know… You know, it was just embarrassing if you were to tell your mom “you know they’re calling me gay.” They’re like [his mom], “why are they calling you gay? Did you give them a reason?”
AJS: Was there shame?
M: Yeah, it was out of shame. I asked my mom one time, I was like “mom what would happen if I was gay?” And then she told me: “I would beat the f**k out of you in order to turn you straight.” She told me that, and she was very serious about it, so…
AJS: So you felt alone?
M: Yeah.
AJS: Actually, when she said that to you [pause] how did you feel? Besides probably fear. How did you feel?
M: Like I couldn’t trust my mom. I think I lost trust in her, Like, that day. Like, I just lost trust. I never talked about my feelings, like, ever since.
AJS: That’s almost like, umm, she neglected your feelings. Like who you really were.
M: Yeah. Mhmm. Yeah. So, what I was saying about private school. There is. There was a higher level of education, like, definitely. There was, umm, I remember the content, It was very, like, complex. Umm, they talk about history, about the US, actually, history about other parts of the world.
AJS: Did they talk about El Salvador?
M: They never did!
AJS: They never talked about the history of El Salvador.
M: Only on September because it’s, um, independence month, and then they would talk about it. [30:00].
AJS: That’s so interesting, you would think that a country would teach their citizens their own history.
M: Yes. But no. They taught about everywhere else in history, but El Salvador.
AJS: Woah, did you think that was strange?
M: Not at the moment. Not at the moment, no. I think when I got there I was just, like, really, like, overwhelmed, and then I started to do bad grades because I wouldn’t do homework. I wouldn’t be part of study groups.
AJS: And it not because you were stupid.
M: NO.
AJS: You’re smart.
M: Yes.
AJS: It was the…
M: It was just the emotions. The fact that I wasn’t part of the group —you know— I think that had a lot to do with it because there were study groups, and then…
AJS: And what age is that? At this time that you’re transitioning to this [pause] private school?
M: That was around, like, twelve. Twelve or eleven, yeah. I would say twelve. I was twelve when that happened. Umm, yeah, honestly it was very very traumatizing. I never, if you ask me, I never want to go back to that school ever again. Ever. Because it just brings so many like bad memories —you know— I was bullied, like, a lot, a lot, you have no idea…
AJS: Ever physically?
M: Yes, physically as well. They would push me, they didn’t, like, punch me in the face, but they would push me. I remember a guy kept teasing me, like. He would, like, punch me a little bit, like here [points to his arm], and then he would be like “oh you can’t do anything because you’re a girl.”
AJS: It’s toxic.
M: Yes. And then, I don’t know it was just like all this emotion, umm, that’s why I feel like I became, like, the way I am I don’t know. I just. I just said you know what I don’t give a f**k —you know— and so I met some people that were nice, and then they were nice enough to be friends with me, and they were just like bad kids, honestly. They just skipped school. They would smoke outside. Not weed…
AJS: But they were nice to you.
M: They were nice to me, so of course I started hanging out with them —you know. All this. This is interesting, all the smart people were mean, but all the bad kids, you know the like, the kids who are getting bad grades, they were nice to me. They were really nice to me. And we had a little group you know. We were called the, like, the unwanted group.
AJS: And how would you say it Spanish?
M: Los mal creidos.
AJS: Los mal creidos. Okay, and you liked that ?
M: I liked that, yeah. I liked being a part of that group, I think, because I actually found a group where I could fit in. Yeah, because I did fit in —you know— I told them I was gay and eventually they were like… they were shook, they were shook because they were just not used to it, but they were like “okay, fine.” Yeah, but they didn’t love it of course. They weren’t like “oh yes gurl.” No. They were just, like, “okay.”
AJS: Oh wow. But that was good, better than the other people.
M: Yeah.
AJS: Um, were there any gangs in your town?
M: No.
AJS: Or in your region?
M: Yess. I just remember this one girl. She was a boy of course before, and then when he was a boy he would go in front of my house. He had, like, umm, blonde hair. He was beautiful, now that I think about it, he was just beautiful. And then of course the way he walks. If you dye your hair if you’re a man that means you’re gay, there, like…
AJS: Automatically? You can’t dye your hair.
M: Yeah. You can’t dye your hair if you’re a man. That’s just like out of the question. Now, I think it has changed, but when I grew up, no. That’s just like unexceptable. So, the fact that he had like blonde hair, it was like “oh, you’re gay,” you know. My family would say horrible things about him, and then later I think three years later I think I saw him, and she was a woman, so then of course, umm, people were teasing him a lot as well. But actually that was the only gay I remember. I didn’t see that many gays.
AJS: But did something happen to him with the gangs?
M: I don’t remember actually, umm, I heard, I think I heard he died, but don’t know the cause of it. I don’t, I can’t say.
AJS: But there were gangs in Santa Ana? Or there was criminal activities…
M: There were a few gangs.
AJS: Because there is that stereotype of El Salvador —you know— Calle 18, umm, you know, those gangs. I guess I was just asking you did you ever experience, or seen them, or knowing that they were in certain places? —you know.
M: Umm, I was always super scared of gangs. I’ve always been terrified of them. Always always always. Umm, the most close experience I’ve had is somebody got the phone number of our house from like the [pause] in El Salvador we have these like books, I don’t know… [35:16]
AJS: Phone books.
M: Phone books. Yes. Oh my god. Okay. So, um, they got the number from a phone book, and then they called my mom, and then, uhh, they say that they knew who, like, their children were, like, you know their son’s. So, they mentioned my brother. They mentioned my sister, only. And then they asked for money. Yeah, so then my mom was, like, depressed for, like, a whole f***king month. She had, like anxiety, she stopped going to work, she was trying to get the money, actually. She was gonna pay the money, umm, but then thankfully my dad is a police officer, so he was like no no no don’t do it —you know— don’t, don’t do anything, and then the police got the case and then a friend of her, she actually was, like, pretending to be my mom. So, she was like “okay, yeah, I’m going to go pay you, I’m going gonna see you like this, uhh, this days. I’m gonna see you here, there.” And then, oh no no… I think, uhh, they were gonna put the money on an account. So, they put the money on an account, they put fake money in an account, and then when they went to go pick up the money my dad got notified, well the police station got notified, and that’s when they apprehended him. That’s the closest thing I’ve had with, like, gangs. Yeah. But, have I seen them, or have they attacked me, or threaten me, no that never happened to me. That never happened to me because the area where we live, umm, there wasn’t much chaos. Thankfully.
AJS: Do you think there was more gangs in, like, Usulután?
M: Oh yeah.
AJS: You know those regions kind of. Or, San Salvador?
M: No. You know what I think it is? It’s not about regions, it’s just, umm, in the region that I was in there was a lot of gang activity. There was a lot of lot of… It’s about neighborhoods. It is about neighborhoods. If you’re from a certain neighborhood, like, let’s say I’m from the Mission [referring to SF Mission district] —you know— lets just pretend. I’m from the Mission, um, and then they see me at sunset, [SF sunset district] and then they would ask for my ID, and then… of course the ID from El Salvador would say where you’re from, what neighborhood you’re from…
AJS: Really?
M: Yeah. It says your whole… well actually your ID too, it says where you live. So, they would see where I lived, and then if… let’s say if the Mission was from MS–13, and then Sunset was 18, and I would go there, even if I wasn’t part of the gang, I would still get, like, beat up, killed.
AJS: So, you have to stay in that zone.
M: Yes, we had to stay in that zone, and…
AJS: And you just never ever broke that rule.
M: No no no. Never. Never. Nobody did —you know— so we never went to, like, all the neighborhoods.
AJS: You never like Atrevió? Or whatever that word is. Right, you never, like, dared to, like, cross that.
M: Oh yeah. No. Nunca, nunca no. So, there was a lot, like I said, there was a lot of gang activity, but, it wasn’t about regions, it was about neighborhoods.
AJS: What about your dad? You talked about your mom and your family. What about your dad?
M: What about my dad?
AJS: Where was he in your life?
M: Umm, he’s always been there, actually. He’s a cutie. He’s actually a very… he is a cutie.
AJS: [Laughs].
M: He’s actually always so, like, caring, but he has, like, expectations from me that I don’t actually agree with. He wants me to have a wife. He wants me to have a kid, already, he asked me to have a kid, so, um, I think he knows that I’m gay, and he just wants to change that I think, but other than that he’s amazing honestly. He’s amazing. He worked with the police, so he was actually like never there, like, in the family.
AJS: Because he was working.
M: Yeah.
AJS: Was that dangerous?
M: Yeah. He had to do overtime, he had to stay for a whole week in a certain region because he was like… he was, umm, he wasn’t the police officers that you see on the streets so there’s dressed up as police officers. He was undercover. So, he would do, like, missions kind of. So, he would present as a civilian, and then he’s actually a police officer. So, he would do missions like that…
AJS: Kind of like FBI.
M: Kind of, but Salvadorian style.
[both laugh].
AJS: The version.
M: So yeah, he would have to go to, like, Usulatán. He would have to go to Sonsonate, in order to, like, have this completely, like, different… [40:05].
AJS: So, he went everywhere in El Salvador?
M: He went everywhere. He was everywhere, but never in the house.
AJS: I actually kind of know the places you’re talking about because I did my research. [Marlon gets excited] I looked up, um, I think we talked about this, but I have looked up the little —I think they’re called— departamentos?
M: Mhm.
AJS: There ‘s, like, La Unión, La libertad, Usulután, Morazán, San Salvador… there’s a lot of them, so I tried to, like, kind of know the geography.
M: Forteen baby. Yes. Do you know where Santa Ana is?
AJS: Santa Ana is near Guatemala..
M: Yeah.
AJS: In the north west. Um, And then Maybel [a friend] is from San Miguel, which is the other side.
M: Mhmm, the other side. Yeah, next to Honduras.
AJS: How would you describe the…the..the.the….the nature? How would you describe the landscape of where you’re from?
M: Ohh [enthused tone].
AJS: How would you describe the weather? The landscape? The…
M: Completely different. You just breathe the natural air. It’s just…
AJS: Does it smell different?
M: It smells different —you know— It’s just, It makes you a little bit more… humble I think. Knowing that you don’t live, like, in places like this where there is a lot of, um, industries, houses, like, just a lot of buildings. In there there is a lot of nature, actually. A lot of nature, and it just makes you feel [pause] I don’t know there just like a feeling that I can’t describe. Like, it makes you feel at home, it makes you feel humble.
AJS: Is there a certain smell that you would know that that’s El Salvador? Or, that’s Santa Ana.
M: Yes. When it rain, and then it rained on the ground because it’s not roads, it’s actually dirt. So, that smell of wet dirt, ufff…
AJS: It smells nice?
M: Yes.Yes. I miss that so much. One day you will smell it, and you will see what I’m talking about. It just smells so nice, um…
AJS: You’ve never smelled it here or anything?
M: No, never. Never.
AJS: Because it’s concrete and it’s dirty?
M: Yeah, it’s just a lot of people here. A lot of buildings, a lot of industries, a lot of… just like development —you know— it…
AJS: Do you think that’s a bad thing? In some ways?
M: Not necessarily. Not necessarily. No. I don’t think it’s a bad thing, umm, do I like it? I can live with it, but…
AJS: You don’t love it.
M: I don’t love it —you know— I’d rather live, umm, like around nature, way over there in El Salvador it was a lot nature.
AJS: Is there like a, umm, a sound? Is there a sound? You would hear something; you would know that’s El Salvador? It could be an animal. It could be music. It could be, like, people talking.
M: Ohh yes yes yes yes. So, there always, whenever I go there, whenever I go back, I always, like, make this, I always like, umm, pay attention to this… that when you go, when you step on a bus here it’s quiet, it’s, well it’s full of people and It’s full of a lot of noises from people, but it’s never music, in the busses; instead, if you hop on a bus there you’re hoping on a f**cking disco…
AJS: [laughs] Oh for real?
M: I swear to God. Every bus, I assure you one hundred percent, not a lie, every bus has music in there. It has, not talking about english music, I’m talking about Spanish music. In there…
AJS: What kind of genres?
M: They actually made a genre for themselves, I’m not kidding…
AJS: Oh really?
M: Yes. I’m going to show it to you. But…
AJS: I don’t know.
M: Yeah. Yup. Umm, but it’s mainly like Reggaeton. It’s a lot of Reggaeton.
AJS: Is it a lot of Bachata?
M: Yes. A lot of Bachata. A lot of Salsa. A lot of Cumbia. Umm…
AJS: Mostly Reggaeton?
M: Mostly Reggaeton.
AJS: Do you think it changed from when you were a little kid? To when you started growing up? Or was it always Reggeaton?
M: Well…
AJS: Regeaton was big in the early two-thousands too —you know— it was different. Now it has a different sound, but, um…
M: You know what I noticed now? Is that I listen to a lot of pop songs, and I listen to a lot of, umm, English music, and I’m talking about hits right now, like, I don’t know Arian Grande, or Lady Gaga. You know, you’re listening to a lot of over there now. But before it was just a little bit more, like, latin music. It was just latin music, most of it. So, the sound to me is just latin music. Everywhere you go is latin music. It’s always a song playing. [45:10].
AJS: Do you people dance?
M: No. Not really. People just listen to it. There’s a place to dance.
AJS: But not on the bus.
M: Yes. Not on the bus.
[both laughs].
M: Just people are just used to it.
AJS: What about the people? Like, how would you say. There is homophobia in El Salvador. There is. People are very religious. Conservative.
M: Mhm.
AJS: But what are the good things about people in El Salvador? —You know—
M: Um, I think they’re respectful. I think people are very respectful. Um, When you cross someone on the street they will say Beunas Tardes, or if it’s night people will say Buenas Noches, even though if you don’t know them. If you never see them again.
AJS: Is there something you miss about, anything kind of, like, culturally, about El Salvador.
M: Probably that —you know— that respect that you have for people that you don’t know. Umm, here, you try to, like, not have, even like, eye contact with people. You avoid that —you know— I see that in myself here.
AJS: I do that. I do that a lot.
M: Instead there, umm, they would greet you Buenas Noches, and then I really miss that actually.
AJS: Umm, I know that there’s so much more that we can talk about El Salvador, but I want to also talk about, um, you coming here.
M: Okay.
AJS: I just want to ask you, like. [pause]. How did you learn english? How did you feel when people would talk to you in English, and you couldn’t understand them? Or, you did quite know exactly, yet? How was that progress? The progression.
M: It was, umm… I’m trying to remember because I think I’ve kind of like blocked it from my mind a little bit. I don’t actually like to remember. I don’t try to remember —you know— but it was tough, actually. It was a process. I thinks though, I think a lot more people had a lot more struggle than I did, um, because of that school that I told you about that I went. I actually learned english from there, and then I knew a lot of words, so when I came here I was placed in, like, the lower level, and then they would say things like “band aid, hello, how are you?” And then I noticed things; I knew those things, so they put me on an upper level, and then that was more challenging. Umm, how would I describe it? It’s just…
AJS: Did you ever go to, um, International? [school for newly immigrated students in San Francisco’s, located in the Mission District]
M: No.
AJS: Because I know a lot of immigrants come here when they don’t know any English…
M: I was sent there actually, and then I changed my school to Mission [Mission High School]. Yeah, but I was sent to International, originally. So, I would say, like, my experience there [Mission High School] it was like a process of about a year where I was, like, confident in speaking. Um, I wasn’t entirely proficient, but I was… I understood, and I was able to respond back —you know— but before those ten months there was a lot of things that I couldn’t understand, and I couldn’t respond. Um, but then after like a year I think I understood a lot, and then later it became, like, the writing process. I was good at it, and then the last last step that I had was like the speaking process. That’s what took the most… like the accent because I would always try to perfect my accent, you know. Now, I don’t think about it that much —you know— I have an accent, and that’s something I can’t change, but I was trying to change it. I was trying to sound more American.
AJS: To assimilate.
M: Yes. I was trying to assimilate a lot.
AJS: How did you feel because you’re a smart learner right?
M: I guess so. [laughs].
AJS: From what I hear you’re a smart student. So, you know, when you come here and school, education… Where did you end up?
M: Um, very high, actually.
AJS: And this would be you’re fourteen, I’d say early high school.
M: No. Middle school. Seventh grade.
AJS: So, you were fourteen in seventh grade?
M: The thing is I finished seventh grade in El Salvador, but when I was… when I came here, the people, person, gave an option to my mom. He said: “he could go to eighth grade, where he’s supposed to be, or he can repeat the seventh grade,” and then my mom said “oh seventh grade.” [50:08].
AJS: Why?
M: I don’t know. I think she did it because she wanted me to learn English.
AJS: Mm. I think she thought another year would help you.
M: Mhm, and actually I thank her for that. I think it really helped me.
AJS: It was smart.
M: Yeah, it was a smart move. So, umm, I noticed that like the classes… I was, like math, by the way I wasn’t placed in like English classes, I was placed in Spanish classes. I don’t know if you knew that that’s a thing here.
AJS: I didn’t know that. They didn’t put you in any English classes?
M: No. Just English, which is not in English of course, but in terms of like History, Math, and stuff, it was in Spanish.
AJS: Oh really I didn’t know that.
M: Yeah, it was in Spanish. Until the eighth grade, um, that I was moved…
AJS: In Mission High School they had that?
M: No no no, in Everett school [Everett High School].
AJS: Everett, so that’s Spanish-immersion program?
M: mhmm mhm, yeah. So, in eighth grade, I was proficient enough that they moved me to the mainstream. That’s how they call it right?
AJS: I was actually in Spanish-emerssion, for different reasons.
M: Oh yeah.
AJS: Yeah, I was in Spanish-emerssion, umm…
M: Oh I need the little kids from Spanish-emerssion…
AJS: Yeah. There were a lot of Latinos, and then there would be, like, that one White kid.
[Both laugh]
AJS: You know?
M: I knew that one White kid. Yes.
AJS: So, I was in Hoover [Herbert Hoover Middle School] and I was in Spanish-emerssion.
M: ohh.
AJS: Yeah, and I met like… and I think that’s my parents… because they knew that I was adopted, um, I guess they wanted me to learn Spanish because they knew that my family, if I were to ever meet them, they don’t speak English. Or, just culturally or whatever, whatever. Umm, So yeah, then that’s when I met a lot of these people, and then I look this way… but, back to you.
M: Yeah, that’s a story bitch because you look like Latino, but then you speak English.
AJS: And I knew no Spanish. My Spanish was, it’s better now, but then, rrrr. And they were like “huh?” You know they were like “ whaaat?”
M: I actually yes. I knew people like that in Everett. Like we would make fun of them.
AJS: It was the age, it was middle school. So, you were doing good in middle school right?
M: Yeah. I’m doing good.
AJS: And who were you hanging out with? Who were your friends?
M: That’s a good question. Um [pause] not good people. Not good people. Not good people, actually.
AJS: Did you… okay. Do you think you gravitated towards them?
M: Yeah.
AJS: Do you think about, like, how that happened? Or it just happened? It feels like it just happened, right?
M: I feel like it just happened.
AJS: But, do you ever , like, think “hmm, I wonder why that happened?”
M: [Pause. Marlon thinks] I also wonder why —you know— I just never know the answer why, but [pause] I don’t know, they just seem more fun I guess.
AJS: Do you think it was because of your past experience?
M: I think so. I think it had a lot to do with that, actually. I think it had a lot to do with that because, umm, back in El Salvador the school was like… the system, on the grade, was like the smart kids… are like perfect. They’re perfect. They had perfect parents. They have phones; I didn’t have a phone. I did not have a phone b**ch.
AJS: Ohh middle school people made fun of you for that?
M: Yes. Yes. No, I’m talking about, okay…I’m talking about…
AJS: Oh in El Salvador.
M: Yes, in El Salvador. I didn’t have a phone. They did. They had like iphones, not like iphones, but they had like good phones.
AJS: They had f**king phones.
M: They got good phones, not just phones, good phones.
AJS: Okay. Not the fifteen dollar phone.
M: Nope.
AJS: The blackberries?
M: The Motorola. So, they had those. They were the smart kids —you know— that was a group. Everybody knew each other from there, and so I think when I saw that there I was, like, this group of like smart kids, I was like:“I don’t want to be a part of that.”
AJS: You could’ve [pause] because you were smart.
M: Yes. I could’ve, but I never, umm, you know, another thing that was always, like, on my mind, not that I think about it, is my sexuality. Not gonna lie I think that had a lot to do with it because, umm, they were very…
AJS: Did you see smart people as a threat?
M: Not as a threat, actually, more like…
AJS: Unaccepting?
M: Unaccepting. Yeah. I just went through a lot of bullying here as well. Again. [55:04].
AJS: When do you think that started?
M: Where?
AJS: When, where…
M: I think it was because of my walk. I think it was because of my walk. The way I walked. They noticed, and then they asked me “oh, are you gay,” and then I think, I think about it, like, back then it was just such a big deal, and right now if you ask just somebody “you’re gay” they say yes. It’s like okay.
AJS: I think back. We’re almost the same age, you’re two years older than me.
M: Mhm.
AJS: But I remember being in middle school, and I’m going to say this, umm, they be like “faggot,” not to me personally. Maybe they said it to you? Because I was trying to hide it too, I knew. But I was also in denial too. But, umm. But you would here just walking down the hallway “oh that’s gay.”
M: Oh yes! Mhm.
AJS: I very always like… Looking out for myself. Always. I was always looking out for myself, and I was like… and I would learn from other people’s experiences.
M: mmm.
AJS: I didn’t have to go through it because I would see them gay bullied for being gay, and I was like “oh, so that’s what happens. Nope. I’m going to put my little shirt on, and not act gay.” You know. But yeah, definitely in middle school there so much homophobia.
M: It fucking was.
AJS: I don’t know if it’s still like that, or that was the time…
M: I actually really wonder. I really would like to go back and see how, like, they played it out because when I was there it was wild, it was f***ing prison, I don’t know, it was a vibe. Umm, I remember, like, the whole seventh grade I didn’t tell anyone that I was gay. I actually made the mistake of asking a girl out thinking that I was [pause] straight, you know, I was making myself straight, you know…
AJS: [laughs].
M: …and it didn’t end good, uhh, because she said yes, but then she would want to see me, and then I’d be like [laughs] no.
AJS: Like, I didn’t think you would say yes, So…
[Both laugh].
AJS: But do you think overall in your story… From listening to… it seems like your sexuality has played a part in a lot of the traumas that you’ve…
M: I think in all of them, actually. I’m not gonna lie to you, in all of them. I’ve always felt… like I’m not able to fit in because of my sexuality. Because, I think that’s, like, a big part of myself. That I can not change, and…
AJS: It was not your choice.
M: It wasn’t my choice, and then… It’s just, it’s always there. Always there —you know. In the group of middle school, they would talk about girls and stuff like that, and of course I wasn’t like —you know— I wasn’t contributing to the conversation because I’m gay! You know, what I have to say —you know— so I never could have been part of that, so I think that’s why I was drawned, because they didn’t care.
AJS: Do you think that you… and in middle school. That’s the age when kids start getting into drugs. That’s the age when…
M: And gangs.
AJS: And gangs too. So, then here. Did you know people in gangs? Or people doing drugs? Or people… you know.
M: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. In middle school? Oh yeah. I knew this one girl. She would skip classes to go have sex with someone who was like waaay older than her. I’m talking about middle school; she was probably like thirteen, and then this guy was like twenty six. I’m talking about illegal stuff. Like super illegal stuff, and then he was a gang member, that’s how, actually, I started to become…
AJS: And what gang would that be?
M: That would be the reds. So that would be the Norteños.
AJS: So, it’s like the Narcs and the Crips, right? You know in the US you got Crips and… I don’t know if they say it like that.
M: I know them from a different…I know them as norteños and sureños.
AJS: I’ve heard of that too. I didn’t know them like that, but..
M: Yeah. So…
AJS: But you did.
M: Yeah, so that’s this one friend that I started to hang out with, actually, and then… she was fun, she was just so fun. She was understanding. I think that’s how I was drawn to her because she didn’t care that I was gay, I told her.
AJS: Do you feel like there was more acceptance there besides school?
M: Yeah. Wait wait wait wait can you repeat the question?
AJS: Acceptance for being gay here…
M: Oh yes! Totally, totally, yes, yeah. That is the only, like, umm, thing that I was looking forward to because I heard in El Salvador that they were accepting here. And I also heard that San Francisco was the capital of the gays… and then when I got here my cousin took me to the castro, and then I was in love. I was in love, in love, with the —you know— just the like the… braveness with people. It wasn’t braveness, actually, it was just them being themselves.
[Crowd in the background] [1:00:17].
AJS: Ok. So, as you progress into high school are you affected by the drugs? Are you affected by the gangs that you may be associated with through a friend?
M: Yeah. Oh yeah. [pop his lips] Oh yes. Umm, I started hanging out with this friend… in high school. When I started high school, I started hanging out with this friend and I thought she was my friend, umm, but then we started, like, smoking weed. That’s actually the person who I started smoking with the very first time in my life that I smoked weed, it was with her. Umm, and at the moment I didn’t think of it, like, as something that would ruin my life in the future, but then, like, now it completely did —you know. I just, I didn’t think that it was gonna do a lot of damage [emphasizes voice] and it did, actually. So, yes I started smoking weed first, and then she knew a lot of guys that were part of, like, the gangs, umm, or the norteños actually, to be specific. And then I started hanging out with them because she would hang out with them, so she would bring me with her. So, I started hanging out with them, umm, and then I would hide my sexuality through jokes —you know— I think they knew that I was gay but I was funny, and then I made jokes, and then I think they really, like, didn’t care, or like they didn’t… I think they ignored it, but I started to be like more [pause] I just started to go out more, with them —you know. And, I should’ve have been with friends —you know— who are, like, doing homework at night, friends who, like, study together because there were people who did that in high school, I just never hung out with them. Umm, I preferred to hang out with my friend, who would smoke weed and drink, I preferred that over friends who would study. So, that was my mistake. I think that’s the biggest,one of the biggest mistakes that I’ve ever made. Ummm, and I started getting more and more more into that. I started to meet more people, like, it wasn’t just that friend anymore. I started to make more friends —you know. I started to expand my world. Umm, I would meet this person and then this person would bring me there, and then in that place I would meet this person, and then that person would bring me to another place. Soo, it was a change. It was [sighs]. I got excited, umm, because of the fun, the alcohol, but then… you, like, you get to a place when you’re doing that all the time. All the time, all the time, all the time, and school is just not important anymore —you know. Umm, you’re hanged over; you can’t do homework. You’re with people; you can’t do homework. You’re smoking, you’re not studying for your exam. So, of course that was my downfall, you know, I had a lot of bad grades and…
AJS: Because you could’ve.
M: I could’ve had good grades.
AJS: You could have.
M: Yes. Because, umm…
AJS: But you know what, and this is really you talking, but I just wanna say one little thing —you know. Umm [pause] I think… it’s really cool to see people who have been focused in school, I admire people who in f**cking freshmen year they’re hella focused. You know they’re like grades, school, teachers, duhruh [snaps fingers]. And it’s like…and I always looked at those kinds and I was like…I was just not there. And I think maybe for you, I don’t know, you had needs more than school. You had other things you needed. School just was important. You weren’t getting your needs met by school. You know.
M: Mhm.
AJS: And I think that’s why a lot of people, um, do poorly because they’re going somewhere else where they feel like they belong.
M: Yeah. Yeah. Yes, and I think now that you say it, I noticed why I thought I belonged in that group, and it was because all of them were Latino. None of the people that I’ve met during my days like that were like either, umm, White, Black, or any other race. Everyone of them was Latino. Everyone of them spoke Spanish. Either Spanish or English, or only spoke Spanish. But everyone of them was Latino, so I felt at home with them. Umm, when we were drinking, we would play music that was Latino, Reggaeton, so of course I felt at home. I definitely felt home, but it’s just, it was not meant for me. It’s just, it wasn’t my place. I thought it was my palace, but it wasn’t my place. Umm… yeah. [1:05:51].
AJS: What about arts?
M: Arts?
AJS: I know you like to dance, and I know you’ve been in… I think you’re more part of the community in the Mission than you think you are sometimes. I think you really are part of the community; you have done things. You know— how did you start getting involved in the mime troupe? How did you start getting involved in Loco Boco? You know.
M: Umm, I think that I’ve always been very curious about stuff. I like taking risks. So, um, I don’t know, actually, you know, I don’t know how I got involved. I just. It was just a decision that I made.
AJS: Did your mom have any influence?
M: No, nobody did, actually. Nobody. Not friends. Said “can you come with me?” No, I think… people came to my class and they talked about it, and then they were like “who wants to sign up?” And then I said why not? So, I did sign up, and I didn’t think I was gonna get in, in Mime Troupe, and then I got in because it’s like an interview type of thing. I was like oh sh*t… what do I do now?
AJS: Like, I can do this.
M: I went through it, you know, so it was —you know— that I cannot put it on anyone. Nobody forced me, nobody, like…
AJS: Did you connect with people? on a different level, through I don’t know… how was your experience?
M: Mm, I found something about myself other than drugs, other than drinking, and other than school —you know— I found something that I could do, that I liked, umm, something that was… that, like, helped me express my feelings… a little bit better. I got to learn that through dance. When I started dancing for, um, Olé, it’s like this club in Mission high school where you would showcase Latino dances and stuff. So, I started there, and then I remember I did became very involved, like, in the community because I was doing, like, all this stuff… like was doing fundraisings, I was, like, dancing. Uhh, I danced in like f**cking downtown. Yes, I did. We did that.
AJS: What dance?
M: Uhh, it was Latin dance, but we…
AJS: But what kind of Latin dance?
M: Umm, I think I showed you, It’s like Salsa, Bachata. And then we danced downtown and then we got me. It was our little thing. Umm, so I did a lot of stuff, and you know what it actually made me happy because it…
AJS: Do you think you have an artistic personality?
M: Oh yeah, definitely. Yes, definitely. I think I found that…
AJS: Where do you think you get that from?
M: [sighs] Not my mom, or not my family I wanna say because my family is not artistic. I think it’s just me.
AJS: It’s just you, you just got it.
M: I think I just got it —you know. I think it’s a mix of my sexuality, my pride of being Latino because I am proud to be Latino now. I’ve met people who are not proud, but I am very proud—you know, and I think it’s a mix of being proud of being Latino, a mix of my sexuality, a mix of my own personality. I like to be curious, I like to take risks, umm, I like to express myself, I like to help people as well even though nobody really… but I do help. I like to help people. Umm, so I think it’s a mix of all of that —you know— I actually didn’t get it from anybody in my family. My mom can dance, yeah, but she’s not artistic.
The World as an Oyster: Perla’s Journey to Find Home
by Miguel Morales Valtierra, December 2020
Perla Valtierra remembers crossing the Rio Grande (or Rio Bravo, as it is known in México) when she was five years old. Her parents brought her to America pursuing the dream of a better life. Perla Valtierra is the first generation in her family to attend college and is about three months from taking her last examination to be a licensed architect with the California Architect Board. She is thirty-two years old and she is a Mexican and U.S. citizen living in the Bay Area. For Valtierra and her parents, life was good in México but they knew a better opportunity for their daughter could be offered across the border despite the dangers of crossing a river. Perla Valtierra’s sense of home and belonging has evolved through a journey that has been hysterical, and rife with the challenges of searching for home in language, school and career; but her passage will be historical, leaving trauma behind and making the link for her between a sense of home for her family to her sense of home in her family.
Miss Perla Valtierra and I decided to shelter in place for three weeks before our interview in the end of October, so she and I would have enough time to coordinate our schedules. The same day, we agreed our second meeting would be on November 23, 2020, close to a garden next to the house where I live. One of the first questions that we Mexicans tend to ask is: How is the family? How long have you not seen them? She responded without hesitation: “My parents and little sister are doing okay. They are still living in the same place where I grew up, in the Sacramento area, about three hours from San Francisco. I’m currently living in the Bay Area, and the last time I saw my parents and my little sister was in March of this year.” I must confess the familiar air that we share, which characterizes us as traditional Mexicans, made our meeting flow easier. We Mexicans tend to treat new people like our own family sometimes. We tend to bond quickly in friendly relationships. After breaking the ice, I proposed to begin our interview sharing a short story that my “Tita” [my grandmother] taught me when I was five years old. “Do you know how pearls are formed?” my grandmother asked me one day while I was admiring her favorite pearl necklace. Then she told me a story about how pearls are the tears of oysters, formed when a grain of sand enters into the oyster, and the mother-of-pearl of the oyster surrounds the piece of sand until it forms a pearl. It is a painful process for the oyster, but after a long grieving process wonderful pearls are obtained, which means that even if we endure the most difficult circumstances, or if we get hurt by situations out of our comprehension, it is possible to respond with style and grace. “Natural pearls form in the bodies, or mantle tissue, of certain mollusks, usually around a microscopic irritant, and always without human help of any kind” (GIA).
Perla does not remember how her journey to the U.S. started, much less understand why a strange man would have to carry her on his shoulders while swimming to reach the other side of the river. But she remembers seeing her mother crossing the river, and remembers feeling the desire to see her father again, who had already been living and working on the other side of the river since before she was born. Perla says, “The coyote[1] picked me up and he was holding me on his shoulder.” She was not aware of having been in danger; her five-year-old brain did not allow her to assimilate the risky situation. She could describe well how the river water almost covered her mother as she crossed, and she remembers seeing her mother shivering from the cold, all soaked. I asked Perla if she could describe any related sensation or remember any feeling or emotion that would make her go back to that moment more clearly. “I just remember being angry and annoyed with this man that helped us, and missing my dad. I just wanted to get across and see my dad.” Perla thinks the emotion of seeing her father again and being in her mother’s arms were the reasons why she couldn’t tell if she was cold or not at that moment. She barely noticed that the person who helped them to cross to the other side of the border had left his jacket behind for her. While her mother wrapped her in it, she remembers seeing this person walking away: “After crossing the river he just disappeared, he never returned.” But she is sure her mother still has that jacket. Perla Valtierra does not know why she had to cross that way into the United States, risking their lives as they passed, if her father already had legal presence in the U.S. The main question here is: What risks or factors make a legal worker like Perla’s father, who is living in this country under U.S. laws, decide not to trust immigration regulations to bring his family in an appropriate way? Every human being has the right to belong to a family, and since the main reason for immigration is because we want to reunite again with our families who emigrated before us, this right should be honored as a natural order. In the book Children of Immigration, authors Marcelo M. Suárez-Orozco, Dean and Distinguished Professor of Education at the UCLA Graduate School of Education and Information Studies, and Carola Suárez-Orozco, a Professor of Human Development and Psychology at the UCLA Graduate School of Education and Information Sciences, who co-founded and co-directed the Harvard Immigration Projects and Immigration Studies at NYU, speak to this theme. Both authors report in the aforementioned book:
“Families migrate to improve their lives. For many, immigration results in opportunity and personal growth. But there are costs involved in all immigrant journeys. Immigration is a transformative process with profound implications for the family. Immigrant children experience a particular constellation of changes that have lasting effects upon their development.” (C.Orozco; M.Orozco, 66)
While today some new immigrants are progressing at a rate never seen in the United States, according to the book Children of Immigration, the best opportunities can still be found today. However, we must explore the question as to how it happens that while most immigrants enter the country full of optimism, some of them will see lacking opportunities for a better tomorrow. Even though Perla was happy to see her father again, it would not be surprising if she has suffered from some stress post-traumatic due to her transition and experience. Immigration can be as traumatic as it can be stressful, especially for kids who need to adapt to a new country.
Perla absorbed American culture quickly at a young age. Her exposure to American culture was intense. Once at school, she remembers not being able to communicate with her teacher and classmates as she was the only Spanish speaker in the class. She brings to her mind that moment of being in front of the blackboard during her math class, not understanding anything the teacher was saying. She admits, “I was frustrated learning. I started crying and immediately got a bloody nose.” Perla was only seven years old when she began to face her first challenges: the language barrier and the navigation of two cultures, challenges commonly shared by many immigrants. At home, Perla’s family spoke Spanish all the time. It was not because they refused to adapt to a new culture. In fact, the main reason was to preserve their own culture. Perla emphasizes, “I just kind of felt like I lived in another world. I didn’t understand what everyone else was on, or what experience they were all sharing that I wasn’t.” For young Perla, finding the balance between the functional and the emotional, and maintaining the identity of her nuclear family while adapting to a new culture, could have caused emotional trauma and stress. Nancy L. Beckerman, LCSW, DSW, Professor at the Wurzweiler School of Social Work, and Lynn Corbett, Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Licensed Board Certified Behavior Analyst, who specializes in depression, anxiety, stress-management, and family issues, point out in their article titled, “Immigration and families: treating acculturative stress from a systemic framework,” “Schools are often in a position to be the first to notice when children are experiencing excessive immigration trauma or acculturative stress and their psychological sequelae, either in the form of behavioral problems or in the visible consequences of harsh punishment.” They assiduously present the immigrant adaptation process and the most significant changes discovered in families who have recently immigrated to the United States. Families who have been affected by acculturative stress and by the trauma due to immigration itself are a focus of their research. Beckerman and Corbett’s article reports that the stress suffered during acculturation can persist for a long time throughout one’s life, as unresolved sequelae due to the traumatic event experienced. Although for Perla acculturation may not have been deeply traumatic, the effects of her difficult acculturation may linger for the rest of her life. She mentions that, regardless of her first stressful school experience, she did not lose effectiveness in school. She noticed a transformation in her self: “I slowly came out of my shell.” Shyness was no longer an obstacle. The perseverance with which Perla adapted was admirable. She was adapting to a new language and to two cultures: one inherited through her origins and another offered by the circumstances of destiny and its new home. The anxiety and fear provoked by what could happen can haunt many undocumented immigrants throughout their whole lives. Many times, fear of possible consequences, even if they are uncertain, can restrict goals, ambitions, and mindsets of immigrants. Perla can recount her successes while acknowledging her lingering anxiety from her upbringing as an undocumented immigrant.
From a young age, Perla’s parents ingrained in her that she had a responsibility to be successful in whichever professional career she might choose. This sense of responsibility led her to succeed in school. Also, she learned from her parents that there is value in all their sacrifices. Perla declared the next fine piece of a statement while our conversation became more profound: “ I have always just considered myself shy. Until eight grade was really the time when I started to blossom a little bit more.” Her outlook on life changed as she shifted her attitude. A more positive mindset led her to collaborate more in class, and even gave her the confidence to tell some jokes. Despite the challenges of learning a new language, she discovered a blooming world as well. She always remembered her dad’s words, “School is your job, so you don’t end up on the fields like us.” Every loving father and mother who loves their children will always be concerned about offering them the best opportunities possible, no matter if they are based on great sacrifices and efforts. While sacrificing might seem inevitable, it will never be in vain because the best reward is seeing their children achieve something that they always dreamed of achieving. Most immigrant children have a strong will to learn and succeed, and also develop discipline and commitment because it honors the sacrifice of their parents. The renowned writers Carola and Marcelo M. Suárez-Orozco, authors of the book Learning a New Land, present anecdotal evidence from a school’s administrator that confirms, “‘Immigrant students are nicer groups. They still have a greater desire to achieve. They tend to be more respectful and more motivated. Historically here, 99 percent of the honors society members were immigrants’” (C.Orozco, M.Orozco, 31). Sacrifices can also bestow greater responsibilities for the children of immigrants who have entered a new stage in school. For Perla’s parents and for the great majority of immigrants, education is essential to succeed in this life. However, immigration is not an easy process. For many immigrants, school is perceived as a second home where they can belong regardless of the extra work to adapt, and represents a solid foundation in a new culture. It is vital that access education remains easy for immigrants while they preserve comprehensive values.
Perla’s parents instilled in her the best values they could offer to make her succeed in life. They taught her that a home is not exactly a build-up of four walls; a home is created by the love of the family. When I asked Perla, “What creates a sense of home to you?” she responded firmly to the question: “I think a lot of what my parents taught me, which was, you don’t need a physical building, you don’t need a physical house to feel loved.” According to this, Perla’s home is where her beloved family is. Perla was brought as a child to the United States, for two main reasons: to be reunited with her parents and to complete her parents’ sense of home again. Now that she is thirty-two years old; she has gained experience in school. Her goals and ambitions have flowed wonderfully. She has dedicated herself to studying as an architect and her biggest dream is to build a house for her parents. Perla recognizes that one can know who one is, but it is our duty to discover who we can become by saying, “I’m about to get my license in architecture. I am about to get a job promotion. I’m on my way to be a full project manager and I’ve really grown a lot, especially this year.” The guide provided by her parents gave her the confidence to realize her goals. Although her parents never received the same opportunity to go to great schools, it was never a constraint in encouraging their daughter to complete her studies as an architect. Full of confidence, Perla can say, “I think you can build a home whenever and wherever you want, with whomever you are with. You can start to build a home and an emotional home.” Many times the goodwill of immigrants is held back not only by the difficulty in adapting to a complex system in which one usually lives, but because many times it tends to be too strict because of unfair immigration laws. Abigail Hauslohner states in an article published in The Washington Post: “Immigration experts say that in his four years in office, President Donald Trump fundamentally altered the system through which foreign nationals can obtain visas to come to the United States, much of it through policy memos and internal guidance and without the blessing of Congress. It was a cascade of tiny cuts – and the result, in part, was fewer visas issued.” For most immigrants, it is essential to create their unique concepts of home and cling to them. This can be found at their schools, in the communities, in objects or possessions and, most importantly, in the nuclear family. For some people, this could not form a general logical sense but immigrants tend to relate and share this type of sentiment. This is because not all immigrants have the option of coming to this country under the same circumstances. Some of them are forced to flee their countries. The vast majority of undocumented immigrants as of today remain vulnerable.
Perla’s sentimental home is still as genuine as when she was little. However, her perception of home has evolved as any natural process that resembles its environment.The most reflective segment in this interview seems to be at the end of the interview, but it turns out that a walker creates his path while walking. I presented to Perla Valtierra the next questions in a reflective manner. “Looking back in your life, do you feel happier now, more than you were in your childhood?” She responded, “I have always wanted to live in a city, and always wanted to have a city job and live downtown. I look outside my window and see the city and that’s exactly where I am.” Perla has only just started a new stage in her life where it could be said that she has reached the full realization of her career. But the best is yet to come. She is currently preparing herself for the last examination as a licensed architect with the California Architect Board. When I asked her if she has accomplished her main ambitions so far, she stated, “I reached this part as I had jumped up in my thirties. Now, I’m starting to see the value in a simple life.” Perla has started to appreciate the simpler things in life, like spending a day off watching movies or walking her dog, Rex. As long as you remember your home, as long as you carry a small part of your home with yourself, wherever you decide to go you will never feel alone. Dr. Barbara Settles, Professor of Human Development and Family Studies at the University of Delaware, suggests in her article “Being at Home in a Global Society: A Model for Families’ Mobility and Immigration Decisions” that the concepts concerning the feeling of home for families during migratory mobilization should be analyzed with greater care and depth to understand their different aspects. Reiterating, “The processes of creating home may be as interesting as the processes of creating families. Immigration provides such a dynamic moment for this analysis of the connection between home and family. For the immigrant, home is a goal as well as a history. In a global society the home one has may be temporary and the home one wants may be beyond one’s reach” (Settles 627). The decisions that most immigrants are willing to make regardless of the drastic changes they might generate prove the commitment to the the best values and honorable inheritances with which they develop day by day. The right to aspire for relevance in a community, along with the right to belong to a place without being harassed, are crucial in calling the place where you exist home.
For Perla Valtierra, her immigration story has created the definition of home as a place where she can live, love, cry, and feel fortunate for needing little more than family because her identity is continuously shaped by virtues and values independent of her physical location or individual actions. This is evident in the consistency of her connection to her family and her commitment to her growth and advancement despite the trauma of crossing the border when her family may have had other options. Usually, the sacrifices that immigrants make seem never good enough to convince the government or society of the value of the people they are, but Perla has maintained her identity and sense of home nonetheless. Though the way she entered the U.S. may have been avoidable, Perla’s journey transcends fear and reinforces the importance of family connection. The opportunity that is granted by defining undocumented immigrants by their humanism, and not only by their actions, would progressively guarantee the process of adaptation to home and concede them a better sense of identity. According to journalists, activists, sociologists, and psychologists, experts in their fields of work, the terrible indifference of authorities to what most immigrants are experiencing is verified. Their studies also reflect injustices they are exposed to when they are in search of their sense of home. Important figures in charge of enforcing policies in this country are not always the fairest in exercising them, as is the initiative of President Donald Trump. This has created terrible scenarios for the majority of immigrants, who are judged and persecuted by their immigration status when the vast majority are innocent of the things he accuses them of. It could be argued that the conditions Perla was exposed to at such a young age were dangerous and unnecessary, leading to irreparable damages and a sense of loss. But it would be a shame to her parents’ effort and sacrifices and Perla’s bravery to be overshadowed by extreme conditions that she was ultimately able to overcome and grow into a more flexible and solid sense of home. If realistically the reasons why immigrants resort to a temporary or permanent stays in the United States are not well comprehended, we do not have the right to judge them either. My hope is that if we are touched by injustice, trespassed against in our home, or forced to feel pain, may we be like an oyster and produce a pearl. Because the best pearls are formed from the harshest conditions.
Works Cited
Beckerman, Nancy L., and Lynn Corbett. “Immigration and families: treating acculturative stress from a systemic framework.” Family Therapy, vol. 35, no. 2, 2008, p. 63+. Gale Academic OneFile, Accessed 30 Nov. 2020.
“coyote.” Dictionary of Contemporary Slang, Tony Thorne, Bloomsbury, 4th edition, 2014. Credo Reference, Accessed 02 Dec. 2020.
“Different Pearl Types & Colors: The Four Major Types of Cultured Pearls.” GIA,
Settles, Barbara H. “Being at Home in a Global Society: A Model for Families’ Mobility and Immigration Decisions.” Journal of Comparative Family Studies, vol. 32, no. 4, Sept. 2001, pp. 627–645. EBSCOhost, doi:10.3138/jcfs.32.4.627.
Hauslohner, Abigail. “Biden vows to ‘restore and defend’ legal immigration, reversing Trump administration visa policies.” Washington Post, 2 Dec. 2020. Gale Academic OneFile, Accessed 7 Dec. 2020.
Suárez-Orozco, Carola and Marcelo M. Suárez-Orozco. Children of Immigration. Harvard University Press, 2002. EBSCOhost.
Suárez-Orozco, Carola et al. Learning a New Land. 1st ed, Harvard University Press, 2008. EBSCOhost.
[1] Coyote. a person who preys on those illegally immigrating to the USA from Mexico. The word (literally, prairie wolf) is used in Spanish to describe unscrupulous agents, mainly Mexican, who offer to help migrants cross the border, but instead often rob, defraud, denounce or even kill them. A term from the late 1970s and 1980s.
Our teenage years are some of the best years of our lives, but also, we go through a lot of changes, which can often make us feel out of place, making us wonder, where do we belong? Now imagine what happens to teenagers trying to get used to a new country, those teenagers that have left everything behind in search of a better future. This essay will dive into three different teenagers: Jose, from the Philippines; Andrew, from Vietnam; and me (Karla), from El Salvador. Even though we all come from three different countries, we all share one thing in common: trying to find a sense of home and belonging while trying to get used to a new country. Which brings us to the question: What are some of the challenges that many young immigrants face that make it hard for us to feel at home and have a strong sense of belonging? Feeling torn between the past and the present, being undocumented, and coming from families with multigenerational trauma are some of the reasons why young immigrants struggle so much to find a sense of home and belonging in a new country.
Jose
Jose was just a kid when he immigrated from the Philippines. What he once knew as home would suddenly come to an end when his mother told him about a plan to go to America. He didn’t know when they would leave; all he knew was that he would leave first, and his mother would follow him within a few months. Coming to America meant that he would face the struggle of assimilating to the American way of living while trying to discover where he belongs and cultivate a sense of home. Like every other immigrant in America, Jose had to assimilate to the American way of living. Besides that, he had to learn the language, culture, and lifestyle. In the book Dear America: Notes of an Undocumented Citizen, the author,Jose Antonio Vargas, talks about his experience growing as an immigrant from the Philippines in America and how he was just a teenager when he found out the truth about his legal status, which would challenge everything told to him by his family and the way he perceived home. From assimilating to a new country to facing the predicaments of being undocumented, Jose would go on to use his experiences as a way to understand home.
When we are teenagers, standing out does not make us feel good, mainly because we are worried about fitting in with the rest. For teenagers like Jose, who are also immigrants, the pressure to fit in doubles as he already stands out from the rest of their peers because he doesn’t speak the language, and doesn’t know the culture. For these reasons, many immigrant teens will do whatever is in our power to try to fit in, making them feel torn apart, between our home countries’ sweet memories and the bitter reality of a new beginning. In Dear America, Jose states, “I swallowed American culture before I learned how to chew it…Talk like an American. Write like an American. Think like an American. Pass as an American” (Vargas 83). The way Jose feels about fitting in is not uncommon among teenage immigrants. Many of us feel the need to try to do whatever is in our power to fit in. Things like having an accent, speaking in “broken” English, or not acting “American,” are often pointed out by other students, making us feel out of place, like we don’t belong here, resulting in struggling to call and make this new country our home.
Our teenage years hold some of the best moments in our lives. We are at a point where we are slowly taking steps into adulthood. Many of us get our first jobs, apply for college, and even get our driver’s licenses. As Jose got older, he was thrilled to take his first steps into adulthood, so he decided to apply for a driver’s permit. Once he got to the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles) office, he was faced with a truth that would change everything. Jose learned that his green card was fake, which meant that he was undocumented. Enraged, Jose confronted his Lolo (grandfather) about the situation. Jose states, “Does Mama know? Why didn’t anybody tell me? Can I get a ‘real’ green card? Is a ‘real’ green card something you can buy? For how much? Where? Can I tell my friends about it? Can I trust my family? Who can I trust?” (Vargas 33). Finding out about his legal status would destroy his understanding of home. Jose had finally adapted to a country that he felt like he could call his home. Now he had to deal with the difficulties that undocumented immigrants face in the U.S.
After living in this country for many years, we start to feel like we are part of its society, but what happens to people that are in Jose’s situation? Because they have been living in this country, people like Jose feel like they are part of it, giving Jose a sense of home, and after finding out about his legal status, he would go on to find a different way to belong to American society. Jose states, “If I was not considered an American because I didn’t have the right papers then practicing journalism—writing in English, interviewing Americans, making sense of the people and places around me—was my way of writing myself into America” (Vargas 58). Looking at this, we can see how Jose created his way to fit into American society even when everything seemed like it was falling apart. Like many other undocumented immigrants, Jose used his talents to shape his identity and create his sense of belonging and home.
Andrew
While some can say that their childhoods were full of fun, many other children are robbed of their childhoods and become victims of their environments. At a young age, Andrew was faced with the traumatic experience of leaving his country home country, Vietnam, due to the war. Growing up in a country as a refugee led him to split between two worlds, his home, which reminds him of his traumatic experience, and his school, which allowed him to be whoever he wanted. Andrew is just one of many other teenage immigrants who, due to catastrophic events, are forced to leave their countries searching for safety. Being in this situation can have a negative impact on immigrants and the way they perceive home. In the essay “Child of Two Worlds,” written by Andrew Lam, he talks about his experience growing up in a country as a refugee and how that resulted in him feeling split between two worlds. Moving to a new country implies that we must process the fact that we are about to embark on a new chapter of our lives, meaning we have to prepare ourselves emotionally and understand that we will leave everything behind and start a life in a new place. Doing such a thing is not easy for anyone, especially a teenager who is just beginning to enjoy life, and it is impossible to do for someone who has had to flee their country because their life was in danger. In “Child of Two Worlds,” Andrew states, “For the refugee child in America, the world splits perversely…Inside, I, their refugee child, felt the collected weight of history on my shoulders’’ (Lam 6). This environment full of sorrows would lead Andrew to deny his past and become split between two worlds; thus, people like Andrew can feel like they don’t belong anywhere. Their sense of home is affected by their traumatic experiences. Something that ends up happening with immigrant teenagers who have experienced traumatic events is that they enter a state of denial in which they deny such events to the point where they split themselves into two different people to be able to leave those events behind. Andrew states, “Outside, however…I was ready to believe, to swear that the Vietnamese child who grew up in that terrible war…was someone else” (Lam 7). Many immigrant teenagers feel just the way Andrew felt, split between two worlds, and this is because our houses are full of the remains of what used to be home and who we used to be before we left our countries, and the outside offers us a brand new beginning.
As Andrew grew up, he realized how his world was split into two. He was no longer a teenager trying to escape reality. Instead, he was becoming a man who embraces his roots, acknowledges his past predicaments, and uses them to dictate his future. Andrew states, “The boy was once overwhelmed by the tragedy that had fallen on his people…has become emboldened by his own process of individualization” (Lam 14). Coming to America as a refugee, he saw how his world slowly split into two. He became split between the home that reminded him of his traumatic experience and the outside, which allowed him to escape his past and become an average teenager. Although this helps us cope with the bitter feelings of not finding a sense of home and belonging, it can also harm us because we get to a point where we don’t know who we are. In Andrew’s case, as he got older, he realized that it was only right for him to acknowledge and embrace his past. By doing this, he could be in charge of his future, ultimately giving himself a sense of belonging.
My grandmother, Rafaela, or Lita, as I called her. She’s holding my oldest maternal uncle. Karla Rodriguez Fermán
Karla
Giving children an ideal environment is every family’s priority, but how can a child have an ideal environment in a country recovering from war? I was born in March of 2001 after two major earthquakes destroyed the country. El Salvador is known as “El Valle de las Hamacas,” The Valley of Hammocks, because of the tremendous seismic activity that hits the country; not only that, but El Salvador is also known for the brutal civil war that lasted twelve years, from 1980 to 1992, leaving 75,000 people dead. Due to the war, many of my family members fled the country because their lives were in danger. Even though the war ended nine years before I was born, it would go on to dictate a big part of my life. Growing up, I had a strong sense of who I was, and although my family was affected by the war, they managed to stick together and make everything out of nothing.
All of that would change once I learned that my mom and I were moving to the U.S. My sense of belonging would vanish as I couldn’t process that I was about to leave everything I knew behind. For the first time in my life, I didn’t know what to consider home anymore. Once I got here to the U.S., I realized that even though the war had ended many years before, the aftermath was still affecting my family, but most surprisingly, it was affecting me. My family was just one of the many Central American families that deal with multi-generational trauma caused by tragic events, in this case, by war. In the article “Developmental indices among Central American immigrants exposed to war-related trauma: clinical implications for counselors,” the authors, Kimberly K. Asner-Self, an Associate Professor and Clinical Mental Health Counselor at Touro College and University System, and Sylvia A. Marotta, talk about the mental health issues found among Central American immigrants affected by the war and how these mental health issues affect our perception of identity. Asner-Self and Marotta state, “The current study found that Central American immigrants exposed to war-related trauma exhibited high levels of mistrust, identity confusion, and isolation.” When Central Americans like my family flee their countries because their lives were in danger, many don’t have time to process what is happening to them. Many leave without saying goodbye to their loved ones, and others leave not knowing when they will see their countries again. It is usual for those feelings to be shared among the Central American community, especially when they knew their home was taken away from them by the war.
Trying to adjust to a new country’s culture is another hard thing immigrants have to deal with, especially when we feel like the culture overshadows our own cultures. Another critical thing Asner-Self and Marotta state is, “The confusion and uncertainty that immigrants experience in identity development may be magnified by the need to adjust their sense of self within the context of a new culture.” Coming from a country where people have a strong sense of who we are and where we belong is often erased when trying to fit into the new country’s culture. For example, when Central Americans arrive in the U.S., we have to identify with Latinx culture. Although Latinx culture is rich in history and tradition, where I live it tends to revolve around Mexican culture, which is not necessarily bad. The problem is that Central Americans have their own cultures and traditions that are different from Mexican culture. Trying to identify ourselves with the Latinx culture in the U.S. can feel like an erasure of our identities. When we demand being identified with our cultures, we realized how often we are erased from the Latinx community, making it hard for Central Americans to find a sense of home and belonging. Asner-Self and Marotta also point out how “The identity confusion noted in this group of Central Americans may be reflective of a struggle between an individual’s previous identification within a single national culture and the need to place oneself as an individual in a culture where there are plural ethnicities.” For Central American immigrants who have experienced multi-generational trauma due to the war, it is hard to identify ourselves with the bigger Latinx community. Even today, many Salvadorans are still living with the hope of rebuilding our identities while still dealing with the aftermath caused by the war. For this reason, mental health issues are prevalent among the Central American community, resulting in conflicts in identifying with others, finding a sense of belonging, and finding a sense of home.
Now that we have learned about these three teenagers’ experiences, we can dive into how young immigrants have a hard time developing a sense of home and belonging. Challenges like being undocumented, enduring war-related trauma, and identifying with a bigger culture can affect young immigrants’ sense of home and belonging. The article “Identity and assimilation among young Ethiopian immigrants in metropolitan Washington,” written by the author Elizabeth Chacko, Professor of Geography and International Affairs at the George Washington University, talks about the identity struggle young Ethiopian immigrants face when trying to assimilate to the way of living in the U.S. Chacko states:
As the population of non-native Blacks settling in the United States swelled, racial identification became an increasingly complicated issue. First-generation Black immigrants overwhelmingly emphasized their ethnic identities and national origins, underplaying the more generic identification as Black. Non-native Blacks in the United States resisted identifying with American Blacks for a number of reasons, including prejudices against native Blacks, general aversion to an undistinguished Black identity, and pride in national identity.
In America, identifying with a bigger racial or ethnic group is a part of many immigrant’s process of integrating in society. When immigrants come from countries where identifying with race isn’t necessary, it can be hard for them to identify themselves with a bigger racial/ethnic group. Doing such a thing is hard, especially for teenagers who try to find a sense of home and belonging while navigating a new country. Chacko also emphasizes, “Adolescence can be a challenging time for any individual in any locale and is popularly portrayed as a period of turbulence accompanied by emotional conflict. Many of the issues and conflicts that relate to ethnic and racial identity surface during this period for the children of first-generation immigrants.” Besides containing some of the best moments of our lives, our teenage years are also full of challenges and changes that can make us feel super emotional. For young immigrants, trying to adapt to a new country is already a challenge itself. Identifying with a new culture can make us feel lost; this can impact us negatively, resulting in mental health issues like anxiety, fear, and depression. Chacko states, “In addition, these young immigrants may have to cope with the anxieties associated with concerns about preserving, relinquishing, or transforming their defining cultural traits while attempting to fit into mainstream society.” Many young immigrants will find themselves torn between preserving their cultures and trying to assimilate to the new country’s culture. Being in this situation can make us feel like we have to sacrifice one of those cultures to succeed in the other. Also, being in that type of situation can affect our sense of belonging because we feel like they have to choose between the two instead of being part of both.
Wanting to fit in and belong is essential for everyone, especially for immigrants. Once immigrants can process that we are here to stay, it is normal for us to try and do whatever it takes to find that sense of home and belonging and form part of the bigger community. The article “Citizenship and Belonging in Uncertain Times,” written by Marcela Mendoza, Executive Director of Centro Latino Americano in Eugene, emphasizes how feelings of belonging are essential for human beings and how immigrants can find themselves stuck between the past, which holds emotional connections, and the present, which holds uncertainty. Mendoza states, “‘Belongingness’ is an emotional human need of being accepted as a member of a group, a feeling of “fitting in” and being valued for who one is.” Looking at the three different teenagers’ experiences, we can conclude that we all share the same struggle trying to adapt to a new country even though we all come from different countries. Ultimately, what we all want is to be part of a community that we can call our home. Mendoza summarizes, “First-generation immigrants experience strong bonds to two countries at the same time, but the content and meaning of those bonds are different.” Feeling torn between two countries is something every immigrant experience. All of it has to do with the fact that it is hard to live in a new country where we feel like we don’t belong. We find ourselves torn apart between our home country’s sweet memories and the bitter reality of a new beginning. Mendoza states, “Their new home country is instead associated with a less emotional, more instrumental sense of belonging based on everyday life experiences, sometimes expressed in terms of social participation.” The main reason immigrants have a hard time assimilating to the way of living in this country is that we come from countries where the sense of community is powerful. We grow up in countries where we know our neighbors and the cultures and histories are rich. Once we come to the U.S., we realize that we can’t connect with people the way we used to in their countries, which results in having a hard time finding a sense of home and belonging.
In the end, being immigrants in this country will make us struggle with who we are. Young immigrants struggle to find a sense of home and belonging because we face many challenges like dealing with war-related trauma, feeling torn between two places, and being undocumented. All three of us come from entirely different countries and have dealt with such problems. As a result of these problems, what we all share in common is fracture families.
Some people might argue that immigrants are just complaining about everything, and instead, we should just worry about other things. It is easy to talk for those that have never struggle to fit in and have been here their whole lives. Instead, people should be more welcoming to immigrants by validating our feelings since it is not easy for anyone to leave everything they once knew behind and start a new life in a new country. Other people might argue that migrating at young ages is better because we adapt quicker, learn the language faster, and have an easier time navigating the new country. This is true because older immigrants tend to have a more challenging time learning the language and adapting. Still, it does not take away that being a teenager is already hard because we are just starting to live life and become adults. Just as all three of us come from fractured families, other young immigrants like us will also have a challenging time finding a sense of home and belonging because we tend to have multicultural identities making it hard for us to find a place where we belong and consider home.
Work Cited
Vargas, Jose Antonio. Dear America: Notes of an Undocumented Citizen. Dey Street, September 2018.
Lam, Andrew. “A Child of Two Worlds.” Perfume Dreams. Heyday, 2012.
Asner-Self, Kimberly K., and Sylvia A. Marotta. “Developmental indices among Central American immigrants exposed to war-related trauma: clinical implications for counselors.” Journal of Counseling and Development, vol. 83, no. 2, 2005, p. 162+. Gale Academic OneFile.
Chacko, Elizabeth. “Identity and assimilation among young Ethiopian immigrants in metropolitan Washington*.” The Geographical Review, vol. 93, no. 4, 2003, p. 491+. Gale Academic OneFile.
Mendoza, Marcela. “Citizenship and belonging in uncertain times.” Oregon Historical Quarterly, vol. 114, no. 4, Winter 2013, p. 432. Gale Academic OneFile.
Trump vs. Biden: Their Visions for Immigration in America
by Felicia Lo, December 2020
My mother had turned on the radio to listen in on the 2020 presidential debate. “Some presidential candidates,” I thought to myself. I began reflecting on the past four years and how hectic it has been for most Americans. In 2016, Trump’s campaign caught attention largely due to his grand plans for building a wall at the Mexican-American border. I remember laughing at such a ridiculous idea, but the support that it received made me question the significance of his choice. Why do people want a wall? What is wrong with the immigration system in America?
I come from a family of immigrants. All my grandparents migrated to Hong Kong from mainland China when they became unsatisfied with the Central government. My mother moved to the U.S. through a family petition; and my father moved to the U.S. as a college student and eventually became a naturalized citizen. By today’s standards, my grandparents would be considered “illegal migrants,” and in contrast both my parents are naturalized citizens that “followed the rules.” As the 2020 presidential election drew nearer, I decided to learn more about the immigration policies proposed by President Donald Trump and former Vice President Joe Biden. I have been able to categorize their policies into three topics: the admission of immigrants, national security, and immigrants in America. While their plans are quite different, I wanted to find out which of the two is better. To find the answer, I would have to compare the two policies to determine which of the two better protects the interests of the American people while upholding the ethical responsibility and code pertaining to the UDHR. Biden’s immigration policy is better for America because it fosters a sense of national belonging for both immigrants and non-immigrants and it diversifies the pool of skilled workers.
The Admission of Immigrants
To understand how these proposed immigration plans could affect our future, we must first understand how our current immigration system admits immigrants. Under our current policy, immigrants who have obtained legal status in our country are called Legal Permanent Residents (LPR). According to the American Immigration Council, a non-profit organization that advocates for immigrants in America, “Immigration law in the United States has been built upon the following principles: the reunification of families, admitting immigrants with skills that are valuable to the U.S. economy, protecting refugees, and promoting diversity.” There are two categories for family-based immigration: immediate family members and the family preference system. There is no numerical restriction for the admission of immediate family members; however, there is a more complicated numerical limit for those who fall under the family preference system.
Besides family reunification, temporary and permanent visas are also given to workers who have been petitioned by their employers. Depending on their profession, preferences are made when granting these people visas. There are also policies in place to protect refugees and asylum seekers. Refugees and asylum seekers have different processes as to how they are admitted to the country. Refugees apply for admission from outside the country and then are admitted to the U.S., whereas asylum seekers apply for admission from within the country. Both groups are subject to the same criteria in determining whether they would be permitted to stay in the country. The numerical limit for accepting refugees is determined by the president and Congress, whereas there is no numerical limit for accepting asylum seekers. There are also programs to promote diversity and quotas to control the number of immigrants coming in from a specific country.
Family-based and employment/skill-based immigration
Family-based and employment/skill-based immigrant applications make up most of the admitted applicants each year. An important aspect of immigration policy is finding the balance between family reunification and seeking immigrants with valuable skills for our economy.
Our country’s family values extend to our immigration policy, which is based on the principle of family reunification. Family can offer emotional, physical and financial support to individuals. Maria E. Enchautegui is a Senior Research Associate at Urban Institute and wrote an article that explores how our immigration laws and family separation can affect the integration of immigrants. She states that the separation of immigrant families can “affect the immediate economic and emotional well-being of immigrant families and can have longer-term consequences for integration” (Enchautegui). Upholding the American value of family, we should ensure that the lack of a family member does not cause additional burdens that come with navigating a new life. Family reunification plays a role in helping new immigrants’s wellbeing and could maximize their contributions to society as immigrants by removing potential roadblocks that may appear when integrating into a new society.
Employment and skill-based immigration also plays an important role in our immigration policy because it sustains and stimulates our economy by offering unique skills and fulfilling employment demands. The Georgetown Immigration Law Journal is written by scholars and legal practitioners and explores, among other topics, how international and domestic events shape immigration law. Samuel Gray is a lawyer who was a research assistant at the Georgetown University Law Center. In an article analyzing the effects high-skilled workers have on the economy, Gray concluded that high-skilled immigrants are often most sought after because they have “the greatest potential to contribute economically and pose the lowest risk of burdening the welfare state” (Gray 490). High-skilled workers are a net gain for the economy. However, immigration policy must ensure that the admittance of foreign workers does not hinder the job security of Americans. There are employers that take advantage of the system and hire personnel for lower wages, which replaces American workers with immigrant workers. An immigration policy that maximizes the value of foreign workers must be able to allocate visas to workers that can fulfill employer needs, attract higher-skilled immigrants and ensure that native workers’ job security is not jeopardized.
Trump’s immigration policy would prioritize merit-based immigration over family-based immigration as he believes that it would protect the American economy and labor. Unlike our current immigration plan, which admits immigrants mostly through family relation, Trump’s website states that his proposed merit-based system would admit 57% of the immigrant pool for employment or skill-based requirements (whitehouse.gov). His plan would protect American labor and wages by prohibiting policies that would displace workers, having recruitment requirements and a wage floor. Trump still values family reunification and states that immediate families members of U.S. citizens and permanent residents will have priority in getting green cards. Under Trump’s policy, high wage foreign workers and immediate families members of U.S. citizens or permanent residents would have priority in obtaining green cards or work visas.
Biden’s plan will expedite family reunification and attract more skilled immigrants by increasing the number of opportunities for people of different professions to stay in the US legally. Biden values family reunification and is dissatisfied with how our current immigration policy is inefficient in reuniting families. Under Biden’s plan, found on his campaign website, immediate family member applicants can receive temporary non-immigrant visas so that they can reunite with their families while waiting for their permanent visa to be processed. His plan will also increase the number of permanent work visas to reflect the demands of employers. Biden will make it easier for special-skilled persons such as Ph.D graduates in STEM and agricultural workers to obtain green cards as an incentive for them to immigrate to America. Biden will also work with Congress to establish a “wage-based allocation process for temporary visas” and ” enforcement mechanisms” to ensure that visas do not allow for job replacement (joebiden.com).
Trump’s merit-based policy could be more effective in ensuring that the labor market were not undermined and bringing more high-skilled workers to the U.S. than Biden’s merit-based policies. A study conducted by Laura Hill, a policy director and senior fellow at the Public Policy Institute of California, compared the merit-based immigration plans of Canada and Australia with the merit-based plan proposed in 2007 in America. It showed that the increasing number of high-skilled immigrants could lead to an increase in the level of skilled legal permanent residents since work-based visas often lead to permanent visas. And because of “subsequent mating,” the immediate families of high-skilled workers immigrating to the U.S. would likely also be highly-skilled and well educated (Hill 21). This means that the merit-based system would potentially bring about many skilled workers that could help the economy and not require welfare assistance. Biden’s merit-based policy could also draw in more highly-skilled workers the same way but because his plan remains predominantly family-based, the extent of its benefits would be smaller than that of Trump’s plan. Both their policies would use wage requirements to address the risks that wages and labor could be undermined by the distribution of work-based visas. Interestingly, the increased number of permanent work-based visas distributed by both policies could help in protecting American jobs. Sankar Mukhopadhyay is an economics professor at the University of Nevada, Reno who conducted a study that explored how employers took advantage of temporary work visas. He found that increasing the number of green cards awarded to highly-skilled immigrants can remove the incentive to hire foreign labor for lower wages (Mukhopadhyay 235). These policies would help prevent American jobs from being replaced and crowding out high-skilled workers. Trump and Biden’s merit-based policies are similar except Trump would have a greater pool of immigrants to select from. Given that, I believe that Trump’s policy would bring about more economic benefits than Biden’s.
While it is important to have an immigration policy that can bring about economic benefits, I believe that Biden’s immigration policy is better because it can both unify families efficiently and reap the economic benefits of skill-based immigration. Biden’s merit-based policy, while perhaps not as effective as Trump’s, will still be able to stimulate the economy and meet the needs of employers. Because Biden’s plan will increase the number of immigrants admitted to the country to reflect the needs of family reunification and employment, the numerical limit will not hinder the ability to fulfill the purposes of these reforms. Trump has not stated that he would increase the number of immigrants permitted each year. His plan would decrease family-based immigration from 66% to 33% (whitehouse.gov). The line for family immigration would only increase because there would be fewer people permitted each year to enter the country for family-based immigration. However, even under our current system, the cap for immigrants each year already makes family reunification take too long. If our current system is unable to abide by the principles of family reunification, cutting the percentage of family-based immigration in half would only make it more difficult. If Trump were to increase the cap for immigration, it would increase the cap for family reunification and help relieve the backlog for family-based immigration. Unfortunately, because Trump’s policy is unable to effectively reunite families, Biden’s policy for the admission of immigrants through the family preference system and employment is better.
Refugees and Asylum Seekers
There is currently a refugee crisis occurring globally in which there is an increase not only in the number of refugees and asylum seekers but also in the deterrence of refugees from developed countries. Thomas Gammeltoft-Hansen is a professor at the University of Copenhagen in Denmark who does research mostly on international refugee and migration law. In an article in which he discussed the deterrence paradigm, he stated that many developed countries have adopted policies that are “fundamentally based on the principle of deterrence rather than human rights protection” (Gammeltoft-Hansen). These policies, which make up the “deterrence paradigm,” prioritize migration control over the wellbeing of refugees seeking help.
Trump’s refugee policy is part of the deterrence paradigm in that it greatly restricts the number of refugees and asylum seekers admitted into the country through policy and pushes refugees to other countries. On the Council of Foreign Relations website, an organization that provides resources on foreign policies, it is stated that Trump has created the “Remain in Mexico” program and the “Safe Third Country Agreement,” which make asylum seekers wait in Mexico and allow U.S. authorities to return asylum seekers to their home countries respectively. He has also reduced the cap for the number of refugees in the U.S. to 18,000 as he believed it was a matter of national security. Even the criteria for asylum protection have been reduced by no longer accepting domestic violence as an asylum claim. He also ended the Temporary Protected Status (T.P.S) program, which allowed migrants from “certain crisis-stricken nations” to temporarily live in the U.S. (cfr.org). While Trump claimed that these restrictions would help expedite the process to help “real asylum seekers,” it has increased the risks of endangering the lives of asylum seekers. The process of migrating from their native countries to the American border is already dangerous. These policy restrictions won’t stop them from risking their lives to seek refuge. However, the nature of these deterrence policies directly or indirectly send them into harm’s way. Article 14th of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR) states that “Everyone has the right to seek and to enjoy in other countries asylum from persecution. This right may not be invoked in the case of prosecutions genuinely arising from non-political crimes or from acts contrary to the purposes and principles of the United Nations.” Trump has created a refugee policy that directly violates the human rights of refugees. Trump’s refugee policy is actively involved in worsening the refugee crisis as it denies help for most refugees and likely increases their risks, endangering the lives of refugees.
Biden’s refugee policy will expand America’s humanitarian efforts in helping asylum seekers and refugees by increasing the number of refugees admitted to the refugee program and increasing the efficiency of the handling of asylum cases. He plans to increase the cap to 125,000 as he believes it is America’s obligation to lend a helping hand. The new policy will restore asylum eligibility for domestic abuse and expand the eligibility for those fleeing from political persecution. Our current asylum process is inefficient and has led to many backlogged cases. Biden’s plan will pour in resources and double the manpower to provide fair and timely evaluations of each asylum case (joebiden.com). Biden’s refugee policy will promote the quick evaluation of asylum cases instead of evading the responsibility without identifying whether or not these people need the help. The current refugee crisis is a global issue and therefore as a country with the resources to help these fellow people, America should also share the responsibility and burden of taking care of these displaced refugees.
Border Security
Border security, a subset of national security, is important in protecting our country from external threats at the border. Smuggling, terrorism and drugs are common threats that can be prevented at the border. Immigration policies surrounding border security should mandate that border security police the traffic of people and goods into the country, such that the safety and well-being of our country will not be jeopardized.
Trump believes that “full border security is the bedrock of any functioning immigration system”; therefore he invests heavily in law enforcement and securities resources, and implements strict policy on who enters the country (whitehouse.gov). In 2019, Trump declared a national emergency at the border to divert funds into expanding the wall along the Mexican-American border. In 2017, Trump created the so-called Muslim ban, which limited the number of visas given to those who travel to and from Muslim countries (cfr.org). The ban was created because Trump believed that the immigration of Muslims would increase the chances of terrorist attacks. Trump has poured resources into preventing illegal means of immigration at the border and taken measures to prevent groups of people he believes pose a threat to national security from entering the country. Biden’s plans on the other hand are less elaborate and mainly rely on communication and collaboration between different parties. His plans to strengthen border security is to invest in better technology, improve cross-agency collaboration to combat illegal trafficking of goods, and work with neighboring countries to protect shared borders (joebiden.com).
Trump’s enforcement at the border would decrease illegal immigration more effectively than Biden’s plan. Biden’s plan for border security is much simpler than Trump’s, but during his time as Vice President, enforcement at the border was shown to be effective in decreasing the number of unauthorized migration. Senior fellow at the Council of Foreign Relations,Edward Alden, wrote an article discussing the effectiveness of border security. He states, “The new evidence suggests that unauthorized migration across the southern border has plummeted, with successful illegal entries falling from roughly 1.8 million in 2000 to just 200,000 by 2015. Border enforcement has been a significant reason for the decline” (Alden). Trump’s plan would increase the strictness of border enforcement, which would further discourage people from crossing the border illegally. However, it seems the investments at the border may not be worthwhile because resources would eventually need to be diverted elsewhere. “Further border enforcement may do a bit more to discourage illegal entry, but it will overlook the biggest path for illegal migration (visa overstays)” (Alden). This means that the investments being put into strengthening the Mexian-American border are not worth it as they are no longer the biggest concern in terms of illegal imgration.
Trump’s Muslim ban may increase the number of threats posed to the country by causing increasing anti-American sentiments and causing paranoia and discrimination within the country. Aviva Chomsky is a Professor of History and the Coordinator of Latin American, Latino and Caribbean Studies at Salem State University in Massachusetts. In her book “They Take Our Jobs!”and 20 other myths about immigration, she states that reducing global tensions and substantially reducing anti-Americanism in other countries can help prevent future attacks against U.S. targets (Chomsky 182). The Muslim ban blatantly discriminates against Muslims by framing them as potential terrorists. This ban enforces negative stereotypes and may cause paranoia within the country. Muslimphobic sentiments could cause conflicts within the country which jeopardizes the safety of Muslim Americans. This act of aggression towards the Muslim community from the President of the United States may also create anti-American sentiments outside the country. The discrimination in Trump’s border security policies may increase the chances of violence towards Americans because his hostility towards Muslims could increase tensions between the two communities.
Given that Trump’s policies would likely increase the threats targeting America, I believe Biden’s policy for border security does a better job of protecting America from external threats.
Immigrants in America
Integration is an important part of the immigration discussion because it determines how immigrants can maximize their values as new members of the country and whether or not they can live harmoniously with native citizens. I believe a good immigration policy that fosters the integration of immigrants must be able to create a welcoming social atmosphere in the host country, create a sense of national belonging for new immigrants, and provide resources for immigrants to navigate their lives in a new country.
Integration is a collaboration between immigrants and host citizens because immigrants cannot be a part of society unless the society is willing to accept them. Christian Joppke, a political sociologist and professor at the University of Bern, wrote a journal article about the change in immigration integration policies in Western-Europe. He states that in order for both native-born citizens and immigrants to coexist, there must be a two-way integration “to which not just the migrants but also the receiving societies must change in the process of immigration” (Joppke 248). One of the major issues that prevent the integration of immigrants is the anti-immigrant sentiments of host countries. Nicole Fasel, currently a researcher at the Swiss National Science Foundation, and other members from the Institute of Social Sciences in the University of Lausannes conducted a study on the anti-immigration sentiments in Europe and discovered that ideological climates can shape host societies’ anti-immigrant attitudes (Fasel 259). Politics and exposure to immigrants have a great influence on the ideological climates of different communities. States like California that have a minority-majority community have friendlier attitudes towards immigrants. Authorities in our country, who have a great influence on public opinion, should not breed anti-immigrant sentiment as it jeopardizes the ability of immigrants to integrate into society.
Feelings of national belonging and a sense of home can also affect the likelihood of immigrants to actively contribute to our country. There are immigrants who view citizenship in America as a ticket to a higher quality of life. Daryl Gordon is the Associate Dean College of Education and Health Sciences at Adelphi University. Gordon wrote an article discussing America’s naturalization education and the understanding of citizenship. “When they are met with citizenship courses that focus on the rote memorization of facts that have little relevance to their lives, their ability to “imagine their social belonging and exercise their participation as democratic citizens” (Levinson 2005: 336) is hindered” (Gordon 14) When immigrants can only see citizenship as something they can take advantage of, then it is difficult to develop feelings of national belonging. The naturalization education curriculum also gives them little idea of how they can participate in society. Immigration integration policies should promote participation within their communities and encourage immigrants to actively participate in our democracy.
One of the principles of our immigration policy is diversity. However, a country does not gain any benefits by simply having a diverse population. George Jesus Borjas, an economist specializing in immigration from Harvard University, wrote a book called Issues in the Economics of Immigration. He stated that the gains of diversity cannot be obtained unless the diverse information could be understood and learned from one another (Borjas 119). So in order to obtain the benefits of having a diverse population, immigrants must be able to share their diverse skills, knowledge, and cultures with society. Learning the language of the country is an important part of integration as it allows immigrants to interact with native-born Americans, which helps enrich the diversity of their communities. It is also important that immigrants know how to navigate their new environment so that they have the same resources as native-borns to contribute to society.
I believe that Biden’s immigration plan helps immigrants better integrate into America as it offers resources that will help them navigate their transitions into their new communities. The revitalization of the Task Force on New Americans will help immigrants integrate into their communities and kickstart their new lives and careers. This task force will allow local governments to handle immigrant affairs. It will also provide resources that will help immigrants navigate everyday life in America such as English learning programs, tools to help navigate the healthcare and the school system in America, etc. Trump does not have a specific plan for integration because his merit-based immigration system would already ensure that they are proficient in English and have passed the civics test. However, I believe that immigrants need continuous help with navigating a new life, despite their having a factual understanding of our country’s history and structure. I also think that Trump as a president has fostered discrimination against immigrants with his lack of elegance with words and policies, which casts suspicion and stigma on different races, making America a society that is unwelcoming towards immigrants. Biden’s plan could be improved if he changed the curriculum for naturalization education to teach and encourage immigrants to participate in our democracy. This could help facilitate their feelings of national belonging as they are not only taught how to use the tools to contribute to society, but they will also know how to voice their opinions on discussions that have direct influence on their lives.
In general, Biden’s plan is better than Trump’s because his policies on immigration abide by the principles of family reunification and bringing valuable skills to America, as well as the protection of the human rights of refugees, and sets up plans to help the integration of immigrants. Biden’s immigration plan can protect the interests of Americans in three main aspects: economic growth and stability, national safety, and social stability. His policy that controls the admission of immigrants is able to bring about the economic prosperity that comes with an increase in skilled workers. At the same time, his merit-based policies will not affect his plans for family reunification on the same scale as Trump. If Trump were to increase the cap for immigrants overall, it would improve his plan by better balancing family and skill-based immigration. Unfortunately, Trump’s immigration plan would allow for the government to directly or indirectly violate people’s human rights. His refugee policy has contributed to a humanitarian crisis. The allowance of inhumane treatment and neglect of asylum seekers and refugees make his policy ineffective in actually providing humanitarian relief. There are many policies that Trump has proposed that tend to induce conflict and threats within and outside the country. His discriminatory rhetoric increases tensions with other countries and increases discrimination within our own country. Our country is a country of immigrants yet it hasn’t always had the greatest history in treating immigrants the right way. I think it is time for immigration policies to reform and embrace the diversity and inclusivity of our country.
Works Cited
Alden, Edward. “Is border enforcement effective? What we know and what it means.” Journal on Migration and Human Security, vol. 5, no. 2, 2017, p. 481+. Gale Academic OneFile, Accessed 11 Dec. 2020.
“The Biden Plan for Securing Our Values as a Nation of Immigrants.” Joe Biden for President Official Campaign Website, 5 Aug. 2020, joebiden.com/immigration/.
Chomsky, Aviva. “They Take Our Jobs!”: and 20 Other Myths about Immigration. Beacon Press, 2018.
“Donald J. Trump’s Foreign Policy Positions.” Council on Foreign Relations, Council on ForeignRelations, 2020.
Enchautegui, M. (2015). Paradoxes of Family Immigration Policy: Separation, Reorganization,and Reunification of Families under Current Immigration Laws. Law & Policy, 37(1-2), 32–60. https://doi.org/10.1111/lapo.12030.
Fasel, Nicole, et al. “Facing Cultural Diversity: Anti-Immigrant Attitudes in Europe.” EuropeanPsychologist, vol. 18, no. 4, 2013, pp. 253–262. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1027/1016-9040/a000157.
George J. Borjas. Issues in the Economics of Immigration. University of Chicago Press, 2000.
Gordon, Daryl M. “Disrupting the Master Narrative: Global Politics, Historical Memory, and the Implications for Naturalization Education.” Anthropology & Education Quarterly, vol. 41, no. 1, 2010, pp. 1–17., doi:10.1111/j.1548-1492.2010.01064.x.
Gray, S. (2020). RETHINKING THE LAW AND ECONOMICS OF IMMIGRATION POLICY FOR HIGH-SKILLED MIGRANTS IN THE GLOBAL KNOWLEDGE ECONOMY. Georgetown Immigration Law Journal, 34(2), 473–.
Hill, H. (2011). How would selecting for skill change flows of immigrants to the United States?: A simulation of three merit-based point systems. Review of Economics of the Household, 9(1), 1–23. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11150-010-9097-y.
Joppke, C. (2007). Transformation of Immigrant Integration: Civic Integration an Antidiscrimination in the Netherlands, France, and Germany. World Politics, 59(2), 243–273. https://doi.org/10.1353/wp.2007.0022
Mukhopadhyay, Sankar, and David Oxborrow. “The Value of an Employment-Based Green Card.” Demography, vol. 49, no. 1, Feb. 2012, pp. 219–237. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1007/s13524-011-0079-3.
Jose Antonio Vargas tells us his story as an undocumented immigrant in his book, Dear America, Notes of an Undocumented Citizen. Vargas is an undocumented citizen born in the Philippines who immigrated to the United States on August 1, 1993 at the age of twelve. In his book, he tells us about the immigrant experience and his efforts to “earn” his place in the U.S. despite his lack of documentation to live here (Vargas 71). Vargas challenges the definition of U.S. citizen through the concept of participation by making a positive contribution to the country. Furthermore, just like Vargas, many undocumented immigrants don’t have a clear path to citizenship. Although they are pushed out of their countries by the effects of neocolonialism, they are here and prove to be a vital part of this country.
If we are going to redefine citizenship, first we need to solidify how citizenship is defined in the U.S. In the U.S., the Constitution defines citizenship under the Fourteenth Amendment as: “All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and the State wherein they reside.” The U.S. decides who is admitted into this country as a legal citizen and uses its power to take over foreign land.Vargas explains how the U.S. treats control over land and its population: “But our history, past and present, proves that America has been defining and defending its borders while expanding its own reach on its own terms” (140). This concept of expansion reflects the U.S. dream of manifest destiny as well as its actions of neocolonialism all over the world; they police who enters as well as conquers more land to control. In Dear America, Vargas discusses the different ways citizenship is viewed. One quote he cites by Michael Douglas from the film The American President is, “‘America isn’t easy. America is advanced citizenship. You’ve gotta want it bad, ‘cause it’s gonna put up a fight’” (Vargas 199). This film captures the honest truth that undocummented citizen live every day in this country. The pathway to citizenship is complex, long, and unfortunately no matter one’s contribution to this country, not everyone has a path to attain citizenship in the U.S. The U.S. policy around citizenship seems hypocritical considering they take land via neocolonialism, showing us that power and control is what is important to this country.
Now that we have defined citizenship, what possibilities do immigrants such as Vargas have to attain legal status? Aviva Chomsky wrote the book “They Take Our Jobs!” and 20 other myths about immigration, in which she dissects many myths about immigrantion people in the U.S. believe. One myth she tackles is that European immigrants in the past followed the same rules immigrants today supposedly ignore. “Through a complex process of omission and commission, the law dictated open immirgration for white people and restricted immigration for people of color” (Chomsky 54). A commonly misunderstood concept is that the path to citizenship in the U.S. is fair and attainable by all people. Many white Americans fail to understand that when their ancestors came to the U.S., they were not met with as many restrictions as we are today and then the system did not even allow entry to people of color. Today people of color are able to come to the U.S., but it is accompanied by many conditions that make it nearly impossible for those who need to legally immigrate in a timely manner. In the Philippines, the path to citizenship in America is limited as it is for many in other countries around the world hoping for a better life than their home country offers. “There were three primary ways to get to America: (1) join the U.S. Navy; (2) marry a U.S. citizen; (3) get petitioned by a relative” (Vargas 24). If you are unable to meet these requirements, you have the option to either give up or enter the U.S. illegally. Even if you meet one of these requirements, the process takes years and unfortunately life in your home country may be a risk for survival. This pushes people to do whatever they can to come to the U.S. What happens if you are already in the U.S.? do you have other options to gain citizenship? “The only solution for me, the lawyer said, was to leave the U.S., go back to the Philippines, and accept what’s called a ‘10-year bar’ before trying to come back to America, this time legally” (Vargas 82). For Vargas and other undocumented immigrants living in the U.S., their only option to gain citizenship is to leave and then hopefully be admitted back into the country. Something the immigration system in this country doesn’t factor in is the circumstances that bring some immigrants to this country, such as children being brought or sent by their parents. This country for some is the only country they can remember and the one they call home. In 2012, the Obama administration created the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA), which allows thousands of undocumented chilren and young adults under the age of thirty to temprarily remain in the U.S. as well as legally work and have access to financial aid at the college level. Mirian Romero Franco wrote his thesis for the California State University Northridge on DACA on how it is only a temporary solution, making it ultimately flawed. “My analysis confirms that DACA creates opportunities and benefits that are essential to undocumented students and society as a whole, however it lacks permanent status and a clear path to citizenship” (Romero). DACA is an incomplete solution to the issue of undocumented children and young adults that arrive to this country as children. This country is the only country they really know and a culture they have truly embraced. Deporting them to their birthplaces, countries that feels foreign, to them seems inhumane.
If obtaining U.S. citizenship seems to be more difficult for people of color, what causes them to still immigrate even if that means illegally? On June 22, 2011, Vargas wrote an article outing his story as an immigrant for The New York Times Magazine to publish. “My mother wanted to give me a better life, so she sent me thousands of miles away to live with her parents in America” (Vargas). As a child, Vargas was sent by his mother to the U.S. with false documents to live with her parents in hopes that her son could have a better future than the one the Philippines provided. The Philippines was one of the countries where the U.S. practiced neocolonialism, so inevitably Filipinos in need looked to the American dream like many other immigrants around the world have since long ago. Manuel Barajas wrote an article included in Society Without Borders, where he explains to us how European migration is different than Mexican migration. He explains how colonization plays a role in the migration waves that come from Mexico. In the nineteenth century, the U.S. glorified the idea of manifest destiny, believing it was their destiny to control territory from the Atlantic to the Pacific. This meant inevitably taking over the western part that was once northern Mexico. “By 1848, the United States took over half of Mexico’s territory and soon after benefited from colonized labor on both sides of the newly imposed border” (Barajas 11). The U.S. began practicing neocolonialism in Mexico and other parts of the world. American businesses have since globalized and set up factories in places like Mexico where American laws can’t prevent them from exploiting workers to obtain a higher profit margin than in the U.S. “Mexican communities and small/medium ejidos (collective farms) lost national subsidies and legal protections over communal land and resources, and multinational corporations and foreign investors benefited from a Mexican export-oriented economy with 80–90 percent going to the United States” (Barajas 12). Although the expansion of a global economy provides jobs, it does so by exploiting its workers. These companies are constantly looking for where they can spend less to make more money, in turn making living conditions very difficult for their workers. The U.S. intervention in many countries is often followed by waves of migration from these countries because of the turmoil caused by these companies. Immigrants simply want to survive, and without an accessible way to gain U.S. citizenship, they are forced by life’s circumstances to enter illegally.
Although Vargas isn’t legally a citizen, his definition of citizenship stems from how one participates in their community. If he participates and is a good citizen, no one will think to question him, which in turn will hopefully prolong his stay in the U.S. “I decided then that I could never give anyone reason to doubt I was an American” (Vargas). This idea is one shared by many undocumented immigrants as they live in fear of others learning the truth of the terms of their residency, causing them to live in a viscous cycle of stress and anxiety. Unlike many undocumented immigrants, Vargas chooses to step out of the shadow of fear and pursues a professional career in journalism even travelling around the country. “I’ve so internalized the axiom that I need to ‘earn’ my American citizenship that I’m uncertain if I’ve ‘earned’ the right to express myself in such personal terms” (Vargas 100). Unfortunately, his fixation on earning his citizenship also silenced his truth and kept him very closed off to letting people in on his personal life. The idea of participation has truly been a common practice in this country tracing back to even the early European settlers, but many generations later white Americans seem far removed from this fact. “We show up even though many Americans, especially white Americans with their own immigrant backgrounds, can’t seem to see the common threads between why we show up and why they showed up, when showing up didn’t require visas and the Border Patrol didn’t exist yet” (Vargas 201). Many white Americans fail to see the similarities in their ancestors’ arrivals and how the variety of the cultures at the time created the melting pot that is now the U.S. The difference is that the laws, if any, regulating European immigrants entering this country were not as strict as they are today. Immigrants play a vital role in our society and participate through labor, purchases that impact our economy, and even taxes. They are constantly contributing to a country that threatens to deport them despite actions that reflect those of a deserving citizen.
Vargas is a man of action; his life thus far has been filled with examples of extreme participation in this country with the hope to provoke change for all undocumented immigrants. After coming out of the shadows about his immigration story, Vargas founded Define America, an organization that looks to bring awareness to the stories of undocumented immigrants, and change the narrative around immigration language. “Calling someone an illegal immigrant is a poor way to describe someone who has broken an immigration law” (Define America). Often, people dehumanize immigrants with the vocabulary they choose to use in regards to immigration. As an immigrant, Vargas is looking to play a role to educate Americans who don’t understand how immigration works, its relation to citizenship, and how we can create a dialogue. Define America works vigorously at this while also providing a voice for other undocumented citizens around the country. Shortly after Trump was elected president, Vargas received an email invitation from Nancy PeloFesi to attend the president’s Joint Session of Congress. Trump’s campaign was built on a very anti-immigrant attitude, meaning Vargas was at a high risk of deportation if he chose to attend. “I came to the realization that I refuse to let a presidency scare me from my own country” (Vargas 199). Although many advised him otherwise, he is always determined to lead by example, causing him to attend regardless. He’s willing to put at risk his stay in America to continue to participate and speak up for voiceless undocumented immigrants, showing how authentically American he is despite birthplace. In 2014, Vargas was invited by a fellow activist to attend a vigil for Central American refugees in McAllen, Texas. Unfortunately, what he didn’t know is to leave the city, to enter the rest of the country, there is an ICE checkpoint. He was trapped. “I decided to continue what I’ve been doing since I stopped hiding who I am. To practice “radical transparency” (Vargas 217). He decided rather than give up and stay put he must try to leave, leading him to face ICE and ultimately be detained. His luck would have it that because of his social status, he was fortunate enough to have been let go after a few hours. When we think about America, many of us think of the concept that this is the home of the brave and free, yet many people here are not actually free. We know that Vargas as well as many other undocumented citizens are not free in the U.S., but no one can argue that they are not brave. Their choice to participate every day in this country, no matter the degree, is an act of bravery as they suppress the anxiety of potential deportation.
Through the idea that citizenship is defined through participation, we can now refer to these immigrants as undocumented citizens and acknowledge their experience fighting to be seen as American. Public Radio International spoke to Vargas about Trump’s desire to end birthright citizenship with the intention to not allow citizenship to children born in the U.S. to undocumented immigrants. “We have to ask ourselves not only the question of citizenship but how do we as a country and as people define who an American is?” (Chorvath). Many immigrants live an American life here in the U.S., yet they are not able to have the rights that citizens in this country are given. It seems that actions within this country are basically meaningless in regards to the path to citizenship. Undocumented immigrants are portrayed as villains across media, manipulating the masses to ignorantly judge and shun them. “Yet even though I think of myself as an American and consider America my country, my country doesn’t think of me as one of its own” (Vargas). If Americans take the time to actually understand how the immigration system works before placing judgement, they may feel differently and see that immigrants want what all people in this country want, to survive and offer their family opportunities that they did not have growing up. The common fear that many undocummented immigrants share is now changing in today’s youth as they continue to fight for their right to citizenship that they rightfully deserve. “I started reading stories about young undocumented Americans, many of them still in high school and college. Their rallying cry was: ‘We’re undocumented, unafraid, and unapologetic’” (Vargas 112). Today’s youth is embracing the concept of being an undocumented citizen by playing a more active role in society and fighting for themselves as well those in the shadows. In addition, one could argue they deserve a more accessible pathway to citizenship.
Vargas’ work questions how we define citizenship and calls for action to a more accessible route for obtaining it. His idea of participation redefines citizenship. Immigration is an essential part of what makes America, and with U.S. participation in neocolonialism it will inevitably continue. Some may argue that if we allow participation to be the determining factor in citizenship that we would overflow with people here and we would not have enough resources or jobs to accommodate the population. What they neglect to acknowledge is that immigrants are already here and are actually creating jobs by stimulating the economy. In a country founded by immigrants that has people from all over the world, it’s clear that the path to citizenship is lengthy and limiting to many, an issue that needs to improve.
Works Cited
Alden, Edward. “Is border enforcement effective? What we know and what it means.” Journal on Migration and Human Security, vol. 5, no. 2, 2017, p. 481+. Gale Academic OneFile, Accessed 11 Dec. 2020.
“The Biden Plan for Securing Our Values as a Nation of Immigrants.” Joe Biden for President:Official Campaign Website, 5 Aug. 2020, joebiden.com/immigration/.
Chomsky, Aviva. “They Take Our Jobs!”: and 20 Other Myths about Immigration. Beacon Press, 2018.
“Donald J. Trump’s Foreign Policy Positions.” Council on Foreign Relations, Council on ForeignRelations, 2020.
Enchautegui, M. (2015). Paradoxes of Family Immigration Policy: Separation Reorganization, and Reunification of Families under Current Immigration Laws. Law & Policy, 37(1-2), 32–60. https://doi.org/10.1111/lapo.12030.
Fasel, Nicole, et al. “Facing Cultural Diversity: Anti-Immigrant Attitudes in Europe.” European Psychologist, vol. 18, no. 4, 2013, pp. 253–262. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1027/1016-9040/a000157.
George J. Borjas. Issues in the Economics of Immigration. University of Chicago Press, 2000.
Gordon, Daryl M. “Disrupting the Master Narrative: Global Politics, Historical Memory, and the
Implications for Naturalization Education.” Anthropology & Education Quarterly, vol. 41, no. 1, 2010, pp. 1–17., doi:10.1111/j.1548-1492.2010.01064.x.
Gray, S. (2020). RETHINKING THE LAW AND ECONOMICS OF IMMIGRATION POLICY FOR HIGH-SKILLED MIGRANTS IN THE GLOBAL KNOWLEDGE ECONOMY. Georgetown Immigration Law Journal, 34(2), 473–.
Hill, H. (2011). “How would selecting for skill change flows of immigrants to the United States? A simulation of three merit-based point systems.” Review of Economics of the Household, 9(1), 1–23. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11150-010-9097-y.
Joppke, C. (2007). Transformation of Immigrant Integration: Civic Integration and Antidiscrimination in the Netherlands, France, and Germany. World Politics, 59(2), 243–273. https://doi.org/10.1353/wp.2007.0022
Mukhopadhyay, Sankar, and David Oxborrow. “The Value of an Employment-Based Green Card.” Demography, vol. 49, no. 1, Feb. 2012, pp. 219–237. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1007/s13524-011-0079-3.
Azusena’s Oral History: The Importance of Multicultural Community for Immigrants
by Addy Miller
August 2, 2020
I sat at Azusena’s kitchen table where she lives with her boyfriend and her housemates, and stumbled over my questions into her past; some parts of her story we had already talked about, but most details were new to my ears. She made dinner while I listened to her talking about her life, and as she talked she exuded a blunt strength. I think I first met Azusena at a mutual friend’s party in 2016, but I can’t be sure exactly. Regardless, she and I have become very good friends, and the more she told me about herself and what she had overcome, the more I admired her and the specialler the strength she exuded became to me as someone who was trying to step past my own relatively trivial problems. From the conversations that we have had, a theme that stands out is the necessity for community in San Francisco, and from knowing her, what I observe is her propensity to take part in it, and the question began to form. How has Azusena’s ability to find community help strengthen her, and shape her conception of home? What is the impact of a societal valuing of community on immigrants, what is the contrast of its lack, and how might this dynamic be observed locally? So in my queries, it was a privilege for me to sit at her kitchen table, and listen.
Azusena, who is nineteen now, emigrated to the U.S from Nicaragua when she was almost seven years old from Nicaragua to escape drug violence. Living in San Francisco since then, she went to grade school in the Mission District until middle school and high school where she went to school in the Sunset District. During her time in the Mission, she found spanish speaking friends, an aspect which helped her significantly. In high school the language barrier was gradually overcome and she found meaningful friendships with non-spanish speakers. Despite her disjointed home life and subsequent emancipation, Azusena as a queer youth immigrant eloquently navigated high school and the chaotic city as she strived for the solidarity that her family lacked with the strong relationships with her many friends.In the finding of rich multicultural peer community, Azusena has been empowered, and her conception of home as an immigrant solidified; surrounding this personal process, a societal process of emphasis on multicuralism and community that is essential in our urban centers.
This empowerment in Azusena is critical to most immigrants, and the need for it is not without cause. Aside from examining the intrinsic psychological alteration of being displaced to an entirely new cultural world, Azusena’s early life in Nicaragua was disjointed and chaotic, albeit remembered through a tint of fondness. To put it bluntly, there were hardships. Azusena grew up poor and lived in the city with her mom, who provided for her family the best she could by selling drugs, her sisters, her uncle and his wife and kids, and other family that would come visit. Here she remembers: “It was kinda wild, like my family was very poor; well my mom’s family was very poor and I would climb trees for fun and play with cement because back in the day there were houses being built.” Here there is some fondness, but the disorder must have stuck with her also. This seems to be a common theme not only in our interview but with immigrants from Central America. A 2010 clinical study first authored by Dr. Stacey Kaltman, a psychologist at Georgetown University whose research focuses on mental health trends among immigrant communities, and how to best serve them in the context of the medical system, gives insight into the rates of comorbid post traumatic stress disorder and depression in women immigrants from the region: “...64 women with comorbid posttraumatic stress disorder and depression, 69 with depression-only, and 61 with no Axis I mental disorder. Sixty-four percent of the sample was Central American and 75% reported trauma exposure” (Kaltman, et al.). It’s hard to extrapolate solid sociological conclusions based off of the quantitative data, but it gives us an idea of the rates of trauma in immigrant communities and how that plays a broad role. Regardless, Azusena expands on her experiences: “Sometimes we would see kids getting dragged out of their house because they had murdered someone. Ya, we were at the center of everything, but we had peaceful days too where it was just like your regular lady selling tomatoes and onions on the street.” This quote tells us that early in her life, Azusena, quite naturally, found some consolidation to the flaring chaos of her environment in the small peace she finds in community, be it simply in the street markets of the plaza. This very human tendency to yearn for peaceful flourishing of community in whatever form it may take will play an important role later in Azusena’s life, and is generally vital for immigrants.
On Azusena’s dad’s side there was also some relative poverty and turmoil which also contributed to her environment as a child. Her paternal grandfather was an alcoholic who could not take care of his many kids and her grandmother was sold lottery tickets at red lights for money. Despite this, Azusena’s dad went to university in Nicaragua to study science and graduated at the top of his class, opening up paths to America when Harvard offered him a position researching chemistry, blood work, and vaccines. Azusena went on a visit with him to Atlanta when she was around 5, but felt somewhat neglected in that the focus was on her father’s wife and adopted kid. Here she tells about the trip, and her foreshadowing experience to the massive cultural uprooting of immigration:
“There was a lot of white people, and that was the first time I ever seen white people. I was like, why are they so weird, why are they speaking like that, and why are they putting ketchup on their burger; like what is this? I was just confused as to why they weren’t eating carne asada at a cookout, and they were eating burgers. It was weird, but they were all super nice; they taught me how to say thank you, so that was cool.”
This indicates not only the impact of even a brief cultural shift, but also of Azusena’s expression of the small joy of feeling welcome alleviating the sudden and total shift of perception in an environment where that necessity of stable welcoming couldn’t always be sought in the unbalanced and shifting dynamics of her family. This is further expressed in the context not always feeling consistently looked after by her mom, or just plain missing her; “I thought that […] she was spying on me, like while we were there. Ya, cause I hadn’t seen her in a long time, so I was like ‘Oh my god mom, you’ve been watching me.’ No bitch, she was getting dick in San Francisco.” This uneasy dynamic after a length of parental separation due migration logistics is something to be considered generally when discussing what factors and stressors might be weighing on young immigrants. A 2013 New York University study from Maria Hernandez discussing parental separation and different migration strategies reviews the phenomenon: “Youth whose parents have migrated ahead often report feelings of anger, loneliness, and abandonment in response to separation. Jones and colleagues (2004), for instance, compared 74 children who had a parent who had immigrated with 72 children whose parents had not immigrated” (Hernandez 2). So taking into account the strain on immigrant families and adolescent-parental dynamics is essential in building a community in our urban centers that can integrate, heal, and nullify these feelings of anger and neglect if they arise.
Aside from the secondary multitude of sociological consequences and components surrounding immigrants creating a unique need for collectivism, the biggest factor in that need is probably the sudden dissolution of known communal environment and milue, and complete cultural displacement. For Azusena, this was especially sudden as immigration was a necessity to escape from a drug violence. However, initially Azusena’s mom immigrated to San Francisco before that transpired, and Azusena was left under the care of her grandmother. Here Azusena recalls: “I don’t know how my mom came up with an arrangement with somebody. He had agreed to have me and my sisters fly from Nicaragua to the U.S, but it was really weird because… I don’t know I was thinking the worst like oh what is this? How did you meet him? Because he was an American man, so”. This is further reflective of how uneasiness and distrust can ferment between child and parent because of the intrinsic strain of separation prevalent in the immigrant experience. Furthermore, Azusena’s emigration was also characterized by fear of violence. She explains: “my mom basically came back because he had told her that if she didn’t come back that he would just take us, and he didn’t do good stuff to girls. So my mom came back and took us. It was really irritating, like the whole plane flight was just really scary.” So Azusena has overcome not only a sudden world shift, but a multitude of recessive traumas that further her, and other young immigrants, need for a strong, unshifting community to solidify their conceptions of home.
Azusena overcame the significant challenges presented to her upon the initial cultural rupture and her arrival such as navigating the city and the school system unable to speak english, and isolation from homogenous peer communities. Firstly, to illustrate how unknown this experience must be, here she remembers her initial expectations: “I expected us to have a really big house, like a four story house with a pool on the very top and a cool attic and my own room. The scenery was a lot more green, and less city, I basically thought I was going back to a ranch or something.” She soon arrived in the city and enrolled in elementary school at Mission Education, and there were plenty of instances where she could have succumbed to isolation when cultural solidarity so greatly falls short. For example, here she describes being on the bus unable to communicate in english: “People would kinda bump into me when I would get passed people on the bus and people just thought I was being a lil bitch or snobby, but it was just because I didn’t know how to say ‘excuse me.’” This shows the somewhat unintentional aversety english speakers might have towards non-English speakers, and where a bi-culturalist attitude is not significantly met. A more drastic failure is described here when Azusena’s older sister misplaces her wallet and was unable to communicate in english to request the wallet back: “…they didn’t want to give the wallet back. I got so frustrated because I couldn’t say, hey please give it back. They were saying, ‘Say it in English, say it in English, blah, blah, blah,’ and I was just getting really fucking mad so we ended up fighting for the wallet.” This is an example of what the alternative to an integrative community is in that the lack of language acceptance and community results in violence, and feelings of further isolation young immigrants like Azusena must continually overcome.
A significant way Azusena increasingly found empowerment as she grew up and surpassed these societal and language barriers, is through peer relationships with spanish speakers of similar backgrounds as hers. She expressed this joy in the context of Mission Education in her finding of a Nicaraguan friend: “There were a lot of kids who spoke spanish, and I was pretty happy about that. I actually made a friend there; her name was Emily and she was from Nicaragua. I felt really safe around her because she knew what it was like out there.” This again shows the extent to which consolidation from the chaotic world and huge cultural blocks and dishevelment can be seen in simply finding a peer who is similar to you, and knows part of your struggle. This is expressed increasingly so as Azusena enters middle school at Sanchez. Here she remembers her joy in finding a peer group like that, and also of their shared struggle with cultural and language based bullying: “When I got to middle school it was a lot easier because there was hella people who didn’t speak english, like the exchange students. I was hella happy that I found them, and then I would see people bully them because of the same thing and it was really irritating.” This shows that the need for comradery around language stems and is probably proportional to the sheer amount of discrimination and bullying young immigrants undergo.
This need is something that needs to be met better in our cities, because it does have consequences, or the willful cultural refusals of Americans that result in this process of isolation and seeking of solidarity for immigrants could be dissolved in the first place. For example, it can generally be seen that when people feel isolated, or that their identity is under attack, it leaves them no choice but to respond with fierce affirmation, or to totally repress an often true and good part of themselves. In Amin Maalouf’s book In the Name of Identity, this is discussed: “Each individual’s identity is made up of a number of elements, and these are clearly not restricted to the particulars set down in official records. Of course, for the great majority of these factors include allegiance[s] […]. Of course, not all of these allegiances are equally strong, at least at any given moment” (Maalouf 11). To be sure, this fierce response is entirely natural and good, and is part of what makes language protests so powerful, but ideally it would not be necessary in that the societal practicality of welcoming biculturalism would prevail to be seen as unanimously beneficial in our urban centers and elsewhere. The only way to encourage immigrants to learn english, is to provide them with a strong bi-cultural community where they can feel free to speak their primary language. Azusena recalls: “So we went and transferred me to Sanchez Elementary school and then I met a bunch of people who were super nice and helped me learn english better.” Immigrants should feel welcome to learn english, not forced or attacked for their identity, and a 2015 study by Ha Yeon Kim and Carola Suarez-Orozco into the academic patterns of immigrant youth notes some of the benefits and consequences of this attitude: “Mediation analyses revealed that immigrant youth with limited English language proficiency were more likely to experience low levels of relational and behavioral engagement, which contributed to lower levels of academic performance over time” (Kim, Suarez-Orozco). This further affirms the tools we need to best serve youth immigrants like Azusena in our cities: a strong peer community with several outlets of rich culturalism, and a diminishing against attacks on identity.
Through these aspects, and in her own resilience, Azusena continued to overcome language barriers as she continued as a teenager and onto high school, where she formed a multicultural group of many friends. She recounts her experience: “Learning english: hard as fuck. Cause it felt like you guys were speaking a little off, like, ‘blah, blah,’ and then people would be like ‘Oh haha, that’s so funny oh my god,’” Despite this Azusena’s propensity and need to find a community remained remarkably strong, which is a powerful thing in my eyes. This idea of implementing a model of community to understand, empower, and welcome immigrants is a very useful one, but is often contrasted by the nature of both American hegemony and the changing hegemony of the bay area. Colleen Vesley from George Mason University in her study “Immigrant Family Resilience in Context: Using a Community-Based Approach to Build a New Conceptual Model” puts it apptly:
“As immigrants migrate to a new host country, they are subjected to the broader cultural milieu of the new country, including notions of collectivism or individualism. Some assert that when individuals and families migrate from sociocentric cultures to egocentric cultures, like that of the United States, steeped in ideas of ‘rugged individualism’ and values of self-sufficiency, they experience distress rooted in feelings of alienation.” (Veseley, et al. 8)
While Azusena’s story is ultimately one success and strength, it is easy to see how the changing orientation of the city she immigrated to and grew up in toward wealthy individualist could misallocate and dissolve resources that helped her come of age safely in a shifting city as an immigrant youth, furthering the above mentioned contrast between collectivist and individualist cultures.
Overall, Azusena overcame significant odds and traumas as a young immigrant from Nicaragua such as language obstacles, poverty, violence. She gradually found empowerment and consolidation in her persistence in the development of a multicultural peer community, despite being subjected to bullying over language and identity. This phenomenon is something not only that immigrants have a unique need for in their own individual diasporas, but is also essential to having a healthy community based environment in our cities in general where the collective people of all backgrounds that make up a neighborhood, plaza, park, or city block is valued more so than individualist consumerist cells of isolation. While the scope of this essay was written within immigrant research, the fundamental notion that should be thought about our human need for acceptance and peer community, how that need manifests around us, and what are the foreseen and unforeseen consequences of it’s impending lack.
Thank you to Azusena.
Works Cited
Kaltman, Stacey et al. “Trauma, Depression, and Comorbid PTSD/Depression in a Community Sample of Latina Immigrants.” Psychological trauma : theory, research, practice and policy vol. 2,1 (2010): 31-39.
Hernández, MaríaG. “Migrating Alone or Rejoining the Family? Implications of Migration Strategies and Family Separations for Latino Adolescents.” Research in Human Development, vol. 10, no. 4, Oct. 2013, pp. 332–352.
Maalouf, Amin. In the Name of Identity: Violence and the Need to Belong. New York: Arcade, 2001. Print.
Kim, Ha Yeon, and Carola Suárez Orozco. “The Language of Learning: The Academic Engagement of Newcomer Immigrant Youth.” Journal of Research on Adolescence (Wiley-Blackwell), vol. 25, no. 2, June 2015, pp. 229–245. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1111/jora.12130.
Vesely, Colleen K., et al. “Immigrant Family Resilience in Context: Using a Community-Based Approach to Build a New Conceptual Model.” Journal of Family Theory & Review, vol. 9, no. 1, Mar. 2017, pp. 93–110. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1111/jftr.12177.
Portion of interview transcript:
I’m 19 and I’m from Nicaragua; I live in San Francisco. I only have 3 other family members out here, and that’s pretty much it.
How was growing up there? How was your childhood?
It was kinda wild, like my family was very poor; well my mom’s family was very poor and I would climb trees for fun and play with cement because back in the day there were houses being built by my mom and my uncle so they had bought a lot of cement to create our house. It was pretty boring, but exciting at the same time. There was a lot of horses and horse poop smell around, it’s kinda weird.
Did you grow up in, like, the city or country?
I grew up in the city, but I grew up in a bad part of the city. It was basically where all the drug deals were going down, or like shoot-outs. Sometimes we would see kids getting dragged out of their house because they had murdered someone. Ya, we were at the center of everything, but we had peaceful days too where it was just like your regularly lady selling tomatoes and onions on the street, and that would be it.
So who did you live at home with?
I lived with my two sisters, my mom, my grandma, my uncle and his wife, his two kids, and his dog. And then hella family that would come and go and visit once and while.
I know you said your childhood was kind of crazy in that sense, but how did living in a bad part of the city affect you; how was it on you at the time?
Well I think it wasn’t really much about me, it was more my mom. She had a lot of problems with people because she would sell stuff, bad stuff, to get us through. Sometimes she wouldn’t make enough money, and she wouldn’t have enough money to feed us for that day and the next, so we would kinda just not eat for a hella long time or have good stuff. I don’t know, I think I was wearing the same pair of shoes from when I was four to when I was seven. But then I don’t know how my mom came up with an arrangement with somebody. He had agreed to have me and my sisters fly from Nicaragua to the U.S, but it was really weird because… I don’t know I was thinking the worst like oh what is this? How did you meet him? Because he was an American man, so. Then all this happened, and she said a whole bunch of bullshit. Anyways, my mom wasn’t sure still if she should bring us, so she had went at first out here and lived with him for a couple months. We were just waiting and it was really peaceful for a time period but then it got really bad because we lived with my grandma, and my mom had just fought with her sister. The sister knew somebody that my mom knew that she was doing business with and ya he… My mom basically came back because he had told her that if she didn’t come back that he would just take us, and he didn’t do good stuff to girls. So my mom came back and took us. It was really irritating, like the whole plane flight was just really scary.
So how old were you then?
I was seven or six; six going to seven.
And your sisters, were they older or were they like-?
(7:49)
Ya they were, I think one of them was twelve, and the other one was thirteen. Ya they were older. They apparently they had known the guy that brought my mom but they weren’t really sure what he was about either.
When you got to America… Well first-of-all what were you expecting going into it? Like, you were pissed off and irritated but, what was your expectation of it?
I expected us to have a really big house, like a four story house with a pool on the very top and a cool addict and my own room. The scenery was a lot more green, and less city, I basically thought I was going back to a ranch or something. I thought that the houses were going to be like that. I had to share a room with my two sisters, and my mom would sleep with him. I finally started catching on that this guy was my mom’s new boyfriend, or person, for a minute. The next day my mom was actually like, your going straight to school, I already enrolled you. I was hella nervous because I had to take the bus with my mom to school which, she was already confused about, and I was completely lost. People would kinda bump into me when I would get passed people on the bus and people just thought I was being a lil bitch or snobby, but it was just because I didn’t know how to say excuse me. I went to mission education, which is kate kennedy school now, but it used to be an exchange student school where they would teach students who just came from Honduras, or where-ever, how to speak English. It’s on 30th and Noe, where the J passes and then makes a turn onto Church. So there were a lot of kids who spoke spanish, and I was pretty happy about that. I actually made a friend there; her name was Emily and she was from Nicaragua. I felt really safe around her because she knew what it was like out there. Everyone else was from Mexico, and I didn’t know what Mexico was, you know? Or like from Honduras. I had no idea. Learning the word “The” was the hardest thing in the world. “The”; we use that shit everyday. I had a couple of teachers who didn’t speak any spanish so they would stare at me weird. I remember one time that was just… my big sister had made a friend that lived over there by crocker park, but it was like deep hood. It was me and my other sister Rochelle, we were all over there waiting at a park for my big sister and her friend, who was gonna take us to her house. We were there and I guess these girls had found my sisters pass for the bus, and my sister didn’t speak English as well because she was older when we got here so it was harder for her, and they didn’t want to give the wallet back. I got so frustrated because I couldn’t say, hey please give it back. They were saying, “Say it in English, Say it in English” blah blah blah, and I was just getting really fucking mad so we ended up fighting for the wallet.
Separate Visas, the Muslim Ban, and the Dream of a Home Together
by Afshin Shadmehr
November, 2019
Maria was a successful student from an educated family who grew up in Iran until she was twenty-seven years old, when she decides to visit other countries with his husband, and to make their decision about where they want to live and how they want to spend the rest of their life. Tom is a Physician and he was born in an educated family as well. He is very patient, kind and humble. Maria is really hardworking and successful scientist and researcher who passed all of her exams as a top-ranked student. Since she was a child, she been through many stressful situations like the Iran Revolution in 1979, and the eight-year Iran-and-Iraq War. Since she was a juvenile, she had many challenges with their high school principal about wearing her Hijab and Konkour at the most important exam in Iran, which would determine her socio-economic situation as a dentist. This was the beginning of her journey. Her father worked at electronic power plants and built many power plants in different areas of Iran, so he had to travel most of his time. They were living in Shiraz, as a large ancient city in Iran, and they had a luxurious life there. Living in a penthouse with a mountain view with a life of relaxation, massages, hot tubs and travel to other countries for fun was her normal life after she married Tom. Most of the time, Maria was angry because of events happening around them and Tom usually tried to make her feel calm. The question throughout life has been: how has Maria and Tom’s concept of home developed and how can they can manage these situations? Will immigration affect their life? People wish to live like them, but can they enjoy their life? She always thinks about the lack of freedom, the 1979 Revolution, many poems of the Islamic candidate, and wonders whether any of them were trustful, and the war, which lasted for eight years, ruined cities and killed many people. All of these stressful situations have made her angry to the point that they haven’t had a sense of peace and hope in home. This pushed them to move to the US.
They had a lovely life but they aren’t happy; they always thought about moving to the US to seek happiness and peace like their home. In February 2014, they went to the US embassy in Dubai to apply for the US visas and visited the US. Maria’s visa was issued but the officer told Tom, “After the FBI check, we will issue your visa,” so he had to wait for clearance. He had no any idea when it would be issued. In the summer of 2014, Maria decided to visit the US to have fun and rest. Tom agreed with her. She enjoyed her amusing journey to the US and spent $30,000 in thirty days. When she was in the US, she didn’t care about money because Tom was rich, and she had gotten a job recently so she was making money as well. On her trip to the US, she enjoyed it, and was happy. She rented a car, visited Florida and California, enjoyed visiting Disney Land, went skydiving, and really liked it I the US. She even felt a sense of home and wished in her heart to live in the US and have a new life there.
In 2015, Maria knew that she wanted to live in the US, and tried to find a job and prepare herself for a new life; she was completely determined in her decision and Tom always supported her and her idea. She applied for a visa and it was approved again, but Tom still was waiting for his first visa. Then she came to the US and tried to make a connection with dental schools to apply for a dentistry program. She tried for Marquette University in Milwaukee and they offered her an interview. Maria called Tom and they were so happy about that. Tom said that one of his friends, Mark, lived there and she could meet him if she liked. After visiting Mark on the last weekend of July, they called Tom and talked for about an hour. They were so happy, especially Maria, as she imagined herself in dental school and her future life in the US. On Friday afternoon, Maria and Mark visited Milwaukee. It was a beautiful city, especially in the warm summer. Winter is so cold there. They spent the evening at a bar, near Mark’s home, and then they went back home late at night and Mark tried to have sex with her. It was the worst moment in her life, and she was thinking that her new home, which she was happy about having, was ruined completely.
In Iran, Tom was seeing his patients and running his business, and continued to enjoy and have fun in his home. He rented their large penthouse to his friend Ana and tried to stay with his family to save money. Tom and Maria contacted each other every day and Maria would explain the whole day to him in detail. But Maria still wasn’t brave to talk to Tom about that night. He asked Maria about renting a home and she agreed with him. Tom was imagining having the same apartment in New York City and playing with their future children and their pets in their penthouse, so they could have a happy and fun family life. However, the situation, especially for Maria, had changed even though Tom didn’t know that. He was still thinking about having a great family in the US, but would they be successful? What would happen in their future life and how happy would they be together?
In the last days of July, when Maria still was in the US, Tom worked hard to make money. He spent most of his time at the hospital. Ana was living in Tom’s penthouse. She had invited Tom’s friends to the penthouse for his birthday party. Two couples were common friends with Ana. She decided to throw him a surprise party. She called Tom and set an appointment to ask pay him rent. They met together in front of Tom’s penthouse and Ana asked him to join them at a party. He joined them and suddenly understood that it was his birthday party. He was really surprised and was happy that his friends had visited. They were drinking, dancing and had fun until late at night, so Ana told them: “Guys, you are all drunk. I will be more than happy if you rest here tonight and leave tomorrow.” In the morning, they left, and his friends noticed that Tom had left them in the middle of the night, when Ana wanted to have sex with him. He was drunk but he knew that he had to leave. He was really surprised about how Ana had let herself trespass over his private borders. He was thinking about Maria and how he loved her. He was thinking of how hard Maria was trying for their life and he left home after Ana tried to overpass his privacy. He just was imagining what could he do to recover his life even in Iran or the US.
When Maria was accepted into Marquette University, she was confused about whether to go back home or stay in the US for the next year because if she went back home, there wouldn’t be any guarantee that the embassy would issue another visa for her. But she was emotionally traumatized and needed family support. She especially knew that after starting to study at the university, she wouldn’t have free time, so then it would be too hard to come back home and visit her family. The US doesn’t have an embassy in Iran, and the US and the Iranian governments have had many problems since the 1979 Islamic Revolution, so she had to stay in the US for at least three years. She went back home and Tom was happy to see her again and had hoped to recover their lovely relationship. He didn’t tell Maria anything about Ana but forced Ana to empty the penthouse and she did. It was just after returning to Maria that Ana threatened his relationship with Maria and told him that she would share his photos with Maria, which she mentioned. She had edited some of the birthday photos and tried to incriminate him. She sent the photos to him and threated that she would send them to Maria and would tell her that they had had an affair. Tom was thinking about it and just kept her in an intermediate position because Maria had already spent her security deposit and he didn’t have money to return it to her, and was waiting for Maria to came back and talk together face-to-face because he still had hopes to recover their life. It’s true that they were angry because of all of what was happening, but they were still in love, which helped them fight for their life together.
After returning to their home, Maria was brave and shared her story with Tom. They were both angry but what should they do about it? It is not good to answer anger with anger. Tom tried to make her calm and it was a good opportunity to share his story with her. But he was worried about Maria’s reaction. Tom tried to support her more. It was around January that Tom’s first visa was issued by the embassy and Tom decided to visit the US. Maria explained her trip in detail and Tom as usual loved her especially when she explained it to him precisely. He decided to leave his home country in July, and worked hard to save more money to pay off Ana’s security deposit as well. He was at the clinic and was seeing patients when Maria texted him and asked him about his relationship with Ana. He suddenly understood that Ana had shared the photos with Maria. At that point, he wished he had shared his story with Maria earlier because now, convincing Maria would be so difficult. He didn’t know how much it would take to arrive home and talk to Maria to convince her. At that point, Tom tried to support Maria by not telling her Ana’s story, but now she was really traumatized, and Tom was worried about her and her situation. This kind of situation usual for people that try to move to other countries and let others ruin their lives just for their own benefit. What about the role of ethics in their home and how hard would it be for them to recover their home again?
Two months later, in July 2016, Tom left his home to visit the US. He had visited many countries before, but it was the first time that he was visiting the US. Everything was perfect for him as he landed at Chicago airport. One of his friends picked him up him and after about a month, he rented an apartment. He started buying home furniture. He was waiting for Maria to join him. It was the first week of August and Maria’s class would start on the 8th of August. Maria and Tom worried about her visa. She contacted the university and they told him they didn’t have any authority to interfere. They could just ask the embassy to prioritize her application. Maria was so worried about it, all of her dreams of having a new home in the US were hinged on this visa. Tom was so nervous about her. She had two days to start her classes and she didn’t get her visa. Could the university postpone her acceptance? She contacted the university and they told her that they were so sorry to hear that, but they unfortunately had to substitute another student from the waiting list. Even if they had issued her visa, right now, it would have taken about two days to move to the US. That day passed like a terror for her and she didn’t get any good news from the embassy or university. She was so upset. Her mother tried to calm her and Tom called her the whole day. The next morning, she got an email from the university; she was really happy, but unfortunately they told her that they had to choose another one from the waitlist. She was shocked that all of her dreams were ruined again. She decided to go to the US embassy in Armenia. Tom contacted one of his friends to book a ticket for her and finally, she got a ticket. On the morning that she decided to fly to Yerevan, she got an email from her program director saying that they had postponed the starting date and she still had a chance to join the program. She went to the embassy and finally she was able to secure the visa, but she didn’t have time to go back home and had to go straight to Chicago from Armenia. After three days, she could finally register at the university. On her flight to the US, she was thinking about the tragedy that had happened to them. Was it worth challenging their life and changing their home? She couldn’t hug her mother for the last time before leaving home. How happy they would be and what would happen to them? She wished at least could have her mother in the US so then she could feel life there more.
Finally, she started her education and tried to make life the US calm and peaceful for herself and for Tom. Three to four months later, the US was preparing for the presidential election and she wished for a democrat candidate be elected because they cared more about people and their welfare instead of money. They wanted to at least share some percent of their money and welfare with other people. Unfortunately, it didn’t happen, and the Republican candidate was chosen. Then, the “Muslim Travel Ban decision” was made and certainly they were stuck in their new home. She was thinking about what their goal would be living here. They had everything in their back home: their family, penthouse, office, secure job, housemaid, fantasy and everything. They just didn’t have freedom, but after the travel ban, they didn’t have anything. Do they have the freedom to move out, visit their family and their mother, or can they even apply for their families to come to the US just to visit? It’s ridiculous. They have sacrificed their money, their life, their family and even their relationship to come to the US and now they are stuck there. They always thought of the US as a goal for people that are honest, trustful and hardworking, and a dream place to follow their goals. Maria was shocked and was so depressed. She couldn’t even hug her mother for the last time; she needed to hug her. She couldn’t find this sense in Tom, especially after all of the catastrophic happenings in their relationship. What had they sacrificed for their gain? She even thought about her career. She had been an Associate Professor at Shiraz University, and right now, she was studying the same material that she used to teach them. Those days were really stressful for them, and they were suppressed because they saw that their dreamland and their new home were going to be ruined.
After all of these tragic happening, she still had hopes to visit her home, her family. It was the last year of her studies as a prosthodontist at Marquette University and she was hoping to find an opportunity to go back home and visit her family. The last time that her student visa was issued, the embassy had allowed her to go back and forth between the US and her home multiple times. She talked with her program director and asked her to have days off in January to visit her family. After visiting them, she tried to come back earlier to finish her research earlier. She had a ticket from Istanbul to Chicago. She went from Tehran to Istanbul a day earlier to catch the plane on time. In the morning, when she tried to get the plane, they didn’t let her board the plan. She was shocked because she had double-checked everything and asked her attorney about it. She asked them to talk with their supervisor and he told her that unfortunately, one week earlier, all of the multiple visas issued before 2017 became not valid and she had to go to the embassy for is a new visa. What would happen to her future life and what should she do to fix this problem?
The next day she went to the embassy, and asked the ambassador to help her continue her education, continue her life and continue living in her dream home. He told her that she was lucky because she had a student visa. She could have her status in the US, but she should fill out another application and it would take time because at this time women had an FBI and background check. She applied for another visa and went back to Iran. When she talked to her lawyer, she told her that she was lucky that hadn’t applied for a green card. If she had applied for a green card and had this situation, her chance would have been almost zero because she couldn’t have applied for a nonimmigrant visa after applying for a green card until the USCIS approved or rejected your application. She was strangled because she didn’t know finally whether she was lucky or not. There has been a lot of drama for her but she still wants to have the US as her home.
After reviewing their story, they are completely shocked that how so many tragic happenings have come together to make or destroy life and how angriness can affect their decisions. “Disappointment and angriness [will have a] future effect” for people who live after the war (Jackson). It completely makes sense that after some catastrophic happening, people become angry. There are “five normal reactions” that will happen after a loss (Junger). This can be part of ordinary life, but the reaction in the body will be different based on the personality and impulse control. “Denial, anger, bargaining, depression” are four emotional steps that people pass through (Easterlin). But what is the last step? Can emotional reactions affect life? How well we can handle them? And what is the next step for them? Acceptance and problem management are the two final steps that can decide their fate based on these two steps. Usually, people pass through these steps, but sometimes people are “stacked with emotional events” (Czarna). As long as they dodn’t pass through them, managing these happenings takes time more. And this is the reality that Maria and Tom should accept in order to overcome their problems and have a happy life. Good luck!
Works Cited
Sebastian, Junger. VanityFair.com. How PTSD Become a Problem Far beyond the battle
Matthew, Jackson. “The Reasons for Wars.” War Overview,” by Matthew, Jackson. Stanford update, December 2009.
Belen, Mesurado. Elisabeth Vidal. Anna, Mestre. “Negative emotions and behavior.” Journal of adolescence, Vol. 64, 2018, pp. 62-71.
Anna, Czarna. Marcin, Zajenkowski. Michael, Dufner. “Narcissism and Emotions.” Handbook of Trait Narsissism. Vol. 1, 2018, pp. 255-263.
Sample Transcripts
What was your favorite subject in school?
what did you always make you happy?
So, far how much do you like your previous friends. (What is happened in your friendliness)
which exam is the important in your life?
Describe what it feels like to ace this test.
Did you ever accuse
Tell me the story of the day you were accused of cheating on a test.
Tell me about yourself
tell me about your job
tell me about your job offers
tell me about your new friends
tell me about your life back home.
why and when did you move to the US
what is your first memory in the US?
What change did you have to adopt with while in America?
Can you compare and contrast your country with America? and which one do you like better?
what do you regret about coming to America?
How was being a dentist back in your country and getting a DDS degree in the US.
Did you ever have any distinct based on you gender, race, nationality and so, on?
who is your best teacher or professor? who is worse? explain it
did you ever have been regretted about US immigration? which other country would you choose?
tell me about the happiest minutes that you had in the US. what about the sad time?
Have you ever been a top rank in any exam or competition? what was your sense about it?
tell me about difficulties that you have encountered with here. what about the easiest one?
how similar is the US with your country? how different?
Tell me about your childhood. explain the worse and the best happening that you remembered from those days.
I was born in an educated open mind family. My dad was an engineer and university teacher, and my mom is a lawyer. I have 1 sister and 1 brother; she is a English interpreter and artist and my youngest brother is an engineer. I am the oldest one. The worst memory of my childhood was my Konkour year when I was so, stressed, and we went for a trip with my family 3 months before the exam to feel better, but it actually made it worse. I was crying every day of stress and I had nightmares of losing my mom in a war. The best memory goes to the time that I was a little kid who always play in the alley with other kids in the neighborhood. So, me of the best days where the time that I was spending time in my grandparent’s place who used to live in a beautiful small village 2 hours’ drive to the city downtown. My mom, sisters, aunts and cousins used to go to my grandparents’ place in a beautiful village most of the summer. We were all like 15 kids almost the same average age. Everyday playing around with my cousins, making bread with my grandma and aunts, going to the garden and playing with animals. Having the best foods ever specially breakfasts, eggs, cream and honey, all organic and homemade. I still can remember the smell of those days. My mom and I,in general my mom’s side family were so, patient with kids. We used to make a lot of mess and be so, loud, but I barely remember someone even talking load to us. I used to go to explore different parts of the village as a kid usually with 2 of my cousins. I loved my youngest aunt so, much to the level that I used to cry hard like 24hours when they want to take me back home to go back to school after the summer break.
Where did you grow up?
I grew up in Isfahan, second largest city in the center of Iran. Such a beautiful historical mysterious city.
How was your childhood? I can say I had one of the best childhood times. I was so, lucky to have the best family. My dad always supported us against the man dominated side of his family by being so, proud of having 3 daughters and he always spend time to teach us different things no matter if the culture says its more man/boys’ job or girls. I used to fix the car with him, and I remember once when we were trying to see if the car is working after spending the whole day fixing the car. It worked in like 2 miles and then the car stopped, and I had to walk back home wearing a dirty ugly loose outfit. My mom always supported me, and she is the most patient human being ever. The kindest and smartest. I spend mainly my childhoods playing with my cousins and aunts from my mother side.
What did you think about yourself?
I was a happy hyper girl who always had a lot of energy. I knew I was brave and never scared of anything. Not walking home alone and I remember once I missed my school bus and i just walked back home from school. I even encouraged my classmates to walk back home and walked with them to make sure they get to their home first and by the time I got home it was dark and my mom was so, stressed, looking everywhere for me. It was more than 2 hours walk if I remember right. I never scared of darkness. My oldest boy cousin was scared of darkness and I used to go bring stuff like clothes from the backyard at night. I was smart and used to learn fast. I remember I was the first one who learned how to ride a bike. Our neighbor asked me if I can teach her daughter how to ride a bike and I did. He bought me a book with its cassette as a present when her daughter learned to ride her bike. My parents knew that we are energetic and smart, and they always planned our free times with different classes like English, swimming, music classes which I am really thankful for those.
What was your favorite subject in school?
I was pretty good in math and physics but because I wanted to be a doctor, I spend a lot of time on biology
What did always make you happy?
Success and being the best are my permanent happiness that makes me proud
How how much do you like your previous friends? (What happened in your friendliness)
Umm, my high school friend who became my classmate in dental school was my main friend, but we ran into several fights and it never got back to normal and we are still not talking. Well after my immigration it needs time and effort go keeps friends from back home. I usually don’t call people or keep in touch unless the do that. So, I am close to my friends in residency in US. So, we have a group chat that we ask questions and just saying ho every day. But if someone doesn’t make the effort for this, I barely keep it.
Which exam is the important in your life?
Konkour the university entrance exam and my specialty board in Iran
Describe what it feels like to ace this test.
I screwed in the Konkour part because I couldn’t manage my stress and I think I
needed medication or a doctor help but I never got one. On the opposite side my endo board exam was a proof for me that I can pass anything if I can manage my stress.
Did you ever accused? explain it.
Yes!
Tell me the story of the day you were accused of cheating on a test.
I was cheating on my phone, to use the google for the answer (stupid idea) so, I got caught from my back. I lied that i was texting my husband, but she didn’t believe it.
Tell me about your job
I am a Prosthodontist and biomaterial PHD and a full-time faculty at Tehran University. I was practicing as 10 years before moving here.
I used to love my job as a Prosthodontist but now that my main job is teaching and only 2 half days practice. I realized how difficult and stressful is my Prosthodontist job. The job itself has too much physical and mental pressure. I am a good practitioner but dental work in general is so, tiring and dealing with patients is super hard. If I was younger, I would do ortho to at least reduce the physical pressure of the work. Orthodontist is not even dental work or if We had a good income as a family, I would just stick to my faculty job.
Tell me about your job offers
I had job offers from 2 good dental school, stony brook and MICHIGAN. I chose MICHIGAN because of the weather of west coast.
Tell me about your new friends
I am still in touch with my co-resident from Maine but at my new job I haven’t matched to anyone yet probably because they are old men with kids
Tell me about your life back home.
I had a good life. Good income and a big house with a beautiful modern office. Best part of the town and close to my parent’s place. I had servant to clean my house twice a month. Always good food and traveling to best hotels. To different countries since I was 22.
Why and when did you move to the US
I moved in 2014 and just because of the advertisement and exploring the world. It wasn’t because I had bad life back home.
Always u hear bad stuff at news about Iran currency and political things that make you think maybe you should go to the better place, but the reality is United States is the biggest lie I have ever have in my life
What is your first memory in the US?
I was shocked first that I visited NYC. It was so, dirty and not even close to what i was expecting from US. Full of piles of garbage. Times Square was so, small and with only tv screens around. First impression of Miami smells like fish everywhere.
What change did you have to adopt with while in America?
Can you compare and contrast your country and America, and which do you like better?
what do you regret about coming to America?
How was being a dentist back in your country and getting a DDS degree in the US.
Did you ever have any distinct based on you gender, race, nationality and so, on?
who is your best teacher or professor? who is worse? explain it
did you ever have been regret about US immigration? which other country would you chose?
tell me about the happiest minutes that you had in the US. what about the sad time?
Have you ever been a top rank in any exam or competition? what was your sense about it?
tell me about difficulties that you have encountered with here. what about the the easiest one?
how similar is the US with your country? how different?
What change did you have to adopt with while in America?
The biggest adopt was living in small places. I used to live in big 3 bedrooms with 3 bathrooms. Very fancy and modern Apartment but here I moved to a small 1 bedroom not fancy at all. Even the building is brand new, but the design is very basic. I have lived in 3 different placed since 2016 and all were almost the same. Walls are thin so; you can hear all noises from outside and Neighbors. We built the home from concrete in Iran not woods so, walls are thick, and u won’t even hear the noised from one room to the other.
Can you compare and contrast your country and America and which do you like better?
As an immigrant you always compare things. It’s very hard to say which one is better. We should talk more specific about different aspects. For example, I can truly compare the education in Iran and US. I went to dental school for 6 years followed by 3 years specialty and I was teaching at dental school for 10 years. All in Iran. Then I came here and went to the same specialty program in Maine, New England. Then I moved to Lansing to teach at MICHIGAN. I have a good position as a course director, and I rewrote the predoc students curriculum. So, I have spent enough time in both countries education system to be able to compare them. I would strongly say education system in Iran is way better than here for 2 reasons:
The education is free in Iran and if you have good scores, you will be able to attend the governmental universities which are better than private schools and they are free. I haven’t paid even a dollar for my 6 years dental school. Students here are in a big dept after dental school and they have to buy their own instruments in all departments although they are even paying turions. Second reason is the education system itself. Dental school is 4 years with only 2 years in the clinic and they don’t see enough patients.
What do you regret about coming to America?
Missing my family. Specially my mom.
How was being a dentist back in your country and getting a DDS degree in the US.
I was much harder to get into dental school with way higher requirements
Did you ever have any distinct based on you gender, race, nationality and so, on?
As an Iranian successful woman, I never felt any discrimination in my country against woman. I never felt there is any difference between women and men till I came to Maine and I had an Egyptian program director who obviously believed that women can’t be a chief resident.
Who is your best teacher or professor? who is worse? explain it
My best teacher was my Radiology one of my faculty back home. Worst was my program director from Maine university.
Did you ever have been regretted about US immigration? which other country would you chose?
No I don’t regret it at all because I always wanted to explore the world and I don’t want to stay steady. I would love to explore Europe too maybe france and spend so,me years there.
Tell me about the happiest minutes that you had in the US. what about the sad time?
Happiness was when I left Maine and prosthodontics program that wanted to screw me, and the saddest was when I failed my class 2 filling (such an easy case) in my licensure exam.
Have you ever been a top rank in any exam or competition?
Yes my specialty board in Iran I was top rank
What was your sense about it? I had happiness tear when I hear that.
Tell me about difficulties that you have encountered with here. what about the the easiest one? 3
Easiest one was doing an implantation in my residency program and hardest one was writing my NIW profile and submit it for my green card application
The bottom block features mazes on all sides, while the top two feature Buddhist and Chinese animal symbolism.
The Maze
by Thea Zhang, May 2019
This is a story of a girl named Carey, who immigrated to the United States from China during childhood. In her adolescence, she decided to become an artist. Roberto Bolaño was a Chilean writer and poet, who represents “the most significant Latin American literary voice” in the last century and suggests that exiles is in a search for identity. According to his article “Exiles,” “To be exiled is not to disappear but to shrink, to slowly or quickly get smaller and smaller until we reach our real height, the true height of the self” (Bolaño 1). The author states exile as a process of narrowing down a vast world of possibilities, either slow or fast growth to discover the truth about oneself. In addition, Bolaño says, “Many of the exiled, freighted with more suffering than reasons to leave, would reject this statement” (1). In some but not all cases, while exile can be a journey of suffering for forced immigrants, that is not necessarily a route one has to go through. Instead, the woman in this story did not suffer from a harsh transition of immigration. Her family simply hoped for a better life. For Carey, exile involves defining one’s identity throughout the various stages, and all of these stages are associated with art. The shifts in culture with constant movements made Carey fragmented into different identities. Inside her soul, her world remains dedicated to the Chinese tradition with her family and childhood memories, whereas, outside, she integrates language and education with the new culture as an American. Art has been a medium of freedom and liberty through its creative form of self-expression and personal healing, allowing Carey to adapt herself to a new environment that comes with different languages and lifestyles, and to imagine herself as whole.
I met Carey on the first day of school in the fall of 2018. Through her introduction in class, I learned that she was born in southern China and grew up in different parts of China. Since her father was from Guangdong Province and her mother was from Sichuan Province, she moved back and forth between these two provinces for the first nine years of her life. She immigrated to the United States when she was nine. Since then, she has been living in San Francisco for almost fifteen years. During the continuation of my interview with her, she stated that life is like a maze. She was lost until she found art was a way to express herself, and to clarify her identity as a whole, so she could find a way out of a maze. Nevertheless, with time and patience, Carey has been able to start to overcome the challenges in her life.
Carey describes her young childhood as having constant movements because her parents come from different cities in China; the many uncertain situations she found herself in, each with many possibilities, became increasingly confusing in terms of identity. These small movements, the movements between a small village and a metropolis, lead not to unification but to fragmentation. Whereas Sichuan is a province in southwest China, Guangdong is a coastal province of southeast China. She states:
“I was born in Guangdong province. But I moved to Sichuan province for one year, and then moved back to Guangdong for better education. Moving to and fro between those two hometowns. In total, I stayed in Guangdong for around seven years. After that, I immigrated to the United States.”
For one year, when she was seven years old, she lived in a small village in Sichuan Province, a small community where all villagers knew each other as neighbors. She remembers growing up with her sibling and playmates in the village. One of her most vivid childhood memories is of a night when she was running in the playground and was carrying a colorful lantern during the mid-autumn festival, a traditional festival in China. Growing up in a small town is an experience unlike any other regarding childhood memories, even though she was raised by a strict mother, who often told her to come home early and did not allow sleepovers. It was enjoyable, full of love and laughters. Occasionally, she reminisces over her fond childhood memories. However, comparing these two cities, she says, “I like Guangdong more because it was more like a city. Sichuan was just like a small town that filled with mud and dirt, a rural place.” The transitions from a small village to a metropolis provided different viewpoints of the country for her. When she was nine, she started to draw mazes, whether she was in school or at home. Perhaps she was subconsciously trying to find a way home. The concept of home brought her uncertainty in the transitional period, causing small fragmentations that caused her to feel she had two roles within her childhood, and she had to act differently in different situations.
The education system and school life form a significant part of her identity; as a student, Carey transferred from another country and felt split into multiple selves in a sense due to cultural differences. Carey migrated from China to the United States in 2005, with her parents and her younger sister. She describes, “I did not know the reason that I immigrated to the United States because I was too young. My father and mother decided to come here, so I have no choice.” Although it was not her choice to make the life-changing decision, it symbolizes a turning point of her life. According to “Exiles,” Bolaño claims, “Exile, in most cases, is a voluntary decision” (3). In this case, her parents chose to leave their hometown to make a better life in a different country. During her first year in the United States, Carey struggled with her transition from China. The most significant movement in her life happened when she was nine, in the fourth grade in elementary school, which was only a year and a half from graduation. She transferred to a primary school in America. Sita Patel, a psychologist, in a study on newcomer immigrant adolescents that was published in School Psychology Quarterly, states: “Newcomer adolescent immigrants are a particularly vulnerable population…[a]s they face the simultaneous challenges of rapid developmental changes and acculturation-related stressors and adjustment” (1). Adolescent immigrants appear to be a vulnerable group. On top of the fact that they face a variety of difficulties in adjustment, the interactive role of family stressors on school outcomes brings out adverse psychological pressures. Initially, she created multiple identities, and did not feel like an American, even though she had lived in America for a long time. Following a different education system in America, Carey studied in middle school for three years, in high school for four years, and has studied in college for four years until now. The cultural environment within the education system and at home broke down into two directions; Inside her home life, her family became a pressure on her school life. Outside, in the world of her school, the different education system was also confusing. Carey had to code-switch and act differently in the two different environments.
The language differences act as a barrier between the two parts of her world; Carey grew up between two cultures and had to come up with ways to integrate both of her sides to redefine herself as a whole. In the new country, there were language barriers and cultural differences, which hindered her ability to adjust. Carey states, “I speak Chinese at home, but I speak English everywhere else. Not only Chinese, but I also integrated Chinese and English with my family. Sometimes, it also comes with Sichuanese and Cantonese.” Sichuanese and Cantonese are dialects of Chinese. Her family’s holding onto her traditional side is a way of maintaining traditional culture to express themselves more liberally. Sharon Thompson is a counselor who is working with the Department of Counseling, Rehabilitation, and Interpreter Training at Troy University. Her article provides an explanation of creative skills and techniques for counselors when working with children who function as language brokers, who have been utilized by their family to translate and interpret information within other cultures and environments. According to her article in the Journal of Mental Health Counseling, “One of the most significant challenges for these individuals is communication within their new culture” (Thompson et al.). In this case, Carey is considered as the language broker in her family, which creates a significant challenge for her to communicate within American culture in English. Furthermore, intra-family relations also form foundations of her identity. Eileen McGann, an art therapist and an editorial board member who is working with Art Therapy Outreach Center, in the Journal of Emotional Abuse, presents with other scholars a pathway with different factors for the adolescent to achieve the consolidation of one’s identity. They state:
“[An] adolescent must experience and internalize validation from her immediate community and the culture at large. For young women of color, the effects of intra-family prejudice and societal racism can severely compromise their ability to embrace their ethnic identity” (McGann et al.).
The article shows that a confusing religious identity with a confusing sense of nationality can lead to more misunderstanding, which causes more fragmentations, especially for female adolescents of color. To maintain inner solidarity with a group’s ideals and identity is an essential stage in identity formation. In the process of identity formation, Carey is suggesting that retaining her Chinese culture with her family creates a sense of belonging and integrating a new language creates a new way to consolidate her identity.
The passport symbolizes the turning point in her identity transformation from Chinese to American; however, Carey sees home as a narrative construction across two countries with little differences and more similarities. While most immigrants would compare their hometowns to America in many different ways from their expectations that they had before the move, Carey does not notice many differences between San Francisco, Guangdong, and Sichuan as she considers these cities are all her home. There are very small differences between these two countries that she does not considers significant. She states, “The only difference between America and China that I could think of is the nightlife, whereas in the U.S. when it is getting dark, no one would hand out. In China, you can stay until midnight.” The society in America is more individualized, compared with the lifestyle she had in China, and lacks a sense of community. But she also reflects, “The same thing is life; you still have to live and work.” Apparently, she does not notice many differences between these two countries. Life remains the same wherever she is. Until now, she considers herself as an American due to the U.S. passport. She states, “I am a U.S. citizen now. Before I had a China passport, I would say that I was an immigrant. But now that I am not.” The Chinese passport carried a part of her previous identity, and the U.S. passport creates a new one. This change in form stands for a turning point that home is a narrative for Carey, instead of a place or a location. Hanoch Flum, a professor at Ben-Guion University of the Negev, suggests that identity development plays a significant role in the context of cultural transition. From a psychosocial and sociocultural perspective, the author investigates “self-continuity” and identity integration in light of “inherent discontinuity” among young immigrants. He claims, “Their negotiations of identity, with a focus on their narrative construction of past, present, and future across life domains (education, career, military service, family), are illustrated in a variety of developmental paths” (Flum). The identity of young immigrants is complex due to the narrative construction of their entire life. Seemingly, Carey copes well with her new identities, which mix both sides; her home plays an important role in a variety of developmental paths. Even after creating a new self, she continues to question her identity despite the certification of her physical identity; in fact, these feelings of being lost and fragmented run through Carey’s core.
The process of experiencing different types of art has challenged her perspective of her identity. While she is in exile in the United States, art allows her to incorporate any aspect of her identity freely. At the very beginning, Carey wanted to experience a variety of art classes in the school. Carey states, “I was not sure what kind of art I wanted to take at first. Therefore, I decided to take every kind of art classes; then I would know which kind I like.” By learning and assimilating the art world, she can shape her views of reality gradually. Besides, each kind of art presents a different aspect of herself. Along with a group of scholars, Rachel Ettun, who is affiliated with Rambam Medical Center, in an article on the study of the connections between art and healing and spirit, with the title of “Transforming Pain into Beauty,” states:
“From drawing to sculpture…the arts can have a major impact on patients’ spiritual well-being and health. The arts empower patients to fulfill the basic human drive to create and give patients a sense of possibility. Through creative expression, patients regain a feeling of wholeness, individually and as part of the larger world.” (Ettun et al.)
This quotation shows that the arts not only can fulfill the basic actuation of creativity but also provide a sense of possibility. Exploring in the art world, Carey can achieve wholeness and can be independent in the world. Through the exploration of different kinds of art, she finds out her favorite is sculpture, which allows her to build up her world through the project. However, she uses her creativity to find ways to incorporate cultural aspects of both her identities. Since then, Carey has discovered her interest in art and pursued the goals earnestly: earning a degree and becoming an artist. Ceramics was the beginning of her exploration of art, as a medium of freedom. Carey says:
“I studied ceramics for two years in high school includes beginning ceramic and intermediate ceramic. The ceramic classes in college were interesting too. Whereas I used my hand to make in high school, I learned how to use the machine to make in college. I have more options to create my work, more materials, more techniques for ceramic.”
She has studied ceramics for more than five years. By learning more materials and techniques, she can access more options to express herself. Initially, she did not know what culture to identify with, which traditions to embrace or how to maintain her family’s identity and the Chinese status while she grew up. But through art, she finds a way out of the maze created by these transitions.
The cultural diversity of San Francisco has helped help Carey begin to construct an American identity because she is able to maintain her Chinese culture in the meantime with more freedom. Carey can redefine herself and discover a sense of belonging through art while she spreads Chinese culture, which she is familiar with. Carey says, “As a Chinese American, I think I know Chinese style better than the others here. Therefore, I want to make more about it and let everyone know what Chinese style looks like.” The colorful lanterns in the Chinatown of San Francisco also light up a small part of Carey’s identity. The lamps, painted in the traditional Chinese colors of red, gold and green, make Grant Avenue one of the brightest streets in the city at night. Ellen Dissanayake, an American author and scholar that specifically focuses on the area of “the anthropological exploration of art and culture,” claims, “Art belongs to everyone and is a natural part of human behavior.” Also, she can be braver and stronger in the art world with more freedom. Carey states, “But art, you do not need to think of it. Even you made a mistake; it is still art.” From her perspective, art is made of creativity and freedom. When we make a mistake, we must correct it adequately as quickly as possible. According to a, American cartoonist and writer, Scott Adams, “Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” Allowing people to make mistakes can be liberating for one’s creativity. In the world of pure art, Carey does not need to be afraid of making mistakes. Even though she makes mistakes in her artworks, she can afford the consequences. While allowing herself to make mistakes without fear of failure can be liberating for creativity, she can also use art as a medium of freedom to reconstruct her fragmented identity. Her aesthetic is that of freedom and imagination, mixing two such cultural elements with her identity, which mixes the Chinese and American. It shows that Carey wanted to incorporate different aspects to solidify a sense of self through the discovery of imagination.
Carey experienced exile when she was a child and did not have a choice. She sees art as a tool to reconstruct her fragmented identity with freedom and liberty by following herself to achieve happiness. Carey describes, “Art is freedom, happy and interesting to me. Art is like walking around and design.” Most of the time, instead of teamwork or collaborations with others, she enjoys working by herself. She likes to bring the artworks home and design them because it makes her feel comfortable working alone. When it comes to the question of whether art is healing, Carey answers firmly, “Absolutely. Art will not make me feel tired and frustrated. When I get started on a new piece of artwork, I would be one hundred percent focus on it.” For Carey, designing and creating are enjoyable processes. Caelan Kuban, a doctor of psychiatry at UC Irvine, suggests that art helps people to express themselves. In her journal article “Healing Trauma Through Art,” Kuban says, “Art also provides youth with a medium to express and explore images of self that are strength-based and resilience-focused.” Art can be a trusted medium for self-expressing and imagination. Art can help in times of stress by relieving oneself from any situation; for Carey, art can be a way for her to express herself and make it clear to find her identity through imaginations.
Through the processes of making artworks, she feels peaceful and comfortable by expressing her opinions and ideas. In the advanced sculpture class in spring, students need to use a hundred words to presents the meaning of their life in a sculpture. Carey states, “For the sculpture project, I made a tree. The meaning of tree is just like our life; the tree branch is the choices that leading us to different directions. It was a kind of lifestyle, which has good parts and bad parts, positive side and negative side. Through the tree, you can see my life.” The leaves are sparse, few and far between, which means her life experiences are not enough. She explains, “If my tree has a lot of leaves on it, that means I already have many experiences, my life will be complete.” The tree represents the meaning of her life with her different identities. One example of the use of a tree is by Everett Middle School in San Francisco, which lost a student to gun violence in 2001. Laurie Marshall as an art educator, sharing her philosophical context on how art can be used as peace building. She states, “Each year they devote a week to Peace Studies. In 2011, they created the Cypress Singing Tree of Peace, where students share the action, they plan to take into their community to create peace” (Marshall). The author claims that art can be healing for the individual and peace building through the creation of the tree. Following the material and the tools particular to an artwork also allows people to think and follow the thoughts of the material. Herbert Read, an English art historian and philosopher who is best known for numerous books on art, states in Modern Sculpture, “It is while carving stone that you discover the spirit of your material and the properties particular to it. Your hand thinks and follows the thoughts of the material.” During the art-making processes, the medium of arts often sustains efforts and struggles. In the meantime, people may paint an image, or cut the plaster and clay to reform a sculpture. Engaging with art materials is a sensory experience that often leads to a release of emotions. Carey often worried about her future. Making a piece of artwork to discover the spirit of its components can also be a way of relieving the daily stress of her life. The future is unknown, but with the use of art as a medium, she expresses all the feelings to complete her identity.
Her changing concept of home caused Carey to separate into multiple identities; by maintaining traditions and expressing herself through the creativity and imagination of art to find herself as a whole with freedom, she can redefine her identity through the discovery of art and the works of art in the time of exile. By combining Chinese and American styles together, she can unify her identities. Using culture and creativity is a way for Carey not only to hold on to her old identity but also to help create a new one for her own. One could argue that tradition does not create anything new, that it is only a way to remember the past. However, past, present and future form a narrative construction that spans across our lives. To confront the past and better face the future, the beauty of culture and art allows people to express themselves in their ways and learn new ways through creativity and imagination. It can draw an emotional connection across different cultures and bring a new way for people to establish themselves, and their families. For Carey, her immigration forced her to construct a new identity and to find a place to belong during the transition from childhood to adulthood. Exile can create the fragmentation of life, but through the healing process of creativity and imagination within art, people can conquer the difficulties in life. Although Carey struggled with her new responsibilities as an adult in the U.S., she will eventually manage to overcome her difficulties and worries, to embrace the world of freedom.
Works Cited
Arévalo, S. Crossroads: The psychology of immigration in the new century. Presidential Task Force on Immigration. American Psychological Association.Washington, DC: 2012.
Bolaño, Roberto. Exiles. University of California Press, Apr. 2011.
Dissanayake, E. Self-taught art: The culture and aesthetics of American vernacular art. Very like art: Self-taught art from an ethological perspective. Outsider art in C.Russell, University Press of Mississippi, 2001, pp. 35–46.
Ettun, Rachel, et al. “Transforming Pain into Beauty: On Art, Healing, and Care for the Spirit.” Evidence-Based Complementary & Alternative Medicine (ECAM), vol. 2014, Jan. 2014, pp. 1–7. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1155/2014/789852.
Frantz, Gilda. “Creativity and Healing.” Psychological Perspectives, vol. 59, no. 2, Apr. 2016, pp. 242–251. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1080/00332925.2016.1170567.
Flum, Hanoch, and Tamara Buzukashvili. “Identity Development and Future Orientation in Immigrant Adolescents and Young Adults: A Narrative View of Cultural Transitions from Ethiopia to Israel.” New Directions for Child and Adolescent Development, no. 160, Jan. 2018, pp. 15–30. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=eric&AN=EJ1176356&site=eds-live.
Lin, Carey. Personal Interview. March 23, 2019.
Marshall, Laurie. “Art as Peace Building.” Art Education, vol. 67, no. 3, May 2014, pp. 37–43. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=eric&AN=EJ1046775&site=eds-live.
Martin, F.David. “Sculpture and ‘Truth to Things.’” Journal of Aesthetic Education, vol. 13, no. 2, Apr. 1979, pp. 11–32. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=eric&AN=EJ215391&site=eds-live.
McGann, Eileen P. “Color Me Beautiful: Racism, Identity Formation, and Art Therapy.” Journal of Emotional Abuse, vol. 6, no. 2/3, June 2006, pp. 197–217. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1300/J135v06n02_12.
Patel, Sita G., et al. “Newcomer Immigrant Adolescents: A Mixed-Methods Examination of Family Stressors and School Outcomes.” School Psychology Quarterly, vol. 31, no. 2, June 2016, pp. 163–180. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1037/spq0000140.
Read, Herbert. A Concise History of Modern Sculpture. New York: Praeger, 1964. Print.
Sickler-Voigt, Debrah C. “Carving for the Soul: Life Lessons from Self-Taught Artist O. L. Samuels.” Art Education, vol. 59, no. 3, May 2006, pp. 25–32. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=eric&AN=EJ740333&site=eds-live.
Thompson, Sharon R., et al. “Using Altered Art for Children Who Language Broker: Navigating Roles and Transitions.” Journal of Mental Health Counseling, vol. 40, no. 4, Oct. 2018, pp. 302–315. EBSCOhost, doi:10.17744/mehc.40.4.03.
Sample Interview Transcripts
Interview Topic: Immigration, Art, Freedom
Interviewee: Carey Lin
Interviewer: Thea Zhang
Interview Date: March 23, 2019
Carey Lin: My name is Xia Lin, I am 24 years old and I am a student.
Thea Zhang: What are you doing lately? School and work?
CL: School, Work and to earn more money
TZ: Where did you grow up?
CL: I grew up in China and I came here for a better life. Okay, just tell the truth. I did not know the reason that I was immigrated to the United States because I was too young. My father and mother decided to come here, so I have no ideas
TZ: Where were you born? Where did you originally come from?
CL: I was born in Guangdong province. But then I moved to Sichuan for 1 year from sixth grade to seventh grade to have school over there, and then moved back to Guangdong, I stayed in
Guangdong around six or seven years. After that, I immigrated to the United States. I like Guangdong more, because it was more like a city. Sichuan was just like a small town that fulled of mud and dirty, a rural place.
TZ: Do you consider yourself as an immigrant?
CL: You can say that, but right now I am not. I am a U.S. citizen now. Before I had a China passport, I was said that I was an immigrant.
TZ: What are the differences or similarities between China and America?
CL: Compare to China, I like the weather here. Sometimes it is too hot and sometimes it is too cold. Cause I do not like to wear t-shirt, I like to wear hoodies stuff. But the food is good and then it is a safety place. The biggest different of these two countries; In the U.S., when it is getting dark, no one would hand out. But in China, you can do that, and you can stay until midnight. The same thing is the life, you still have to live and work. It depends on what kind of life you want.
Of course, I like Chinese food, because I am Chinese. Even though I am a American, I eat Chinese food at home. This is kind of habit things. But at here I do not hand out outside, so mostly it just like burgers, bagel, pizza. (These kinds of American foods.)
TZ: Do you consider move back to China?
CL: Who knows, maybe. I would say that if I graduate from college.
TZ: What details can you tell me about your family?
CL: There are four people in my family including me. Father, mother, my younger sister and me.
TZ: Can you describe your relationship with your sister?
CL: Pretty good, sometimes we fight and sometimes we hand out, that is called sister. The relationship between my parents and I is good too. Not fights, we usually hand out and talk so much so we don’t have secrets at all. Sometimes we will say it. Mostly with my mother, she is just like my friend. Dad is dad. Because he is a man. Less communication with more distance.
We were talk to each other only when we were at home or when I met him. But I would say the relationship between us is still good. Sometimes we will help and respect each other. We don’t fight a lot. Last time we fight was because of my sister, she and I fought each other. And my dad always says, ‘your sister is young, and you are the older one, you should let her’. That was long time ago, I was 12 years old by then when I was a teenager. We did not fight during this long period.
TZ: What is the biggest challenge you faced right now?
CL: Education. And then you have to work. I mean, after you graduate from college you have to find a job. Then buy a house and then you have to leave. And the thing is that I have to transfer, that is a challenge for me. The biggest challenge for me is future. Because you never know your future; I am still feeling confused.
I want to be a maze design. Because I like to draw maze. If I can find any job about maze, I will do whatever I can. It does not matter it that drawing or any others. Painter is just paint anything, but maze designer is only about maze. I was just thinking of this right now. In general, just be an artist.
TZ: How to balance work and study?
CL: The most important thing is to schedule your time. I have two part-time jobs right now. So, scheduling a good job hour. Four days for work and two days school.
TZ: How do you feels about college? Years?
CL: Stress and challenge. This is my fourth year in college. The classes are different and especially English. And math is difficult, I hate math. But biology is fine, because the teacher is good and helpful. When the teacher was caring and wanted to help, that make me felt more comfortable and less stressful.
In 2005, I was at the fourth grade in elementary school. I still did not graduate from China. And then I moved here and took fourth grade class for only half semester. So, I got one and half year elementary school in America, three years for middle school, four years for high school and then four years for college. From 2005 until now.
TZ: What are the differences between high school and college?
CL: I want to be a maze design. Because I like to draw maze. If I can find any job about maze, I will do whatever I can. It doesn’t matter I like high school. It was less stressful even for Math and English, because I don’t care. I don’t care about the grades, but I need to care about it for transfer right now, I don’t want to spend another year in college. Mostly I got good grades, but it depends on teachers. High school is youth to me; friends, hand out, no stress. I did not have a job by then (No pressure on life too). Basically, it was very simple: wake up, go to school, hand out with friends at lunchtime in cafeteria, then back to home. I did not feel any stress about English and Math, because it spent one year to take the course and now is just one semester. So, you can see how fast it is and I can take my time to learn math.
TZ: What was your favorite subject in school?
CL: I studied ceramic for two years in high school. Including Beginning ceramic and AP (college level) ceramic. Four and half a week for two years. The ceramic classes in college were interesting too. I learnt how to use the machine to make in college and I used my hand to make in high school. In college, I have more options to create my work, more materials, more techniques for ceramic. There’s no essay, test, quiz and homework. So that I like it.
TZ: What make you decided your major in Art?
CL: I decided my major in art because I like it, any kind of art. I was not sure what kind of art I wanted to take at first. So, I decided to take every kinds of art then I would know which kind I like. My favorite is sculpture, I like to build stuffs.
TZ: How to build a sculpture project?
CL: Like the wood project, the first semester of sculpture, I made the wood goldfish. I knew exactly what to do, and then I could enjoy it. But if I don’t know what to do, it just stuck in the first stage and feels stressful in the rest of that class.
The processes to build the goldfish: first, the teacher asked me to design an animal with movement. Second, I did not want to do it too complicated and I wanted to keep it simple. So, I thought of fish would be so much easier for me. The reason why I choose goldfish because my house has it and it is for Chinese style. Then, the teacher showed us how to do it: use three woods, use tools to shape it and design it then make it in 3D (use machine to make the fish skin cut the wood smaller). Think, draw, then make it real. I think I know Chinese style better than the others. So, I want to make more about it and let everyone know what Chinese style is looks like. I tend to be a worker; I don’t like to sit at the chair, and I liked to move. Even drawing, I can walk around, thinking about it and then drawing instead of sitting still all the time. That’s why I don’t like drawing that much, I just think in my mind.
TZ: Can you describe ‘Art’? What is it to you? How do you feel about it?
CL: Art is freedom, happy and interesting to me. Art is like walking around and design. Not like the other jobs, you need to sit in an office and type at computer. Most of the time, you can work alone. I don’t like teamwork. You just need to feel about yourself and focus on yourself. If someone watching me, I feel so weird. That’s why at Chinese brush painting class, I don’t usually at class doing my stuff, I liked to bring it home and draw because it feels more comfortable to working alone.
TZ: Do you feel art is healing?
CL: Yes, because it will make me feel not tired anymore and focus. If I feel that is not interesting, then it will make me want to sleep. But art make me feel not tired.
TZ: Do you have a favorite artist?
CL: Maya Lin.
TZ: Or any specific artwork that you like?
CL: No. Just any sculpture and wood, or about maze.
TZ: You are taking sculpture and Chinese brush painting right now. So, what do you do to prepare for a art work?
CL: I will be painting in my house and finish the sculpture at school, because of the materials and machines. For sculpture I made a tree. The meaning of tree is just like our life, the tree branch is like our choices that leading us to different directions. It was kind of like a lifestyle, which have good parts and bad parts, positive side and negative side. Through the tree, you can see my life. Cause that’s my project. I can describe myself as a baby tree and grew up to be strong. The leaves depend on the things that I had done in my time. The tree is done by now. But it still growing up and you never know what kind of tree it would be. The tree is implying the meaning of who you are. The leaves are sparse, few and far between, which means my life experiences is not that enough. If my tree has a lot of leaves on it, that’s means I already have many experiences, my life has been complete. The lack of experience is because I did not finish school and education.
TZ: Why are you choosing this tree?
CL: At first, the teacher asked me to think about a hundred words for people life like passion, sign and verbs like smell, taste. Then I was choosing the tree, I think the tree is contained those hundred words you are facing. Only tree can present the hundred words through the leaves and branches.
TZ: What kind of materiel you use for it?
CL: Using wires and tapes. I used wires to control the tree branches, to hold and tight and to cover it. Used tapes to make the rolling, little pieces and stick on the roll made it more like a tree. I draw it done first. When I am doing this project, I was thinking about it all the time even when I was sleeping. What should I do and making plan, I was focus on it.
TZ: Can you tell me the differences between a art work and an essay?
CL: (laughs) I felt giving up on essay. You have to think about it in mind, think about verbs and run-on sentences. But art, you don’t have to think of it. Even you make a mistake, it is still art. And I don’t like to communicate with people. I prefer work alone.
Imagining Home: CCSF Oral History Project 